Thank you for getting high with us

Now here’s the second part to the Las Vegas style shit show we put together for the Android TO after party. Killed it.

Omg so scary and not even halloween yet!

Oh hey Paul. We are old friends. Once in awhile I bump in to him when we’re both on Nicolas Cage benders and it is funny.

Come come the more the merrier the less the scarier. One of my Raymisms. I have a lot. Michael Holett DM’d me and said, if you made up barflyentele, that is genius.

Ew gross not sexy. I look like a snausage. I bought those when I WAS a snausage actually, years ago. Never wore them. They’re so obvious.

So, once upon a time I had this idea for a burlesque troupe…

And you betcha there were haters but I kept at it and at it and that little division of my Raymi Circus is thrivin’, oh yes. I love all my girls.

I said to one group of boys that their flights had all been cancelled and they were permanently grounded, WITH ME. One licked his lips. Heh. I love being Raymi the Minx.

I wish I knew the thank you for getting high with us slogan as I’d have been saying that all night long. So much was going on I’m lucky I didn’t lose my hat.

I have really long arms.

What’s going on here what’s the big idea hey hey!

Impressive, though I might need a second look.

Not all of us are coming back.

Is that peach underwear?

Got tired of walking.

I wonder what they’re thinking, playing it cool while they feel my entire ass up.

Never fear Batman is here!

Yeah pretty much party stripper party awesome! Proud of it. Takes balls. I have them, do you? Two days later I leaned over the edge of the CN Tower. That’s Little Raymi #1 there.

Minx would look wicked on my arm in this right. Damnit.

I look like one of my childhood best friends when I show my brother and tell him he will die. Laughing. I was so retarded here I couldn’t figure out this was Alkarim.

And why I am saluting Hitler, ehhhh. I am actually waving What a power couple no?

Ha so confusing. Nice one Sean.

The other party room. Hot asian gamer chick.

We had a fake fight.

Pfft yeah.

Doin’ more of the thing.

This way no this way.

Bunny’s face should be on a toothpaste box so perfectly classic pleasantville apple pie right and I didn’t wash my hair what is it doing??? So puffy and stringy.

Aw I love him he always makes me laugh. Whether it be this or playing the keyboard with bubble wrap on his head stuffed in a Knight helmet.

Zaira’s big cans and ANDY MILONAKIS.

Gee I wonder which guys in this picture were on shrooms, the big mascot heads?

Do you think I was playing it cool enough?

Jazmin was their favourite.

I am talking all street here I think he bought it. Sean told him I was crazy though, thank you Sean! Holy smokes you should read some of the email chain between me and Sean over the last month planning this party ha ha.

Oh yeah some shit went down in the social media hood this night. It involves your hero. I don’t think that is what I am talking about here though despite my most amazing of facial expressions.

Thank you Celina for getting the roller lesbian punk babes together for this and fielding all that drama holy crap everywhere there be drama us burlesque misfits had some ourselves. Makes life exciting don’t it?

You know what’s sad and funny is, I actually look older than Andy Milonakis. I am going to go kill myself now kay thanks bye he’s 36!

Those sex costumes make your arms look humongous. And your face like Tara Reid. Enjoy! Some girl added me on FB who is a famous dominatrix and she has the same flight suit, weird right? That’s why she added me I think. I dunno, you never know when you are on the internet right? Scary place.

I am forcing him to kiss me here and he is playing funny guy. I think he thinks I was just trying to use him for his celebrity or something (totally was).

I can tell he liked it. Facebook liked it.

Then he started being nice and telling me stuff about crap that us performer guys talk about involving hotels and all that star treatment and Jazmin’s boobs probably.

OH how nice for me, a zit on game day!

And last one.

Everyone had costume changes it was the greatest thing. Loved curly ginger haired Harry Potter kid. That stage was bouncing and tunes were blasting I was blasted ahhh life.

Party shots! Hi Sean!

