Shining Time Hot Mess Trainwreck Station

On Monday we got Monday night Drunk and it was aiight.

My roots get to this and then I get them done. If I washed my hair daily for two weeks I could get away with prolonging appointments (it would look the opposite of this photo), but I’m neurotic and I have this hook-up so, I go like clockwork. I was very nervous for yesterday’s appointment thanks to my &$%#&%#% brother. I was practically in tears, I have breakage in the back and one time a few appointments ago Brennen made a comment about maybe going darker. NO WAY. But then as we do a blow-out and the fresh roots and toning is seen plus a treatment, Brennen falls in love again and we’re good to go. He is a genius and smokin’ hot and seriously a sweetheart, I love the whole team there!! They all get their fingers in my infamous tresses and for three hours I regale them with Planet Raymi bullshit. WIN WIN.

Not bad here at all, that was just an insanely TMI close-up and I didn’t do anything special with my hair because I don’t want to touch it. No one is allowed to touch it. Silk pillowcases here I come.

We Gay towned it up with the animals. Watched my top ten inspirational music videos, which degenerated in to retarded youtube amateur videos then I sent her ass home.

You have TWO rugs to choose from now and this is your current favourite perch. Oh-kay. I put this up to shame us to vacuum their hair dust clumps everywhere (like we have time) and technically I guess it should be my job to do but I am too busy typing to you stupid idiots all day long.

I am still bordering sick-ish so I stayed in again last night, I hate bailing on friend’s events but, you gotta look out for number one right. I have on-camera stuff next week and now that I am a fossil I have to take’r easy in between givin’er.

Courtney’s pics will be later down this post I don’t know why this is all backwards. Anyway, we watched a 1947 Disney film called fun and fancy free, it was trippy.

Jiminy Cricket breaks and enters into various people’s homes and then watches the people’s lives which turns in to two different stories in the “movie”.

Oldie Disney movies make me feel good inside.

So weird.

I grew up aggressively watching family channel. I had a nerd shut-in phase, as much crap I inject into my blog now that same amount of time was spent watching movies, tv, and listening to tunes as a kid.

Last night. My scalp is temporarily pink. I like when I get a cute after-tone, sometimes ash.

Here it is very Marilyn. I am against weaves, they would snag all my hair out. Being platinum is a big step and requires commitment and upkeep, and you have to hear about it ALL THE BLOODY TIME and your friends will whine about your old hair and piss you off. They can eat your dust when your princess tresses are tickling your belly button like a mermaid. This is real hair, and I have struggled though growing it so it’s annoying when some other chick just dons extensions I consider it c-h-e-a-t-i-n-g.

See how big my new HK necklace is? I also have to blow softer on the candles when I put them out, red wax on the wall.

Can you tell the video?

One of my mittens is smaller than the other, both knit by a mom and a daughter, cute right? If I wear them out they will take up my entire purse.

Stella loves her mummy. If you say that word to her she loses it! I say it four hundred times a day.

Lady Garbage slinks over for a head rub.

We unintentionally wore matching striped socks.

I guess get used to looking at people sitting on the rug pictures and all my friends having FB our livingroom profile pictures because I never go out anymore.

I’m wearing jeggings. Stupid word.

So emo. I was blasting emo tunes too. Fitting.

In the supermarket I was like, thank god I didn’t wear my yellow/blue striped ones. I like dressing like a tool in the winter time, I could care less.

Stella stares in to your soul.

Come on by for your portrait!

Ooh hot! Lookin’ good Courtney.

This came with our pizza. Super doughy. But good. I threw half of it out, dough stays in you for days while you digest it. Pass fatties!

The frosting looks like semen (but tastes better!) and that would be my newest cat scratch on my finger.

Let me take your coat. You will find entire outfits hanging up on that, like, a sock or a bra, suspenders. It’s PeeWee’s playhouse.

Courtney said her outfit didn’t matter because she was going, “nowhere special” uh WRONG. INTERNET IS TONS SPECIAL and lasts a lifetime.

You’re doing it wrong.


How the Minx stole Christmas

This was my Thursday outfit which turned into a romper and thigh highs and a staying in night. I was supposed to go to Jay-Z and Kanye but my full of shit ticket holder date for the night was stuck out of the city (and doesn’t inform me once about this all day either) I am unfriending after I hit publish. He only for sure wanted to bone me, he never has so he’s been pestering me for a year since our last hang, in-where he still didn’t get laid and I explicitly told him (shouldn’t have) that this “concert” will not end in a boning either. I wonder if he even had tickets? He had the nerve to text me at 1am “still up?” ignore and 30 pokes on FB later the next day.

hey… sorry been MIA.. Im still in London for a emergency work thing.. things are bonkers…. Does not look like this night going to happen…

Raymi Lauren White
hilarious you are a jerk off thanks for fucking telling me today not once.
so angry

I was trying to get shit done to make. You think I do not want to go to jay n ye.

