Here we are folks welcome to the first day of the rest of my life.
Only took me 42 fuckin years to get it right but best late than never.
I have so much anxiety coursing through me right now I have already blown my own mind several times and I haven’t even done shit yet. I have mentally carved out several anecdotal okay not anecdotal because this is what anecdotal actually means…
an·ec·do·tal
/ˌanəkˈdōd(ə)l/
adjective (of an account) not necessarily true or reliable, because based on personal accounts rather than facts or research.
“while there was much anecdotal evidence there was little hard fact”
Now I’ve just gone and confused myself. What I mean to say is for many years now I’ve been gathering up things to say here… explanations, stories, thoughts, but I am such a giant prefacer that it never fucking happened and then all this time passed and more things occurred so it’s like, where to even begin man.
Slow down, slow down.
Okay here goes.
I am proud of myself for being here right now. For getting out of the house. It’s just so easy to stay home watching Netflix and that was so close to almost happening but I told myself no way you delayed this yesterday no more leeway ya dumb fuck.
I am also proud of myself for still being alive too even though I never really think about it I am super good at cognitive dissonance which is why I got so good at drinking which I had to stop doing otherwise I wouldn’t be here right now typing this today. I am going to get back into the habit of blogging again so that I am in the habit of writing period and then can finish my book. THE BOOK.
Have finally landed on a topic of interest. Me, myself, and I but finally the angle has presented itself in a fell down got back up again humourous, angry look at addiction kind of way – a recovery book of sorts. Over the years I have attempted to write THE BOOK but this blog got in the way, the immediate gratification rush, the dopamine ohh fuck ya lets look at the stats who is looking at me RIGHT NOW!? LETS GOOOOO!
My regular blogging routine was to drink and smoke pot and get into a groovy groove state of mind and blabbity blah my stupid crap on repeat. I stopped blogging two relationships ago I allowed the haters to get into my mind and as I was in a failing relationship it made me fall out of love with blogging because I felt embarrassed and cringe but not anymore by any stretch. The glow-up is fuckin’ real. See what you’ve got to do is cloak yourself in some self confidence and picture yourself floating up in the sky like a Sailor Moon moment it’s super gay and awesome and your superpower protects you from letting the real or imagined perception of others affect you.
My friend said the sobriety looks good on me it’s like my superpower now and I was like fuck yeah it is. Today is day 88 and in Morse code it means “love and kisses” lol so there you go.
I am going to be careful with what I write here because I need to write THE BOOK but this so far has been great I don’t know what scares me so much it’s exhausting and distracting. In MY BOOK I touch on how I choose to no longer be that stressed out anxious shy fucking person anymore I need to get back to the old Raymi the 19 year old balls to the wall shameless psycho, you know?
Like fuck yeah I am crazy I own it. I am so done caring what other people think of me that ship has sailed bud, you like me, you about me, that’s rad, you ain’t, that too.
I was watching a show at my mom’s with Kevin over the summer, I think this was a relapse period, forgive me, there’s been plenty and don’t get me started on the apology tour lol jk anyway I was watching a Netflix reality show with people competing for a million dollars and they had to do all these insane missions and tasks to make it to the next round, one of those missions was flying in a helicopter to the Alps to get ice for a cocktail from a glacier. I know, this show rules but any way I was thinking I couldn’t do that. Regular Raymi can but drinking Raymi cannot. What I was thinking and feeling in that moment was every single moment of my life included alcohol along in it how was I suppose to fly in a helicopter and get ice? How can I do or enjoy anything in life if I don’t know where my next bottle of vodka is coming from while I am doing that thing and how do I hide it?
An addict is so severely dependent on their drink that they will put it first in line of importance in front of everything else in their life. They are mentally, physically, spiritually fucking dependent. If you don’t break the cycle it will get you in the end. There are so many other ways to die but this one’s probably the saddest. Addiction is an illness we are born with and not to get all AA but you have to admit that you are powerless over alcohol in order to move the fuck on and drop the bottle.
I went to AA and other groups but I have discovered that I can’t focus on myself when I am trying to save others too like I have all these suggestions for them. It’s okay to be selfish. I am done feeling guilty about putting myself first finally. I gave up on myself. I went into ahhh I’ll get around to leveling up at some point mode. If you don’t save yourself no one else will.
I let alcohol eclipse everything else in my world. I missed out on so many experiences which chaps my ass the most. Anxiety and fear take over instead. Fuck. I am SO glad those days are behind me now and I am focused on the here and now and tomorrow and catching up on lost time.
Boundaries become a new addiction and realizing you ain’t taking shit no more from anyone and the things you use you let slide ain’t happenin’ no more. It takes some people a little bit of time catching up with the new you. They are arguing with the old you and get confused so try to be patient but if you need to cut them off go for it because this is your journey.
