Thanks for riding through my crash-out the other day I am better now. Everything is sorted and booked all I gotta do is ride my anxiety adrenaline thru the airport and visualize standing in lines and not sleeping and hearing noises oh god I exhaust myself. I have charged my earpods.
I’m not gonna prepare a speech just well, prepare something, I am collecting funny anecdotes to mention and memories to share. Yesterday I recited an entire Ted Talk on grief during my walk and it actually flowed rather nicely but ion think it would go that way in reality. The last time I spoke at a funeral I was Courtney Love-coded. This time I plan to be more chill but we won’t know for certain until we see how much sleep I get tomorrow night.
Today’s agenda is another powerwalk then decide what to pack MINIMALLY do my nails watch Love Island USA whiten teeth lift weights make my kale before it goes bad I guess check-in for our flights, accept the fact that the money I spent on this is worth it and don’t be bitter or angry that traveling within Canada is so fucking criminally expensive like wtf two grand for flights/hotel coulda gone to friggin’ literally anywhere ok ok chill there’s opportunity for that another time don’t be such a Debbie Downer. Real talk, I am still grieving the loss of my friend and I am mad that I am going back again this summer which was the plan to visit again but not like this. Now that i’m not a shut-in alcoholic loser anymore I actually want to do things and would have enjoyed having my friend around longer for that. I am able to compartmentalize it better because I don’t live there but this past week has brought up all the feelings I’ve been suppressing. Whatever that’s life and apparently I need to grow up.
yes I have. when ppl say I do nothing I look back at all this shit and say I have done enough buddy. next chapter is pretty excellent too. ps. below deck finale, i cried.
I remember every mean thing that ever gets said to me and it happens often. I’m sick of it. I will vent about that another day though. I try not to be defensive but you can tell in the way I write I am always defending myself. People need to catch up and recognize that I ain’t taking their shit anymore and that this is who I am. Period.
Okay I’m over it time to hydrate BYE FELICIA
What’s your favourite Blue Jays jersey colour on me?
Hey what’s good I feel lost right now maybe I will find myself writing on my blog — feel like I’ve reached the ceiling today posting fb memories and getting lost in the abyss of twitter (X, whatever) notifications holy hell being niche twitter famous is an investment in time management of which I have none but anyway it’s interesting trying to cover all bases with a variety of nature videos selfies memes garbage reality tv hashtag opinions (specifically Euphoria, Below Deck, and whatever else I am bingeing quickly and instantly forgetting all about) reply guys blue jays food pics dog videos cats walks and then talking to my weirdo friends from the internet and irl, what a privilege it is to be me.
I am “finding myself” here now as well because I am actively avoiding doing something that I have long since put off all month or so and now it’s D day week to get’er done so I am pro-crastibating with the blog post but it’s okay I got a loose system in place here there’s pieces in motion ahah okay stoner mystery speak just shut up. I will let you know when I am ready I am trying to minimize damage always it’s like, a must, with the big mouth that I got and the stupid crap that I do plus no filter. I am flooded with that feeling of dread like it’s the night before your essay is due that you did fuck all all month long for. I carry that feeling almost daily lol.
I’ve just gotta book some flights and hotels and co-ordinate all that together and like use my brain and focus two things that I do not at all enjoy doing in the slightest you know that song I just want to bang on my drum all day, that’s the quintessential definition of my belief systems + life practices essentially, if I don’t do the opposite of “locking-in” I will basically crash out. Which sucks but I don’t make the rules I can only follow them and so normally my buddy would be holding my hand throughout all of this and guiding me but he is dead now so it’s ironic that I have to adult-it solo-mish in order to make it to his celebration of life this weekend and I am taking my brother because I don’t want to go alone and we know my mom is gonna flip out so I didn’t want to say what it is that I am panicking over because I don’t want to deal with that hassle – I suffer enough from travel anxiety as is.
See how much OCD people/anxious people torture themselves? It’s very real. Talking about it helps alleviate it. I saw that Deena and Vinny on Jersey Shore (which I am bingeing right now I can’t believe I didn’t already mention it above they are dominating my parasocial circle at the moment) suffer from what I suffer too: anxiety & OCD and lately I’ve been thinking I am AUDHD so when I see my shrink later this month I will be hard-launching the rest of my neuro-spiciness onto her see how that goes. Trying to get as many diagnoses over here and break some records jkjk.
When I die (knock on wood) I think that my brain should definitely be studied for science and if only there was a way they could later on tell me about it like how Walt Disney is waiting around for them to cure dying. lol aw I get it. If I were Walt Disney I would totally want to stick around.