Anyone could get up in there and slam dance. Stephen did, that’s when we met I was drunk sitting on my luggage cross legged like a lady and he was piss wasted and some other little raymis were gathered and we fell in partying socialite love. Wicked dude! he goes, and I’m not even attracted to you, you’re not my type hahaha. More perfect. he’s the one I went to Thompson underground with and partied even dirtier with Pauly Shore.

Well wouldn’t ya know it’s all over.


Don’t remember if I blogged these of Erica’s. I feel like I did.

i think so?

Deleted last night’s post. Liked the photos still.

Love Wills Landing. VIPLEASE treatment pleases meh.

Guys tell me why I am interesting please I have to make an audition video one where I’m not david Hasselhoffing and shoving chicken wings in my mouth.

Bragger’s paradise

We had to get milk. I dressed like it was a runway competition aka like Aladdin. We’ll be back here tomorrow for more B roll footage and scene shots. Exciting.

Jump suit!

LOL. Doot doot doo what am I a chimney sweep? YES!

It’s hard taking pictures with your left and the touch screen. I have always had secret tattoo agendas to have just a tiny part peeping out, on Blythe it’s her cute barbie legs. Now this wrist, a tail. I can put it over my face like those STUPID moustache tattoos lol. Just kidding I can haz not be a hater.

Stella gets Queen/Dufferin nervous so I thought I’d sort her nerves out by getting her all riled up at the dog run and turns out the dog walking freaks were there and their big bully dogs it was a hilarious time.

Cool order, flickr.

We saw them before at the park and Stella wanted to play so I walked us near pretending to be following Stella, which, I was. But they seemed too official and it was harshing my mellow so we bounced, “Mummy has to work.”

It’s nice to get out for a bit in the morning I love it. They were all teaming up on the labradoodle, cos he’s the “constant” of the pack and they all want to fight for pack dominance. Dog world is like in the wilds. I liked seeing the curly one get attacked, he liked the attention anyway. My shoes got muddy and I got to pick up Stella’s crap using a purple bag with mini white hearts dotted all over it cos the other dog freak needed my bag for his gargantuan dog crap yeah thanks pal! Lol. I almost got taken out by the running stampede herd 30 times cos I was in the tiny through-high-traffic way. I feel like a fraud with all these dog folk and inwardly panic that they will find me out about being a dog newb plus Stella doesn’t help me out at all in any shape or form when she gets spooked and rips me down the street like the Apocalypse is after her. Bye guys see ya later!

Not bad eh.

There’s some real artists out there.

Lady Garbage was licking My Friend. It was adorably retarded and I missed capturing the action. They’re so modest.

Rick put these all together by hand. He showed me once.

I have an Ikea idea lets get a new fucking mirror!

I am going to Sarah Connor my tricep it’s going to be disgusting.


Can you imagine getting punched in the face by me now! The last thing you see before darkness is the slinky minx tail, pow. That’ll look good in work out videos.

Courtney is a hot mess right now, Teacher and I had a fight. I needed a breather so we went out as trainwrecks last night and I brought Courtney to Jupiter. We also went to the Thompson as well, which is a whole other planet unto itself lol. Saw Odie, Stephen was holding us up so we missed him, “I want to introduce you to Lanny! Order drinks on me.” like fifty texts sorry missed you Courtney and I looked like lesbian slobs. Everyone was staring it was hysterical. We started out at the Caddy and it was all downhill from there.

Google this word and THEE SHALL FIND ME.

Serious Unicorn brains in a jar.

All spilled out OMG no. I got a million other pics of these with flash from another hang out there.

Speaking of trainwrecks what do you think about Courtney’s (lol not my Courtney, LOVE, Courtney) latest thing on stage? Man she hates Grohl but I think what she meant about food off Frances’ table she meant her own, right? And sorry maybe the one redeeming thing about you once was Kurt so lay off the poor sod holding up the photo of him.