I fell in love with myself again and I am still working on me. I quit smoking cigarettes for many years then picked it up in rehab and YES I will be talking about rehab in THE BOOK. I was smoking cigarettes like a fiend from rehab up til early December and now I’m done with smoking thank God. More on that later too in THE BOOK I guess man I love this new THE BOOK excuse I have invented for not finishing sentences or thoughts no but really there’s things I am saving for that not here.
But why THE BOOK at all I have asked myself what am I looking to achieve from it the book industry is dead who will give a fuck. ok the OG Raymi fans will plus me, I will. I am passed the point of needing a thing to make me big to save me or rock the world I am happy and secure in being an under-achiever and not even in a smug sense I am the kind of person now who is content with simple ass things it’s such a cliche so like, if i put some effort in I know that I can actually publish a book. I have all the skills, the talent, the contacts but do I have the drive THAT is the question am I afraid standing in my own way hell fucking yes ding ding ding.
My therapists, have been working with several, keep closing my file because they are like you are no longer fucked up you’re good now goodbye there’s just one left we spoke yesterday and I was like oh no not you too I need you! We talk about goals, my goals. So this is “a goal” as they tout in therapy and as humans it is supposedly good for us to have goals so we can cross them off our lists.
Growth is good. It feels good. It feels good to look back at the POS you use to be and be like girlllllll! Always keep around you friends who will call you on your shit and be able to laugh at yourself too oh fuck we love laughing at me trust me there is no escaping the roast fest what is my life. That’s the beauty of being a drunk you have a lot of stories and the bad parts your brain has deleted for you from a black out, win-win. It’s okay to repeat yourself too and forget you have already told that story. I was reading Chandler’s autobiography in rehab, sorry Matthew Perry, and it was wild and sad to read it because he wrote it before the relapse that killed him published it then died so I am reading this brief window of sobriety he has and knowing he’s dead while reading his new book was fucking harsh. He repeats himself a lot in it. Drunks do. I journaled while in rehab which I will transcribe into THE BOOK. Some stories are too painful for me still like stuff from when I was twenty but it’s okay I don’t have to do it all at once I am just happy to be here and thanks for listening I appreciate you.
your pal Raymi
ps. it wouldn’t allow me to upload a picture to this post and I am hoping that’s because I am on public wifi I had a nice picture just for this post will troubleshoot later. ANNOYED
Well, I certainly hope that this story I’m about to share is worthy of you precious people’s times and I don’t come out looking like an asshole for even bothering telling it at all. A lot of my favoured (by people) blog posts are the ones in which I am in conflict or have strong bitchy opinions about some slight that happened out there in the mean streets so I’m just gonna go with it.
Had an interesting small town Karen grocery store incident last evening. Wanna hear about it?
Went grocery shopping the other day, grabbed some essentials, pies that were on special, a cucumber, hummus, gingerale, avocados, tostitos blah blah. Now, I’m in a small town where the lighting in this charming local supermarket is very yellow, NO ONE is around, there’s just a few customers here and there no big rush all chill-paced one would think. I can even smell the place right now just typing about it, it’s oozing with smalltown market vibes. Which is unfortunate because I am about to ruin everything about that.
I am majorly impatient. I can’t deal with lines. I am constantly hedging my bets in terms of timing when I will be approaching that check-out. I saw a guy come in and noticed a few minutes later he was already checking-out and I was like NICE this will be a slice.
The lay-out of this rinky-dink store is claustrophobic and by the time I was making my way to the aisles I required I felt like I was in a maze that was getting progressively smaller and once I finally sling-shot around to make my way out I had come down some diagonal corridor where the pops were wedged in all WTF-like you just gotta see it yourself you’ll know what I mean.
Also, I will note that we are in a recession right now it’s safe and horrible to say like people are stealing groceries these days and booze more so than ever, it’s all going up. I mention this because I am a born cheapskate/deal hunter, creative in my purchases with what I will blow and what I’ll scrimp on nahhm sayin’ so you best believe my pies were 50% off about to expire (plus they were delicious!) and my avocados were two for $4 and my hummus was also on sale 2 for $8 and would you think this lone teenage girl cashier had all that properly scanned in without me having to direct her the entire time? absofuckinglutely not.
Now. As previously stated I have zilcho patience I am basically a Karen-in-disguise but with compassion and moments of clarity like I do not wig out in supermarkets I am as the kids say, “chill”. However, the ACTUAL Karen in-line behind me had none of those qualities. Oh here we go I just knew she was gonna blow a fucking gasket when I looked at the screen and said, “those avocados are 2 for $4″ lol.
