Expert inside

My friend is wrapping up a class this week he’s teaching (no it’s not my bf lol) on the internet or digital whateverthefuck and naturally needed to ask an actual success story (those who can, do and those who can’t, teach classes about it at Sheridan I guess) so he emailed me last night and I was all ok remind me in the morning or it goes in to a black(berry) hole of forget. So without further ado, here is some garbage I just wrote that he will re-work in to a teachery-like offering of in the form of wisdom, Raymi style. (I know how you like to read and all).

Don’t say anything you cant take back. always think before engaging in a flamewar (in the future they will probably be illegal or have stronger repercussions for trolling) day time traffic is valuable so sacrifice your social life when you can to drive that traffic to your blog/social media/anything. Be patient, be original and funny, but dont try too hard. Learn about spin doctoring and do that like a pro. And anyone IRL who brings you down for your little projects ie blog, take no heed and keep on truckin because you will succeed. You are no one these days if you don’t have an online presence, how do you expect to get free things or get in to places? You can use a blog as a media passport in to all your cool favourite things if you work it right. Whether you buy in to celebrity or not, following the celebrity recipe for blogging (the full polished product, including you)(aka DON’T BE A SLOB HOW YOU LOOK MATTERS SO DEAL WITH IT ACCORDINGLY) you will go far. Give the people what they want, they want to be inspired, they want a leader, someone larger than life. Things don’t exist until they’re invented so get going! People don’t care anymore so you have to make them care. Just read my blog and take cues from that and call anytime.

xo your pal raymi

Reel love

So the thing with Durex is they are the more intellectual condom brand answer to Trojan, which apish frat boys apparently use and so they got a lot of brainier folk (including your hero, me) to discuss doing it on a higher plane of tantra or something level (foreplay, blowjobs, etc) made a documentary out of it and voila, enjoy. If you haven’t been able to view (from Australia) or wherever yet. Ps. I just saw on twitter that 1 in 120 Torontonians are hiv-posi. EW. Use those domes guys and gals! Ps. I refused to perform fellatio on the banana so I air guitar fellatio’d instead. YAY!

Also my new Decorium high-end furniture friends are hosting a $2000 contest right now! I want to win seeing as I have been bailing on events and favouring the interior Minx cave of late but also it’s Christmas time and a smug living room set would be key. If you can’t change your husband, you can change your living room! Can I come over? Actually if I won I’d give it to my dad.

How the Decorium contest works:

Tell us why you should win in 140 characters or less.

Share with your friends to get the most votes!

Top finalists get entered into a prize draw.

Increase your chances of winning. More Ballots = More Votes.


Ps. I asked Adil for my embed codes from MY City Lives videos last week or so because I love my hair in them. Ahh memories.

This time last year I was loads fatter, I know I look chunky here but I’m not. Promise.

BookFace and Tweezer?


Ahh social media, you harsh mistress. You are the new hipster, a term to keep dropping and rehashing and blogging and talking about to foster more discussion over a necessary evil that both confuses and excites lots of folk. Dork self important assholes mainly or entire start-ups comprised as the former (my competition) known as “firms” who will take a big name corporation and guide them in terms of cool branding, hyping, repping, publicity, trending, blabbity blah. Now, you can do that for tens and twenties of thousands of dollars or you can go to a little (HUGE) guy like me and pick my brain. I, have been successfully cool branding myself for years, long before myspace even how did people find me without facebook or twitter? I must be a wizard or something, I was a kind of VICE magazine barnacle, coursing to infamy on a messageboard lickity split the second my fingers touched the keys in the year 1999. I’ve been able to create and maintain a bevy of it-girlism, single-handedly (for eleven years this November) all by myself allow me to exploit my talents now, I’ve won over TEN FIRST PLACE blog awards, cough cough. I’m ripped off and replicated time and again, I started the selfy photo (you’re welcome) and blogvertorials (you’re welcome again) and my rank is climbing again in North America, right now I’m just over 20k on this continent. Sure, media outlet websites/blogs best me but as a person, a one man institution I cream all competition, and how did I do it, no, how DO I do it? Why would you blow all that money on fifty brains when you could save half of it and just take me to dinner one night get me blasted and I tell you everything. I think it’s a wise move to go with fifty brains by the way, I am not an idiot but I know that if everyone uses the same fifty brains for all the TRADE SECRETS then how will you know how I know what to say and do and react and create for your new product?