That’ll show ya to get in ma grill all damn day #dogownerhumour I’ll take you to the dog run and have all these dinosaur sized dogs chase the hell out of you then terrify you under the Dufferin bridge aww she’s all curled up in a sunbeam on the couch now.

Ok one more can’t get enough.

We were going to throw this out. May come in handy.

And this candle is from the night we drank Jack Daniels, that green one is from the Pinot Noir and so on.

Bright colours bring brightness in to your life.

Next up, Harth Fest part II mess!

Ha ha what a party slut. I WAS WORKING! It. That’s for sure.

Dude, is that a cod piece?

What happens at HarthFest Stays at Harth Fest. Kind of.


Thank Friday it’s goodness!

Please put your chair in an upright position as we clear for take-off.

Ok I’ll head to the cabin and tell the Harth boys then.

This post is going to be a little of ridiculous, it’s many days since the event so lets see how good my memory isn’t “oh this is me talking to some guy about some-thing” times 300 pictures.

Like, who is this guy and why am I holding on to him? Ok I am going to start making shit up now.

Talkin’ strategy. Ok you walk around in a circle for a little bit and flirt with some nerds and then I will follow suit.

Clem always comes to my events, appears, then Houdinis, it’s funny.

I need a pasty sponsorship.

What’s up Curtis Santiago. We go way back. I’ll unearth a picture to illustrate.

I have always been cool, have you?

There’s another goodie ok as we were.

First glimpse of Andy and I lost my fucking mind. #rules.

Are you guys looking at klout scores? Oh right, they all dropped this night too which was icing on the cake for my personal enjoyment. Ahh “relevancy” and influence, you can’t measure that shit, get it yet? Told you all along it was bullshit.

Asking if I should switch my tights like one snag away from destruction.

This is the part where I brag about my teeth. My grandmother always mentioned my teeth which I never showed because I was embarrassed of my gap, which closed as I got older like my mom’s and thanks to never teeth smiling, I got no laugh lines or as many wrinkles as phoney whole life smilers. BURN!

Trolls always try to bring me down by saying I look haggard to take my powers away, ok well, lets see what your disgusting obscure faces look like then.

I have an oily T-zone like my mom, one vital reason why I am going to have nice skin forever because the grease lubes my face so like, I don’t plan to stop blogging any time soon which means more photos of myself as I age, I am just exhausted in advance by all the negative things that haven’t even been said yet because people get desperate in these times and attack a woman’s age when she is doing well, to take the specialness out of whatever achievements she has and it is pure bullshit cos I may have tired eyes sometimes but I am a lot prettier than some younger than me, doing nothing, for years. Nahmean? This is totally high school forever. Also, if I were a man, what I look like would be irrelevant, hey look at him putting that party on, way to go. But would you look at his crow’s feet OMFG! right?

That’s a good eyebrow arch.

Here we go.

False alarm.

The roller babes had a blast, I love that they came and I am a genius again and again for scheming this one.

She wanted to lift me, I envisioned a mighty cast on my leg for months, no thanks. I would like to learn how to rollerskate though, I can blade, but skates are scarier cos each foot is a car.

Name that girl, Bunny or Jas? No idea.

There was art too.

Me rollerskating with these chicks would make for a good video right?

I lost track of my airline manual so we didn’t get to pantomime with it, it is impossible to see out in to the audience with the spotlight in your face and all eyes on you and act like you’re not frantically searching the crowd for your idiot friend you passed it off to.

It was packed. The haters are trashing on this jam and FUCK THEM because it’s caught the attention of some very “street” people and this is how you party, real people party and everyone was on drugs, it was lovely and quite the varietal cocktail of them too the only thing that annoys me is I wasn’t invited in on that. This is so taboo Raymi oh whatever. I couldn’t even last to the after party at the Drake which I am bummed about but I had something major to do every day last week.

Family portrait!

