Closed door parties

Hey guys, I feel like shit today. I feel like this diet is stripping my soul away. I feel that empty kind of sick. I am probably three day hungover on top of that and can’t heal because I am not allowed to put french fries and grease into my system, or a pizza, that’s how you cure hangovers where I come from. The trick would be to not drink period though obvi. Maybe a run at the gym too but my left foot is still killing me I need to learn how to not march like an idiot when I tool around, it’s winter, you gotta hoof it.

Oh, and I am moving back downtown so if you know of a deece place in a nice naybe lemme know thanks. I don’t want roommates. Well, you know. No one wants roommates. I just don’t want to live with strangers or incur other people’s bullshit, or annoy anybody. I want something new. I want to become a curmudgeon who stays single for so long that they don’t know how to relate to people anymore or get near to them and the benefits of being single not living with a partner I haven’t had that in years. I want to eat beans from a can over a barrel drum fire in the middle of my shitty loft apartment talking to a rat ahah kidding. I don’t want to wear pants for 8 days straight actually I don’t really wear pants anymore anyway now that I am obese so all good there.

I still haven’t heard back from the audition so I don’t know I guess that means I didn’t get it but I am still holding out hope and my consolation prize is Aruba so, yeah. This is my birthday month and it feels awful gloomy ‘nt it? I feel sad actually like it’s the last month in my twenties and I am wasting it being depressed. But I’ve partied enough haven’t I? Does the party have to end? I don’t know but at the end of the day it would be nice to come home to my own home, something Shiresque with carrots and talking rabbits, kay fuck the Shire I have to stop referencing it I prefer the Hundred Acre Wood for this dreamer post speaking of that I think I’m gonna get a writing grant so what’s that all about, that’s exciting! Shoulda done that years ago.

But back to that audition I’m grateful I was already doing my diet 9 days prior because it ignited me and gave me a confidence boost and I haven’t felt the me-power in months, and months so, sweet plus finally. Also should I go to Atlanta before Aruba in the mean time just to do something and like get out of everybody’s hair and rip it up a little bit before I Sylvia Plath it? j/k It’s cutting it close to Aruba but I think I’ve done a stacked trip schedule (barely) successfully before so why not. Once you go away somewhere you get wanderlust and it’s an itch you need to scratch.

How amazing is Life of Pi, right? Beautiful film. I wanted to see it again today but they returned it. I’ll buy it. That’s a re-watcher for sure, many lessons in there and gorgeous to look at, stunning, like Prozac. I’ve wanted pancakes for days now. There’s bacon flavoured popcorn here and I chewed up the rest of the bag and spit it out just to see what carbs felt like again it was only a couple handfuls but my pupils instantly dilated like a cartoon character’s and my cheeks were puffed out it was a scene. When people describe eating pasta after not having pasta for a long time that’s basically what it felt like.

I’ve decided to take some acting lessons though so that’s good. To get sharp, hone the craft what is acting. Maybe I am tired of being myself.

Always nice to spot a familiar face in the crowd.

I am still re-cooperating from this. I am not 20 anymore. Damn fuck haha. Trade show tequila didn’t help either although it was free and delicious.

Before that, Spoke. It was quiet. It was Monday after all.

Cob salad mmmmm best I’ve ever had. It was supposed to be with smoked turkey but remember how I said I was done with smoked turkey?

Okay I am out of here now I have to do the paid writing gig. Blogging is exhausting.

It’s Justin Bobby Pins!

Bragger’s paradise

We had to get milk. I dressed like it was a runway competition aka like Aladdin. We’ll be back here tomorrow for more B roll footage and scene shots. Exciting.

Jump suit!

LOL. Doot doot doo what am I a chimney sweep? YES!

It’s hard taking pictures with your left and the touch screen. I have always had secret tattoo agendas to have just a tiny part peeping out, on Blythe it’s her cute barbie legs. Now this wrist, a tail. I can put it over my face like those STUPID moustache tattoos lol. Just kidding I can haz not be a hater.

