Why am i looking at other people’s boring crap?

WHEN I CAN MAKE MY OWN! I’m the interesting one here, no offense friends but normally at the party I’ve cut you off by now and am talking about my crazy week don’t trick me with this hangover o_O of mine now, nice try.

Ok I am going to treat my blog like twitter for the next hour and every inane thought I would normally tweet, I’ll blog. This is how I used to blog anyway, before twitter was around back when I was less of a pisstank. I’ve already let a few genius ones slip by on to twitter, like:

if i order poached eggs will they explode on the way, do poached eggs travel well? how far has a poached egg ever traveled before?

Always question the universe, friends.

Too bad Teacher was ordering off the Gladstone CAFE’s website not the hotel, no wonder there’s all these menu item limitations, a bagel, no toast? And why isn’t the Gladstone’s breakfast sandwich on it, oh, cos it’s not the same restaurant dumbass! Ha.

I should write a christmas song to the tune of silver and gold but called RAY-MI Lau-Ren. Try it. Works.

See how crazy you look when it’s not in a twitter status update timeline?

Btw we almost went to semi-formal last night (he said) ha ha right nerd keener prom maybe invite me to full-casual instead

Are you team Fanning or team Olsen?

Popped in to Magic Pony yesterday I wish I bought that birthday card for my dad. Can’t find it on the site but I have wanted this print since 2004. Sigh.

And these next gems would be drunk party tweets.

I like party judgments from the internet

Classic dude party all standing like dudes being dudes

someone is getting a massive lesson in pan soaking when they get back from the store on our way to the party right up to dinging the bell.

If you don’t want me to pronounce it cache then why is there a fucking e on it

You’d not know these were doll house sized, right?

I went out like a skid rat yesterday. I cleaned my act up come nightfall.

Oysters everywhere!

Teacher said he was at this show at Maple Leaf gardens I said I wanted proof, evidence, a ticket stub, and he just looked at me. What-ever I’ve heard many a Nirvana tall tale, dude was gone before we even had a chance to have him. Like Jeff Buckley.

Stoked for next practise, that’s Carole. She is a sweetheart.

Natalie is a our new youngblood gem courtesy of Tyler. I blew New Ghost’s (band) minds away last night about how one drummer left and gave us one in his stead they were like WHAT!? Usually when a drummer leaves it’s on some Lars fuckin’ Ulrich dramatic kind of level, but anyway, it’s our goal to join BNL on their next cruise gig #dream. But before that, probably a show at Bovine in between my burlesque solos haha. Cool right? I’ve always wanted a variety show (I would die to be on SNL).

That’s one greasy party statue. Our bassist, Nicole is in the post below. Check these names do you know how hard it is for me to keep them straight? Carole, Nicole, Natalie. O_O!

Very peppy and funny and positive, I love my band! I bought the .com domain SEXIST TEXAS and the twitter handle too @sexisttexas follow us you idiots.

When I wave to “my friend” or talk to her I have to wave rather cos her pupils are blown out in opposite directions, I think when she came in on the turnip truck they dropped her on her head. She is the best look at her freaky dwarf little tail, she is kind of small actually, dwarfish.

Or, blogger’s voice rather. MINE IS YELLY!

I’m like in Elf purgatory.

That’s fine I enjoy loafing around anyway.

Check out this insanely flattering thing I came across yesterday, I was getting traffic from this my first 50000 website and found this post:

Readers to a blog are what fans are to a singer: $$$.

In my case, the big $$$ is not coming from anything I sold. I don’t sell myself on the Web, I am not exactly a Raymi The Minx in the making of. I don’t have tattoos and I am not popular either. However, the best about being me is that I HAVE U. I would give almost everything to have her slim shape and her sexy kitten eyes. And her Teacher? I will skip that part if you don’t mind. LOL.

I would give a lot to be Raymi but I wouldn’t give a cent of my very awesome portfolio because a part of my portfolio is coming from people just like yourself. So it’s kind of nice to be me be. Even if I don’t have any tattoos

after is all this stuff about investments and stuff and so I commented, what do i have to do with your portfolio? lol thanks for the compliments :)

and her reply:

I wasn’t expecting the “Raymi” here! WOW :)

You are so lovely.