Raymi Lauren White
I better not see any kanye tweets by u then lol

So is the appropriate thing to say. Let me take you for a few drinks lol ?

Raymi Lauren White
pfft i can buy myself a few drinks. you made me look stupid, you gave no notice, i am dynamite to hang with, you blew it. more like drinks on a jet.

Reeeeelax Shit happens

Well it doesn’t happen to me! I am a busy socialite and if I make time for something that means other important somethings are on the back burner and if you don’t have the balls to man up and tell me it’s not happening, you are dead to me. He told me to be ready for 6 and I am never ready for six, or, ready. But this time I was cos I didn’t have his number (new phone) and he didn’t reply to my two FB contact attempts, one in the day and one an hour before he was supposed to fucking arrive. He is full of shit and I doubt he even had tickets “good ones”.

Aaand unfriend thank you goodbye. You blew it.

I was only using you for your tickets dude, you knew that. Last time we went to a Leaf game and you had shitty seats and because of my hair I walked us down to gold. It’s a good time to go out with me and chicks always flock and then you can have the spill-over, what a moron.

Playing that shit off casual-like to your boyfriend is rough, like, I didn’t want them to meet, this dude to me isn’t even a person, he only wants one thing but I have to act like the naive innocent girlfriend. I am not a wet blanket of a partner, I have a life and I do things on my own and if it so happens to be a dude that I have to do the thing with, then so be it, no one is my boss but me and I like to think that all women in life enjoy the same freedoms with their partners. I was in the bath and Teacher asked how I would feel if he was going to a concert with a girl I had never met, well, I don’t work with hypothetical jealousy scenarios and right now I have one hour to be ready so you get back to me when you have this girl concert date and see how I react about it. I didn’t sign up for games, it’s a waste of time and stupid, I’m going to Jay-Z and that’s that but you see, this bro didn’t just f with one person by bailing, he fucked with two.

It would have been a good time, we’d have caught up with the cougs or I’d have ditched him. I def would be wasted incarnate blah whatever. I’m only using this tale for entertainment purposes while I throw up the rest of the pics I uploaded and ran out of time to blog yesterday.

Ok next I tackle Mystery Camera. I also have to clear a bunch of shots this tv show wants permission to use, ughhh I hate tasks. I’m over my phone data limit so how much does that cost and when is my next billing period? I’m going to watch a taping of Foster the People today with Sarah! PUMPED. Then Lana Del Ray. Mental.

Who knows how today will end…

Knocking on wood is for pussies

This could so be in the back book cover jacket sleeve yeah? Raymi currently lives and blogs in Toronto with her two cats (inherited step-motherhood thereof) one Lady Garbage and Her Friend, Boyfriend…she likes soup. But not when there is too much cinnamon in it.

Hola blogarinos!

I’d kill for some sunshine today. Short of that, a dry sky.

This shirt was close to making its way to the donation bin, can you imagine?

I wanted to do back-to-backs of a year ago this month but I looked in my archives and got severely depressed and bored instead. The desire has passed. I threw some archive links in my twitter feed and the blog numbers were cranked over 130 guests for a couple hours. Ok twenty minutes. IS equivalent to 2 hours in blog years.

I found my nail polish, it was in my laptop bag, with those strawberry nail polish remover pads erica gave me, so I gave myself an insta-mani on the spot while playing (and winning) Balderdash. It was a very intense game, I wonder how it will go down this weekend when more relatives show up. I will have to practise shadow-boxing.

On my way to victory. I still have to think of some nicely cold served revenge though for Shawn, he ripped a chunk of my hair out. In that moment I had to make a quick decision, do I give him a right hook in the eye and spoil the party or do I end it and remove myself and SLAM THE BEDROOM DOOR AS LOUDLY AS POSSIBLE. Still angry and I will hear it at the salon today. My brother was drinking psycho punch for sure, he warned me he would hit back earlier so I knew it would escalate. I wonder if we will still kick the shit out of each other when we’re forty?

I think I am getting sick but I am not going to dwell on it, I’ve had a couple of those sick feeling sneezes that wash all over and prickles your skin the last few days and my denial act of said sickness possible ailments has actually been working effectively so far. Knocking on wood is for pussies. I also quite enjoy the taste of snot down my throat. #yeahisaidit.

