You want a revelation, You wanna get it right But it’s a conversation, I just can’t have tonight.

We’re all still v happy about the rug here. Rug town.

Post dinner drunk celebratory gingerbread house grocery shop. I love dancing and buying retarded shit in my finest, don’t you?

I don’t wear this jacket much so when I do I make damn sure to capture it, Tyra Banks now owns one too, after Kate Middleton bited me, who is next? Half of my tv interview last night was me talking about my stupid fucking jacket omfg what an idiot I couldn’t stop myself I either blew it hard or slam dunked hail mary hallelujah swished it. Lulz. Cramming your entire life in to ten minutes, when ALL of it is insane material makes you motor mouth like the micro-machine man except It’s Charlie Sheen talking in the vessel of Courtney Love (one of the interviewers said that, sigh). Kids, if you haven’t been paying attention regarding hype and larger than lifeness in blogging and you aren’t bringing it, I’d close your blogs down now. No one’s reading it. They’re all reading insane things or not reading at all, they’re tumbling at 95 miles per hour ADHD super street wicked cool perverse pop culture things. Or Facebooking kids to death (last year’s Simpson’s Xmas show quote). Sorry I don’t know why this is turning out like the Editor’s letter in an insane asylum magazine, but there it is. Ditva Von Teese shops in heels and hosiery all the time apparently. TO THE NINES GALS! Older Libvillian broads were looking me up and down deliciously, jealiciously. This is the most expensive jacket I have ever bought on Holt Renfrew’s dime by way of Crystal Light. When Stacey Mckenzie saw me walk in she goes, is that a SMYTHE blazer? Like it was important? I should have said hi when I jogged passed her two days ago, I am a shy loser.

Good omen.

Bunny Angora is coming over to collect her strippin’ money and I said if she wasn’t in a hurry she could help me make this. EXCELLENT! I kind of want to combine all this together like a Pee Wee Herman nightmare but I don’t think it would work out plus we ate half the candy last night on the couch ha ha. The train is for my dad so we’ll see how that turns out. I need a fancy plate.

Were already in the eastish end so went further to the Danforth to Allen’s and I thought I was hallucinating when I saw that blackened potato salad wasn’t on the menu, but it was, phewf. I never allow myself to have potato so this was a special treat. I want this recipe. Also had capon wings. It was pouring rain and cozy back there, Teacher’s shirt matched the table cloth. Baha.

And the green room was totally green, were they being comedians there or what?

Gay date man bar. And older than fifties book club maybe secret lesbians (that part I made up cos I saw one woman doing googoo eyes hilariously to this one little bird of a woman with her, over wine) I know it’s a gay man bar cos this one smokin’ hot couple that I aligned myself with so that I could have a staring contest with one of the guys did not look at me once but SO at Teacher.

ps. that’s on mad rotate right now. Blog title lyric comes from this song. I just love her.

We used the stir sticks from our drinks and pretended we were wizards making up Harry Potterish words, then I wore my black scarf like a cape and with my stupid owl shirt and the candle, it really pushed it over the edge then Teacher said I was embarrassing myself and I pretended to give a fuck. Embarrassing? I am Raymiing out over here dude. Then we got on the DVP in the wrong way and had to drive north for a bit, in the downpour, it was comical despite rage-inducing turned right around back again at the Danforth and all over again start the treck back to our neck of the woods. HEhehh. We might both be getting sick too. I probably have rickets.

Like I said I make sure to capture this jacket. In vanity bulbs no less.

Didn’t know what to expect so I youthened it up by culling from my dressing-hipster-by-numbers emergency accessory kit: suspenders. They actually keep my pants up! I do not like belts.

I like whips. Equestrian whips. Dominatrix allusions, from belt to whips. Follow along now.

Posin’ by a flower is WHAT RAYMI WOULD DO in a situation like this. I had to blast my nerves away. Just give them the Raymi. Ha.

My Little Pony is one of my style inspirations. Now that my roots are coming in I wear my hair down everyday til they’re done so I look like a Fabio Unicorn.

The battle is never won.