Stella gets Queen/Dufferin nervous so I thought I’d sort her nerves out by getting her all riled up at the dog run and turns out the dog walking freaks were there and their big bully dogs it was a hilarious time.

Cool order, flickr.

We saw them before at the park and Stella wanted to play so I walked us near pretending to be following Stella, which, I was. But they seemed too official and it was harshing my mellow so we bounced, “Mummy has to work.”

It’s nice to get out for a bit in the morning I love it. They were all teaming up on the labradoodle, cos he’s the “constant” of the pack and they all want to fight for pack dominance. Dog world is like in the wilds. I liked seeing the curly one get attacked, he liked the attention anyway. My shoes got muddy and I got to pick up Stella’s crap using a purple bag with mini white hearts dotted all over it cos the other dog freak needed my bag for his gargantuan dog crap yeah thanks pal! Lol. I almost got taken out by the running stampede herd 30 times cos I was in the tiny through-high-traffic way. I feel like a fraud with all these dog folk and inwardly panic that they will find me out about being a dog newb plus Stella doesn’t help me out at all in any shape or form when she gets spooked and rips me down the street like the Apocalypse is after her. Bye guys see ya later!

Not bad eh.

There’s some real artists out there.

Lady Garbage was licking My Friend. It was adorably retarded and I missed capturing the action. They’re so modest.

Rick put these all together by hand. He showed me once.

I have an Ikea idea lets get a new fucking mirror!

I am going to Sarah Connor my tricep it’s going to be disgusting.


Can you imagine getting punched in the face by me now! The last thing you see before darkness is the slinky minx tail, pow. That’ll look good in work out videos.

Courtney is a hot mess right now, Teacher and I had a fight. I needed a breather so we went out as trainwrecks last night and I brought Courtney to Jupiter. We also went to the Thompson as well, which is a whole other planet unto itself lol. Saw Odie, Stephen was holding us up so we missed him, “I want to introduce you to Lanny! Order drinks on me.” like fifty texts sorry missed you Courtney and I looked like lesbian slobs. Everyone was staring it was hysterical. We started out at the Caddy and it was all downhill from there.

Google this word and THEE SHALL FIND ME.

Serious Unicorn brains in a jar.

All spilled out OMG no. I got a million other pics of these with flash from another hang out there.

Speaking of trainwrecks what do you think about Courtney’s (lol not my Courtney, LOVE, Courtney) latest thing on stage? Man she hates Grohl but I think what she meant about food off Frances’ table she meant her own, right? And sorry maybe the one redeeming thing about you once was Kurt so lay off the poor sod holding up the photo of him.

That’ll show ya to get in ma grill all damn day #dogownerhumour I’ll take you to the dog run and have all these dinosaur sized dogs chase the hell out of you then terrify you under the Dufferin bridge aww she’s all curled up in a sunbeam on the couch now.

Ok one more can’t get enough.

We were going to throw this out. May come in handy.

And this candle is from the night we drank Jack Daniels, that green one is from the Pinot Noir and so on.

Bright colours bring brightness in to your life.

Next up, Harth Fest part II mess!

Ha ha what a party slut. I WAS WORKING! It. That’s for sure.

Dude, is that a cod piece?

What happens at HarthFest Stays at Harth Fest. Kind of.


The fat lady is singing for you it’s over

She looks like Denise Richards.

Ps. yes I have makeup under my already always look tired eyes, black smears from someone.

But also BRB It’s Tuesdays Smoothdays aka boozeday cruiseday. No I am not drinking again, not til wing night later on but what I mean to say is consider this a “gone fishin'” kinda week. LOWER EXPECTATIONS.

I also have to prepare my talk at SSS too for next week though I’ll pretty much just wing that now that I am practising what I preach a whole lot more, and then I’ll segue in to, “which brings me to my talk’s focus entitled: I TOLD YOU SO.” A millennial look at the internet and forward thinking, with equal parts spite and visionary aptitude. Guys I am loaded still I think so, and, this is a blog guy, it’s like quantifying my big mouth times 11 years and always thinking I am right, funnier, machismo, blabbity blah the tides are shifting and not to jinx it but, It feels really good to see the fruits of your labours and I kind of have the raymi-impersonators to thank for giving me that extra edge push into the limey light (Oh and all the super hard work I do. That too). Speaking of I have to answer those German magazine interview questions.

