Hi have no life

You ding dongs ready for a thuper post! What’s up Love Robot whuttttt ^^ #respect.

I went with Ben Miner to a comedy gala thing for blindness at the Carlu, swanky night! Sat at a table in the front row like ballers. This one comedian said a joke that I had heard on tv before that I repeated to an ex of mine and we made this joke everyday all winter long to each other then I HEARD that very same joke this night, blasted on beers dressed like a gala diva (just go with it) and it was a very zen moment for sure.

My favourite house. I asked if we could shoot a web series here. They said yes. Now I just have to make it crappen.

Another givin’er weekend is upon us. Stoked. This hot weather is so exotic. My mother said that. I would have said tropical. Same diff.

Ya guy.

Got there early, got all ma shots in there bro Lebowskis.

He did something lewd below me. This was aftermath. Only because I don’t like how I look in the photo I’m not sharing it.

There may be some monster bikini sightings this w/e.

Got a bit of sun there.

Then we multiplied into more. Good night this night plus weekend.


Bouquet of kittens so adorb.

Then went to Streetsvegas.

I used this camera in Holland. It makes all experiences seem touristy and beautiful. I used it in Aruba too. Spectacular. I have always loved photography.

Finally changed my toenails. These are neon yellow teeks my mom gave me. I had them in hot pink but were ruined in Aruba from water. The first time I went. They’re comfortable and very light.

Mom gave me a bunch of light white tea towel doiley-like shirts I just discovered that’s why they’re so wrinkled. These acid wash shorts used to be jeans. I found all these shorts from a previous life that all fit me perfectly. DOPE SQUAD.

Not a bad look Lauren.

Walk softly, carry a big stick.

Ok doke, time to fold my laundry now and edit some things and be a business lady. Oh if only you knew. Actually I am glad you don’t. Check you later.

Enjoy your day, no complaints here. For now!

hope you like dying cos i’ma kill you

Greatings. Good tidings in general to all, you purveyors of stuff you purvey and blogs you read of things people permit you to see. Blogging is about seeing and being seen.

Yesterday decided to go d/t btown to my old haunts for a beach power walk then mom and philip met up with us.

I pigged out yesterday. After restricting all afternoon. I am insane. I had fries. Shared a ghetto burger. Then we had nachos at Emmas. Sangria. Then sour candy at Mad Max, plus pop A LOT, and popcorn. Then I had a KFC cookie. Then I got my period at 4am with the worst cramps ever. Cool story.

I’m doing this post because I feel bad in not giving a little something to the immediate audience. If I squirrel away and only work on my book 7 days a week the fires that are burning will go out. Also it’s a means to procrastinate some more.

It’s been a stressful couple of weeks.

I love the waterfront.

That’s a mandarin pop. About the time my diet efforts took a nosedive.

Went on an adventure hike date then had a burger on kelsey’s patio in the sun. Dating is insane can I just say that for a second? All these people come in and out of your life, pile up. I get unsolicited dick pics, weird attacks about the amount of chances I “have been given” to get a move on with such and such a guy I haven’t even conversed at all with yet! Guys ARE INSANE!!! Anyway. I have been passive and I think that makes them mental too. I “Houdini” out. I do not have a positive outlook on tinder and exactly what happens when you go on dates and if it goes further then it doesn’t go any further than that so I have been giving guys zero chances, not going out… but I still want to be active and I like variety. Maybe I average 3 dates a month? 2?

We saw that coming back down. Yikes.

Guys don’t really leave you alone until they’ve had sex with you or if they haven’t and I’m not really doing that with anyone so you can guess how many guys are bugging the shit out of me right now hahaha. The single girl always gets it the worst. Attacked, harassed or smothered.

I want to do more modelling gigs. Who do I reach out to for that?

I made this. I am done being a purist and not using oil or butter when I make eggs and be fucking with them sticking to the pan. Margarine is the answer.

WILL put my painting together SOON. Without buckles this time.

This guy was like shave your legs. I was like they ARE shaved and smoothed YOU STUPID FUCKING ASSHOLE!! JK but I wanted to. Men piss me off all day long morning noon night with their dumb ass commentary. I loved Mad Max so much with bitches taking over I am that level-rage when a bro so much as chimes in a teeny bit negatively to me about me lol.

I made the dopest marinade for these breasts. I am getting into baked potatoes too a little bit. I find that re-introducing carbs a little bit has actually helped my metabolism like they’re a new toy for my body to deal with and my stress hole is loving the addition and playing ball right back.

I’ve been annoyed with all my shorts being too big for me and then it dawned on me that maybe “it was time” to pluck these out of my underwear drawer’s top right corner where I have been hoarding them for 3 years. They fit, albeit tightly as frig but still, still! I was a beanpole when I bought these. I wore them to The black keys (what’s up Nicky you remembered!) and now I get the privilege of them camel toeing me all over again like the ageless beauty I am.