Misfits. Speaking of which can’t wait to choreograph a dance to this song for christmas burlesque, 48 seconds in. Someone needs to make me a toy chest.


This is the best Sears portrait ever.

Our can-can made the music skip, we kept going.

Bunny makes the cutest show faces, when we lift her she looks like a little Punky Brewster I love it.

Happy we’ll beeeeee beyond the seeeeeeeeeea! Holy crapola look at my pipes.

Pointing is so hot right now.

I think Bunny wins for best freestyle solo, what’cha think?

Teacher was like WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY SUITCASE!? It won’t retract. Wasn’t me!

GLAM! Them’s ma girls so proud!

I have to tape my dress to my body cos I can’t feel through the gloves and at the Bovine my dress rode up because I am an idiot and shit always only ever happens to me! Watch Pure luck with Danny Glover and Martin Short and you will see what it is like. Though Teacher slipped on a banana peel the other day at school and was like really? Hahahahaha.

Bum bum bum. Bum bum Lauren is one of my family nicknames. Yeah thanks.

Andy Milonakis camp were like, when Andy told us there would be a wrestling ring, roller girls and stripping flight attendant chicks we didn’t believe him and their eyes were like this O_O while talking about it to us and I think Jasmine won for getting the biggest horny mob fan club for the night.

Ha ha that skinny thing is my foot/leg.

Oooh cool projection screens everywhere and our airplane! High tech. next time, smoke machine.

Yah party time excellent. I love how profane he was, perfect. Makes my blog look like Mickey Mouse.

My dad did research on Andy Milonakis from the almighty google and says, you know Lauren, he is REALLY famous. Yeah I know dad! Hi DUNCAN!

So we were the first to stay on stage, it was the best when the roller girls climbed in the ring I was really nervous for them but the grip of the ring material made them not slip or bust ankles. Everyone was waiting and hoping the stage would collapse I later learned holy sinister! It is a real wrestling ring whatever that means, the springs must be insano-good-quality. Can you imagine if it collapsed we’d be one of those famous wedding nightmare news stories that eventually get recycled on TOTALLY REAL shock jock tv shows, provided nobody died it would be HUGE for us.

I really wish I wasn’t standing like that.

I’m dancing like your aunt Myrtle in the Hamptons. Too much Sangria! LOL.

The juxtaposition of freestyle hip hop over beats and my slutty outfit when I am a tom girl wigger at heart, the irony wasn’t lost but I didn’t give a fuhk.

Can we get Kiefer Sutherland as our next party celebrity?

And then the shit show begins. I take that guy’s glasses and put them on and he dances with me. I was also pretty nervous, lots of eyes on you, judging and vibing out, jealous? Feigning boredom. Oh please.

Now that I am used to being more naked publicly I think Ill be goin’ places. Naked is armour, ultimate balls. Talk a good game all you want but if you can’t take it off, homey, move out the way. All anti-feminist remarks disallowed.

Nice shoes Sean.


I planted myself near Andy to get as many photos with him as possible.

Celina and I are ex old roommates, the original Adventurehouse with Lucas. Oh man, the stories and parties. Bahahhaa. We have the same sense of humour so dancing with her to Andy Milonakis was surreal and hilarious what a trip. All the gals had a blast.

What? I’m busy.


This little chicklette is the one who ripped my other thigh highs.

She is lucky I threw an extra pair in my carry-on.


All the circus freaks came out of the woodwork. :)

I helped my roller girl friend here mooch a drink off Colleague. Heheh.

People complaining about no free drinks here have been spoiled rotten by the scene, do yourselves a favour and BUY yourself a highball of reality, not everything in life is VIP. Nor are you.

We were all born equal, you want a free drink? You fucking earn it.

Ok to be continued I am bored now.

Harth Fest

Oh man so many things. It feels like a bongo band is playing in my head right now. Well, I am playing bongo music afterall Gu-u-u-u-ilty as charged (gay sing song voice).