Your not directly connected to my portfolio of course, but indirectly yes. In the sense that I admire your courage to do that what you are doing. You blog, your book, your shows etc.. And reading your blog is entertaining and you have good vibes. I add a link so my readers can always get entertain as much as myself while reading you.

So the indirectly part come from that, to have conviction and do what you want in life, that include doing what wanted with money and keep going.

That’s the link between you and me, sweet girl.


I get very humbled when someone strokes my ego like so, did you see that blog? She has 50,000 dollars and sees me as a role model? I like when women get along and encourage one another, bring each other up, it’s so Lilith Fair and reminds me of Blogher kum-bay-fuckin-ya. The older I get the less bullshit I take, the less insecure, if things bother me I deal with them NOW. Oh what’s this passive aggression? I cut you down to pieces. But I don’t like doing this. Some friends I know obsess and fester, that is not the way to enjoy your life brah. What am I even rambling about now we are starving I have to wrap this up soon.

I was in the shower and I repeated to myself, I have kitten eyes? YES! FANTASTIC! It takes someone else looking at you to tell you what’s up from a fresh perspective. I look in my archives at some truly hideous fat and naked photos of myself that, I can’t believe none of my friends even attempted to tell me to take down. Just a few, not all, but I guess it’s no one’s place to say that to me and they would probably be terrified. Only haters will tell you you’re a cow. Meh, me on a bad day is still better than their best.

This is the interior of a cafe in Rayne’s Park, it was my last day in England, I called my friend’s/family from a pay phone with those weird coins and said I wasn’t coming back for dinner (they had planned a dinner for me, I am a prick) I wanted to get laid, basically. And that I did.

I spent 60 pounds at this place. At that time, 60 was $120 and because it seemed like everything was cheap when it was like 1 or 2 pounds for a drink, you really spent your money there like it was pennies. I was flat broke when I got home. When I finished getting day time drunk at that cafe, I went to where I was staying, the girl was out, I changed got slutty then headed for rayne’s park tavern, alone. Impressing these two hot enough dudes down the green velvet bench from me with ordering 4 rounds of drinks at a time (seriously Nicolas Cage much?) I was 18 and, no 17, and last call was 11 which is EARLY so you have to order copious amounts or start drinking earlier which is what they do there and how they function as a country I do not know. Their pub food is complete crap too.

It’s a nothing suburban typical town, bordering Wimbledon and London, the absolute last subway stop actually I had to get the tram link to the subway and I am mashing what I did the last 3 days and confusing it all in to one day of activities, on my last day I went to the Tate then came back and got dressed and went to the pub and got laid, the day before was spent being a loner in this cafe I can’t remember what I did at night.

I sure as hell didn’t look as hot as this at the time though.

I have drawings of the dudes I entertained for the evening in this journal too. The one guy who looked like Robbie Williams once I was drunk enough would not accept that I was leaving the very next day, he had fallen in love. Right. Change your flight he begged. Fine you pay for it then, no? Exactly. Peace. My parents had sent me there to stay out of trouble, ha, ha ha.

Anyway, that was the last 2 weeks, the first part of my time there was in London, Knighstbridge and then Oxford. Blabbity blah shut up.

I was reading Prozac Nation at the time, a depressed author soul sister, I’ve never been as depressed where I am like virgin suicides on the rug for weeks in a row and can’t get up but I definitely am a born cynic, who are often sad because they are burdened with the worries of the world.

I get by though, I am holding on to this stupid hope that I am special and have a bright future and all that self-deluding bullshit that helps you get through your life, I’m an optimistic cynic. NO YOU’RE AN OXYMORON!