Colleague just sent me this video and I thought it would be a good excuse to whore us out for more campaign work (unlike politics, these campaigns have a high success rate LOL). If you want in on the dog ‘n pony show. Landed myself a sweet gig after holidays from having my face seen in the Globe & Mail (make the papers monthly what did I say?), the man’s breath was taken away! If you’re gonna have to be sat down like the funny old crony in that video up there then what better a face to learn all that shit from than mine? I’ll let you buy the first round of drinks afterward (plus my fee ;)). Over and out, Raymbo Bright.

His breath was also taken away. Trying to find Globe pic from this night.

Can’t, giving up.

See ya in the bawth, -Eloise.

Thank you for getting high with us

Now here’s the second part to the Las Vegas style shit show we put together for the Android TO after party. Killed it.

Omg so scary and not even halloween yet!

Oh hey Paul. We are old friends. Once in awhile I bump in to him when we’re both on Nicolas Cage benders and it is funny.

Come come the more the merrier the less the scarier. One of my Raymisms. I have a lot. Michael Holett DM’d me and said, if you made up barflyentele, that is genius.

Ew gross not sexy. I look like a snausage. I bought those when I WAS a snausage actually, years ago. Never wore them. They’re so obvious.

So, once upon a time I had this idea for a burlesque troupe…

And you betcha there were haters but I kept at it and at it and that little division of my Raymi Circus is thrivin’, oh yes. I love all my girls.

I said to one group of boys that their flights had all been cancelled and they were permanently grounded, WITH ME. One licked his lips. Heh. I love being Raymi the Minx.

I wish I knew the thank you for getting high with us slogan as I’d have been saying that all night long. So much was going on I’m lucky I didn’t lose my hat.

I have really long arms.

What’s going on here what’s the big idea hey hey!

Impressive, though I might need a second look.

Not all of us are coming back.

Is that peach underwear?

Got tired of walking.

I wonder what they’re thinking, playing it cool while they feel my entire ass up.

Never fear Batman is here!

Yeah pretty much party stripper party awesome! Proud of it. Takes balls. I have them, do you? Two days later I leaned over the edge of the CN Tower. That’s Little Raymi #1 there.

Minx would look wicked on my arm in this right. Damnit.

I look like one of my childhood best friends when I show my brother and tell him he will die. Laughing. I was so retarded here I couldn’t figure out this was Alkarim.

And why I am saluting Hitler, ehhhh. I am actually waving What a power couple no?

Ha so confusing. Nice one Sean.

The other party room. Hot asian gamer chick.

We had a fake fight.

Pfft yeah.

Doin’ more of the thing.

This way no this way.

Bunny’s face should be on a toothpaste box so perfectly classic pleasantville apple pie right and I didn’t wash my hair what is it doing??? So puffy and stringy.

Aw I love him he always makes me laugh. Whether it be this or playing the keyboard with bubble wrap on his head stuffed in a Knight helmet.

Zaira’s big cans and ANDY MILONAKIS.

Gee I wonder which guys in this picture were on shrooms, the big mascot heads?

Do you think I was playing it cool enough?

Jazmin was their favourite.

I am talking all street here I think he bought it. Sean told him I was crazy though, thank you Sean! Holy smokes you should read some of the email chain between me and Sean over the last month planning this party ha ha.

Oh yeah some shit went down in the social media hood this night. It involves your hero. I don’t think that is what I am talking about here though despite my most amazing of facial expressions.

