Tag Archives: anxiety

I’m in a fight with myself and winning

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Hello hello hello!

Thanks for riding through my crash-out the other day I am better now. Everything is sorted and booked all I gotta do is ride my anxiety adrenaline thru the airport and visualize standing in lines and not sleeping and hearing noises oh god I exhaust myself. I have charged my earpods.

I’m not gonna prepare a speech just well, prepare something, I am collecting funny anecdotes to mention and memories to share. Yesterday I recited an entire Ted Talk on grief during my walk and it actually flowed rather nicely but ion think it would go that way in reality. The last time I spoke at a funeral I was Courtney Love-coded. This time I plan to be more chill but we won’t know for certain until we see how much I sleep I get tomorrow night.

Today’s agenda is another powerwalk then decide what to pack MINIMALLY do my nails watch Love Island USA whiten teeth lift weights make my kale before it goes bad I guess check-in for our flights, accept the fact that the money I spent on this is worth it and don’t be bitter or angry that traveling within Canada is so fucking criminally expensive like wtf two grand for flights/hotel coulda gone to friggin’ literally anywhere ok ok chill there’s opportunity for that another time don’t be such a Debbie Downer. Real talk, I am still grieving the loss of my friend and I am mad that I am going back again this summer which was the plan to visit again but not like this. Now that i’m not a shut-in alcoholic loser anymore I actually want to do things and would have enjoyed having my friend around longer for that. I am able to compartmentalize it better because I don’t live there but this past week has brought up all the feelings I’ve been suppressing. Whatever that’s life and apparently I need to grow up.

I remember every mean thing that ever gets said to me and it happens often. I’m sick of it. I will vent about that another day though. I try not to be defensive but you can tell in the way I write I am always defending myself. People need to catch up and recognize that I ain’t taking their shit anymore and that this is who I am. Period.

Okay I’m over it time to hydrate BYE FELICIA

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