My phone is acting up maybe because I email myself too many pictures? Ha. So that’s all for now folks. What’s up?

Raymes TV

I am doing this song for Raymaoke next I go out! I BET YOU ARE DYING TO SEE THE SECOND HALF OF THIS VIDEO!

Ha my sloppy sash. Thanks for cleaning me up dude!

What should I read while I meditate in the bath and prepare for my audition? I am behind on many things.


I got on a plane for my first visit to TBAY the morning after this photo.

Raymi Lauren White blogging in the year 2009 looked like this
55 minutes ago · Like

Matthew Broszkowski Ugh, look how crappy the quality was in facebook photo uploads.
51 minutes ago · Like

Raymi Lauren White and the quality of the photo im taking with that shitty camera is even crappier!
51 minutes ago · Like

Every idea you ever had was mine

Tequila Taco night at the Drake, Ivy Knight hosts this thing called #86d on Mondays which is industry night, a thing invented to get people out on dead nights to bars and people who work in “the industry” help push this concept and you feel left out if you don’t join in. Foodie world is just as reliant on smoke and mirrors as heavily as twitter is holy christ I accidentally hit two parties of both offending scenes last night and it’s amazing how being right makes you feel like a Deity (something else we were also talking about last night cos I thought they were playing a Cleopatra movie) and throw twitter in to that mix, bullshit expressway supreme. I like the foodie scene a lot better obvi cos it’s old school and posh like me.

You got a free poster with your shots tacos and we were given some viplease treatment because I am a foodie type person and emotionally blackmail people to get my way, you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t. I taught myself a valuable lesson once, write a letter of complaint instead of flipping out and then blogging it. Say nothing, calmly remove yourself, diplomatically the next day, write the best letter ever. I wasn’t even trying to be a smooth operator this time around though, maybe my halo was just showing?

I am also getting hotter by the day and it is making Teacher cuckoo bananas. I’m not a person I’m a business get over it!

As far as I am concerned this is my last chance. I think that every day. My mom said one of the girls in her crew was such a perfectionist neurotic she ran up and down the hill back and forth on their hike waiting for Lois to come down. I totally would have done that! I have dance videos in my three piece lingerie sets for fuck sakes, how badly do I want it? Bad.

As I was coming down the stairs I announced before I made it in to the living room, now, not to alarm you or anything but, I look SMOKIN’ HOT RIGHT NOW.” he was on the veleveteen couch and his eyes turned in to pinned out psycho rage suppressing red eye and he tossed imaginary chairs and boulders violently around him. Heh.

On our first date I said I was going to get a lot hotter and he said he was fine with that. He repeats that a lot at work to his horny buddies I am like a cartoon show Teacher watches on the weekends, one old guy was like, well I know you had a good weekend, how was it? and Teacher gives him this look and the guy’s face melts off like in Raiders of the Lost Ark. He likes the extra attention and everyone says he’s changed, a lot nicer. I’d be a crabby teacher too if I was POF date hungover all the time in Philosophy, do you know how much I’d trash on men? Girls, now let me tell you something about men. LOL.

Now I don’t care if you think I am being conceited right now cos I’m not, based on what society’s criteria of beauty is and celebrity, if you just play that game and go by those simple f-ing rules I dunno, maybe be a little funny about it too and self aware, oh look, my rippling 6 pack looks gorgeous today (skinny tip, brush bronzer on the contours of your stomach definition to make you look more chiseled not that I ever do this or anything haha only for burlesque performances) and make it like a girl club. I just know that when I am happy of looks I am happy mentally and as a born depressed person I much prefer the happy days and so I will climb an apparatus that is several stories tall or walk on the CN Tower, run like a maniac through the cold winter streets with the dog (Oh that’s right I saw Stacey Mckenzie yesterday on Queen) then dammit I will do it if it brings me that much closer to my goal.

6 extra oysters on the house is an accomplishment to me. Then I had to eat the majority of them because Courtney thinks she’s allergic and Teach isn’t super in to the seafood. Only mine. Ew gross sorry!

