wait for it you will LOL
Monthly Archives: December 2008
guide to greedy
i do not know how to work the volume on matt’s camera so you have to crank this mother up.
and um the following video SLAYS mine:
so lets ogle her
bettie page died two years ago yesterday at the age of 85. i can’t say that she hasn’t been an inspiration for me in the past and still is somewhat, whatever, homages are cheesy SORRY. such a class act that lady was and so, i tip my metaphorical hat.
“modesty is for ugly people”
GROSS MAN
now that the wine fridge is gone the crap on the floor is more obvious, hate it.
made new butt shorts, i changed outfit last minute slightly and i should have covered my arm last nite it bumped into so many people and is now scabbing all gross (normal) but i’m still paro, i better not have cooties.
i was going to do a shotgunning ketchup pose (of course) and the lid was barely screwed on so this is an almost holy shit reaction.
grossman’s wall is my favourite sketchy wall in all of toronto.
once i gave our waitress one of the camera cases from my swag bag she was very generous in her wine pouring, this was to the brim before i sipped it and took this.
ugh, and so it begins. this guy smelled like crazy, WAS crazy, crazy drunk, aggressive, and we humoured him for way too long as you are about to witness in the following pictures. enjoy. i am so glad i was sitting in the corner protected by the table.
poor erin, this guy talked all over her food, so gross.
he said we were all hot and then accused us of being against queers, said he had a wife but he’s gay, he was all over the place. he eventually called me a punk cos i told him he blew it by touching my friends way too much and i gave him three warnings and politely said if you don’t tone it down i will be forced to get violent. HE ALMOST PULLED HIS DICK OUT!
natalie was going to gas peddle him. she went back and forth between cheering him on and hating him, at all the wrong times too, someone would go to the bathroom and miss out on how much further he was taking things. he called fil pretty and would not shut up.
he lifted his shirt ten thousand times.
sigh. thanks but no thanks.
um we fuckin’ get it already.
then he drags an innocent chick from the other side of the room into his layer of crazy.
aaaaand this is how much other patrons were appreciating him (my favourite picture). the girl was trying to help him out, at first you pity these guys right then they get on your nerves cos they’re so cocked and don’t realise they’re pushing their luck. natalie said she was two hours too late in helping him relax.
red shirt hi there, he was pretty close to removing crazy’s face.
fiiiinally matt goes and complains when he tried to show us his dick, i almost wish i didn’t stop him cos then i’d have an awesome picture for you guys. he told me he had been going to grossman’s before i was born but it sounded like i wurse cominz here befur you wiz even BORN. (he referenced this important FACT multiple times) so i said AND? what is your point? they’ve been tolerating you that long? he didn’t hear any of it though. believe it or not i was the nicest to him of us, erin almost punched his lights out. my other favourite part of the nite was the guitarist’s hair and how the band kept playing throughout.
see his undid fly.
TIME TO GO DUDE!
i love grossman’s, always a guaranteed sloppy time. once he was gone the guy yelling in his face in that one picture nestled in his amazon gf’s lap, so funny.
don’t think i don’t have a conscience, i empathize for drunks and crazies while at the same time being totally entertained by them, it doesn’t stop my compassion for their plight and i can tell that this guy when/if sober is actually a kind soul. issues up the yin yang of course, but still decent. good luck to you sir.
it was funny to me that i was being the sympathizer advice giver and he thought i was his enemy and ruiner of good times because i was gently suggesting he NOT pull out his dick. oh and i was a punk for it too.
OMFtights
*i just realised i have a plus one for this party someone be my date you have til 6.30 to let me know!*
a pair of winter tights i was planning my outfit around for tonite are too small i am psychotically pissed off a little bit miffed and now i have to come up with some other stupid outfit to feel insecure in. they don’t go up high enough in the crotch, note to self YOUR LEGS ARE TOO LONG FOR A SIZE MEDIUM NO MATTER HOW SKINNY THEY ARE YOU ARE NOT A MEDIUM STOP BUYING MEDIUMS. steph your christmas present from me this year is a pair of black subtly argyle printed tights with some cat hair from cid, ho ho ho.
i have oprah on right now it’s the repeat of the sex and the city cast episode how fucking fascinating. still haven’t seen this totally predictable piece of cinematic drivel but i plan to just so i have more material to complain about. maybe i will “live” “blog” it from sass‘ couch.