We saved the gingerbread train for Hailey but we opened it like raccoons and inspected the box contents based on the credo of “I bought it.”

We also played indoor frisbee with this neat fold-up frisbee I got in San Diego from Blogher holy shit next year take an empty suitcase with you, I bet all those mommy bloggers wrapped their kindles for this xmas, smart.

I can’t believe they let me go out in public in this dopey outfit, the socks I was wearing with leggings and grey flats, stupid hat. Behind my back they were calling me a trucker dude. It’s every man for themself in my family. Haha this reminds me of drunk wisdomery with Courtney last night, I said, life is like that Will Smith post-apocalyptic world movie (I can’t believe I spelled that right) and he’s alone waiting for rescue and there are zombie monsters everywhere, THAT is what it’s like, you MUST be happy on your own and survive. We just discovered that Courtney’s Ex is more of a piece of shit than we thought so we got smammered last night. Smammered is Heidi’s word and I give credit where it’s due.

This is how dude’s wrap a present. WRONG. You make it look like a pretend fire in drama class and place it in one sheet at a time like the whole bag is a fire. Why do you think they give you 8 pieces? This is 8 pieces of tissue paper folded over, cool waste dude! I left it as is cos it was funny and then I pointed it out to everyone when we arrived for a joke. Dad I will get you a card on the weekend. LONGEST BIRTHDAY EVER.

Friday night alright outta site! It’s getting to laundry low level so outfits are interesting I wonder what I will wear today, how exciting!

Leaf me alone. Getting longer.

AHHH Scary leaf ghost.

I don’t know my own strength/accuracy plus I had never done this trick I just invented before. Don’t aim it at your head, stupid?

A woman was studying, (absentmindedly not seriously) and we quickly ruined that for her. If you don’t want to be around people then why the fuck did you leave the house? She was scowling at our fanfare but by the end managed to grimace a giving-in smile at me because I kept staring back at her threateningly with my FUN. I hate bitter people because they remind me of how I used to be.

So suck it.

My bro had oxbloods like these when he was a teenager, I had them in blue, so I got these as an homage to him as well as a double time burn. I bought him a nice pair of Wallabee’s a couple years ago as a switcheroonie on style omg what is this Freaky Friday! He wears them on special occasion type occasions. Why am I writing like Jack Kerouac today so much oh right I’m a pisstank wordsmith like he is, a-doye.

I am trying to do the Marilyn poster, can’t wait to see it!

Even though I’ll definitely be playing Courtney Love. I thought this outfit was a bit of a Cobain Hybrid.


And my Nirvana tribute tat. I felt I was dressed pretty posh at my MTV interview, I am tired of the Courtney Love connection. It’s insulting. Yes she is an icon a little but I am not a raging lunatic like that, not yet anyway. I was wearing a goddamn $800 jacket that I talked about for an hour aghh!

Party statue, fresh from band practise in where I scrame my fucking guts out after very little sleep cos I was partying, I swear! NO Courtney Love here. I’m cute though right? That soup had too much cinnamon.

Teach had a burger so he only ordered soup and the waitress went, “Just soup?” haha well we had pints and I ordered a vegan sandwich. If you eat like a vegan you will look like Kate Moss but people always be fucking with Teacher, it’s funny. I think it’s the glasses. People feel comfortable, themselves, in giving him a what-for. I love it.

Whereas me it’s a mystery box of how are they going to react. I know I generally boss around servers but that’s only because I am efficient and I sort out our drinks and food within four seconds of ass hitting seat, who said it that their dad was a busser orderer too? I am not exactly that guy but I know the time saving trick of menu depositing and splitting for five minutes and nuh uh if you think homie done gone play a trick like that. Our very nice and professionally phoney people pleaser server at Fazooli’s tried it and I was like, HEY, wait a minute. Then ordered apps and those slush martinis before she could go look at herself in a mirror. She knew then that we were a table not to be ignored.

There was a pile of leaves, maybe that pissed her off? Hey lady is this your pile of leaves? There are two kinds of people in the world, those who get angry over spilled piles of leaves and those who are no big deal about it and just rake it again as life and fall is short. Ha I kinda gave up on that one right. I am getting leaving house anxiety because it’s so rainy and my light bulb ikea guy I bought out of loneliness is so comforting (you should get one) but mostly I am lazy, and possibly sick. And a whiner.

Bringing the big ass umbrella with me.