Gah gotta go eat brunch before it’s over they do not wait for degenerates and I am not in the mood for a club sandwich FT!

too stupid to blog

Check my tumblr for highlights of crap I wanted to post again today but I sat here for forever waiting for the durex reel to download and it still hasn’t and then I ran out of steam. I accidentally recorded a fight we had that’s kind of funny though in the interim. Had a great day, jammed with sexist texas, walked home in the sun after lunch at Shanghai, bought my dad a bday gift and now I will repaint my vessel for another night on the town. Never ends does it?

In the year 2000 at 11:28pm, genius happened.

Bathing is such a waste of time wahh!

savvy lover yes i am

Yay I’m a facebook ad and on youtube on the top banner ad front page dad. It went live late last night and we happened to be up and all these messages came flooding in so crazy I love it. Over 11,000 likes so far, dad I’ll show you the full documentary/commercial when I see you maybe this weekend though I don’t think you’ll want to hear the vulgar things I say. Behind the scenes footage can be seen here and here. Super fun shoot, loved working with this team and Rob. Thanks everyone!

Off to Sexist Texas Jam now it’s been awhile.

TGIF! And it’s gorgeous out.

I wrote this at 17 in Rayne’s Park, Wimbledon. Filled in half a journal in this cafe stayed for hours and spent a lot of money, it was worth it.

Bah Humblog

Exactly 2:00 long too! FUN! YAY! I stayed in! This is actually wicked I think but too bad can’t do flooreography at the Bovine cos it’s too dirty and no one can see from the back. Another venue another time in Paris someday.

It’s that time again, working on another burlesque showcase (date to be confirmed) so soon already, just around the corner December is. Ho ho ho. A lot of these xmas classic jams (to perform to) are quite slow, the ones appropes for a burlesque show that is, gonna be hilarious and yuletidey barftacularly festive no doubt. V excited. Pastel Supernova and Bunny Angora fully on board wuhoo new hot blood :).

xo Raymbo Claus.

ps. I WILL have a naughty and nice list ON DECK so watch yo-selves, plenty-o elves ta deal with y’alls.

pps. Happy Thanksgiving to my American buddies. Be careful tomorrow on black Friday!

Triple ps. here is the second half to my florence new fav jam vid I have watched it over and over and over again enough already all the stupid has worn off so enjoy, sorry it’s not Mr. Grinch (which will be a laugh riot I am sure seeing as I treat everything I touch like halloween now).

“Floor work” stripper industry speak. Teacher liked this part of the performance more than the first one anyway cos I get right down to biz and the ridic opening girly fanfare is all out of the way, I imagine. Totally haven’t learned the words to the song yet either in this magical production.

and now I watch my rendition to rockin’ around the Christmas tree, tonight marks exactly one month away to xmas eve. OMG SO CLOSE TO SUMMER!

BookFace and Tweezer?


Ahh social media, you harsh mistress. You are the new hipster, a term to keep dropping and rehashing and blogging and talking about to foster more discussion over a necessary evil that both confuses and excites lots of folk. Dork self important assholes mainly or entire start-ups comprised as the former (my competition) known as “firms” who will take a big name corporation and guide them in terms of cool branding, hyping, repping, publicity, trending, blabbity blah. Now, you can do that for tens and twenties of thousands of dollars or you can go to a little (HUGE) guy like me and pick my brain. I, have been successfully cool branding myself for years, long before myspace even how did people find me without facebook or twitter? I must be a wizard or something, I was a kind of VICE magazine barnacle, coursing to infamy on a messageboard lickity split the second my fingers touched the keys in the year 1999. I’ve been able to create and maintain a bevy of it-girlism, single-handedly (for eleven years this November) all by myself allow me to exploit my talents now, I’ve won over TEN FIRST PLACE blog awards, cough cough. I’m ripped off and replicated time and again, I started the selfy photo (you’re welcome) and blogvertorials (you’re welcome again) and my rank is climbing again in North America, right now I’m just over 20k on this continent. Sure, media outlet websites/blogs best me but as a person, a one man institution I cream all competition, and how did I do it, no, how DO I do it? Why would you blow all that money on fifty brains when you could save half of it and just take me to dinner one night get me blasted and I tell you everything. I think it’s a wise move to go with fifty brains by the way, I am not an idiot but I know that if everyone uses the same fifty brains for all the TRADE SECRETS then how will you know how I know what to say and do and react and create for your new product?