I spoke with a few friends yesterday and Mel was over (i’m in the country right now he’s a buddy from town friend of bf’s and mine) and I fielded a few calls from various people after a few on auto-pilot I hung up and said and now that is how I get thru my day lol I am like a prisoner trapped in this cog of wheels that do not stop turning in my head it’s kind of exhausting but I am used to it by now when I have a moment of pause to reflect a wave of fatigue tries to settle and it’s like I could either sleep for a hundred years OR I could get up and do infinity fucking arm curls right now LFG then I’ll try to see how long I have been sitting hunched over for and if I need to pee so I’ll get up. I remember as a kid not being able to sleep at night and now I know why. I mean, I would lay awake thinking about all kinds of shit knowing everyone was sleeping I didn’t recognize this as racing thoughts dressed up as insomnia. It’s brutal. I can’t even sleep with my boyfriend. People who can fall asleep while I am on edge alert from the quiet tick of a clock and the hum of a fridge. I can identify every little noise in your house but then other times I am kinda deaf. Next post we can discuss my declining memory. Oof.
Okay is any of this neurotic bullshit even interesting I dunno just please don’t tell my mom yet until I talk to my brother and book my flights okay this is your test if you rat me out you’re banished from the Raymi fan club, I’m revoking your special ring.
See ya later haters!
Update: flights booked $1484. Hotels next.
Jules and I over a decade ago. She just got married sorry.
200 days. it’s like that 200 cigarettes movie except not.
I just checked my blog traffic and it’s um, quite high, lol.
Over the years I have spun my wheels on various social media platforms to maintain my online presence, yes, all those years being a covert watcher non-participant was all for this very look-at-me moment.
thx twitter. remember when i vowed to do less of you lol. it’s at 80k now i wish i was monetizing fackkkk me. soon. you will pay for these words lol. lol? yep. lol all the way to the bank!
Whatever, what do you say to people anymore on the internet here? I feel like I am split personalities everywhere I am. Twitter? that’s ratchet Raymi. Facebook? a little classier, just a little. Instagram, there I am most attention-seeking of all. The possibilities of instagram are endless if you are clever enough and I feel as though I am hunting for my next big thing over there but this time as delusional as that sounds, I’ma make it LOL.
You have to big yourself up if you’re gonna achieve anything and within the crazy there is excellence of fuck I dunno, something just finally lands right. I took my hat out of the ring for a long time but now I am here to announce that I am a gun for hire and if you want some of that overspill shine come and get it. That Hansel is so hot right now as they say.
I remember years ago in my twenties having arguments “business discussions* with potential VC’s about my brand and it boiled down to with one person the “get hit by a car theory” that if they invested all this into me and then I go and died on them. Okay that was more than 20 years ago I am still here buddy. Do you think they told that same shit to HANNAH MONTANA, LADY GAGA, HILARY DUFF, literally anyone better and more deserving than me? Likely not.
Also what is my brand what am I giving the world who DO tenaciously read and follow along, potential cu$tomers I have all been long-conning love-bombing for fucking years. All I am asking (begging) is for an editor to give me a writing collaborator to help organize a book. Then proceed from there. This is how I level up. I am going to take cues from the manosphere to blogmaxx my potential and as my my physique tones tans and hair grows all at once combining to dominate my comeback arc. It’s giving main character.
What would Pee-Wee Herman do? Exactly!
Podcast. Another thing I was always thinking to do because I love a good blabbity blah and it’s truly always an adventure plus I would have a different person on each podcast episode as they do, some being old Raymi characters. Could you imagine if I featured exes and haters? um no. it would flow just like a phone call and be as simple as it could possibly be because that is all the energy I can muster, too many moving parts, it aint happening.
Okay gonna cut this short it’s tan o’clock my homies.
Just remember, go thru life with the passion dedication and self fucking confidence as a crazy rich successful person might. To soar you must jump and to jump remove the fear. I will try to stop being a life coach (no I won’t). Spreading wisdoms always!
See ya
ps I think I’m going to take dance classes again. just putting it out there.
We’re not suppose to romanticize or glamorize alcohol or drinking or drug stories during meetings when sharing but this aint no meeting so i’sa spin some yarns here so gather ’round sumn other okay just kidding I’ll type with real words, not in minxlish. I’ll try.
I’m watching the last man on earth right now and they’re drinking Scotch on a boat it brings to mind the kind of person who you drink Scotch with, someone you just know you’re being drug down to Hell with them for a Scotchy drunkies and there is no fightin’ it, with that there powerful spirit dawg you is in it. Scotch is like the K-hole of drunks. If you don’t know what a k-hole is it’s when you do Ketamine and you’re in a bubble and you cannot get out that’s why it’s called a hole. Not a good time. Mormons do it tho which is weird. They can’t have caffeine or alcohol but they do Ketamine “treatments”. Maybe that’s just the Mormon housewives show and not actual reality. A lot of my education sadly derives from reality television.
