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Knocking on wood is for pussies

This could so be in the back book cover jacket sleeve yeah? Raymi currently lives and blogs in Toronto with her two cats (inherited step-motherhood thereof) one Lady Garbage and Her Friend, Boyfriend…she likes soup. But not when there is too much cinnamon in it.

Hola blogarinos!

I’d kill for some sunshine today. Short of that, a dry sky.

This shirt was close to making its way to the donation bin, can you imagine?

I wanted to do back-to-backs of a year ago this month but I looked in my archives and got severely depressed and bored instead. The desire has passed. I threw some archive links in my twitter feed and the blog numbers were cranked over 130 guests for a couple hours. Ok twenty minutes. IS equivalent to 2 hours in blog years.

I found my nail polish, it was in my laptop bag, with those strawberry nail polish remover pads erica gave me, so I gave myself an insta-mani on the spot while playing (and winning) Balderdash. It was a very intense game, I wonder how it will go down this weekend when more relatives show up. I will have to practise shadow-boxing.

On my way to victory. I still have to think of some nicely cold served revenge though for Shawn, he ripped a chunk of my hair out. In that moment I had to make a quick decision, do I give him a right hook in the eye and spoil the party or do I end it and remove myself and SLAM THE BEDROOM DOOR AS LOUDLY AS POSSIBLE. Still angry and I will hear it at the salon today. My brother was drinking psycho punch for sure, he warned me he would hit back earlier so I knew it would escalate. I wonder if we will still kick the shit out of each other when we’re forty?

I think I am getting sick but I am not going to dwell on it, I’ve had a couple of those sick feeling sneezes that wash all over and prickles your skin the last few days and my denial act of said sickness possible ailments has actually been working effectively so far. Knocking on wood is for pussies. I also quite enjoy the taste of snot down my throat. #yeahisaidit.

We saved the gingerbread train for Hailey but we opened it like raccoons and inspected the box contents based on the credo of “I bought it.”

We also played indoor frisbee with this neat fold-up frisbee I got in San Diego from Blogher holy shit next year take an empty suitcase with you, I bet all those mommy bloggers wrapped their kindles for this xmas, smart.

I can’t believe they let me go out in public in this dopey outfit, the socks I was wearing with leggings and grey flats, stupid hat. Behind my back they were calling me a trucker dude. It’s every man for themself in my family. Haha this reminds me of drunk wisdomery with Courtney last night, I said, life is like that Will Smith post-apocalyptic world movie (I can’t believe I spelled that right) and he’s alone waiting for rescue and there are zombie monsters everywhere, THAT is what it’s like, you MUST be happy on your own and survive. We just discovered that Courtney’s Ex is more of a piece of shit than we thought so we got smammered last night. Smammered is Heidi’s word and I give credit where it’s due.

This is how dude’s wrap a present. WRONG. You make it look like a pretend fire in drama class and place it in one sheet at a time like the whole bag is a fire. Why do you think they give you 8 pieces? This is 8 pieces of tissue paper folded over, cool waste dude! I left it as is cos it was funny and then I pointed it out to everyone when we arrived for a joke. Dad I will get you a card on the weekend. LONGEST BIRTHDAY EVER.

Friday night alright outta site! It’s getting to laundry low level so outfits are interesting I wonder what I will wear today, how exciting!

Leaf me alone. Getting longer.

AHHH Scary leaf ghost.

I don’t know my own strength/accuracy plus I had never done this trick I just invented before. Don’t aim it at your head, stupid?

A woman was studying, (absentmindedly not seriously) and we quickly ruined that for her. If you don’t want to be around people then why the fuck did you leave the house? She was scowling at our fanfare but by the end managed to grimace a giving-in smile at me because I kept staring back at her threateningly with my FUN. I hate bitter people because they remind me of how I used to be.

So suck it.