When do you think I’ll have time to finish my book, never? It’s a gateway book and HAS to be done so that I can write my other ones. It’s book writing month this November and a big opportunity to write and get that sorted then lie on a yacht in the french riviera. Keep your eye on the prize. Arra my friend in UK is doing it and pestering me daily reminding me and all my responses are OK KAY YEAH I KNOW All separate one word emails. I speak like a caveman when I write and when I talk, jesus, get your decoder rings out and good luck. Downloading the rest of shitty party pics from last night, I want a new camera.

It was hard to get in but I got us in. People “in the know” know this, do you guys have trade secret line by-passing tips too?

Pamela power! There were three of us obvs insta-friends.

Jen Mcneely retweeted this and said nice wax job and only you Raymi! I dry shave and girl-scape with makeup haha. the one time I had a wax I had in-growns for months it ruined my sex life plus the boutique people were See-you-next-tuesdays.

Blog slave said he was probably on a pill based on my descriptions, everyone from LA is always on stuff. Oh yeah? We kept getting photobombed or people rushing through which is why this beautiful shot came out like so.


Yer not supposed to kiss and tell with celebrities. Except in my case I do both, but keep some for myself. Wait til the big one like George Clooney then sell it, or move in.

One of his entourage, with every photo taken they’d go Pauly, do you want another one taken? YEs. Bum squeeze. Ok another. I did this for YOU guys. YOU’RE WELCOME! Sacrifices. MMmm I want a snackrifice.

She was the morning after but ditched her man’s shirt and tie. I say give’r. Be young and free and if ya got it flaunt it it’s not about being slutty on halloween it’s the freedom of expression and creating a sexy bottle service moment. This isn’t a library for christ sakes.

Carol Zara is a well known (G4TV!) gamer babe and she likes thigh highs and is a pro. I was nervous to meet her I was really nervous period about all this but I love challenges and would not take a party no for an answer, Stephen was dressed like a drag blade runner and I was wearing my bathing suit I refused to be party debbies at the Thomspon bar, I signed on for a shit show and I got it, wait, I was talking about Carol here. Apparently Stephen is making us dinner and who is Stephen you might ask? Just a mid-forties ADD version of me who I am allowing to bounce ideas off/around/collaborate with. He last went to Vegas with nothing but the shirt on his back, he is that kind of guy. Told you the tides were changing. I might of said shifting though because I get everything mixed up. Don’t I.

I’d never been in the basement of the Thomspon before, I like this Captain Jack Sparrow dude with the castle looking wall and the huge designer lamp. One of the 400 vouching for myself and media life to the door guy was I am here to cover the party (lie, but turns out to be truth once I blog it and I blog my life so, more so true) and I cannot do that if I don’t get in, here’s my friend’s G&M card and mine, I am what I say I am and then we had a staring contest. I do not back down. He is like FIIINE where is your friend? We were on guest list but they were at capacity was the thing and we were late from talking too much to each other during pre-game drinking and time slipped away.

One good way to combat hangover is waking up and finding your picture in the Globe & Mail. Well fancy that. They edited my outfit into a normie’s for their ultra-conservative posh readership hehh. That party was a last minute idea of mine, I got the mass pr email blast like day of or before and on a whim hit reply and said can I have media invite even though it was an expensive ticket. In PR world you would be a ding-a-ling to turn down this it girl, then I brought the girls and history was made.

He is better looking than me :(.

Very nice bartenders down there.

This chap was quite taken by me but Pauly Shore was right beside me so, I had shit to do lol.

A genius flipped my phone into zoom and it couldn’t be undone, meh. This was how foggy it felt anyway.


Sunday Cuisine. Ok I go now.