Thank you Celina for getting the roller lesbian punk babes together for this and fielding all that drama holy crap everywhere there be drama us burlesque misfits had some ourselves. Makes life exciting don’t it?

You know what’s sad and funny is, I actually look older than Andy Milonakis. I am going to go kill myself now kay thanks bye he’s 36!

Those sex costumes make your arms look humongous. And your face like Tara Reid. Enjoy! Some girl added me on FB who is a famous dominatrix and she has the same flight suit, weird right? That’s why she added me I think. I dunno, you never know when you are on the internet right? Scary place.

I am forcing him to kiss me here and he is playing funny guy. I think he thinks I was just trying to use him for his celebrity or something (totally was).

I can tell he liked it. Facebook liked it.

Then he started being nice and telling me stuff about crap that us performer guys talk about involving hotels and all that star treatment and Jazmin’s boobs probably.

OH how nice for me, a zit on game day!

And last one.

Everyone had costume changes it was the greatest thing. Loved curly ginger haired Harry Potter kid. That stage was bouncing and tunes were blasting I was blasted ahhh life.

Party shots! Hi Sean!

Anyone could get up in there and slam dance. Stephen did, that’s when we met I was drunk sitting on my luggage cross legged like a lady and he was piss wasted and some other little raymis were gathered and we fell in partying socialite love. Wicked dude! he goes, and I’m not even attracted to you, you’re not my type hahaha. More perfect. he’s the one I went to Thompson underground with and partied even dirtier with Pauly Shore.

Well wouldn’t ya know it’s all over.


Don’t remember if I blogged these of Erica’s. I feel like I did.

i think so?

Deleted last night’s post. Liked the photos still.

Love Wills Landing. VIPLEASE treatment pleases meh.

Guys tell me why I am interesting please I have to make an audition video one where I’m not david Hasselhoffing and shoving chicken wings in my mouth.

Prepare to get schooled

Good afternoon class, welcome to Social Media Business Studies: THE NECESSARY EVIL. Now watch me as I live tweet and make fun of several people/brands/pop culture things. This is what we call “working” and this class is scheduled during a very vital key tweeting timeframe haha kidding I didn’t tweet, or say this either.

Wow love what you’ve done with the Business Department office. I love patios! I think it makes the students lazier though always coming to mooch around on their spare/lunch instead of walking up town to get high and eat pizza. Just kidding, no bad kids in sight, our generation has been grandfathered out. Speaking of, I told Mr. Bates about the falconer reunion party we had and said everyone is loving and like gangster’s paradise, one big happy family unit still. And yes everyone we are all very well versed on the hilarious offering what is Tom’s surname, Mr. Mastur- LOL. just had to get it out of the way cos it was very educationally important to address. The element of humour is a crucial raymi the minx component.

Statement purse of the century, Fall is definitely the season for a bright bag. This girl asked if it was some designer, whats her face and I was like “?” and then told them all about Nella Bella. She flips designer purses on Kijiji. Oh what a world we live in today.

Colleague and I were given leather-bound SSS insignia post-it holders. VIPLEASE treatment! Mr. Bates was funny and pointed out the 2010 dated year haha, and before he opened them up for us we were like Ooooh, and he goes yeah sorry (cos it could have been anything inside there right, good build-up to a great let-down) haha. I will let it proudly gather dust on a desk at some point, Tom.

See Tarek, everyone adores your work. Ps. do you think Mr. Bates is a sleeper gay? Lol.

No cell phones in class. Pfft. there isn’t wifi though cos of the (paranoia) brain waves, seriously. I said that’s fine, I didn’t have wifi so they should cope without.

I remember Mr. D he’s the shop/auto teacher, he always had grease rats loitering around, car groupies? Nerds who wanted to be manly and this one slutty girl whom I used to hang out with who was irritating as hell. She hung around Ward and I aka used him for rides, sorry gal, Ward is my chauffeur. He taught me to drive standard and I invented Life happens to Raymi at his house one night in the year 2000.

Woop woop! Partay!

