do you like this cottage?


are u sure?


well if u really like it perhaps you should snuff the fire out on the kitchen table and the flames flickering across the carpet toward the curtains.

OH fffffffffffuk!

fuckin’ eh.

from now on i’m trusting no one’s judgement over that of my own. i told ‘em to put the friggin’ candle out but do they listen to me? course not. at least it’s not my cottage.

i am not a very smart person before 1 in the afternoon. i cannot make decisions. period. so i go back to bed and sleep off some dumbness. i decided to paint my toenails buttwasted at 4 am. it looks like i dipped each toe in pink paint and let it dry. purrfect. all i seem to do these days is walk around picking my nose. i fuckin hate shopping. it involves making decisions. i walk in and the first thing i see, i buy. done. i ask the clerkperson ten questions before the first question is answered. i am a walking anxiety attack. plus i hate crowds. and now since it’s gettin’ to be christmas time there are people every fuckin’ where. this makes me want to stay inside forever.

and then we decided to get shitfaced at one of those bar type places. just my luck i sit beside this sad drunken german complaining about this, that and the other. he’s all, “you know raymi, i don’t wanna hear your somber story becuz my brother lost 100 per cent vision in his left eye…blah blahhhh blaahhhhhhhh….” so we kept buying him drink after drink until he couldn’t talk anymore. we left. and then i painted my toenails until i passed out.

oooh i am starving. i think i am in the mood for a steak. yes. a steak. nice and bloody. did the karaoke thing last nite. didn’t do so hot whilst singin’ when i’m sixty-four. ah well. i made the toilet overflow even more in the ladies room,

“perhaps if i flush it again it’ll fix itself.”

three drunk girls agreed i should do it. so i did. then water splashed everywhere. i grab a waitress and all innocently tell her i believe some idiot made the toilet overflow in the ladies room.

just doin’ my job.

i sometimes enjoy being hungover

only when i don’t have any plans

like real important things to do

on the day of being hungover

being hungover and alone on the couch in your ugly jogging pants is the best

you can talk out loud to yourself and watch infomercials

all the while

you are awake, but not really

a bus driver screamed at me in front of like fifty people today. i was suppose to buy my ticket in advance, but i didn’t, so the dude’s all, “You are suppose to BUY this in the station! LIKE EVERYONE ELSE! Are you an IDIOT!?” lucky for him i was hungover as shit and not quite awake otherwise i’da said more than, “Unnnngh, ummm, yah uhh, well i’ve never had to buy my ticket in advance before….” well, i’m not certain i would have mouthed off. i don’t take to confrontations very well. i think they take a year or two off my life.

i decided to wear tight pants yesterday. tight jeans, rolled up (mod-esque), so u can see my white socks and these dorky little sneakers. oh rite, suspenders too. You know when u get this idea in your head that you are going to wear the coolest outfit, u plan it all out, u model it in front of the mirror over and over again and do all these dumb poses and stretches to see how you would look if you were like dancing or sitting or standing, well, anyway, i did that last nite. i just didn’t factor in all the drinks i might consume and how that might affect the tightness of the said paints. all in all, it worked out. i think. played bingo at this bar i really like, came close to winning a vibrator. this fat, asian dude beat me. fucker.

eating pizza when i’m shitfaced is very important.

the only thought in my mind is, “i will do anything to eat pizza.” a bomb could take out half the bar i was drinking in and it would phase me in the least. i turn into this big tard and all i talk about is cheese pizza. i might even get desperate. this is why it’s a good idea to hang out with someone who needs to eat when they’re smashed, just like you.

“According to your Anxiety Test results, you are slightly more anxious than necessary. In some situations, you function very well and are able to use coping strategies, but in others anxiety may get the better of you. Although these occasional feelings of anxiousness may not be interfering with your life to any serious degree, you can nonetheless benefit from building your repertoire of stress-fighting strategies. “