Bear in mind I am wearing my black cat ears cap turned backwards my dickies plaid hick jacket and jogging pants. I look very backwoods I ain’t got time for that big city fashions nonsense. I am a tall, confident woman. I have “an energy” about me like I would not fuck with me if I saw me, you know? This Karen would not stare me in the eye once during this entire ordeal yet she had a full body temper tantrum every time I spoke to the cashier. Of course my hummus wasn’t coming up with the sale price so the girl has to walk all the way to produce/bakery section and retrieve it which is when I locked my gaze on Karen and wouldn’t look away. She didn’t look at me once but was huffing and puffing like no other. At the penultimate moment of another girl opening up a lane this Karen literally stomped her feet with her hands in fists over how annoyed she was about having to move her granola bars and whatever the crap over to the newly-opened lane. Like, if you just took a few calm deep breaths and laid back a minute we will be done here shortly and you could just stay here but nope.
Is it my fault I chose three things that the manager hadn’t yet inputted into the system? No. Is it my fault that we are in a recession therefore I bought those particular items purposely even though all my shit still came out to $42. This is why there’s self checkout now I am sure some people just literally have no clue how to do social interaction justice like in the good ol days. I will give boomers that, they DO know how to gab.
But anyway the point of this story is that my feelings were hurt by someone being annoyed for a few minutes and I was the villain. I could do nothing about it like I hate people in front of me in line with a burning passion when they have a ton of shit and you’re in a hurry only buying a few things and then she starts couponing or whatever or just needs to go back and grab one more thing holy hell if heads could explode mine would when that happens so NOW being that woman I felt like I deserved every outburst this Karen threw my way but like in a cowardly fashion she didn’t have the nerve to confront me yet hated my guts. She even looked at the young couple behind her for help and they just shrugged confused and looked at me so I stood there like a statue this was embarrassing me now it was just a really weird vibe all around. I feel lucky to be alive, privileged and blessed, so when I see other people having meltdowns it makes me sad. Too many feelings!
Karen drove a pristine blue BMW. She left her cart in the middle of the parking lot and peeled out of there, exhaust billowing behind in the cold dusk air. This took maybe four minutes of her unhappy life. There’s a lesson in here somewhere and if you find it, please let me know. Other than that a lot of us need anger management aide, people need to calm tf down better. And yes, she had a shitty haircut.
Just kidding I don’t care! This moment is about me thank you, okay? and for those in the back without senses of humour, you may kindly stop reading meow. You. Are not cute. Because if you were, so would your personalities be.
Anywho. You may remember me from my last blog post in which I detail a phenomenally bullshit date I had the privilege of attending. Hi it’s me!
I had forgotten that I was happy again. That is alarmingly the only impetus that guides my passion to write. If I am not happy enough. Centered. It will just not come but it’ll surely spill out in other useless stupid fucking ways because I am tenacious and there’s no off button.
In elementary school I was a social butterfly as much as I was shy. There were lots of us like that I gladly stand on the shoulders of other giants like I, but anyway we all loved each other goofed around talked to one another so fucking much the teacher would eventually always snap and move us to the other side of the room at another kid’s desk then I’d just end up talking to all those new people over there haha. Up and down the hallways of our Catholic school you’d see multiple desks outside classroom doors with a solo kid sitting at it. The chatty kid. The dunce. How shameful! Is that even allowed anymore? And of course being ADD and “needing” to be excused for the bathroom you’d go and high-five all your little asshole outcast friends sitting in time-out along the way ahhhhhhhhhh the good ol days. My brother let a cat in our hippie highschool one day and as I was sitting in law class I see this farm cat just walkin’ on by down the hall I died lol.
The chattiness has never left me in fact its probably gotten worse over time but it comes in handy at work. The trick is knowing when to shut up. Each person I encounter is a new opportunity to practice my material on. Yesterday a woman asked me to leave work early and go riding with her. That was pretty adorable. I made a thread on twitter about it which inspired this blog post actually.
A mature-aged woman wanted me to sign out of work today to go riding with her. I considered it! I wonder if she is lonely, wealthy, hitting on me or just genuinely dug my vibe. I am a natural social buttefly and it comes easily to me to make people laugh and smile.
I also do NOT enjoy riding horses altho I would've gone for it. So bizarre. Several others witnessed our exchange and were like, I thought you "knew" her.
I feel like this could turn into a thread now. Another customer bought me shoes on my #birthday last year. I love freaks lol. Another old bastard shows up and slams his Bently into pole out front leaves th3 car running high beams on and flirts mercilessly with me we love him.