And then this cute blushing ginger guy showed up and we shyly said hi to one another.

And then I was blown away by my English Media teacher showing up and screamed out OH MY GOD YOU INSPIRED ME SO MUCH! (Had no idea he was still teaching) And then everyone laughed at him gahaha.

He had hair when he taught me. Mr. Bates was like I didn’t know he taught you, I still think of him as the new guy. I chuckled as I set up my crap and said that’s funny you don’t get the respect you’ve earned and time you put in until you retire here. I hope you get a nice watch.

Off to chat to one of his students. Teachers use guests as student avoiding forcefields and just being an adult period in a school-setting makes everything you do look super important and you, very busy. Teachers have it made.

Ha I see event planner down there and how does a teacher even know what that means or how to teach it? I guess just watch wedding planning shows and you will figure it out? Brand manager? See, lucky kids, none of this shit was taught to me, which is what I told them so you better take notes.

We started in this room, then moved to the computer lab, which works on a first come first serve/scheduled basis? I introduced myself and then we all had to shuffle rooms. Gave me a breather to calm my nerves a little.


Aaand here is my rack No wifi? Lets get out of here. Didn’t use the laptop at all during my talk. They could just tune real me out and scroll away.

Much better. Wow, it’s not blocked? Amazing. oh my god that girl’s hair, gorgeous.

Ok so, I have been doing this for eleven years this November blabbity blah.. One girl said ok so when did you first start getting paid, I said three years in or so, wait a minute, you did this for years and no money? UH I had a real job and I was building my brand and preparing for wealth and working in a non-existent field. I paved the way for what is happening today. I started blogvertorials. Today if you were smart enough, thanks to me, you could start a blog and make money from it pretty much straight away but there is still a lot of work required of you. A lot of planning goes in to it, from your brand (name) to your design, content, appeal, angle, niche. Over the decade I have made many contacts and connections which over time those bonds get stronger and trust is built and then eventually you advertise for every single person you know because you are an expert in your taste-making field, whether your brand is appropriate for that client or not (many seem to think that mine isn’t, wrong, your customers read my blog) you eventually become a household name with daily relevant coveted traffic. I get 3000 UNIQUE visitors daily and advertising with me will raise your website’s rank. For example, I’ve brought a brand’s rank of over 4 million to under a million after working on a 3 month long campaign with them. Does the blog you advertise with raise your rank at all?

If you’ll note, along my sidebar, I have over 10 FIRST PLACE various blog awards that I have won through weeks of solid hardcore intense and skillful campaigning. I do not settle for second place, First is where it’s at. I even beat Dooce in 2006 for Best Diarist, and by now she’s on par with Oprah and Katie Couric.

And last night I did my first film advertisement for a brand that I am sure I’ll get more work out of, knock on wood. I said here’s one of my trade secret tip sayings, YOU’RE ONLY AS BIG AS YOUR NEXT BIG THING so even though I am coming off something “big” that I did last night, I have to move on to the next thing, which is you guys here. Then I motioned to colleague with camera. You are my next blog post. I think they got it but I felt a little amway-ish at times with my zippy liners, I’d stop halfway through a maniac spiel and go uh, I guess no one knows what I am talking about and then I had to explain what spin-doctoring was (which Mr. Bates said OOh good one and is putting on his test!)

Couldn’t find my bag of newspaper tricks from last time I spoke at SSS so I only brought my tiny blurb in The Grid about Rob Ford, my mother, Dan Aykroyd and I to pass around. I prepared a fun bag of visuals too, boutique hotel room card keys I saved, my photo of the WTC burning that I took, conference badges, ticket stubs, a stuffed doll of myself someone made. I think it was a very enjoyable presentation if I do say so myself.

Hey blond girl you were in the last class I spoke to.

Lucky to get Mr. Bates two years in a row.