Let’s play follow the wizard to her wizard chambers. (this blog post isn’t officially done yet but I blast them out half way to be nice and opportunistic and they’re long winded).

I’m wearing a bikini beneath this, not depends, but they may as well be now cos I’ve shrunken and they haven’t. See how fast I carve a trail, stay close or get left behind. I am ruthless. And a giraffe.


Baha look at sean over there in the corner. I got transfered around the room a lot in elementary school classes cos I talked to every one person place and thing around me then would immediately start up my second groups of Raymites over there too. Ultimate teacher diss is a desk island all alone, like so. Sean and I are getting together today to take over the world so I am going to rip him to pieces for our amusement. I wanted to blog the picnic pics but we have 1000. 0_o!

This is AndroidTO and I had no idea what that meant so I looked for the nearest guy in flip flops…


I still have no idea what he said, something about androids and terminator 4. I asked Sean if I could get a phone and he said I am like 30th in line. ABOUT AndroidTO: It’s a conference. There. This is the second one. If you want more info you can email me: or one of them. The main project we are working on is the after party for it. These dudes LOVE their parties and HARTH FEST began as a joke then got big fast and furious. My kind of people. It will be the clash of the Titans, RAYMBO WORLD + GEEK ELITES + MTVILONAKIS.

Everyone who works at Harth has an IQ of seven billion at the very least. I am working very hard on getting their leader Alkarim to allow me to make him more public. I am a PR girl now. Anyway, instead I will interview his dad (The CFO). Guess what his dad’s name is?


You cannot write this shit! Like When Heaven fell up/down and INTO the spiral staircase (HAHAHAHahhaha) upon her turfing of Big Brother UK, Anton said in the diary room, “You cannot write this shit.” it is better than american BB cos there is nudity and swearing and cameras everywhere even in the pisser and shower. I dream about these people. Yesterday was some serious couch surfing fyi, we caught up with all of our friends, ANTM, Survivor, Jersey Shore. Actually no we didn’t finish ANTM so don’t spoil anything for us please, some girl already did that for Heaven. Speaking of here is the clip. BEST thing you will ever see. She’s the nutbar who talks to the sun king and thinks tall people came from giants and that rockets are powered on melanin GAHAHAHHA!

Skip to a minute. So good. And then she falls AGAIN! Keep in mind that everybody hates her too. I love her cos she’s insane and has the best round-up clips and bungee jumped in to the BB house. I like Thom’s voice the best cos it’s all high and nasally like an old man’s from tim burton’s Nightmare before xmas, “Aaaahhh-oooooh noooooo.” Omg I need a life outside of non-stop blog/working and obsessively watching BB UK marathon episodes.

I picked up that rubics cube that’s not actually a rubics cube, squeezed and exploded it into pieces, putting my phone charger down at the same moment out of humiliation and left it there for the weekend. I got a round of applause. That’s their quirky thing too, they clap for everyone who exits, so endearing. They’re too busy to look up from suicide night coding missions, someone’ll notice and clap then they all clap which means good bye in geek world. None of these assholes around here clap for me when I get up and leave. I get to blog in my underwear though.

There is zany stuff everywhere.

Going up to the 4th floor now.

@fragileheart works here too, at the desk. I don’t know what she actually does though other than flirting with me, asking me why I am so hot, staring at pictures of hot naked chicks she tacks up to her desk (she isn’t gay) and I think she carried a stack of napkins once. We interviewed her on our The Issues (that you will get to see sometime never) and she chose to discuss “MOMS” specifically phillipino moms. Hilarity ensued. These are the Harth cast of characters fyi so pay attention, they’re going to be your party stars. Right behind Andy Milonakis and myself of course. Ha.