Colleague just sent me this video and I thought it would be a good excuse to whore us out for more campaign work (unlike politics, these campaigns have a high success rate LOL). alexATraymitheminx.com If you want in on the dog ‘n pony show. Landed myself a sweet gig after holidays from having my face seen in the Globe & Mail (make the papers monthly what did I say?), the man’s breath was taken away! If you’re gonna have to be sat down like the funny old crony in that video up there then what better a face to learn all that shit from than mine? I’ll let you buy the first round of drinks afterward (plus my fee ;)). Over and out, Raymbo Bright.

His breath was also taken away. Trying to find Globe pic from this night.

Can’t, giving up.

See ya in the bawth, -Eloise.

Mr. Sparkle

I’ll save you a piece.

Beautiful Parkdale sunset.

See how happy I am? Remember that next time gingerjerkbread house asses.

A jar fell out of the cupboard and smashed, I was busy vacuuming and thus not being a control freak so no icing foundation was laid but also we decided to decorate first and assemble later.

I like my Dr.Seuss swirly sparkles because I am a social reject.

:( I did what I could. I was the only one taking it seriously. AS USUAL. I take sparkles and icing very seriously. Too seriously maybe?

Light eggnog anyone? Greyhound? Ever since I learned that geniuses drink/consume grapefruit I drink that stuff like cray-zay. Apparently it makes you sharp, and It’s true cos it tastes intense and you have to be a man to be able to take it, much like Brio, an acquired taste for sure as you’re swallowing it you are like why is this happening, what is this taste?

Oh well, fresh gingerbread icing is jealicious.

I was so proud to display this. Where we failed was the icing foundation which we (Bunny) did not lay. It’s ok, we had fun and now it looks like a Ke$ha disaster which was the goal anyway. See how I shaved that yellow/caramel to size? I am the best.

That’s my boy face, I look like my teenager dad. YAY! Hi Bunny! Everyone is in love with her, all my dopey internet guy friends make dumb comments every time a new/diff girl is on my blog it’s funny how stupid they are I love it. Thanks internet for bringing us altogether. Though I think it’s supposed to be all together, altogether now is from that one part in the Beatles song altogether now? OMG! STOP RAMBLING!

Allen’s leftovers. I am a genius.

Blog treats! Kind of disgusting but not when the booze magic starts to work.

First attempt. I wanted to do whip-its but we didn’t, I have never done whip-its before I think 28 is a good age to start, right? Hello? See that crack? First mistake, how did that happen again? Luckily I intelligently chose brown icing instead of hot purple and pink to be more aesthetically matchy. I got to flex my extensive caulk knowledge too.

But how will we get sparkles on it if it’s put together, and it’ll collapse if we hold it on its side so we all chose two walls or a roof piece and went to town. I made greyhounds and forgot about dinner which is probably another factor in gingerbread house failure, drinking on the job on an empty stomach while vacuuming during the almighty important instructions part. Which are in Swedish probably and Bunny got icing all over cos she was testing out the ease of use or whatever of the tubes. When we tired of our project I made us green bean poutine.

Very nice to look at and design geek groupie fetish approved.

Look at Bunny’s little finger heart tattoo, so cute.

Hot nails too. Haha see the dog?

Oh don’t worry I criticized the hell out of that candy corn catastrophe over there. We had to cover up someone’s swastika too.

I ate that pink heart when it all went to shit. It was delicious and got me pumped for New Moon HI DO YOU LIKE THE NEW DIRECTION OF MY BLOG NOW TEENAGER FRIENDLY? Or am I a mommy blogger now that I have crafts and activities again? They can relate to me cos everything seen here is some dumb thing they’d do with their kid? Except with less booze.

Like I said my phone has a been a pill. SUGH-IGH.