We watched Bad Teacher on the weekend so this was very timely for me, as is everything because I am always ahead of the curve. #dustingshouldersoff

Ok so like after I graduated from high school and took off to NYC I had to change my game plan because this major terrorist disaster event happened and the party was over and my big plan of making it in that scene kind of died so I moved to Maine for a few months and had a radio show there instead called There’s Something about Raymi. One kid is like, what was your radio show about? I said, stupid crap, like my blog. I read weird stuff on air from the internet and talked about Canada a lot cos they’re stupid idiots and don’t know anything about us. I read the Molson Canadian beer commercial (that had just come out) that debunks every canadian stereotype, or re-inforces it, the My name is Joe and I am canadian blabbity blah. Big hit! You can blog from anywhere in the world, any scene, life is what you make it and it extends to blogging so, no excuses. Every new experience is a new opportunity in blog life to reach a new market demographic/audience.

My first book at 22. Even hate mail is valuable. (measure it in inches, -Warhol) We’ll be rolling out a Dear Raymi vol. II no doubt at some point, so watch your grammar!

I caught her laughing along with some of my jokes. Good stand-up practise too. When I passed around The Grid copy I said now, this paper didn’t have to mention my mother and I at this function but I had the exclusive on it and the saucy addition of raymi the minx and the mayor is media gold and that is somewhat linked to spin doctoring in the sense that, I knew a photo with the mayor would pay off for my blog and that it did that’s why I invited Tracey the Minx and my fairy Godmother Lois. We’ll be out on the loose tonight and tomorrow oh my. I was very insidery with these kids cos I wanted it to all make sense to them someday when they learn that blogging is a very good means of success if done right, quite a practical hands-on learning which is what I meant when I asked how a teacher could possibly teach about event planning because there is more to it than simply guest lists (I told them to kiss PR girl ass like a motherf-er) and simple black outfits, you have to spin doctor and get VIPs in there, media, you have to orchestrate a magical successful circus, it can be a nightmare. Planning my ten year ann. gig was hell and there is still a frosty scowly face bee in this industry hive toward me for some alleged rudeness besought upon her from me (which I had no intention nor recollection of), you cannot please everyone and WILL NOT. So toughen up.

This is the cookie dealer. He makes cookies at home, wraps them in cling film, and price tag stickers, sells them at school which by Mr. Bates’ confession, is illegal. Mr. Bates is one of his cookie customers. LOL! I said that’s great but what are you going to do when you graduate? Get on twitter and/or blast on FB what batch of cookies you’ll be making for tomorrow. It’s his dream to make an indoor skatepark.

Hey kids what can I say, I did it my way.

Cookies have been banned from cafeterias, all junk and unhealthy foods, but Mr. Bates said (uber-sarcastically) yeah “apparently” because they’re evil, yes. I’m taste-testing one, not bad, not overly sweet or buttery. Smart guy. Also, wouldn’t your sexist old-fashioned mentality picture the bubbly phoney popular girl to be behind this evil cookie selling?

$1 liquidated to 25 cents hey I learned about double-stickering in biz class too kid, you’re lucky I didn’t pay for this.

Ha ha how adventures in babysitting of me. A lesson in swag bags. Also on the test! No one knew what they were, Mr B was shocked. Only Toronto kids know what they are, interesting.

????? So glad I am not in high school anymore o_O?

One of my sponsorships. That blew my little fan girl raymi away. I have 7 Nella Bellas?

Interesting hair day from behind.

That kid fired up Yogurty’s website and I’m like, excuse me, is he even in this class? I gave him a card too tried to get him to pose in our group photo Ahaha. He was really funny (good work you are working very hard lol I said) and I used him (and others) at certain junctures for comedic purposes. Good group of kids these lot, it was a fun lesson session.

I played with this three hole punch A LOT even partially dismantling it at one point.

Ok lets get the hell outta here and beat the after school rush. But do we have time for a library heist first and group photos? Duh!