One of my schticks is acting dumb when I accomplish some amazing small feat or impart knowledge/info on em I say, "I don't know much but I do know that." They fall in fucking love lemme tell ya. Be the salt of the earth always.
At times, school kids I grew up with come by and they don't know I recognize them. Admired them from afar. Blows their minds I tell them I remember them, mention our school. My brother. They look the same but weathered. Saw one today. There is nothing to say and everything to say
This is the part where sadly I break the news I’m turning 40 at the end of the month (ew disgusting) and we know that I don’t identify as an old person but happily I will be accepting gifts and donations in the charity that is me. Thank you in advance. God I hope these jokes are landing. I wrote the majority of this post last night and I’m running out of steam now plus got things to do so bye for now xo.
I went on a date about a month ago or so with the worst guy ever and it’s funny on many levels because a woman I know went on a date with him too and yet STILL encouraged me to give him a go despite the fact that he is a major POS. We’ll dive into why she may of done that later, it’s a juicier tale for a rainy day. a raymi day lol.
anyway, i had been canceling on this guy for MONTHS I am in no hurry for anybody I am “working on myself” as in living boringly whilst working or sitting alone in my room watching shit on my laptop and healing from my last relationship. relationshit ha ha. going on the odd date what have you…
so this guy is more than ten years older than I am yet an insufferable baby. sending texts eventually swearing at me temper tantrum red flag city style because we live so close and yet i wont make the time to just have a quick meet to determine if there’s a point in pursuing something and not waste each other’s time like buddy YOU are already wasting my time i already know i dont like you i dont neeeeed to meet you for a quick time clinical boring ass thing i will never have a coffee date with anyone i dont even enjoy drinking coffee with MYSELF why would I want to sit across from you and get all over-caffeinated and jittery when I could literally be doing anything else other than that?
Side detail: I go on a hike with this woman who also went on a quick lunch date with him and we’re feeling cheeky so I call him and put him on speaker so she can hear it was just a hi how are you whats up convo no biggie but pretty mean girl and funny too like we were cackling once i hung up.
here is his meltdown swearing at me then saying hes done but next night asking for drinks lol.
so i end up canceling on him again i cant remember why maybe tired from hanging out with my mom on halloween (her bday, i got hosed for $400 ahahah) but in any event he absolutely loses it on me swears at me ill post all the texts after im done writing this. so boom i dont even respond, purely intent on ghosting this asshole and the next day he texts me “drinks?” bahahahha loser okay fine.
already in my uber because i dont want him to know where i live we’re driving to the same spot he is bossing me around telling me to wait for him in the foyer/lobby whatever by the doors um no idiot u wait at the bar like a cool person no way im standing in the doorway but i say okay ya sure totally nice i get there before him i dont see him standing there so i go in to the bathroom and pass by a million hot younger more my type guys all sitting in the bar watching sports its a monday night. i use the ladies check out my fit and hair take a selfie and by the time i walk out again i see him standing angrily with his hands on hips in the doorway like jesus christ dude its just a date wtf is wrong with you i walk up to him and before i can even say hi he snaps at me WHY WERENT U WAITING HERE FOR ME LIKE I SAID something like that and i go BECAUSE I DIDNT WANT TO but i said it in a cute raymi way. also he looks bloated more fugly than his photos older whatever im sure i dont look as hot as my pics either but whatever. this is off to a great start.
this is what i looked like that night fyi and the one blurry selfie i took before he screamed at me haha he literally called as i shot this pic.
we go to the bar order drinks hes immediately rude to the staff i let it slide im doing super nice voice talk for when im uncomfortable then he starts telling me his baby mama drama woes for ten minutes and im zoning out and then i finally get a window to interrupt and suggest we move to a table the bar lighting was way too friggin bright anyway now we’re sitting across from each other and i position myself so i can check out all the bros behind him watching us like why the fuck is she with this dickbag for and hes STILL continuing his awful ex wife and kids story then i eventually actually told him to stop i was like come on man i dont need to hear all this negativity i get it. got it! good! in no fashion did i make it appear like i was going to “like” him but i was amicable and then started telling a few insane stories about myself i guess to sabotage this entire thing. in the midst of that he was again, rude to our young adorable waiter and asked him for a MAN SIZED BEER PLEASE lol. the kid goes away also the wait time was slow because its monday and as a past server/bartender i know that ur never on your game that night and all the weakest links work that night. so the kid goes away and i say to him, have u ever worked in a restaurant before? have u ever been a bartender? knowing hes gonna say no and thinks this shit is beneath him. he snaps/guffaws at me NO.