Ready for your punk rock aerobics instruction? My torso is not this long or warped, it’s the pants, they have stretched out and are a large. I’ve shrunken since purchasing them.

How is this inappropriate for minors? My jingle bell rock dance video was flagged. HO HO HO!

Don’t forget to PVR How the Minx stole Christmas.

Wait a second.

He didn’t even tell me about these ones. He said he was “getting mad” so that meant I was posing right.

Ps. I am only wearing one pearl earring in the durex video, I lost one on the way over :( Gotta get ready now love you bye!


Welcome to our new show of stuff we watch while watching champagne I mean drinking champgane CHAMPAGNE LOL on big screen tv!

Courtney is on the rug dying of laughter at my dismal attempt at typing. We need a third party filmer. bYe looking for more vids. Happy blogversary! YA!


We had to go to Wine rack (the King west one, ik) and the dude there taught us a science trick about putting a wet paper towel on the bottle and putting it in the freezer, which I was going to do anyway (the freezer thing) so I called his bluff and put a double thick wet one on, and it worked!

Courtney is over. We stayed in. It’s rainy and shitty out oh and a girl in Libville cut us off pulling out of her parking garage driveway and we skidded almost right into her car Teacher was breaking like crazy and the slick roads she didn’t even look before pulling out and we were like O_O face to face I was so scared and THEN she fucking mouths SLOW DOWN BUDDY! and we had the right of way! Courtney in the back seat was like WHAAAAAAAAAT!!! She ruined our night, shook up Teacher. HER FAULT. SO angry. So as we were shopping we were all completely rattled. Courtney and I are discussing it right now and Teacher went to bed crabby. UGH!

You are what you blog

Hala y’all!

This room looks so much more suburban now. I likey.

Where are your feets?

Line-up outside and I don’t care.


On Saturday we had less than five minutes to make it before brunch was over at the Gladstone, my doc marten shoe became completely untied, it was freezing and we had to get by this which was terrifying because obviously if any Mr. Bean-like construction accident were to occur it would exclusively happen as I should happen to walk by. We made it to brunch in the nick of time and were home again in under an hour.

I love our waitress, she’s served us before in the other room. So efficient and courteous, I adore good service. I’m a foodie, it’s vital. Speaking of I haven’t eaten all day and should probably start getting ready for going out. Monday is my Sunday.

CN Tower Christmas. Can you imagine walking on that at night? I’d do it!

Can’t get over these cards, YES double-sided gold, who would give a shit if it was just gold-topped? Yeah hi your present I found in the common area dorm lounge, don’t thank me all at once now. Def need to get my own deck.

Sick right? My brother was like, yeah, DISGUSTING. Dad was like, EYE-ROLL! Never growing up ever.

And now I give you, classic dude party. Dudes at a party (yes there were chicks there too).

Were they talking about a) basketball b) their band c) an obscure musician everyone apparently knew about or really acted like they did or d) all of the above?

More dudeisms. How to be a dude at a party, practise saying in the mirror, “Hey, wanna go out for a: smoke and/or dart? (take your pick they will know what you mean).

Ugh apparently no one can figure out the ancient modern day wisdoms of blackberry cellphonular technology maybe we can find a 14 year old to teach my friends how to take pictures with it cos obvi my instructions are in Latin THE DEAD LANGUAGE.

How to navigate the dude gauntlet at the party when you are just going for a pee or a drink but want to keep talking about girl stuff with your friend on the balcony: speed shuffle through while crouching and ask one guy to state the differences between American and Canadian football while looking at a different dude and making a really confused face then split.

Nathan and Heidi’s place is amazing.

I look teeny. He’s 6′ 2. I’m slouching for the sake of coolness. I’m 5’9.

Why am I dressed like a Sabrina the teenage witch episode?

I wore this shirt as a joke and it backfired because everyone loved it! Yay Lois you made me cool!

Nathan and Rudy. Rudy is a Jack Russell (yeah right)(ok he is) Pug mix. A jug. He looks like a demon from adorable hell and doesn’t like me as much as he should cos I smell like Stella and only ever see him when there’s a party and dogs are party nervous people typically. I call dogs and cats people because I am funny. Lady Garbage will be doing something stupid and I’ll go, she is the WORST person that I have EVER met and everybody laughs. (please credit my jokes okthxbai).

Yay they smoked outside for once. A pregnant chick was there earlier, it wasn’t for me even though I acted like it was and enjoyed it immensely.