Success is going back to your high school and teaching them about your weird life. You can work in a box factory and be a millionaire (though unlikely) ok scrap the box factory thing, what I mean is, I am one who thinks I am always right and I need to public/motivational speak at least every other month or so to stay sharp so thanks for having me Mr. Bates! Get those kids on or twitter. Probably both. And funnel all that crap to Facebook while you’re at it. (especially the cookie dealing kid I got high hopes for him and the Kijiji girl too).

Good work, I am giving you all A’s. Now get that swag bag out of here we do not advertise for free.

I only dressed a little bit slutty. Guy on the left looks exactly like a friend/classmate of mine from SSS who died of Meningitis while backpacking in Spain, in a hostel (be careful when you travel, and if it’s a cold, it could be worse!)(not to make you travel paro or anything) I didn’t mention it at the time but every time I looked at his face, it hurt. He died in his sleep, was peaceful. #emo. He was 21 I think. I got one last summer party in with him that I am forever grateful for, we all went til the sun came up and I never partied like that before all the high school cast were there. Maybe I will write about it some day. Way to go Scott Monk for that rip roarin’ blast! #thosewerethedays. I lived in Oakville at the time. Actually I will write about it and stick it in Six Months in Mansions which’ll be a juicy seller.

Mr. Bates is into harajuku culture or he likes to copy how I pose in photos.

How cute. Ahh high school memories. So fun.

And now for more fun. Book heist.

Mr. Bates gave me a copy of On the Road (a little raymi that pays attention) and I was like, can we steal the copy I used from the library for my essay that’s all underlined and marked up like a crazy emotional teenager? Ok sure, class, stay here til the bell rings we “have to go”. HAhaa. I said just locked them in!

Blond girl was on our tracks, then Mr. Bates dropped out of teacher role (which is hilarious to see a teacher being real and like, when Bob Saget swears, I am so naive it’s adorable) and said some funny stuff and I go, Mr. Bates! There’s a student RIGHT THERE behind us and he goes, oh yeah, she’s great. Then made her hold his clip board while he tied his shoe and said, there should be someone here to do this for me. HAHAH! Dying. Then some of his students slip out and he’s like, they’re escaping. School is jokes, or a joke if you’re a genius like me. My brother let a neighbourhood cat in the school a couple times. That school is so chill man compared to the scary maximum security prison what was my Catholic School I transferred from.

The lockers are painted differently now.

Very teachery shoes of me, clacky. I brought other heels to change into but didn’t see the point.

Haha look dad he chose a picture of me and your mustang for his clipboard notes.

This library was a good place to duck in to if you were avoiding teachers, or brothers.

I used to write in the Vice forums in this library, until the website was blocked, and then my blog too. Yahoo chat wasn’t, I’d plan my night’s mischief at SSS before going to my part time job, where I had phone access for 4-5 hours before closing time. Pre-cellphone world smarts. I bought a Motorola brick phone to make sneaking around easier too. That’ll go in another autobiography.

Should have looked up the last time it was taken out. Probably me.

How to not steal: If paparazis are present, they may photograph your crime. Ps. I don’t steal. Once in awhile a friend will admit to petty theft or Kleptomania and it is shocking, some people actually have a problem. A family friend at one point in time was an under cover store walker, he has stooories.

Yup that’s the one.

Metal detection bypass. You mean, I could have been stealing books all those years? Magazines too? Dammit. It’s ok, when I wrote reports I would invent authors/books that didn’t exist and make up the facts and bullshit statistics myself if I couldn’t find any books on it or take from a pile that I didn’t read. Sometimes my stuff was so well written I’d get, not exactly accused of, but perceived plagiarism. No, I am just a very good writer, sorry. My dad accused me once too, it’s a compliment the way I see it. 56% of euthanized pets are grateful for it. Lol.

Like, this is SO good there is no way an idiot like you could have written this. And how!

Cheers yo thanks SSS love ya Ever! Always! Forever! and kids, don’t forget…

Ta xo your pal raymi.

Schematic visionaries

OK lets put our thinking caps on and I’ll grab my notes. The conference feedback about your hero was: wow she has a plan – she knows what she wants and she is going after it. – congrats and u looked gorgeous :).