I laughed and said it’s VERY OBVIOUS. Then I go on a mega-raymi tangent/defense of the service working industry to educate the privileged angry white man who definitely needs therapy in lieu of dating and he says ya well mcdonalds employees make $20 an hour so like….. how this factors into our discussion i dont know but i say, no they dont. he goes yes they do. i said NO they dont i know a guy who owns a bunch of mcdonalds and i KNOW that they dont make more than i make he goes how much do they make i said i dont know but i know and he interrupts and says TELL ME. i said NO. HE GOES why??
I said because I don’t like the way you are talking to me.
He slams his fists on the fucking table and says THATS IT IVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS IM OVER IT and then motions for the cheque so I shut down make zero eye contact fully awkward now Im thinking of my next move. keep in mind at least 20 twenty/thirty yr olds are all watching this meltdown from behind him. I look at the huge TV and the Saints are playing and I love New Orleans would have been a beautiful segue to steer the convo toward so I nicely say do you like football? He snaps YES I LIKE FOOTBALL like enraged that I would even not know that? bahaha so i just chuckled and sat in silence til the bill came he paid it gets up and is like ohhh u came in an uber do u want me to drive you home?
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA
There is no chance in hell I am getting in a vehicle with you after that explosion bro are you insane? so I just said nope, I am good. I am fine. he is incredulous. storms right the fuck off and im sure if the doors were slammable on his way out he would have slammed one. guess what happens? EVERYONE CHEERS every guy is clapping it was kinda humiliating and awesome at the same time which tends to be my lot in life but anyway i text the girl and be all why on earth would u set me up with that one???
I text a silver fox friend of mine he gets there in 15 minutes its like night and day complimenting me being so grateful to be in my presence all that shit and then we make fun of the asshole date to my waiter and he goes omg yaaa he asked for a man sized beer at me he was so stressful ahhaha.
ill upload the text screengrab receipts later this has re-triggered me lol i hope u guys enjoyed it and it wasnt too offensive i swear a lot and type exactly how i think super fast i just wanna get it out and get back to netflix thanks bye ilu.
update: i just remembered that at one point I said i would like to take myself here on a date alone I guess i say things without realizing their effect sometimes oops.
sidenote update: this place has arcades bowling axe throwing and he didnt want to do any of that actually forbade us from doing so lol COOL FUN GUY! it’s like only the entire point of the joint. we had picked out our appetizers that HE had to OKAY first and i had the menu in my hand getting ready to place the order when he erupted man i hope he is happy with his angry self carrying that around all the time must be exhausting like just having rage be your default response to everything.
He sent me many drunk golfing selfies and i actually texted him that therapy would be a lot cheaper than golfing HAYOOOOOO to which he replied lol. pffft u can lead a horse to water but…
i’m going blind and losing my hearing like my eyes tear up a lot its extremely frustrating i can barely read tiny print its all blurry i am far sighted something that nerds with glasses know about but sighhhh i had these new glasses all picked out long story short i didnt get them so im using readers i had my eyes checked and i feel strongly that in the time since i had my eye exam my eyes have deteriorated moreso therefore i need to go have another eye exam like fuck. so when i go to get them again should i have glasses that help me read stuff up close or do i get the ones that i can wear all the time and also see far away so i look hot in these cat frames im lusting after or should i have them just to wear for when im reading or do i get the catch-all more expensive kind? i want to walk around in them as a “look” for myself but i also dont want to be staring thru coke bottles and be blurry so i need a light prescription or like a perma-strong one why am i even asking you people???
and ya my hearing too is going to shit people at work whisper talk answers to questions i ask them and i cup my hand around my ear like an old fogey and say whattt?? sorry? repeat pls too many rock concerts. or i have to scoop my hair out of the way as it creates a sound barrier also if someone is wearing a mask like why are u friggin whispering i cant read your lips i think i have a super loud voice and that also is causing my hearing loss it’s maudlin or whatever they call it dark comedy irony i also get snapped at when i lean in to hear them better and ask them to repeat and that’s when they get short with me uhhhm just say it loud enough the first time around some of us have disabilities dont be a cunt. they are like so impatient irritated that they have to repeat themselves so i slow my roll and calmly not react so that their snappy tone’s rudeness is amplified then i shut down and finish whatever the process im doing is and say have a nice day but i whisper it so they cant hear me lol.