We did Scotch Fridays at the office. We even had a Scotch log and to be in Scotch Club you had to get a bottle on a Friday no one had got before and enter it in the Scotch spreadsheet log, that’s about it (we took turns but sometimes there would be two bottles to go around, deadly) then you get fucking gassed with your coworkers in the board room and if you’re the only woman like me then you are in charge of cheese and crackers for the piss tanks who turn into little toddlers, fuck, emails stop dead sharp at 4pm on Fridays — you have zero ability to write shit about fuck whilst on Scotch (I attempted to do our tweets, bad call lol) and then welp, lets call the plug and get his ass on over here ahh good times, good times, work hard play hard. Hangovers at an office are the worst days of your life. Shaking like a leaf, no sleep, you look rough and you don’t remember meetings you’ve had… sending emails out to coworkers about deliverables you’ve already heard word back on wtf.
I was never a Scotch person. Scotch people are made not born. You gotta brace yourself for the most disgusting shit you will ever taste and I’m not sorry either to admit that. I’m an alcoholic and I have tasted the shit rainbow of every kind of alcohol known to human, it’s all poison. You acquire an affinity for that you don’t get born craving it.
Peat? Smoke? Barley? …burning gasoline no different than moonshine make ya go blind? Yeah no that ain’t delicious. Have it with ice, that’s me. Some, a drop of water, some, just neat.
I like to twirl my glass around like some bastard in a sumptuous den wearing a cable knit chooch cardigan sweater fuck can you say dry drunk much? I guess after 197 days without booze you start to romanticize it a little bit.
On the train into the city Friday I sat beside the right chick it was perfect social harmony killing time til we got to Union station, she says, I smell alcohol and I said it isn’t me! This is the only time ever without a shadow of a doubt that it isn’t me she says oh youre an alcoholic oh good I love alcohol I laughed and said um I don’t think you know what you think that means but I said yes i love alcohol too, too much so I cant drink it anymore. I love a nice drink in a pretty glass a gorgeous cocktail perfectly crafted, mixologist porn I can recite circles around you about booze. I liked that she admitted to loving alcohol but she can drink it “normally” sorry, “enjoy” it responsibly, as alcohol marketing would have you hear.
At the beginning of the pandemic when I moved from Toronto to Burlington I worked for the LCBO, I was an essential worker. Me. Queen Smirnoff at the Liqbo (and I kept it secret from the internets). I am planning to deconstruct my time period of secretly working for 3 years in the lions den of hooch as a lush. I had to resign. They will come for me when I say what I got to say. I mean. I didn’t sign any NDAs and I don’t plan to lie about it — it’s my truth and my story. So fuck them I’m not scared. I learned a lot. It was good, it was bad, then it was ugly. I realized I am a very anxious person and being around alcohol as an alcoholic was like that girl who fell in a volcano, bitch, you too damn close.
However, obviously being an alcohol expert came in handy when recommending drinks from wine to tequila, beer, fucking everything, you name it, I drank the store. I am a living breathing database of wine, spirits, beer, ciders & RTD (ready-to-drink) knowledge. What do you wanna eat with that shit? I know that too. How hammered do you wanna get and money u wanna save blah blah all useless to me now. I’ve drank my last drink but I can still talk about it like how I fixate on foods and tv programs and internet garbage. Everything is alcohol to me now.
The inspiration of this post was Scotch. Mostly the drunken overpowering feeling of a Scotch drunk. The first couple sips you know what you’re getting into. Do not make plans, you are going nowhere. You will sound and look like Homer Simpson. Nothing you say will make any sense, you sound like a total idiot, and you won’t remember any promise or plan you made. And you’ll do it again despite the mega-hangover.
Vodka though. She was the one that really took me out. That’s a tale for another time.
Adios muchachos. Enjoy your Sunday.
If you’re struggling just know I have been there before and I am here to talk and tell you that you’re worth it and not alone and you can stop drinking. If you’re irritated just walk away, don’t let that glass of wine be the only thing that can get you through your life.
ps. leave me a comment here and tell me where you found this blog, my visits are skyrocketing right now so someone linked me someplace, but where? fucking tell me! actually might just be organic natural traffic coming from all my social feeds okay whatever i’m just a very curious need to know things type of person.
I have this rule that I seldom remember but I am trying and it is to blog when I am crashing out hard on various social media platforms as in INSTEAD of pissing people off over there draw them here to RTM.com if they want more raymi doses of crazy and while I’m at it, it is so sad that I am unlearning shit I use to strongly preach “if my blog needs a blog kill me” as in twitter and facebook FUCK I am trying so bad to bring it back to basics.
Take this drawing for example. Don’t just AI it. Don’t google it. Learn a new font and create it yourself.
DAILY AFFIRMATIONS. Try it. If you’re spiraling out, write. I remember writing this when I was furious not gonna say at whom but now looking back at these it appears to be a positive thing instead of screaming into the void aka more rageahol pointless texts and now we have these to look at. Maybe I should apply them to reality. I was feeling attacked and guilty for doing whatever necessary to be happy to be me to fucking exist I dunno.