Our wardrobes are lifelong personal curations and luckily I stick to certain matchy palettes of neon it’s so easy to pull things altogether. I’m about to do a purge then I am going to reward myself with some new pieces.

Sorry if this offends your sensitive sensibilities but I had to share the loving insides of my shorts. When I found them at UO, each dyed pair was unique unto itself these vintage shredded daisy duke levi’s and it only took me a few try-ons to absolutely know these were the ones that’s why I have never given up on my slimming down goal just for these dumb ass shorts. I tried to give them to my niece but she’s too lithe so it was up to Aunt Raymi alone to get’er done. That’s how you stick to your body goal dreams. I know there’s a few ladies who have adopted my odd diet regimes and are seeing results so I tip my crazy hat to you.

Okay that’s all I budgeted for today I have some tasks to tackle xo!!!

To be continued.

Raymi’s mailbag of tricks

You dopes ready for this?

Welcome to my birthday party of one, starring Bum Bum Lauren and a gift from Jodie which finally got to me now. My birthday was March 31 btw. Anyway, it’s Jodie’s actual birthday today can ya frigging believe it? I don’t even know how long she has been a Little Raymi for, probably a long time. Back when I was good at blogging. If we have learned anything from David Letterman’s farewell broadcast from last night it’s to self-deprecate your skills always and forever like the champ you are (not).

This is Jodie btw everyone! She lives in Edmonton!

I remember when “unboxing” was all the rage (when I started doing it and NO ONE else was #humblebrag) it was exciting to get mail and that makes a compelling video because you capture a moment, a feeling, a real feeling of joy and the mystery of what is this?? When agencies started sending me stuff and like megaloads of it, duplicates of swag meant to tastemake and share with your cool friends it was always like, is this really happening? Unboxing is a huge trend right now fyi apparently.

I do get mailed things from time to time that I don’t blog and trust me I feel like a POS about it. Usually it’s books I don’t find the time to read and pass along I am sorry if you have sent me something and I didn’t do right by you. I encourage you to keep trying. Pester me.

Thank you Jodie. So touching and Happy Birthday to you too – may this blog post of your generosity to Planet Raymbo serve as a cheapskate birthday gift back.

Another thing about these Little Raymis people is they are selfless as shit. Okay I’ll stop being a ding dong and get on with the show!

I was going to wear that mangled ribbon in my hair for a few selfies to be funny but I forgot therefore didn’t. Damn.

Rocky was delighted you thought of him too.

Oh well now eh!

I tweeted this quote, an artsy hipster image I ripped off tumblr a week before Jodie facebooked me and showed me this t-shirt that she was buying me for my birthday. Go for it I said being all flattered and teary-eyed.

Abrasive girl bro culture shirt in full-effect I wonder how people are gonna dig me out ‘n about can’t wait haha.

Ready for the beach mon.

This one has cat hair on it. Jodie do you have a cat?

This would be a good outfit to wear to WWF no? I love Pandas. Am I driving you guys crazy yet with my stupid jokes or do you want more?

There’s my abs my flabs. My ex whom I hang with sometimes I don’t know why because we are constantly awful to each other but anyway he made a dig at me and said, “your aging body” during a whatsapp fight and I snapped, naturally. But yesterday he was like damn it must be nice to have a hot body like that. Seriously. Fuck men, while I’m at it. I’m not really dating right now I’m just hating. My tinder pile doth grow though. I tell everyone I use it for self-promotion WHICH is true AND does work BUT there is also a hopeful curiosity about the needle in a stack of needles aspect of it. I just want to be in love again that’s basically it. I am fine and happy with my social group and all of that, content, but you know there is just something about connecting with someone that makes life better, you feel less like a monastic fucking monster lunatic and then you get in crazy shape from all the wicked sex and you’re less bitchy blabbity blah etc.

Sayonara for now. I want to get another chapter of writing in. I’m writing a new book. It’s a sex book. Each chapter is a sexual encounter, all anonymous and currated from the “best of” highlights.

Unrelated, I finally saw Fifty shades of Grey yesterday. It was BORING and Christian Grey makes me want to beat the shit out of some guys IRL I/we know, dunno why…hmmm. LOL.

Thanks again Jody babe this post is for you!

too heat exhausted for words

I see that I applied my makeup like an idiot yesterday. Whatever.

I did not know that garbage bag would be in the shot. GREAT STUFF!

I don’t ever want to wear a string backpack ever again. It’s like hot burning rope digging into your tan. Exactly like that.

Went ALL OVER streetsvegas yesterday. Long day. Was awesome. Mom was shooting a Nepal benefit. Mad nostalgia-laden that town is. I dragged my roommate everywhere.