It’s panel time!

Raymi Lauren White

Blogging Pioneer

Raymi the Minx aka Lauren White or, Raymi Lauren, built her brand at the age of 17, spawning in 2000. She is a pioneer of blogging and was amongst the small pool of bloggers during its first wave of popularity in 2002, drawing the attention of The National Post and SEX TV. A provocateur savant, unabashed black sheep of the digital age, influencer, trend setter, wordsmith; has been a MUST READ in the Toronto’s hip and in-the-know arena for over a decade. Raymi is on par with media, a notable invitee to all the to-dos, touted as the Penny Lane of Toronto (long time music industry ties), muse to the stars, spearheads a bounty of fellow Little Raymis with copious pop-up copycat raymi blogs. Multiple times over viral, donning garb and trends before you got over the last one. Raymi has singlehandedly made a business of her personal everyday life, is a spokesmodel for a plethora of elite brands and has successfully married her hobbies and passions with business, sometimes it’s hard to distinguish between the two. You need to meet her to fully experience and grasp her special brand. A closet feminist, comedienne, exhibitionist, Raymi wears all hats and didja know, she’s HUGE in the foodie scene too, not to mention, a rapidly budding and requested burlesque dancer?




Showed up a little early (for once) to catch the panel before mine to see how these ladies were doing it. they would set the bar and I would be cartwheeling over it. That was my trick to settling my nerves. It worked. Was still nervous though, but I am always nervous so it doesn’t much matter. I’ll distract them with dazzle camouflage.

Following people on twitter and they thank you by spam blasting you with something you have zero per cent interest in. No thank you. Unfollow.

Katrina tweeted are you wearing pants? I replied with oh sh- where are mein pants? ILUVHER.

I guess colleague was bored at points. He is already well-versed in all my wacky hair-brained schemes.

That baby was calming. We vibed off one another. I don’t know protocol in talking to babies, is it ok? I picked up a dog once in a movie store and my bf was like NO. That’s the equivalent of picking up someone else’s baby. I get away with stuff all the time and I know that what I can do isn’t necessarily ok for everybody else. Yes I get special privileges.

They all followed my twitter straight off the bat thanks to Rose. I am this close to being a pyramid scheme (what’s a ponzi scheme that sounds fun!) or a televangelist.

I know and don’t know what they were saying. The room was packed! No seats or, I just didn’t want to interrupt. I saw that no one was being as insane and boisterous as I had been plotting. My nerves went away. I’ve been on network autopilot for weeks it is second nature now and annoying all of my friends. I can’t stop selling.

Comment of the day:


It’s super weird to get comments daily to a ghost of a girl. Like she lives in a dance video in a condo she used to live in. Click that link to see.

More of that.

@1ofthose2girls the tiara chick had the fortune of washing her hands precisely when I was in the loo putting on my magic final touches and thus became deeply entangled in a massive sharing of ladies room banter. That’s Katrina, the new treasurer of empire raymi. She is paid in Brie.

@KarmicEvolution screamed out I LOVE YOU. I dared her to. It happens at the end of my Intro here. I knew she’d do it cos she had a whale on her head. People with animals on their heads typically are wont to yell things out in public.

This is what I call being a team player. Did you wear your shirt?

I wore a bra in case my party hats would be showing. I chose my colour over summer and everything was easy breezy sunny and I was a surfer babe 24/7. Farah said she expected me to show up in my lifeguard outfit. She said it’s infamous hahaha. Totally. Maybe I’ll do a post of photos of me wearing it all over town.

All #SCCTO babes get a discount to AndroidTO. code: RAYMI. Android and Connected sitting in a tree c-o-n-f-e-r-e-n-c-i-n-g. Hot geek love.

Another baby.

So adorable.

Your baby is a thief. Her mom was like I am trying to train her to pull people’s rings off. Loved that. I love when they take you to task for the bluffs you throw out there.