These are the equivalent of sticky notes people put on their bathroom mirrors and read while brushing their teeth to get motivated for the day to CRUSH IT. It’s cute when you read one of these pump you up sayings you’re like DAMN STRAIGHT I WILL PAT MYSELF ON THE BACK FOR THAT MINOR THING I WAS PROCRASTINATING ON. One of my favourite in-recovery things we are taught (also while struggling in active addiction) is to give ourselves grace and be gentle with ourselves. Never been taught that before normally we just accept that we are pieces of shit who made bad decisions. Turns out, you’re allowed to flip the script and be a buddy to yourself, check in, not out!
This one speaks for itself. I try to write out things I find to be a little more original so that it’s out there that my brain thought of it first. I’ve come up with lots of firsts of course but that’s enough bragging for today. Back to blasting Peter Gabriel now to get thru this crappy rainy weather xoxo your pal rlw.
Hello my lovelies, ready set go for some more snow? The moral of this blog post is appreciate what you have while you have it ‘cos when it’s gone, bro it’s GONE. Okay that’s a little dramatic all I mean is it’s sunny and warm out now all this snow is goners.
I swear if I ever saw a turtle scale that steep hill to cross this road? My God.
The parking lot of Dundas Valley is/was covered in snow. We were stoked. Haven’t been here in years and will spare you the who gets credit for this super wicked fun idea for a day LOL but obviously me. It would have been nice to add YOU ARE HERE on the map before heading out to the multiple criss-crossing trails of D Valley but mebbe that’s just me. We got a little lost but google maps is shockingly accurate, yay that.
My Grandfather, Dad’s Dad, his name is JRW, John White, so this was special and saved our asses on the way back also might I add the degree of difficulty for this trek was quite something because of the snow we had to clomp through. We were winded after the first incline and then discovered there would be a fuck ton more hills and kind of went mad. We stuck to Sawmill trail for the most of it then it got wonky and we were going it blind.
It was a beautiful hike that’s for sure. We did not bring enough snacks or beverages/water in case we got lost-lost in hindsight and we laughed about that the entire time. There is nothing worse than getting stuck somewhere and being hungry. All I thought about to mentally motivate myself through the end of this hike was the Thai stir fry I was going to make when we got home. It was delicious.
I’ve gotten new boots since and would love to break them in here! Kicking local snowbanks can only do so much for a girl.
Break one. You get to see the serious walkers out and about when you go for a stroll through the hills yeah and this one guy came through in leather shoes and leather jacket no hat no mitts we were like WTF LOL. Meanwhile a group of serious loud-talking walking ladies that you can hear an entire kilometer away because it’s so silent there completely engulfed in nature if you are currently going bonkers from being indoors too much and want an escape, I recco a hike. You might see deer.
It doesn’t look like much but this incline killed us it’s only half of it as seen from above very humbling we were dying AND we hike all the damn time. The snow helped and hurted us.
Canadian Beer fridge. If ya ain’t givin’er ya ain’t livin’er.
one more scope-out before moseyin’ on I’m tellin’ ya this is called Dundas Valley for a reason. More like, eight finity valleys chrissake.
To you, this is a boring picture of snow but to me it is a momentum downhill advantage that you throw yourself at. You walk down, you walk up, and on and on it goes. We would get to a peak or vista whatever the crap only to see a whole other hill to climb, hence the going mad. Still need to chart the course we took to properly brag about the Kilometers.
Walked through many pine tree clusters and bf says they were too perfectly placed therefore man-planted. I appreesh if that’s the case and you better believe yours truly got nature-splained the whole way.
Gorgeous. Spectacular. Magical. Years ago, I spent a December in Holland and went on a walk on Christmas day just over the border in Germany which resembled Canada so much. Both The Netherlands and Deutschland look like Canada. That’s all. Humble travel-brag.
The silence was also quite striking.
It was like being in a Christmas card.
We did a big hike with friends in Fergus not too long ago and they are habitual long distance hikers they would adore this and would do every single trail. They are also German, speaking of.
I uploaded a ton of pictures I am trying to be discerning. Failing.
Ooh la la that’s what I like. We dilly-dallied a little this day and so the majority of people weren’t passing us or out hiking by this time so we were pretty much alone which adds to the excitement in getting lost potential. Ain’t no one comin’ to find ya. I love disaster survival movies, most excellent.
This is all melted by now and muddy. We did a magical snowy forest night walk last year and everything had melted the next morning I took no pictures it was like a dream and never really happened the snow was so fluffy we were climbing hand over foot using head lamps. Bananas. Should probs do one of those naked and afraid reality shows.
Random blobs of snow would rain down on you or in front of you. Coolness.
Sort of dressed like a tree.
Oh look, more incline. Great.
Not dressed like a tree. I was mad at myself for wearing my neon orange Carhartt toque in case deer were around they’d see me a mile off but wait they could be colour blind and I actually don’t know anything about deer except their droppings really smell if a dog rolls through them so do not let that happen! Worse than a skunk.