Ten years of my life spent here.

Three here. I transferred in grade 9 from catholic cos I was so done with religion. I also wanted a change of scene. I graduated in grade 12, but I think I took some extra credits? Going to summer school in England is what sealed it all up fast track style for me I think. I will have to go look into this.

Pretty awesome seat to watch the concert which ended around 6:30.

Had to keep ordering here because I wanted to watch from the patio. We left for another long adventure then came back again to watch the rest of the show. I have ADD. If there was a family circus cartoon of our foot traffic all over streetsville, it would be ridiculous!

This is from Holland. Mom snatched it right off me.

I’ll be blogging Saturday’s pool jam birthday party bonanza pics later on this week. All the things.

Smooth operater.

To be continued.


One more thing. This is my Nana and I from last summer at my cousin’s wedding. I was her date because my Papa RIP. It was an emotional and lovely occasion so this is a truly poignant photo. My brother saw it and was like um who took that photo? I was like why??? He was like because it’s like, good! He thought some big shot photographer took it. A wedding photographer bro that’s all. Oh Nana. <3

And this for good measure. Kay Happy Victoria Day all.

xo RLW

(I was going to talk about how I started writing again, Lauren Writing again but forgot but intended too zzzz k bye).

I dont feel great I need to create


It’s gorgeous out better wrap this up quickly. Blabbity blah here’s some stupid crap about myself etc etc go blogging.

Versatile pieces, mix n match master.

I always feel at conflict with photographing my body. Sharing it. Like I should feel shame. Like there is something specifically about me that sets off other women when I go lewd. When I reach a happy goal and don’t give a _____ because I am going through some shit right now, it bothers me. To let others’ nasty comments affect me. Influence. Something that I daily work on for me. People are gross, long story short.

Last night was awesome though. We dominated trivia and won. Had a big crew. Lots of wings and good times. Next week it’s Kevin Bacon! I should tweet him. Okay I just did LOL. I JUST saw Footloose for the first time a few nights ago. On the weekend I guess maybe that’s why it felt extra magical? I mean there is stardust and glitter at the end of the movie. People have been enjoying my obtuse facebook status updates about movies I’ve seen 30 years after the fact. I have seen a lot of movies but somehow (it happens to us all) a few classics slipped through the cracks. “Must see” classics I mean. Like, the entire Godfather trilogy. We rented them like good citizens you know but I avoided watching because I saw that they were a double VHS copy (LONG BORING!) and I wanted to watch unicorns and shit instead right? So I played in my room while my brother and dad got through them.

Fast forward to now, a few weeks ago and I watched all three godfather movies! An accomplishment for real seeing as no one has time anymore for anything let alone 3 fucking 3 hour installments BUT everything makes sense now. Why guys are so hard for gangster shit and how much goodfellas and casino could not exist without The Godfather. How Andy Garcia is so spanish for this role and watching with my latin ex who is an expert on all things spanish therefore… anyway it was an awesome escape definitely to sit down with the right attention span and take in these movies I have somehow avoided major plot point spoilers for decades. I also talked about my movie watching progress throughout with my one Italian friend and it KILLED HIM to hear my anecdotes, pure comedy you’re welcome.

There you have it.

Last night. I toyed with wearing a belt or not. Who says I need to wear a belt?

Greasy hair a bit. Felt Rock and Roll yesterday I guess. Got some good shots outside during sunset though please standby.

Back to le grind xo thirsty Thursdettes.

hike it up

Hello gorgeous. Got twenty minutes to kill well stick with me then. Went to Mount Nemo on Saturday and it was super fun.

Hiking is so good for the soul and the body. Will do more of it in my life have decided. If you wanna hike with me anytime lemme know I’m game for it!

You’ll have to take my pic a little bit along the way perhaps but what else is new right!

This thing jumped out at me. Wasn’t huge but enough to startle me. Then hissed at me too, oh really? Fuckin’ snakes. So useless. Nobody likes you!

Storm damage hither and yon.

What’s good about Mt nemo is you can walk along the escarpment up there and have many different vantage points to look out then you do the whole trail, it’s not too long and definitely not too short but just perfect which is why it’s my new fav. Been here many times before as a kid too so it holds the nostalgia factor.

No makeup, looking kinda downwards at camera is a ballsy boldsy move when one is looks obsessed and has an image of beauty to uphold. We all can look fug lets be real here but to be hot while fug is something to own I believe and especially as we age because we all do! I had a great time so it’s okay to smile and look like you’re enjoying yourself. There is always some loser out there willing to point out your flaws so I will beat them to it. It was a magical hike and you cannot take any more joy away from me. Fifteen years of blog abuse makes someone like this. I am not the only one with insecurities who uses instagram filters and wears sunglasses.