One of the first things I said was I FEEL LIKE I AM SITTING AT A BAR. I was jokey. People listen to stand-up.

They are all staring. It’s like a dream and a nightmare simultaneously.

I want those shots. or maybe not. You get the idea.

OOh that hat was a good idea, face hiding. Like when people whisper, you listen closer. If my face is obscured you will constantly look for it.

Ok I will for real get up off my ass now and get my notes. It was hard to say all the things you planned to because it was a discussion and specific questions lead to specific answers. What works for me might not necessarily work for you and I knew I couldn’t convince a room of 200 proactive techy chicks that the recipe to success was heavily beauty based or being a constant gag-making stooge, I can tell that to you guys but to a room, nuh uh. Everyone likes to think that they have all the answers better than you. Fine then go get invited to a panel and tell it on a microphone. Mantain relevancy and longevity. That is the goal. I am eleven years old this blog, one woman rushed me about blogging back in the day too but yeah, are you notable?

Well done clap clap now lets see what the feedback is.

That guy interviewed me on his little blog tv show thing haven’t heard from him yet. I get 80% more traffic than him, my colleague said, THAT is why RAYMI when he asked “innocently” about what the big deal about bloggers and brands is. Advertising, dude. That’s what. It’s just a channel of preference. Have something neat you wanna raise hype and awareness for, email ME: RAYMI@RAYMITHEMINX.COM Think your brand is too elite for me, you’re fooling yourself and asleep at the wheel. My fingers are in every pie.

@zchamu was in my Blogher San Diego crew. LOVE HER! Which is blog code speak for SHE LOVES RAYMI.


Moments prior to this I was like you have to be a punk rock mommy blogger these days to be interesting again and WHAMMO! Dreams answered.

Shannon was on her way back to Ottawa. Wah. Go hang out with my aunt and uncle! They’re like me (nothing like me) but way more posh.

Amen blonde sister. Don’t feel alienated other girls. Colleague said I alienate people sometimes when I write I had no idea what he is talking about cos he hasn’t any hair at all!

Here is a picture of what me pretending to know EXACTLY what african drumming is. Like, Peter Gabriel’s concerts? Gahaha. Please totally invite me I dance like a chicken to tribal music it will be hilarious.

Wait for it!


I am doing my patented MIB-rip-off memory record wiping by waving at the air. Photographic evidence unfortunately doesn’t delete the same nor does willingly typing html code into the body of your typing field for the photo either. It’s unfortunate that this entire post is tainted for me based on one rotten egg of a woman talking shit about me. My brand isn’t “for her” and had I known this our conversation meet and greet that I was nothing but lovely during would have been wildly different.

It’s ok, I’m wearing a hat. I got this covered.

She liked me, I liked her, blah blah blah oh that’s right she was at the picnic too!

Give me some.

I want a tiara! I’ll be a stagette party forever no problemo!

Conference sponsor what’s up!

Give me one.

Sometimes I look Japanese right? That is because I am related to David Suzuki. No just kidding. Notice how I antagonize a notable periodically here for about a month’s time to get a reaction out of it. WINDOW’S CLOSING, SUZUKI. Why weren’t you at the picnic? I planted a tree in your honour.

There’s a video of this but I think it was TMI so won’t be posting. If I knew how to edit. Hmmm.

Ha. Who even knows anymore?

Tracey was like what would we talk about on tv? I’m LIKE WHAT WOULD WE TALK ABOUT????

She said I had it going on and I said you distracted me during my panel, I saw you look down and was trying to figure out who you were and then saw you typing and thought, “what is she typing about me?” I am totally self centred.

I wish I didn’t look like this when I laughed, but I do. Oh well. The point is what WOULDN’T we talk about on CityLine? What is the live delay, 5 seconds? Bahaha.

Don’t I look like Sam Crenshaw sometimes?


Something neat, this photo is trending right now on tumblr:

It took my breath away because I took a photo of the same steps in New Orleans Louisiana in April 2008. Crazy!

See the cup in the mailbox?