Oh look more flooferness.
I wanted to be tall enough to punch that snow on the right from below to make it dust all over my bf but am not ten feet tall, unfortunately.
On second thought, ten feet wouldn’t be nearly enough and you don’t get good air from jumping off of snow you just sink further into it haha.
The picture of me in the beginning of the post was taken down this corridor.
If we brought a football would slam it right through that one.
I think you are starting to get the point.
LOL bf just walked by and sarcastically went, “WOW”. Yes I KNOW I hope this ends soon too.
It’s the Narnia escapism for me.
Then a bit of a fork this is probably about the time we started getting confused.
and again in landscape. I couldn’t even measure our course if I wanted to (and, I do!) because I don’t know where we were I kept “recognizing” things and then secretly being like, nope, I don’t think this is the place. I’ll just keep that to myself lol. I need that hike tracking app.
Went off course to another trail to hang on this little bridge by a creek.
I have never been here in the winter before with snow it is harder to catch your bearings ya ya okay you got it.
See a heart though!
A heart kite aww <3. bf said he pre-arranged it for me haha.
Ooh yay signs of life.
Picturesque. This was coming up on the Bruce trail now holy hell intersecting is happenin’.
The sun is trying to appear amidst the Siberian winter sky I’m surprised I even noticed it.
Another crazy incline going in the wrong direction and yes we did it and I lost my purple mitt on the other side of the hill so bf had to run and fetch it we could see it sitting there like an idiot just after huffing it back up the other side of this hill it was a low point for sure but hilarious so win-win.
Gotta get one of these first. That Mandarin bag is probs worth money now that buffets are closed eh jk.
So we turned around cos we could see the road and were on the Bruce trail which would have been a whole other trail from no return it was time to re-route and figure it out.
Running back with my mitt. Luckily I noticed it so quickly. You constantly take your gloves off to take a picture or grab/do whatever then walk a bit before putting them back on again and by that time your glove is long gone and you don’t know exactly when you lost it.
We were getting tireder by this point so any back-tracking was annoying and again this was a mighty incline. One of those days where you just want to go straight home but we still had an errand to do first which felt like HELL on earth.
My hero.
SO PRETTY. Definitely doing this again.
I filmed a music video here in 2009 at least I think it was here. As I said, we were hella lost. The only thing we brought was Scorchin’ Hot CHEEZ ITS! Leftover lasagna from the night before but ate that in the parking lot at the beginning.
doggie booty oh no.
WHERE TF ARE WE I AM OVER THIS
Finally some gotdamn Valley. We saw deer droppings, no deer. rip off.
Ain’t nobody sitting by this point just trying to get it done with actually I used this bench to get something out of my purse.
“His eyes looked like two piss holes in a snow bank.” That’s a bona fide PEIism for ya ahaha I told it to my bf and it’s one of his fav inspirations now needed to give it legs ah suppose.
There are some dangerous walking parts fyi.
Someone was fully in their element.
Hi Grandpa. <3 Miss you.
bf decided to Bart Simpson slide down this that’s the destruction he caused. Forever young.
Sent this to my Dad he said he always tried to put him on the right path lol.
That’s where you drive in and pay thank GOD there’s still one more long haul to go passed another parking lot though this is also a major tobogganing hill we were bummed we didn’t bring one.
First of all, Happy New Year guys. 2020 holy shit eh! I mean, I had some resolutions but I already broke them so, there’s always 2021 to try again and I won’t be beating myself up about it or losing any (some) sleep either so let’s just move on right now. Yesterday I sent myself all the photos for this post which knocked the wind right out of me (it is SO boring) so I shifted this post to write for today instead. However, the problem with that is I am a different person today than the one yesterday who had all these thoughtful and sentimental feelings about said images. We will see what happens next, hopefully some brilliance and laughs not entirely at my expense.
(ps the plugin at the top is being fixed so ignore the Instagram block up to the left my bad!)
Went to Niagara Falls last Sunday, or, on Sunday. Hit a few wine tastings en route there (trius, peller, this place vintners?) which was hella fun. bf had tickets we had 16 glasses so like 2 flights at each place. We have packed a lot of activity in the past few weeks so bare with me here.
Please have a bathroom in the future for your wino custies. It was bad enough it was pissing rain #onstorm that we drove through to get there making the adventure seem all the more insane. Looking at wine merch when you’re blasted is super fun/ny too. I buckled at two pink glasses that say “Bubbly” in gold on them like I totally would.
Speaking of, Blow Up’s 25th Jubilee was so fun. Saw many people from the past maaaaaan, so good. The top floor was caving in and kind of thrilling being up there and also below on the first floor, it was bumping I was “concerned” lol.
This was a tame snippet feat. some of my select moves. Did you know if you go in my archives (please don’t) you can find stories about mod club from when I was 19, and blow up was the sister to that night in Toronto.