And like one of my cats here, he brought me my first Christmas treat. Bunny and I are talking about our xmas show I am so happy to dance with her at the Bovine finally. She has amazing big production ideas and is just as insane and in to Christmas as me we want a Santa Claus for photos and other hi-jinx. Settling on a date soon. Prob second Saturday of December?

Hi Ivy. Knew I should have brought a real camera, Drake lighting is so dark. Not cell phone conducive at all.

Courtney is single again and hotter in her hot mess state, go Courtney! Plus you’ll get to be my friend too for a little bit until you get burrowed in her fox den.

I went running like this w/o any socks on and was running and thinking where can I get a pair of socks for ten dollars cos that’s all I stuffed in my jacket and my fingers turned white (bad circulation). I did it though. I felt really good afterward. Running clears my head and makes me look like a p0rn star. I could tell all the chicks walking were jealous they weren’t running in their favourite hipster slob outfits too and the boys, don’t even get me started y’all.

Hey guess what? Shut up I don’t care.

Ah yes yes dahhling, wonderful party.

This “Raymi” person should try to get by on something other than her looks. Just checked out her blog, and she’s a real horse-face.

Oh that’s right I made a funny cheesy social media holiday guide video in this lame dress.

A blogger is never at rest. Rest is for chumps.

All this exercise and “being good” is boooooring me.

Big tree fall down, goat bite de leaf. Ginger beer wisdoms.

Doot dee doo.

Time for MORE exercise and teeth whitening. PEACE!

Constantly is not enough

This is a two piece I got at Adventurehouse garage sale off Melodie, it’s a bit big but I kinda like that. I love playing dress-up.

Mad mama!

It’s quarter passed five do you know where your husband is?

I am swimming in this, gonna get it taken in to major slutville tiny town usa.

Christmas work party disaster in the making wheee!

When I ask for a cigarette that’s when it’s curtains.

Just kidding, cigarettes are disgusting.

Nail polish change night!

Running for congress.

References available upon request. Any idiot who puts that on a resume is an, idiot. Make that shit up! Mr. Majors Manager of Bullcrap Industries, employed by for 7 years sure call his ass up no problem!

Do you like peppermints, dear? Why don’t you suck on one while you wait in the lounge, sir.

Heeheh. I am ready Donal Trump.

Oh kitty.

Do you guys think oysters actually make you horny or is that a placebo effect? I have some important foodie interview questions to answer bye now. OOH guess who got VIPLEASE to Ghostface at Sound Acadmey HOLLA!! Hot mess OUTTIE. I hope Courtney looks good I am tired of being the hottest one all the time.

I don’t know how you exercise but this is how we do around here

If you’re gonna eat like a pig, then you should dance like one. Dancing in these heels is ridiculous. I will master thee. Looks like it’s time to schedule a hair appointment. Just came back from a nice run with the dog to clear my head, my winter workoutfit was dope, guy. It’s all about the leather and wool mitts. I do not expect you to watch all of this video but you could learn a thing or two about shaking your ass a bit. Try it on, looks good! This was a great work out, all soca music is, dutty beats make you get down low and keep ya limber. My legs were numb jelly afterward. time for triceps and hip hop!

Reality blogger star vortex

Ever glad that wind machine trick worked, Raymio. (Fabio duh).

Ha cheesy.

This smell is so nostalgic to me, cranberry and pomegranate. Powerful and I think I said reminiscent and Teacher goes, get it, scent? YES THANK YOU!

Just unearthed a trove of iphone pictures. Oh boy.

Wasn’t SNL so good? And Florence! What were the two songs she did? I want to youtube abuse them.

Seriously I feel like Angelica Houston in Life aquatic with all these animals that all visit one by one and gather around it’s like Snow White meets Harold & Kumar. Lol.

This is pretend posing obvi. You run out of ideas eventually when you are an old geezer dead horse beating blogger like me, you get better at it, true, but come Sunday you just want to hang in your underwear.

Just wait until this room gets attacked by Christmas.


Raymi the Real doll coming soon. How much money do you think they would pay for me? He said a grand, if it were a Raymi fan. Interesting. Lord knows there are chicks who give it up for free and regularly. It would be more like five grand I’d say. We have interesting conversations around here lemme tell ya.