Pfft. Bunny has ones on her phone she’ll send later. Not like I am sitting here waiting on them or anything, I am trying to figure out the course of my evening, from outfit to how I am going to seamlessly hook up with the girls at the Old Mill with no luggage or who knows where they’ll be and I have band practise tomorrow at noon and if I know my mom she’ll be rocking a heavy champagne hangover about then and could give two fucks about my needing to be back downtown stat. I’ll tell Lois, she’ll make it happen. If they want to party with me they have to acquiesce to my needs. There now I am way less stressed out haha thank you for helping me sort myself out there. We’ll worry about outfit later.

I was SO PROUD of my big globby blue window facade and my candy corn spikes? Birds can just legit fuck off my roof AND DIE.

The yellow sparkles on white icing looked like piss snow and had this all gone right I’d have made a trail of piss snow surrounding the house. This is LITERALLY a broken gingerbread house of dreams. HO HO HO!

I just love looking at this, if it makes me a simpleton then so be it.

Then my roof piece got better. Teacher did a Van Gogh on his which to me looked like dog shit but whatever (I am still angry at him for being a stick in the mud last night during this).

Sparkles hurt when they are dug deep in to your skin as a head’s up when you press your house together haha.

See his painting down there? Not horrible but not, not awful either. Who do you think made the swastika in the first place? (to be fair he’s a history teacher in the middle of WWII but like I can blog that?)

Remember that scene in xmas vacation where the two mother in laws are decorating the gingerbread house one is smoking and the old men are snoring? That was us. It was funny. Being a “grown-up” is a joke.

No face Raymeh, not bad! This is casual Raymi HAah.

BECAUSE THIS WAS GOING ON! I would have put more sparkles on those dots, TEACHER.

I thought taking it to the living room would make for a better picture plus Bunny’s foot?

And a very indie Christmas to you too.

Well I am glad I at least capture this before it was bulldozed.

What it looked like after collapse AFTER I overturned the decorated sides, ugh.


And now it looks like this Flinstones My Little Pony house.

The roof is now a wall. I feel like a cupcake now.

Are you ready to sign the rental agreement? Hey it looks like Adventurehouse!

And this morning, still hideous.

But I kind of love it.

The pink caramel log thing is covering up that inappropriate thing Teacher drew.

Are your eyes killing yet?

Come by any time we’d love to have you.

Time to clean up my act (bath time).

Don’t hate me because i hate myself

Ok here you go dorks, this is called PLAYING THE GAME MOVEMBER STYLES.

Didja get yer adequate Raymeh dose today?

This was the night Susan Sarandon told me to go fuck myself silently with her eyes. It was because I had the audacity to arrive to her party in this dress.

Oh bitch please. Heh. Darius how was Spin when you went last week? Did you drink EVERYTHIIIING?

Even the guy on tv is supporting the cause, tho Rick’s facial hair support is all backward. Apparently there’s a moustache party tonight at Clinton’s. Hmm. Sounds like trouble.

But trouble is my job!

Ya k’yant catch me I’m the gingabread gal.

Just thinkin’ of ma thoughts. There’s plenty.

This was after a couch hang with other leaving their swanky Thompson condo, after a dinner sake hang in-where i talked about Susan Sarandon incessantly, after a pinball hang. Whirlwind evening. Getting in to my cab at the end of all of it was hilarious at 4 in the morning, scary. Yes this is my cab who the hell else would appear out of a tiny side street alley RIGHT HERE knowing that a cab would be parked, waiting. I about lost my mind on the guy. I dunno what name they gave you I want to GO HOME! He calls the switchboard, they confirm it and I stare at the back of his head and rearview mirror, fuming and sparkling. HAHAHA.

I guess Breakfast Club what’s-his-face guy started on his movember early, what a keener, speaking of, she was at this party too! BYE BYE the candles are lit for our hello kitty gingerbread vigil now standby for reports that won’t come in.


I am going to Jay-Z and Kanye West tomorrow night (putting jay-z first will make Kanye _JUST_SCREAM_ I bet) and this is why I never announce anything on facebook ever:

Raymi Lauren White
Kanye and Jay-Z TOMO!!
Like · · Unfollow Post · Reshare · about an hour ago

Crystal Santaw likes this.