What movie does this make you think of? If you said The Irishman you are correct. Even the door is red. Scorsese on that foreshadowing a bloody killing tip son don’t think I didn’t notice I studied that mother-frigging movie and got in no less than 5 facebook fights as the world was watching it on netflix with their wrong opinions to boot. Ya I said it.
5 Stars for cuteness.
Foodie pic blindside swish! This is what I ate after all that wine I was hangry af and I was worried about getting in the pool after all that food but no worries there as the pool was too disgusting anyway, we just sat there and watched the awful view while digesting before heading up to run a bubble bawth. It was a covert opps mish smuggling our two pieces of buffet pizza which we had for breakfast ahahaha.
I incorporated my bathing suit into my outfit because, Raymi but also because this sucks me in I was doing a lot of wine and eating and thinkers gotta think yo. This is after Wine Stop 1 at the same location. It rained all day and night.
Christmas evening sorry I feel obligated to jam up this post with the requisite amount of raymi pictures I don’t even like this one!
New Year’s day, this was not enough and the amount of chicken and cheese were dismal not to be a complainer. We were, you guessed it, hungry. It’s butter chicken poutine fyi. One 2020 resolution is to eat out less and cook more. Seeing other friends on FB do the same too which is hilarious and inspiring to me because I know some of these cats are majorly addicted to going out so I am just waiting for the next restaurant picture to pop up and putting money on it secretly in my head and when it happens I will screenshot and send this part of my blog post fahaha #petty.
I asked him if he would still love me if I looked like this. He said, “it would be hard.”
The best thing about Niagara Falls is the nostalgia. It reminds me of the 80’s and being there in the 80’s and the crazy confused memories a kid conjures from that wild carny tourist traphole like the worst thing about NF is all the people amiright.
Jumping back to Christmas now. Enjoyed the fishnets and my flashy red polish, Mr. Rogers doc on in the bg. Think of someone more pure than Mr. Rogers, I’ll wait.
Oh hi Nana!
We died at this omfgggg too perfect. It is still funny.
Started doing these timer kiss portraits cos why the hell not. Maybe someday down the line will reveal the ridiculous way in which we got togeths. I am hesitant to TMI, I mean, I’ll totally TMI some things but not others. Will just have to continue watching haha.
While we are two peas in a pod in the classic sense, only one of us is a Leafs fan so the chirp-game is strong. I think he secretly likes them, deep, very, very, very deep down, somewhere. There is appreciation.
Thank you for the 1 tiny bottle of shampoo, super generous of ya but seriously the VIP parking was great and the later check-out too. bf’s golf umbrella went inside out as we were walking the falls at night in the rain didn’t matter really anyway because it was misty from all directions the umbrella was pointless. Then I lost $50 at the casino but it was my decision, Gamblor got a hold of me I needed to stare at skids, drink a beer, and throw money in the garbage. Should have cashed out at $70 but then you keep thinking you may build and build but you don’t you just crash. I love Roulette. I was watching Molly’s Game last night and she says poker is a game of skill, roulette is chance. So it means there’s a chance!!! lmfao.
Marie recommended this beauty app which is obvi not from Canada but I love it so shut up.
Yes it’s a beauty filter but it looks mostest like me I think. I am blessed with plump lips but they ain’t this plump so I have considered Kylie Jennering my lips thanks to seeing how much hotter I could look.
Yeah it’s a bit much lol. My Raybans are MIA, I put them aside on NYE and haven’t seen them since. boohoo. Update: FOUND. In a secret pocket chamber of the many pockets in my new coat.
We did a Christmas city circuit starting from my hood and it was a secret surprise to have a drink in the art deco lobby bar at Royal York which was slammed with fancies so we peaced after snooping around. It smelled like gingerbread from the actual gingerbread house they built in there.
Anyone else experiencing post-Christmas blues? This might be the Christmas blog in to February there’s still a lot of stuff to cover here.
A favoured place to pee when passing through neighbourhoods.
It was a magical Christmas, alright.
This is another great new place near me.
Went to Casa Loma on New Year’s Day, walk through Wychood and to the tunnel of glam on St. Clair. Will post that another time.
I’ve been to a wedding here, a medieval faire, and a Film fest party – all humongously epic experiences each in their own right.
Horses lived here.
Swoon.
Smiling Buddha on NYE we rocked the coat check. Fucking awesome. We were like whats up for new years, one of us needs to plan and chart out the coming week and one of us is like let me breathe we will figure it out anyway making $ versus spending money was a why not plus a duh, let’s do it I was in the throes of tweeting the job posting for them and thought fuck it why don’t we do this?
And it was a grand time. If things aren’t fun then you won’t find me there that’s my life motto.
Getting these aligned was a process but team work makes the dream work.
When you are a walking instagram what do you expect. The best was he was so oblivious to me but everyone else was zeroing in so I had to deke them out then go for the kill, piss off lcbo’ers mind ya business.