Harth Pod is designed by the modern future. Tech elites. They were watching TEDxTO by feed in the lounge, which consist of pod chairs and loungers designed by some Swiss guy I bet. More than that, the guy who FOUNDED TxTO left it and started up Harth with the rest of the boys. Boo-ya slam dunk who’s who swish.

Ps. how cute is this?

Jokes upon jokes upon jokes. These are magnets that are affixed to the water cooler. Which is where they all stand around and talk about Seinfeld like it’s the 90’s (which is my colleague’s Seinfeld-internet-relevancy metaphor I have heard a billion times before).

Pooched. Full of Yogurt.

Trying to see if my spine likes being curved like a potato bug.

Gahahha nice try. Did you throw the word “penis” somewhere in there?


Me getting that guy’s name wrong, Glen? No, but that’s my dad’s name. Oh well you tell him hello too. Baha smooth. I have a crush on every one of these dorks. I am projecting Microserfs on to all of them and now I’m their Jessie Spano.

Spooning rewards? Nope just totally hard workers.

It’s nice to finally be challenged and not the only brainiac I know outside of looking in a mirror. Just kidding! You’re all very very smart too!

Answering the question of why I’m so hot. I said it’s all a trick. An illusion. I’m not!

Then of course I noticed another weird thing, some magnets a genius (a real one and this time I’m not being sarcastic for once) stuck to the drink trolly baha.

In summation, come party with us on OCTOBER 26 – FOR HARTH FEST. some little raymis seem to be confused between the two events that are CLEARLY SEPARATE and DIFFERENT. One is Burlesque (at the Bovine SATURDAY OCTOBER 29), and the other THIS ONE THE HARTH FEST ONE is Andy Milonakis at 99 Sudbury three days prior. Seriously I am going to lose my mind if I have to repeat myself again and again and again. I am surrounded by idiots. Please get it straight. And guess what in-between if everyone pisses me off enough I will be jumping off the CN Tower. KIDDING! That’s the Edge Walk on Oct 28. Lunatic right?


I will be doing a separate post about this one.


I always fly Harth Air

We have roller girls on the bill now too. Check out Jazmin’s Solo from our last gig at The Bovine.



We do weddings. You’d be surprised how many receptions request live entertainment now, and in front of the kids too, so exotic and progressive.

Bunny and I danced together with the Harlettes. yes that is similar to Harth Airlettes. The Harth boys are to blame, coincidentalish name, so we’re called harth air (air is sharper than airway) and I had to add something dancey to it so you’d know we were flight attendants. If you had a better idea than “lettes” you should have spoken up.

Maybe I can fly Harth to Germany cos I’m big in Düsseldorf! look!


I’m Robin from Germany.

A few friends of mine and me are running a Hardcore music print fanzine. The main content is hardcore related but we even have metal, emo(core), a bit rock and other stuff. Besides this we are reporting about environmental topics and lifestyle.

We even have a huge online community and seperated mens only and girls only.
In the girls only area your blog has been linked from time to time.

So I thought, why not to do an Interview with you.
I don’t really have a script right now, but I think it might be interesting for some of the people down here about how your blog went that big and especially the person behind all this.

if you like that Idea. please hit me back


Robin Outspoken

Düsseldorf in Germany


I Have been dying of curiosity about what they are all saying about me over on that forum, getting traffic to tumblr and like bananas. Guten Tag! Can’t wait!

Wonder if my Gulag had anything to do with it too. I’ll blog a video of Jasmine Valentine’s burlesque performance from SO LONG SUMMER up here in a moment along with more photos of the HARTH HIVE. Sean said they spoke to ANDY MILONAKIS for twenty minutes yesterday and I can’t spoil anything else. I can’t believe this is happening. I am going to take the boys to yuk yuk’s next week for a night out VIP RAYMI style. I must convince Alkarim to allow me to groom/exploit him more, he’s our Jeff Goldblum! The entire Harth cast of characters are a dream. What’s next, toadstool hallucinogens with Joe Rogan? PROBABLY!