guess what there’s more laundry nemesis ONLY FRIEND breakthrough news! i asked if she went to the christmas party and she said no she doesn’t live here (finally got it out of her) and that she wasn’t invited to which i made a frowny-face and said oh we didn’t go either then she said she went to a BETTER party at casino niagara and won five-hundred dollars and everything was paid for it was her birthday (i think whoever she works for in this building paid for her to go) and i reacted very enthusiastically and wished her happy birthday a couple times and said good for you! before all this she said i looked very summery. guys i think i am this close to hugging her please stop me. i wonder if she thinks about me. hahhahahahaha. or looks forward to the one day a week i do laundry.
i have decided to part my bangs pre-sarah palin days and they are so driving me bananananas!
ok dr. phil is on, you are kind of a big heel if you watch this shit and i cannot like you, at all, big deal breaker sorry. there are way too many reasons to list why dr. phil should dr. fuck himself (ps. I personally coin-phrased that term when i was manic) but i will give you one for now – his marriage failed and he gives advice to married couples and they keep going on the show for more of this marriage advice. ok one more reason why he can lick my bag (before the marriage failed) is he yells and points at people when he is delivering this “advice” as if it is law. like yeah great you’re profiting from the exploitation of stupid people and stupid people require advice to be yelled at them but still, YOU’RE ANNOYING ME DR. PHIL! and why do you come on before AND after oprah? ONCE IS ENOUGH! and why do you sit in those high chairs do you know how uncomfortable that makes me, i am nervous for your life when i see you in that high chair and i hate you don’t make me feel feelings for you! those chairs belong in bars only, like the keg where douche yuppies drink stupid drinks until their spirits break GOD!
and now i will plan something stupid to wear thank you for wasting my time.
ok wait i am too annoyed and involved in the saga what is this couple’s marriage to go away yet. wife (female) dresses in drag for fun and goes out. square husband does not jive with this, he just said he does not like gay things, gay culture (ugh). here is my marriage advice that dr. phil is not saying but should: GET A DIVORCE. he says it “hurts” him and is disgusted by it (someone punch his face off) she won’t stop (and why should she?)(her outfits are totally tame too!) so why are you even together in the first place. i swear, stupid people, stupid show if you are watching it right now you are dead to me.
never before seen samerin’s wedding pics
first we shall begin with dance pictures because they are my favourite, and i only ripped the photos with me in them OBVIOUSLY.
nice tan sharpie! ahh my fryes first time out, my feet were seriously tortured by the end of the nite. i blame sean paul, MIA and beyonce.
seriously, did your body look like that (connie’s) two months after giving birth? ok now look at me MEMEEMME! ME!
duncan rules. i wonder what song i am pretending to know the words to. ainsley’s dress is so fab.
remember i costume-changed? before that connie and i were dress twins, except hers was shorter and her rack exploded out all hot and mine modestly took the back seat AS UJE.
click to enlarge. i would just not leave connie and seb alone haha. this particular dance move i call LONELY DESPERATION.
oh betty <3 i know you can't help it i'm so huggable look at me don't you just want to squeeze me til i barf?
my first move with audrey was to dance around her like a carousel while she stood all tall and still i thought maybe i could distract the universe from the fact that i am not a model by trotting in a circle around one? anyway look how nerdy my face his HI GUISE THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY BOOK CLUB! DID YOU GET TO CHAPTER TEN THIS WEEK?
waiting in line for food i was so hungry and our table went last cos we were all dumb and drunk and lazy and talking too much i think.
spenny was my dinner date and would not shut up about anything, he tried to debate me on sarah palin (digs her), religion, and other shit ugh, i said i was not able to properly throw down due to my chill pill cocktail then i gave him one to get him to shut up haha while kenny was at the table behind me going oh man i’m SO SORRY RAYMI, so funny (ps great speech k). i actually was fine with spenny and quite amused, he is still looking for a girlfriend so if you are exactly like me send me an email and you can go on a date with him.
HUGE billable hours fan this guy is i can’t even make words happen around robin (who also starred in samir’s movie) the first time i met her she said i was really pretty and i practically fainted.
tasty little burg.
so pretty, not me, her.
you’re gonna say you love me too
i am dying of curiosity
did anyone take this guy home? *UPDATE* someone did! a dude named jubal brown, his painting is up and to the right of mine. wicked!
Jubal Brown is a video producer and multi-media artist based in Toronto, Canada who gained notoriety in 1996 when he deliberately vomited in color on paintings at the Museum of Modern Art in New York and the Art Gallery of Ontario in Toronto.