Lovely drives thru country snow, very good balance to my city life. Sometimes the concrete jungle is legit so claustrophobic don’t get me wrong I have loved every neighbourhood (save for one) that I’ve lived in in the city – if we made a map/tshirt out of it, it would be so very populated like people who thumbtack world maps for all their trips and travels mine is like that except Toronto neighbourhoods (plus LA Maine Brooklyn UK Holland Aruba Miami Vancouver blabbity blah…), like many people too I am sure. In short, if you sublet and you hate it, you just leave it. Boom.
We re-watched both The Hangover movies because it makes us laugh our brains out. The little things yeah.
See the falls over yonder.
We combed the Fallsview casino mall because it was cold af there outside by the falls and maybe I was cranky, I have seen this before are shitty things you say haha actually I was about to have meltdown number 1 okay hear me out, we were walking uphill in a wind tunnel and I said okay this isn’t fun anymore right before he could say anything my hat blew away right off my head up in the air in a big arc and backwards down the hill behind me into a group of people getting off a bus I had to haul ass down to get it before it got another gust of wind beneath it and a little kid jumped to it just before I did, nice kid, everyone had heard the bang of the brim of my hat hitting the sidewalk so I heard a cluster of Spanish tourists gasp it is funny as hell in hindsight but he knew I was about to full blown lose it so he grabbed me by the hand and dragged me up the hill in a sweet way but yeah, I was losing it.
We had our own lookout observation area it was very relaxing plus 80’s tunes were playing it’s always mesmerizing staring at the falls.
Girrrrrrrrrrrrl.
Okay I’s gots to bounce it’s been a slice have things to do so bon weekend see you soon happy 2020 xoxo your pal Raymi.
…and like myself again. It feels good to be back but where that is, who knows who cares I have done a lot of pretentious self-reflection self love self care weird fucking things this summer I dunno. I isolated myself. I took’er easy. Any way I will be working my way backward through my phone of the things that are still there on it that I did this summer and the thoughts that I had while doing them and that will be that. In the blink of an eye the season t’was over but it’s not officially done until sept 21 So. There.
Oh my god if you saw the set-up I am dealing with right now to get wifi into my own apartment you would die I am trying so hard not to be a bitch and just roll with it but add loud hammering into the fold louder because my door is wide open to get the signal using a stool as a table and my shoe rack as a mouse pad rest even moving it a fraction to the left cuts it off so where I thought I was on easy street before on my micro-kitchen counter…I download netflix movies from my account so that I can binge them in bed by nightfall I am too annoyed and embarrassed to show a picture here I sent one to Marie and she was like girlllll get Rogers I didn’t want to get into it here! but maybe the secret to maintaining an audience (like women in China livestreaming do) is to complain and share every fucking mundane thing that I roll my eyes at other people sharing on Facebook and yet… read every goddamn bit of it myself.
I have been back in the city a couple weeks now? Going on week 3? I spent a month abouts in Burlington, from Wasaga, to Oakville and all I had packed were bathingsuits and one pair of shorts that I wore all summer LMFAO… anyway we will get back to that. But anyway since I have been home in Toronto NO WIFI. The Super was my wifi hookup and he moved out. I refuse to spend one more fucking dime on anything period in this city if I can help it especially since there is pre-existing wifi in our building already this whole time unbeknownst to me, and a strong signal at that if you can bloody reach it, or speed, at least when my door is open and I am perched over my laptop like an arachnid from District 9 (look it up) my fucking back is killing me bruh.
Now I can bundle my phone package with internet right? Wrong. But then the guy at rogers is like wait I can get you a good deal. Brother man fuck you. Don’t act all back door special with me I have had my account since I was 19, I am 36, do the math I am paying you way too fucking much already. Even if I bit the bullet we still need to figure out where the fuck to install it in this old-ass building. Why the hell would I even go get my own modem when it’s already here and we just need an extender on the existing modem down the fucking hall from me I can see right now I am legit on my last nerve — fix this yesterday. Was told will just go by the computer store on College 2 weeks ago and it hasn’t happened I am beyond pissed. I am also SICK of having my door OPEN – it isn’t safe. Maintenance dudes keep looking in AT me too as a bonus while I am typing here on a stool. I will probably delete this but I needed to explode. I am annoying them they are annoying me. They can hear my same twenty songs I play over and over.
Other than that I am doing great and very happy ahhaha sorry! Not lying.
I am glad with the things in my life that I do which make me happier at a later point in time when I look at my photos and in the moment I have this obsessive compulsion to capture and hoard experiences and then self-reflect maybe share a fraction of my adventures later on I have been doing this for the majority of my life it is my truth and it’s how I sought to attract my tribe, anyone, who would listen to and see me.