so a lot has changed since i last blogged and i dont even want to do it anymore although a huge part of me does but i dont even feel compelled to explain myself about it like i owe anything to any of you and i recognize thats a massively negative and defensive place to start from but you have to kick it off in some fashion no? i guess i am just angry and when i am angry i cant create i am not inspired like when i am happy i want this blissful blog post for you all to ooh and ahh at but thats not what life is. life is hard and its fun and its hard and its just long. i want to talk about my past experiences about why i stopped writing but i am also incredibly guarded now as well as protective so i eek out tweets and social media mumbo jumbo memes from a place of smugness and i dont care-ness and think ill eventually get at’er again but for now i use social media as therapy like how i blogged as therapy but my personal life got to me so i just fuckin stopped it all. i wanted to expose people for what they deserved and what they did to me and i grappled with it like it was going to be this huge thing if i spoke out but also i think why should they be protected? how can i help other women if i am silent? why am i paying for this blogs hosting fees flickr google storage all that crap and not actually blog or use it? why should i allow my fire to be extinguished? yes i know this post is a grammatical nightmare and i dont care u dont have to read any of it yet i know that u will this is how blogs were formatted when i was 17 and how i wrote for many years spilling out of my head i am back baby.
xo raymi forever
ps. i will buy a mouse so i dont have to write like a dipshit here anymore bye
Boooom. It’s summertime or almost summer which is even better. It’s June which is adventure time. This is the best month to get outside because it’s not super hot yet, and there are no bugs. So when the bell rings, I put on my boots and hat and come ready to ride. This was a day in the country. We rounded Wheelabrator in Milton and kept-on driving north on Hwy 25 to Sideroad 15. I posted an Instagram of the entrance.
On Tuesday the 22nd of June , myself and other gals toured stables and rode horses with a famous jockey, Eurico Rosa da Silva.
Eurico with Raymi, KarmaCake and We’rAddicted
You can read about Eurico on Canadian Thoroughbred magazine and Horse Sport magazine. He’s a World class equestrian that has won all the biggest horse races in Canada including the Queens Plate, a couple of times. He’s even met The Queen. Over the last seventeen years he worked his way up the rankings at Woodbine Racetrack, a career detailed in his autobiography, Riding for Freedom.
Eurico Rosa da Silva brushes Athena, a five year old Dutch warmblood at Halton Place
Halton Place is an amazing ranch (it’s a ‘showbarn’) where all manner of horses live and work. These beauties run races at Woodbine and jump fences in sand rings at other show barns all across the province. The ones we rode do equine-therapy where they work in people’s minds. Athena is still working now because I’m thinking about her.
Eurico Rosa da Silva adjusts Athena’s bridle before our ride.
“This is a good horse,” Mr. da Silva says, holding the bridle. “She is smart and willing, you see.” He slips the gear over the animal’s muzzle and brings a strap up over her ears. “She lowered her head for me.” This is especially significant gesture for jockeys who are vertically challenged. But having said that, Eurico doesn’t need to use the mounting block to get atop a horse. He high steps and turns himself into the saddle in one fluid movement.
Dressed and ready to ride Athena in the arena.
Halton Place is the home of Louise Masek and Look Ahead Sporthorses. Louise and Eurico are friends and he helps her manage the sportiest horses and he brings clients, friends and people like us to her facility. She is amazingly kind and generous.
Louise Masek of Look Ahead Sport Horses with Eurico Rosa DaSilva
Louise is very passionate about her business and about breeding perfect equines – animals which conform to breed prototypes. I get the impression she’s really happy with her life, despite its many daily challenges, and that’s because she’s really accomplished something with her horse breeding program. Louise has an Hanoverian stallion who’s getting lots of attention and she’s getting lots of requests for his semen from other horse breeders around the world. Charlie is quite popular with the mares in the barn too and quite vocal about it.
Vet with beaker filled with horse semen from Charlie the stallion
Every time a horse was led by Charlie’s stall he would whinny loudly and remind everyone that he was willing to work for free. There are young and old horses here, and some are getting ready for competition while others’ careers are winding down. Some spend their days outside and others hang around relaxing in the barn. It’s a pretty swanky setup. The horse stalls here are extra roomy and bedded with straw on rubber mats. Eurico told us about the horses he knew, and he described the best features of the animals he was just meeting for the first time.
Now that he’s retired, at age 45, Eurico da Silva helps Canadians sharpen their brains. He calls his business Mind Coaching and he usually points to his own head when he says the name. He’s a life coach who focuses on brain acuity and on helping high powered athletes and executives build mental awareness which a jockey needs and develops early to stay alive. He needed to stay sharp to keep safe, and Eurico told us all about his near-fatal accident in Macao, the worst of his career, in which he was airlifted by helicopter to a hospital in Hong Kong. Eurico has seen some things in his life and can share many of these experiences with his clients and friends. He doesn’t normally give riding lessons, but he’s kind and generous with his time and he told me so many things about himself and about how to treat the animals, and just what a horse expects from someone in the saddle holding the reins.
Eurico Rose da Silva holds Athena while I get mounted in the saddle.
