Ha ha ya right like that is even possible for this guy but I find that awareness is key of any shitty thing you’re up to, call yourself on it. That’s the only way you can make change because you turn a blind eye and the who world goes blind wtf was that saying again? It’s all water under the fridge just gettin’ two birds stoned at once here.

Speaking of blind, I also wonder if that blind person is still reading my blog. I made a blind joke once upon a time in my Raymi fashion which is like borderline gaslight politically incorrect ofc. I tow the line. Anyway I got dragged for it then lo and behold I receive a comment from a blind person having my back I was like THATS RIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS WHAT I SAY HERE IS LAW but that was so fascinating to me. Blind guy said he was able to read my blog with a read to voice audio something or other in a time when my blog being read aloud to him like a robot Stephen Hawkings and you couldn’t select your desired voice preference. my bf has a famous tennis player’s voice for his GPS (he seldom uses) and so one time we’re driving to wherever the fuck and this croony sexy swarthy mysterious voice relaxing and calmly is speaking in the background behind Sirius radio playing tunes, I ignore it, figure it’s another auditory hallucination lol but then I am like WHO is speaking what is that? Oh a tennis player directing us to another small town kk cool.

I still wanna make a Nagivation app and it’s your mother-in-law’s voice screaming at you to take a sweater and not drive so fast (soft seinfeld george costanza rip-off) like come on the wordplay is totally right there that’s how fast my brain is functioning, I’m doing the things and concocting riddles along the way fucking christ. I am nagivating you. Nagivation. No, NAGivation. STOP NAGIVATING AT ME. see? fun. especially three hours deep inna a road trip and you gotta piss but there’s no place in sight then someone mentions waterfalls and flowing rivers. Never stop trolling the world.

I look back on my life to understand the here and now like I can see bad habits I am forming and I am raiding my hand to try to curb them all in one fell swoop like you can conquer shit when u tap into a higher level of consciousness (can you believe that I am talking like this now?) and when you make that shift in establishing a new routine involving effort and wiping out the bullshit.

for the stupider ones than me, here:

Consciousness is the state of being aware of and able to think about one’s own existence, thoughts, and surroundings, encompassing a complex interplay of subjective experiences and brain processes.

So I want to work on a digital detox. Less social media. Less immediate dopamine reaction and OCD checking notifications around the clock. I never learned to shut off or nagivate that. I get a lot of notifications and it’s no different than drugs or any other addiction. If you have been a loner or isolate yourself, then social media is for you, so now that I got what I wanted I am drowning in it similar to lottery winners who blow thru all their money.

I wished for social media before it existed. I wanted to leave my beautifully screwed up teenage girl journals in parks for strangers to read and somehow get back to me. I thought of a system! I would dig a hole and there would be a sign-out log for all the people desperate to hear about my life. LMAO. Joke’s on you though because you’re here reading this so who is the loser now huh?

Another thing I need to curb is Love Island fights with morons like me on X. I like it as much as coffee. Lots. And then when I get attacked oh god lorrrrrrrrrdddd yess more please. I think I am addicted to humiliation and fighting I get an adrenaline spike when someone is mean to me, there’s legs here, it would explain a lot of my toxic patterns but anyway, I need to monetize it if I am going to continue investing precious time that would be better utilized elsewhere.

The thing with me though is if I like something then I will suck the fucking life out of it. That’s how we are with obsessions, hobbies, addictions, right? Not naming names but if you’re gonna chime in on my excessive unhealthy patterns then I will call you out on your annoying crap too!

See what I did there, defensive deflection. Don’t do that. Own and stand in your shit don’t attack and point fingers you know who you are if you do this.

Limiting social media I am hoping will lead to me blogging more and writing more BOOK. My writing agent said he will see if he can get me someone to help me. My bestie was but he literally RIP now so the position is now available. I have to trust you though. I let someone in before and they wrote a fucking hit blog piece on me LOL. I got Selena’d. jkjkjk but u know what I mean. Not bragging but I got some stage 5 clingers.

My next blog post will be a positive one nothing but motivational stuff as I would like to be the change I want to see in the world which means some people I know who are nothing but negative always it’s like abuse in my ears instant joy thief like fuck it’s entertaining but boundaries, curb it. When you’re the all new you that involves cutting out other people’s garbage you don’t want near you and never did nahhmsayin? I suffer from my own hell i ain’t suffering yours too. Empaths need to be vigilant. When giving is your love language you should not give too much and you will know when it’s too late so learn to SAY NO. And don’t apologize.

My girl Kenzie (who is getting so much hate and I defend the most like I am being paid) on Love Island corrected both of her matches in conversation and I wanted to tweet wow cunty but then I thought NO fuck that if she were a man saying those things no one would bat an eye. I also loved that she was right so hard and both men take the L. If men would just take more Ls and stfu more the world would be a lot chiller place like if y’all fucked up don’t waste more of our energies gaslighting around it because we saw it the first time. I step into my power of not getting fucked around with no more FYI first time I am nice about it and stand on business but if you didn’t take me seriously the first time, lord help you. When I fuck up and it means something to me, I do something about it I face it head on because I can’t relax until it’s rectified. Don’t understand the run and hiders and deniers. No aura points brah.

Okay I’m gonna pick some thirst traps for this post now.

Lemme know what you know, you know?

xo

Ate this yesterday then crushed a ton of weights and kettlebell. Being more aware of what I eat instead of starving myself and then snacking. Eat protein then have fuel and lift weights duhhh stupid. Still some steak left I will eat and do more puttering.

The odd cheat here and there so you don’t go postal. Sticky toffee pudding for 4.99 why wouldn’t you?