I see poets as roving packs of magic creatures, demented, lovingly so besought by their wariness and experience I eat it up. I fill my head up with so much fantasy to self-preserve and contain my way, in which I need to constantly justify my nature? Truth be told I am comfortable in who I am, arrogant, and also afraid. It is an adrenaline at your backside. Think twenty minutes of anxiety every twenty minutes and that is how I live.
you have to make amends with everything before you can suffer nothing before you can be everything you ever wanted to be.
We’re always thinking of little schemes and ideas for me to hone my talents which are so fucking good like a how to online date thing where I tell newbs what to watch out for because let me tell ya I have been a bible of wisdom for my squad in their new time of swipings prime of recent.
I just have this life I dreamt of before when i was so enamoured by hipsterism kooky aesthetic and am now trapped by it because living in Toronto is so expensive when I leave this place they will slap paint on and charge $2000 for it so I am like fighting the man and the power and everyone always anywhere anytime.
I need my mister dress-up lifestyle I look to other institution peoples like myself in Toronto, how they are fairing, and some have all become lampoons of themselves by design, by necessity, and by need to survive. We all have had our own successes, failures, fall-backs. BUT most importantly COMEBACKS and I am here for it! I so support my fellow Toronto celebs my music industry pals who helped MAKE ME. ILU 4EVR #Gratitude #blessed.
NOW on to my next annoying topic to rant about which is purely self-inflicted toxicity of my own actions embedded deep within a place of my disgusting vanity and vulgur as it is I find it hard to justify looking pale in the winter time I am only angry at myself for not freezing my account for two months of the summer such waste throwing money in the garbage and tanning salons are crooks in the bests of times you have to show up and do paperwork like a gym like uhhm no one has time to even consider the sheer terror of that.
Perhaps you find what I find in this blog style vein of an art-form to be antiquated, outlandish out of style but it is normal to me. I never knew but of anything else and to even fucking second guess it is a travesty.
How greedy with your time are you? Because I am so far gone indulgent with mine I was JOMO before that ever existed like putting your state of being in a physical valium existence this is what Netflix does to us today it’s just too good too easy to watch through a cinematic lens parallel to our facebook landscape connections to those we knew years ago.
And getting back to basics of doing irl things is utterly amazing. As an adventure thrill-seeker you fill the chambers of the void with constant doing the older you get because you finally know and fear and realize how limited time truly is.
Nothing makes me feel more emotional, more poetic, more depressed, than autumn. If it were a person I would punch it in the face, buy it drinks, and ghost it. Because you know what comes next. Sacrifices are fun and all unless you’re the cat on the pyre. Winter is LONG. I think the majority of my blog posts are about how much I fucking hate winter. Wow.
I’ll just take a sec to switch gears here and breathe.. LOL.
Nothing bothers me but everything makes me insane.
Relate?
I come up with these lines all day long I wish I would just write them down make a set out of them. This is the start. This is a preclude to a podcast.
the things that you admire, inspire, and you let shine out through and you remember that moment again and what it reminded you of so sweetly, to begin with.
If you want to go somewhere from 1909 go to Allan Gardens. Bring a b cup, a marie antoinette glass (coup glass) cos she had b cup sized tits ha ha I love that!
Took in two softball games ate shawarmas it was lovely.
It got cold though. Made do.
All in all a great summer it has been. I went all over and was a beach bum as much as poss.
SO here is the story of my Christmas blanket. Since nobody asked. Two Christmas parties ago I was a marketer for an agency and I lost my receipt for all the Christmas crap I bought for the Christmas staff party and they were like Raymi we can’t reimburse you for that so I was like fine THIS BLANKET IS MINE NOW plus all these elves. lmao.
I left behind lots of shit there is no love lost I just think it’s funny. I bought it for this couch we had in the office Tess suggested I cover it up with something as a last ditch effort Dollarama came through. Those girls loved me Valentines day Easter St Patricks Christmas Canada day Halloween those were good times sigh. I’d go to Dollarama her beside my place before work and pick out fun ass things to put together on display for instagram and clients and candy for the team for morale.
See that bee.
They were everywhere.
I went to pee and came back with crayons and we had a colouring contest had a girl impartially judge who was better and we won against my boy Troy sorrryyyyyyyyy we only had three colours to work with.
Love this beach, bish.
We found a discarded bubble disc I have no other way of knowing how to describe it but anyway it was essentially a frisbee so we tossed it back and forth until it broke for a good 20 minutes I stood on top of the rock formation because it was the last place the sun was hitting and it was such a perfect game of frizz I felt like an Olympian all these moments I shotgun to my heart to get me through winter my least spirit animal.
So happy to live so close to here.
and to here.
So centrally located to many places it’s why I live where I live and I take it because it’s a gem and when I lived in the beaches I felt the same melancholy temporariness that it was living anywhere in Toronto but I am grateful for what I have right now so that’s that! It’s fucking cool it’s unique it speaks to my eccentricities my lone wolfism fuck yeah no roommates.
Oh lord I uploaded way too many photos than actually wanted to deal with so lets to be continued this never-ending story for now thanks guys see ya.