Ok attention deficient pals, if you hold out to the end (40 seconds!) you will snicker. I can’t believe I forgot how to play one of the 4 piano songs I know. I sure as shit ain’t no Jerry Lee lewis :( but you can hear how I sing AC/DC (try track 2 or 3, don’t waste your time on 1) the girls sound excellent on their instruments I say.

Back with more soon even though it’s hard to blog after-dark and I want to watch the rest of Eclipse in my long johns.

Teacher bought me this Sunday as an olive branch even though we so weren’t done fighting yet. Dating me is better than a roller coaster, it’s the whole theme park! Ps. I landed the audition thing I had last week. :)

I need more hoodies, not this one. Well this one in barbie pink. When your hair is white you can dress like a barbie doll.

A guy walked by these balloons dressed in the same colours and I wanted to ask him to pose by them but he looked “too cool” “for school” which actually means he looked like a try hard and would have been snotty even though I would have “made” him. You are never too cool for crap-o-blog kay?

Nathan is a good painter, his piece is behind the couch here, we’re going to be re-arranging the art soon on the walls. Good to change it up.

I was going to take a picture of when we left what I looked like to capture the degree of skanky-degeneration but I was too tired by that point and took a mental snap instead, you can see how I looked in the raymi the ripper blood graffiti video.

Heidi LOVES Elvis. I love when people have a “thing”. Elvis stuff is everywhere, his army dog tag numbers are featured in Nathan’s painting above our couch. Neat.

Waitin’ for the loo.


The dudes are over it.

Would it kill you to take one un-blurry picture of me? Do you know how hot I look here? BARELY and why is that? Cos it looks like you took this from a dune buggy flying over jumps.

Caterpillar cat knows all sees all. She has a nose freckle too.

She also hides behind the mirror I rest against this table, there is like, no space there. It’s funny and depressing.

Teacher is her favourite, L. Garbage and Stella are on Team Raymi.

We packed our stuff and hit the road for my dad’s.


It was like we never left the house. Me and this girl on the other couch way on the opposite end of the room, smiled and stared openly at each other, unapologetically. I love people, I don’t want to say “people watching” cos it’s such a common term and I like to think I study rather than watch, but not in a psycho way. I like to make up assumptions and test my theories by meal’s end and I am usually right.

Time for food!

Reel love

So the thing with Durex is they are the more intellectual condom brand answer to Trojan, which apish frat boys apparently use and so they got a lot of brainier folk (including your hero, me) to discuss doing it on a higher plane of tantra or something level (foreplay, blowjobs, etc) made a documentary out of it and voila, enjoy. If you haven’t been able to view (from Australia) or wherever yet. Ps. I just saw on twitter that 1 in 120 Torontonians are hiv-posi. EW. Use those domes guys and gals! Ps. I refused to perform fellatio on the banana so I air guitar fellatio’d instead. YAY!

Also my new Decorium high-end furniture friends are hosting a $2000 contest right now! I want to win seeing as I have been bailing on events and favouring the interior Minx cave of late but also it’s Christmas time and a smug living room set would be key. If you can’t change your husband, you can change your living room! Can I come over? Actually if I won I’d give it to my dad.

How the Decorium contest works:

Tell us why you should win in 140 characters or less.

Share with your friends to get the most votes!

Top finalists get entered into a prize draw.

Increase your chances of winning. More Ballots = More Votes.


Ps. I asked Adil for my embed codes from MY City Lives videos last week or so because I love my hair in them. Ahh memories.

This time last year I was loads fatter, I know I look chunky here but I’m not. Promise.

History-in-the-making blog

So, I’ve successfully been more interesting than you for 11 years now, how’s it feel?

From this, to..

This. In seconds. (or hours of waiting all day long, whatevs) #dirtbag #princess #genius.


Going back to take pics in the day or bring a real camera with flash, these pics are crap. It was really late, or early, so the lighting wasn’t on my side but it’s always dark under that bridge anyway. How wasted do I sound, keepin’ it together madmen styles haha.

portrait of the artist.

There’s a lot of it, I sloshed it up there 6 times or so and not even that much, it was the bitter end of the bottle. This just in, paint drips! Hello gravity.


Broken Heel Diaries Woman: Raymi the Minx!

I want to be remembered for… Dying happy. Satisfied by my life and achievements. Getting to that thatched roof cottage in Ireland.

Beauty is… Cate Blanchett. Classic. Royalty. Status. Inner beauty, deep, graceful. Touching. Artistic. Silk, cream, pearls, swans, soft forest floors, moss, sunbeams in dew etc.

Read the rest here. Thanks guys and HAPPY BIRTHDAY BLOG!