Emily Muse Me too! Yay!

Tracey White did you forget Lois and I are coming and the Old Mill? tickets?

Becca Lemire so jeals

Raymi Lauren White uh yes i forgot

Raymi Lauren White ill catch up to/with you

Tracey White well did you get us tickets then?

Tracey White we can rock the Kayne/JayZ

Rebecca Lawton jealous!

Raymi Lauren White no one ticket only

Raymi Lauren White are you guys staying over?

Becca Lemire hide me under your coat?

Steven Dueck RAAAYYYYMEEEE lololol :)

Tracey White yes we were invited to stay at the Old mill with Steph. Can you make two tickets magically appear please???

Raymi Lauren White NO

Raymi Lauren White now stop blowin up my phone mom

Tracey White this is insanely unacceptable, how can you do this when we come with presents?

Tracey White And a free room wth jumping beds at the Old Mill?

Raymi Lauren White i will meet you after STOP IT

Tracey White any chance of tickets or are we too cougar old?

Raymi Lauren White no you’re just a cheapskate.

Rebecca Lawton I love watching the mom and daughter show.

Tracey White How can you say that, i got you your own bed at the Old Mill tomorrow night , you scratch my back, I scratch yours, out of love of course:)

Tracey White not sleeping with you again either, you toss and turn like a horse

Raymi Lauren White mom a friend is taking me to the concert

Raymi Lauren White bechnique do not encourage lol

Rebecca Lawton im mildly entertained…lol

Tracey White yes, but my friend is taking you to the Old Mill and we have a gift certficate for the keg tonight, what do you say to that?

Tracey White tell your friend we will dance for tickets!!

Raymi Lauren White I say that you are getting on my nerves and I will see you tomorrow when my ass is dropped off wherever you cougs are

Tracey White what time do you think that will be exactly?

Tracey White Is the friend cute?

Raymi Lauren White you’ve all been blogged.

WARNING: ass in da mirror

I imagine this is how Kelly Ripa works out too. I LOVE HER!

Interview Question: Would you say that you are ambitious?

Long silence then intake of breath because I had a LOT to say.


LOOK IT’S ROB PATTINSON!! I met him a few years ago when he was staying on tofino island (my ex’s stepsis knew about this) and he came to the gibson juno party we had, Tyler Stewart was there too hey buddy! Anyway, if I had played my cards right and wasn’t engaged at the time I am confident I would and could have said something horrendously perverse that might impress him and like 9/11, my life would be forever changed. Again. Whatever you tell me why you read this stupid fucking blog then. haha. OOH I FOUND THE TWILIGHT POST message to the crazies where I waved the white flag. LOL.


I am never a deserter, rarely so, and this was one of the times where I trashed a post. One of my tips about being internet famous is, if you’ve got something to say, stand by it and back it up. Be controversial, but in this case I was not prepared for the lunacy of #twihards. Teacher told me it’s pretty good though holding out on not seeing Twilight ever for over 4 years. I met a dude when I was 18 who was my friend for awhile when I interned at a magazine downtown for my high school co-op placement, he was in the Knights of Columbus (he had the ring and everything, or it was the FreeMasons if I saw their emblem I could place it) he looked like a conducter with long curly hair and had an internet indian name as an alter ego for his email account, Rajiv something (I know right and I am not even making this up, I have loads of ridiculous stories like these) and he was a vegetarian, anyway the point of this is he never heard of Britney Spears and it straight BLEW MA MIND like, what. O_O he didn’t have a tv either and his slow computer was dial-up and I was like how can you live like this? No furniture too so we would always sit on the floor and he had a best buddy who ALSO had looong blond flowing hair and I was like, who are you people? Meh it was Cabbagetown but anyway, I guess guys who get in to funny old man cults aggressively avoid pop culture and so I guess I turned in to my friend Garth (actual names YES) and turned my back on a big fluke of popular culture like Twilight. Bowing, the end, where is my medal?

I’ll take my didn’t hit it rage out on the gingerbread house now.