My bro had oxbloods like these when he was a teenager, I had them in blue, so I got these as an homage to him as well as a double time burn. I bought him a nice pair of Wallabee’s a couple years ago as a switcheroonie on style omg what is this Freaky Friday! He wears them on special occasion type occasions. Why am I writing like Jack Kerouac today so much oh right I’m a pisstank wordsmith like he is, a-doye.

I am trying to do the Marilyn poster, can’t wait to see it!

Even though I’ll definitely be playing Courtney Love. I thought this outfit was a bit of a Cobain Hybrid.


And my Nirvana tribute tat. I felt I was dressed pretty posh at my MTV interview, I am tired of the Courtney Love connection. It’s insulting. Yes she is an icon a little but I am not a raging lunatic like that, not yet anyway. I was wearing a goddamn $800 jacket that I talked about for an hour aghh!

Party statue, fresh from band practise in where I scrame my fucking guts out after very little sleep cos I was partying, I swear! NO Courtney Love here. I’m cute though right? That soup had too much cinnamon.

Teach had a burger so he only ordered soup and the waitress went, “Just soup?” haha well we had pints and I ordered a vegan sandwich. If you eat like a vegan you will look like Kate Moss but people always be fucking with Teacher, it’s funny. I think it’s the glasses. People feel comfortable, themselves, in giving him a what-for. I love it.

Whereas me it’s a mystery box of how are they going to react. I know I generally boss around servers but that’s only because I am efficient and I sort out our drinks and food within four seconds of ass hitting seat, who said it that their dad was a busser orderer too? I am not exactly that guy but I know the time saving trick of menu depositing and splitting for five minutes and nuh uh if you think homie done gone play a trick like that. Our very nice and professionally phoney people pleaser server at Fazooli’s tried it and I was like, HEY, wait a minute. Then ordered apps and those slush martinis before she could go look at herself in a mirror. She knew then that we were a table not to be ignored.

There was a pile of leaves, maybe that pissed her off? Hey lady is this your pile of leaves? There are two kinds of people in the world, those who get angry over spilled piles of leaves and those who are no big deal about it and just rake it again as life and fall is short. Ha I kinda gave up on that one right. I am getting leaving house anxiety because it’s so rainy and my light bulb ikea guy I bought out of loneliness is so comforting (you should get one) but mostly I am lazy, and possibly sick. And a whiner.

Bringing the big ass umbrella with me.

Ready for your punk rock aerobics instruction? My torso is not this long or warped, it’s the pants, they have stretched out and are a large. I’ve shrunken since purchasing them.

How is this inappropriate for minors? My jingle bell rock dance video was flagged. HO HO HO!

Don’t forget to PVR How the Minx stole Christmas.

Wait a second.

He didn’t even tell me about these ones. He said he was “getting mad” so that meant I was posing right.

Ps. I am only wearing one pearl earring in the durex video, I lost one on the way over :( Gotta get ready now love you bye!

10 thoughts on “Knocking on wood is for pussies

  1. Dear Raymi. First of all your hair is looking good. For real. I hope you don’t do anything to drastic with it.

    Second of all I feel like I should tell you that sometimes I have a kind of cheeky turrets, where I make swarthy old man pervert comments to myself as I read your posts- as a joke.

    “Ya, I’ll give you back-to-backs for a year…”
    “I’ll show you sick feelings that wash all over and prickles…”

    Mostly I have no idea what these things mean. It’s innocent stuff. But when I got to that part where you talked about the taste of snot down your throat… I was like, “ya, I’ll give you- oh dear.” haha. I think I’ll stop doing that now. Sorry Teacher and Raymi’s Mum too.

  2. Yes. Tourrettes. Thank you. And I also said “to” instead of “too”. And I totally get the booger snot thing thanks. Anyhoo. haha

  3. Our whole family has tourettes

    yesterday my brother was trying to explain something to me on his computer and I just blurted out ” you have Richard simmons curly hair and new invisible rimmed glasses”

    He just frowned and immediately removed his glasses.

    brains with no filters

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