Eurico showed me how to mount and take the reins inside the bright and beautiful indoor arena. Overhead in the beams are hundreds of barn swallows which make incredible music that’s probably a chorus of complaints at our presence in their nesting grounds. I found egg shells on the sand in the arena, and so I know there were baby birds in the mud nests overhead. This is the season for birthing animals and there were new calves in the field and week old foals in the barn and in fact one horse had just given birth earlier that morning.
A baby foal born hours before we arrive at Halton Place riding facility.
Eurico tells me that horses need daily exercise, especially if they are kept in stalls which is what happens when horses stay on site at the racetrack. Horses should be groomed, and their stalls kept clean. During the grooming, horses need to be checked-over for any physical problems. The sturdy steeds we borrowed were lively and curious and it’s true they seemed happiest in the huge arena where there are bits of fence which are jumps.
Eurico Rosa da Silva warms up Athena and teaches me balance and position.
Horses teach the power of non-verbal communication. Athena’s ears were bent forward which means she’s inquisitive and enjoying the exercise. She was curious about me when I brushed her sides. It takes some time and patience to understand what a horse wants; you have to pay attention to them, and in that respect they show us how to communicate. They don’t speak English, but they can read our body language and they can understand our tone of voice. When Athena’s ears were bent forward, she was listening and attentive. Her swishing tail told me that she was happy.
Tuesday was Eurico’s first time meeting Athena, a clever five-year-old Dutch Warmblood mare. She was joined by Raven, a retired racehorse who has won many matches at Woodbine. Athena was clearly eager to follow Eurico, and she was very patient with us neophytes clambering all over her body and hugging her head for selfies. Good riders quickly learn the personalities of their horses and they adjust their riding style to better fit the horses’ temperament. This is what Eurico tells us, but it’s lost on me as I have no style at this point, other than balance and self-preservation.
Horses treat everyone as equals at first; its only after you interact they form opinions. But even then, even if you’re unbridled and annoying, they ask for nothing but kindness.
Hello my lovelies, ready set go for some more snow? The moral of this blog post is appreciate what you have while you have it ‘cos when it’s gone, bro it’s GONE. Okay that’s a little dramatic all I mean is it’s sunny and warm out now all this snow is goners.
I swear if I ever saw a turtle scale that steep hill to cross this road? My God.
The parking lot of Dundas Valley is/was covered in snow. We were stoked. Haven’t been here in years and will spare you the who gets credit for this super wicked fun idea for a day LOL but obviously me. It would have been nice to add YOU ARE HERE on the map before heading out to the multiple criss-crossing trails of D Valley but mebbe that’s just me. We got a little lost but google maps is shockingly accurate, yay that.
My Grandfather, Dad’s Dad, his name is JRW, John White, so this was special and saved our asses on the way back also might I add the degree of difficulty for this trek was quite something because of the snow we had to clomp through. We were winded after the first incline and then discovered there would be a fuck ton more hills and kind of went mad. We stuck to Sawmill trail for the most of it then it got wonky and we were going it blind.
It was a beautiful hike that’s for sure. We did not bring enough snacks or beverages/water in case we got lost-lost in hindsight and we laughed about that the entire time. There is nothing worse than getting stuck somewhere and being hungry. All I thought about to mentally motivate myself through the end of this hike was the Thai stir fry I was going to make when we got home. It was delicious.
I’ve gotten new boots since and would love to break them in here! Kicking local snowbanks can only do so much for a girl.
Break one. You get to see the serious walkers out and about when you go for a stroll through the hills yeah and this one guy came through in leather shoes and leather jacket no hat no mitts we were like WTF LOL. Meanwhile a group of serious loud-talking walking ladies that you can hear an entire kilometer away because it’s so silent there completely engulfed in nature if you are currently going bonkers from being indoors too much and want an escape, I recco a hike. You might see deer.
It doesn’t look like much but this incline killed us it’s only half of it as seen from above very humbling we were dying AND we hike all the damn time. The snow helped and hurted us.
Canadian Beer fridge. If ya ain’t givin’er ya ain’t livin’er.
one more scope-out before moseyin’ on I’m tellin’ ya this is called Dundas Valley for a reason. More like, eight finity valleys chrissake.
To you, this is a boring picture of snow but to me it is a momentum downhill advantage that you throw yourself at. You walk down, you walk up, and on and on it goes. We would get to a peak or vista whatever the crap only to see a whole other hill to climb, hence the going mad. Still need to chart the course we took to properly brag about the Kilometers.
Walked through many pine tree clusters and bf says they were too perfectly placed therefore man-planted. I appreesh if that’s the case and you better believe yours truly got nature-splained the whole way.