We watched a lot of telly this weekend.

Welp, at least my hair is perfect. The trick is to not wash it for three days, on day three, wash it and ta da. The natural hair oil (grease) relaxes it and your hair is like hey! I’m relaxed! Then you act conceited all day long and the scary mess monster what was before is long gone.

But a NEW scary monster appears in her stead, bossy hot monster! You cannot escape.

I am drunkish here. It was awesome. Had a can of clamato and vodka at home and just took the rest to go. I was good this weekend we had marathon movie couch surfing to make me look younger and fresh for tomorrow.

This is a Raymeh room for sure there is so much going on.

He said I have to clean up the mantle for Christmas time, well not really cos all my stuff is sparkly and decorated already and I am planning on a Hello Kitty explosion. Sigh fine just kidding! I’m a girl version of a Ryan Reynolds’ Freaky Friday film rip-off dramedy how his loft aesthetics might be, big kitschy junk and juvenile garbage littered everywhere. SORRY I’LL CHANGE! (pfft right).

The more people try and mindfuck me to change, the more I stay the same, and play better.

Long winter. Boo :(.

I can’t tell if I am in shape or not anymore. I’m not heavier so, ugh. I am too lazy to run I have to get back in to that habit. I just HATE the cold.

I have problems going cross-eyed, I have to hold my finger between my nose, they just want to see straight.

Hot date.

Nothing I do is stupid.

I am a victim of circumstance.

It’s begun!

Nice and thick. Made the right choice. He tried to go toward grey, cheaper, no no no. This will match all the stupid white things in the room.

And better for pictures.

The other rug is going upstairs on the landing whenever that gets cleaned. #never

SCARY BABYSITTER legs. That’s my sequel to Bad Teacher.

She gets paid extra after midnight… I can’t write something vulgar enough right now I am too much in la la land.

Almost got a big mirror for behind the couch and will but need to know how to mount/anchor without it coming down on our heads. I think a mirror belongs over the fireplace though this post is so yuppie puke barf sorry.

See the difference in our phone camera qualities? Different shades of garbage.

This had better not be rug foreshadowing.

So far so good.

No seriously, I was listening. What?

Ikea scales are skinny scales.

Shelf for the little bathroom. Above toilet.

Great view, lovely dinner. Suburban and high-end common but whatever. They had boozy bellinis.

It is beautiful in there and I loved the green grass by the kitchen. I love going out to Sunday dinner.

He had rib-eye.

My view, I swapped so he could take it in plus that cute italian family left so I ran out of people to stare at. There were a lot of babies though and young dads. Teacher wants a baby now. Sorry not now!


How many songs are written about you? I have four to my knowledge. I also have to review that book with the story written by a twelve year old Raymi, Laura coincidentally emailed me today. I need more manpower! Yes that is sexist I like it.

I would make a good sorceress or some cosplay dorky zelda type thing. IDEA!

I love Kiki Dunst.

Schwartzmen is hilar in this.

Party on, Wayne. Ok guys this has been great but I have work to do meow. Have a nice day!


Colleague just sent me this: Female Blogger’s Defense of the Nude Inflames Egypt thoughts?

Saucy Sunday Mondays

Good day sorry I’m late. Had to clean up the gingerbread cave. We managed to use every single cup on hand and thus two loads of dishwashing in queue that I cannot sit down and work with a clear mind by if it doesn’t look at least a little tidy. Cluttered space, cluttered mind.

The new rug is sumptuous and lovely and everybody is happy about it I want more pillows now and the first person to spill on it gets their throat slit. I’m one to talk though, spilled red wine on my white jacket last night, it came out but what a scene. My glass tripped on the creased table cloth and launched it everywhere.

This book is a relic.

Downloading more of yesterday’s/this weekend’s modest damage and I’ll be back with…MORE!

Taking it easy today cos tomorrow I have an important audition. Nuthin’ to sell here, just bloggin’ to blog. How was your weekend?

The gravy wall was mesmerizing, I must say. Bernaise sauce!

