boner for thora.

dodgeball party didn’t happen but drunk blog party did, that’s me at 155lbs, or 160, can’t remember i blacked it out as much as i could at the time.

barnes’ cottage weekend pictures.

i wrote a letter to mel gibson on after his crazy dui rage.

you win this round, duvet.

gay shoes email.


that dream sucked.

i am a code breaker.

can you tell i am withdrawing from zoloft?

my wedding cake.

i made yuula.


talking “snap”

noel, i made you too.

a slutty mess.

towels cont’d.

saw pirates 2 drunk what else is new?

i made a sharpie.

oh yeah i have a livejournal.

ghosting? NO ghosting!

if this happened today there would have been more swear words.

sorry mom.


i’m not the one with the subcutaneous hemorrhage.

the descent review.

goodbye ginger.

wasted at 3am sitting on a curb wearing busted flip flops and crying.

sue my wedding?

hello black hair.

bringing whorejob back.

that’s what awesome people do.

the best of the pitt vids.

i love retard.

me and jim.

hmm wonder why he didn’t respond?


dear dr. raymi

DO NOT mess with fil hahaha.

rent this movie!


dear justin.

ok enough metaphors.


how does it FEEL paparazzi!?

chili pepper chocolate chip cookies.

sans chicken.

lucky i geared myself up for the hot last friday, first time eating more than one jalapeno slice in my life, this was like eating a jalapeno sandwich fuck i couldn’t even taste the chili in those cookies.

i love you arteries here is a present.

fil’s sister and her fiance and i had a v. nice afternoon, just letting you know.

ps. i just googled fiance to see if i spelled it right and pops up, check it out hahahaa.

i think i’m in a summer blog funk, what do you guys want more of, tell me in the comments, guides (guides to what?), movie reviews, long mean tangents about children?

ooh i’m almost winning please click and give me some more thumbs up votes thanks.

we saw the simpsons movie last nite, it was good, could have been cruder though.

this jacket was about 700 dollars and fil was starting to fall in love with it! heinous take that piece of shit off right now!

he didn’t buy these he said he would look like a poseur, only thirty bones for a pair of ponys. mistake.

the day after i bought my expensive pants and my oath to not buy anything for a month i get blasted in the face by all these cheapo ‘kinis.

fil was sexually aroused by the one on the left and said he wanted to remove my limbs and head cos torsos are HOT.

RIP max, may you be fighting the good fight for treats and pats on the head in doggy heaven xoxoxo.

saturday’s nachos:

that is really expensive old cheese and there is a layer of leftover taco meat beneath the top layer of nachos.

once fil caught on to what i was up to he tried to take over and got very i am going to eat all the nachos in the world in five minutes focused.

who cleans the inside of an oven? we barely use it.

that espresso tray is dusty.

fil was a TOTAL nacho hog.

in case you forgot what i looked like, hi, lets have a look at pictures of me party yeah!

be careful or i will punch you into outerspace.

cheeky. this guy kept rolling up beside us and tried to be my boyfriend until he got a look at my boyfriend then vroomed off.

it’s the hat i’m certain.


this ‘kini is four years old, reversible.

in this picture i am a teenager again. i wear make-up, not sunblock, so my body is tanned and face is pale always. keeps it young.

well except from this angle.

three o’clock yesterday

the russian futurists played a show on the drake patio, we got in before they started charging for the door, supposed to start at three, didn’t until after four so to kill time i drank three mojitos.

felt a bit obnoxious for sitting at the bar, so close, but needed shelter from the sun SO HOT yesterday my friends!

the tip to ordering mojitos is JUST DO IT don’t ask how much they cost cos once you’re on the second you are like i will BECOME a mojito i don’tz cares, ps. one wasn’t listed on the bill, score, it’s ok we are huge tippers. i still don’t know how much they were.

i kept sucking up mint so i’d have a mouthful of drink and one leaf caught in my throat and would gag and got goosebumps up and down my arms and back, almost spewed all over the bar which would have been a party.

what, hello? can i have extension: i am the most fucking important person in the world please? no i will not hold.

everyone blew it for missing out all zero friends of mine, that’s right, you know who you aren’t.

gettin’ a little bored here, fil and i have used up all of our stored conversations and began to pick skin flakes and hairs off each other’s faces.

number 2

yesterday was no shower day so i did the bangs upsweep rich fucking asshole girl thing that the hills and laguna beach has shamelessly destroyed for greasy scalp people like me, anyway, at least i look like a vampire all day do you know how much of a tool it feels like to take a photo of yourself in front of 40 drake poseurs sitting behind you in the hot sun watching your every move out of boredom? it feels like mojitos.


socks! shoes! thighs! stool! floor! hair wisp! someone call OCAD now!

uh hero dude, your photo is a little misleading.

holy shit finally?

used to hang with glasses girl (left) she’s married to the whitest dude in the band i know they are ALL honkies, which one?

duder on the left, married to him.

third and final and free!

well this is attractive, i’m sad that elizabeth isn’t here, she is the one who got me to listen to this band in the first place. i just finished drunk-dialing her for the first time.

more like the russian sunglassesists. shut up i love this band.

it’s nice of the drake to provide its clientele with masturbation booths.

ah home again for an underwear night in and nachos.

my modest little friend.

fucking art.

fil was in an eating spiral


held off on these chiefs.

have you ever bumped fuglies to shitty tv porn on tequila whilst being pregnant with tacos? two words: par tay.

this was all last nite/yesterday, we walked 10km today. JUST SAYING, FATFACE!

livin’ on the edge much aerosmith?

sorry if my hilarity is inconveniencing your 18 hours of DAILY SLUMBER yeah no i’m not.