It’s chilly out today yet the weekend was SO NICE no matter how muggy grey this photo is I assure you it was like the Raymazon.

Time to sculpt my guns some more. Once over 30 your body requires constant maintenance.

I was “being funny” here.

I took this bench shot exactly like this because I thought it would be a whimsical facebook header photo. I still have my eye for shit despite all my narcissist selfies don’t worry.

Red Trillium.

“Don’t push me cos I’m close to the edge.” Something like that.

We enjoyed, watched and listened to these birds circling for awhile. Hawks?

But of course.

We kept coming upon all these dangerous edge parts of the mountain and so I wanted to get an ultra risky picture knowing that night I’d play it all back in my head and then get vertigo and the sweats hahaha. I jumped one of the cracks later on and THAT is when I got the fear and stopped fucking around up there. He jumped one part then I chose an even wider gap and once I landed it I got the spooks and did a little pee pee can’t believe I just did that dance.

The drop down that thing… no chance of survival. That is as close as I was comfortable to getting. A lot of these pics you can’t tell how dangerous and stupid they actually are that I’m posing in. I felt reckless I guess. Don’t care if I sound like a pussy and this is nothing to you. For my comfort zone it was pretty dangerous enough.

That zit on my nose has been hanging out for a few days haha.

See the actual edge there! What an idiot!!!!

That would be painful.

Afraid of heights anyone? I know some people who are.

Each time we thought we were done with the edge pics a new spot would appear.

A huge bee was swarming around here at the time too, you can see that dot floating above me well anyway not the best place to be dodging a big fat bee at all.

I took all these awesome pics of him like this so I had to copy for myself.

These looked REALLY green to me at the time. I used my phone until the battery died pretty much. Forgot my camera. We went to eat in Lowville afterward and then for another hike. Hiking makes me fungry.


Okay doke TTYL Little Raymis.


Yo there sports fans, ready? Why not! Yesterday was just a gong show. Or maybe I am just the gong show. Probably. No, but it was fun. The weekend over all was pretty decent.

The ride back from Port Credit was very foggy. Shit got REAL O_O but your hero survived. Don’t worry.

Lots of zen moments to balance out the cray.

Some Robocop moments were tight as well.

Happy Mama’s Day doe!

I felt like boat trash so I fixed up my face. I didn’t really wear makeup this weekend, embracing the natural and tan I have been building on my mug. Mom gave me this long black hoodie, it has ninja gloves for running (or boating!) and I love it. I got hosed on buying her mother’s day dinner but whatever worth it you know I love to foodie out. This week I am going to eat like a rabbit. I reduced my new “base line” and I want to maintain it godsarnit.

Pulling up to the restaurant by boat was amazing and felt obnoxious and EVERYBODY was watching the entire time. We had a laugh.

Once the rain stopped yesterday was gorgeous and nice and hot in the sun. Rushing to the boat was mental however, I will refrain from making this post any kind of negative so nevermind.

Oh, well, hello.

As you can see I had no time to do my hair yesterday. Whatevs.

Yeah sure this will be a decent boat outfit lets do this!!!

I did not eat all of that avocado. Notice only TWO pieces of bacon and ONE egg. I am trying. Ha.

This was such a good lady drink mmm mmm yum. I had jerk shrimp for an app. They lost my order. The girl avoided our table for 20 minutes. Bad form. I did not snap at all I will have you know haha. Shared chicken dijonaise for a main with mom.

There’s a lot of teeth in this blog post I noticed.

Annual captain’s hat selfie.

Keep it real mom love ya!

Went for a great hike on Saturday I’ll post those photos in their own post.

Bought flowers for my ex’s mother. I met her last week. We hang. As friends. Yeah I’m not gonna go there right now lol.

Walking in the forest in that muggy heat felt like the amazon I very much needed an escape and it was perfect. I went to the doctor because I wasn’t feeling well also this Saturday. Been feeling very stressed and it’s starting to appear in the form of affecting my health. She was like go for a walk and I was like okay done.

Love Mount Nemo.

Cowabunga my friends.

I put on a bit of a secret fashion show. I found these booty bathingsuit shorts (not pictured here) I am finally less love handled enough to wear. You will have to wait though. My phone is crammed with shit because I forgot my camera because I am a dingaling.

I definitely ate like a beast this weekend. I can make myself look like a treasure troll when I’m said and done with it. No hips, belly sticking out with hip bones like what the fuck??? hahaha.

This isn’t even the half of it.

I love this skirt.

I saw a coyote. Took many more pics I put on facebook that if for not them would not have at all remembered.

Got incinerated by the sun here wearing all black. Smart move idiot.

Hope your Mondays were ________! Hasta la vista for now.