Pizzaless pizzas and green bean poutine. Knowing me is like knowing PeeWee Herman. You’re welcome.

There’s something sexy about this shitty cell phonograph of me. Just can’t put my finger on it.

But anyway, here is one of (several) of my popular twitter retweeted quotes, lets live by it today:

OWN THY SHIT! Whatever that may be, own it. You are you so you be the best you and don’t worry about anybody else.

Mondays are delicious (because it’s my first time alone after the weekend and it makes me excitable to be a loner?) Speaking of delicious…

Code name: Raymbo (like rambo) and just as mullet-like
Secret weapon: A toothy fake smile
Fav bite: Jerk
Hates: Meatloaf

blogging on borrowed time

Takin’ pictures of the future dishes I’ll be crafting. I find if I am in a mellow enjoyable mood, I spend way more money at the grocery store. It’s ok though as it’s cost-efficient over going out. I make up for it in caviar.

I look like a slob break and enterer. Hipster boy bait.

Teacher pushed me on the cart in front of all these perfectionist yuppies near the deli, we quickly aborted that stunt. Hahha.

In the industry this is known as “set dec”. Britt taught me that.

Frech Baci chocolates. O_O YUM!

The missing Baci spot is the one I took! The guy making these flew in direct from Italy.

Green bean poutine. The gravy wall was amazing.

Top ten videos of hotness and bringing it inspiration according to RTM.


Here is an example of an email type message that I get daily here at raymi the Minx enterprises. A lot of people write to me or leave me death threats and sexually abusive comments regarding a video I danced to years ago and don’t seem to understand that youtube was merely just the vehicle in which I utilized for my dancey videos for my blog, which is my primary source of care, focus, and attention on the internet. I do not dwell on youtbe but for some reason this video, and I have many, gets the most cray cray and I think it’s because it’s in the Silence of the Lambs movie as those are the majority of quotes referenced in the comments, a lot of people make fun of me and say I am a transgender, whatever, THEY are the sexually-confused people. ANyway, here’s the comment:

Prugarten has sent you a message:

Re: zomg that dance was soooo hot


the “Goodby Horses Dance”

I noticed that ya dyed your hair, ya know, “blonds have more fun” but, traditionally, dark haired women currently and throughout history have been the most attractive, ironically, the vast majority of “First Ladies of the White House” have had dark hair, and, Cleopatra, Princess Stephanie of Monaco, Princess Catherine of Wales, goddess “Aphrodite” all have dark hair, dont get me wrong, I think your hot either way, unquestionably a very very attractive women, not as sexy as me but, very attractive.

393 LIKES and 286 dislikes. Over 141,000 views. When you have been case studying people on the internet for over a decade and are kind of brilliant like me, you stumble on to patterns of habit with people, I find that this comment is true and pure and honest cos this person’s perspective on me is youtube channel driven, and my blog is secondary. Some people find this video of me and fall in love or are majorly repulsed. This video engenders a strong reaction because (I think) they’re already sensitive and freaky cos they’re youtubing Goodbye Horses cross-dressing theme song, which I didn’t know at the time. I heard it the night before at our friend’s house, loved the song while we were playing grand theft auto as it was on the video game and made a dance video to it. Similarly, there’s another song that I love to rap and dance to by L’il Kim and I am smart enough to know this time around that it would be “too much” to blog video dance, but I can perform it in a club, dance video it and I dunno, another Goodbye Horses happening?

Brb with more garbage as usual.

Icing failure. I TRIED to get more gingerbread houses but it felt excessive despite knowing there wouldn’t be icing in these Swedish minimalist kits. We have another one. I must say though, pairing high-end gingerbread (Ikea is good quality over grocery store junk) with ginger beer was genius of me. Did you enjoy this gingerbread warning anecdote?

I better win that trip. I never win anything though so whatever.

Exercise grease monster weekend.

Ok so apparently I am being too Nicolas Cage in Family Man right now this weekend so I am wrapping this up now BYE! Ps. I made a lot of funny comments on twitter last just saying if you needed some more Raymeh.