Gorgeous. Spectacular. Magical. Years ago, I spent a December in Holland and went on a walk on Christmas day just over the border in Germany which resembled Canada so much. Both The Netherlands and Deutschland look like Canada. That’s all. Humble travel-brag.
The silence was also quite striking.
It was like being in a Christmas card.
We did a big hike with friends in Fergus not too long ago and they are habitual long distance hikers they would adore this and would do every single trail. They are also German, speaking of.
I uploaded a ton of pictures I am trying to be discerning. Failing.
Ooh la la that’s what I like. We dilly-dallied a little this day and so the majority of people weren’t passing us or out hiking by this time so we were pretty much alone which adds to the excitement in getting lost potential. Ain’t no one comin’ to find ya. I love disaster survival movies, most excellent.
This is all melted by now and muddy. We did a magical snowy forest night walk last year and everything had melted the next morning I took no pictures it was like a dream and never really happened the snow was so fluffy we were climbing hand over foot using head lamps. Bananas. Should probs do one of those naked and afraid reality shows.
Random blobs of snow would rain down on you or in front of you. Coolness.
Sort of dressed like a tree.
Oh look, more incline. Great.
Not dressed like a tree. I was mad at myself for wearing my neon orange Carhartt toque in case deer were around they’d see me a mile off but wait they could be colour blind and I actually don’t know anything about deer except their droppings really smell if a dog rolls through them so do not let that happen! Worse than a skunk.
Oh look more flooferness.
I wanted to be tall enough to punch that snow on the right from below to make it dust all over my bf but am not ten feet tall, unfortunately.
On second thought, ten feet wouldn’t be nearly enough and you don’t get good air from jumping off of snow you just sink further into it haha.
The picture of me in the beginning of the post was taken down this corridor.
If we brought a football would slam it right through that one.
I think you are starting to get the point.
LOL bf just walked by and sarcastically went, “WOW”. Yes I KNOW I hope this ends soon too.
It’s the Narnia escapism for me.
Then a bit of a fork this is probably about the time we started getting confused.
and again in landscape. I couldn’t even measure our course if I wanted to (and, I do!) because I don’t know where we were I kept “recognizing” things and then secretly being like, nope, I don’t think this is the place. I’ll just keep that to myself lol. I need that hike tracking app.
Went off course to another trail to hang on this little bridge by a creek.
I have never been here in the winter before with snow it is harder to catch your bearings ya ya okay you got it.
See a heart though!
A heart kite aww <3. bf said he pre-arranged it for me haha.
Ooh yay signs of life.
Picturesque. This was coming up on the Bruce trail now holy hell intersecting is happenin’.
The sun is trying to appear amidst the Siberian winter sky I’m surprised I even noticed it.
Another crazy incline going in the wrong direction and yes we did it and I lost my purple mitt on the other side of the hill so bf had to run and fetch it we could see it sitting there like an idiot just after huffing it back up the other side of this hill it was a low point for sure but hilarious so win-win.
Gotta get one of these first. That Mandarin bag is probs worth money now that buffets are closed eh jk.
So we turned around cos we could see the road and were on the Bruce trail which would have been a whole other trail from no return it was time to re-route and figure it out.
Running back with my mitt. Luckily I noticed it so quickly. You constantly take your gloves off to take a picture or grab/do whatever then walk a bit before putting them back on again and by that time your glove is long gone and you don’t know exactly when you lost it.
We were getting tireder by this point so any back-tracking was annoying and again this was a mighty incline. One of those days where you just want to go straight home but we still had an errand to do first which felt like HELL on earth.
My hero.
SO PRETTY. Definitely doing this again.
I filmed a music video here in 2009 at least I think it was here. As I said, we were hella lost. The only thing we brought was Scorchin’ Hot CHEEZ ITS! Leftover lasagna from the night before but ate that in the parking lot at the beginning.
doggie booty oh no.
WHERE TF ARE WE I AM OVER THIS
Finally some gotdamn Valley. We saw deer droppings, no deer. rip off.
Ain’t nobody sitting by this point just trying to get it done with actually I used this bench to get something out of my purse.
“His eyes looked like two piss holes in a snow bank.” That’s a bona fide PEIism for ya ahaha I told it to my bf and it’s one of his fav inspirations now needed to give it legs ah suppose.
There are some dangerous walking parts fyi.
Someone was fully in their element.
Hi Grandpa. <3 Miss you.
bf decided to Bart Simpson slide down this that’s the destruction he caused. Forever young.
Sent this to my Dad he said he always tried to put him on the right path lol.
That’s where you drive in and pay thank GOD there’s still one more long haul to go passed another parking lot though this is also a major tobogganing hill we were bummed we didn’t bring one.
