no longer waiting for life to happen to me

it’s funny feeling like a cartoon character. to see yourself evolve the way others are wrongly interpreting it. i certainly don’t feel like i am blowing up. i just so totally have my OWN shit going on right now therefore lumping me in with others who also have their own stuff, pisses me off. i certainly personify the one man wolf pack bit, but i also definitely see the advantage of not alienating one’s self. if you act like king shit people will only remember the shit part. you aren’t above anything, don’t try for a second to come across as if you are. you don’t have the balls to come over and say hello to people you know, who wouldn’t dream of the snub-or-be-snubbed dead horse you so boringly beat. quite rich pretending to give a shit about some notorious mean woman yet spent the entire time tweeting like a hero about chicks not wearing black.

i do not give a FUCK about social media. i have friends who do. my friends are connected. i am connected. i am a name. invite me to your thing if i like it i’ll go. oh dress me? lovely sure total blogortunity i’ll capitalize on that one sure and last i checked i wasn’t allergic to fun. i scratch their back, they scratch mine.

this is so boring and doesn’t even deserve airspace. it’s a lot easier pretending to be friends cos the gossip-mongering and catty, petty, behind-the-scenes bullshit is seriously exhausting. we all float in the same-ish circles, we all cruise each other’s blogs, it’s really a downer seeing your fucking faces around town with your scowls and BB quick-draw firing, so lame. if you’re so above it why are you writing about it? why do prom dresses you weren’t included in wearing make you so irritable? oh gross look at us, so lame, having fun, drinking during the day WEARING THAT.

why can’t i go to an event then go home case closed? thanks twitter you fucking retard hahaha.

if everyone’s such a fashion renegade risk taking stud why they gotta show their true hypocritical colours like that? your lives are devoted to fashion, then “a happening” happens and you get all stuck-up about it. hilarious. you should try stand-up.

here’s another WOAH NOW! for you. i don’t even identify myself as a blogger (i consider myself an unemployed rock ‘n roller actually). i am a diarist. a compulsive documenter. i’m a lifer. this is my life, i’m showing it. what’s the big deal all the time??

they wanted a stir, they got a stir and guess who helped? YOU did. so really, thanks for helping get the job done.

goodnite! boring!

ps. i felt like i blogged too much today and about nothing important but then i thought who cares, really, it’s freeing when you honest to goodness stop caring and start living for yourself. enjoying what you enjoy, enjoying it while enjoying it. it’s indulgent (the good kind) and i don’t know why everyone else isn’t doing it already. i feel like i’ve been asleep a really fucking long time and now i’m making up for it.

i am no longer waiting for life to happen to me. to be happy. whenever that happens. i make my life happen. waiting for something to go right to feel right. fuck that, it’s here and now. stop being so bitter in the face and trying so hard to achieve and get ahead. just let the cards fall where they may. if it doesn’t happen, it doesn’t happen. just do something else. this is my personal approach for “making it” right now. no approach. just showing up should be good enough.

canadian weblog awards jock me so bad

2010 Canadian Weblog Awards

Exclusive Nominee Interview with Lauren White of Raymi the Minx

here’s some choice quotes/highlights/lowlights:

when blogging received its first wave of media hype I was already a few years ahead of the tide, early-adoption combined with racy material = audience. I have managed to maintain this popularity for way too long now. I am a 26 year old compulsive blogger and you know everything there is to know about me.

I’m not the only blogger anymore, so I have to keep my wits about me. In actuality though, I know what miniscule talent I have is unique unto itself, so I don’t feel very threatened.

It takes so much more balls to just stand up and say hey, I like something, and defend it. So much easier to just be a hater.

If I tell you what I won’t write about, then that would be telling you what I won’t tell you.

wanderers this morning came by

you may want to hit repeat several times on this one.

Tiger Mountain Peasant Song

Wanderers this morning came by
Where did they go
Graceful in the morning light
To banner fair
To follow you softly
In the cold mountain air

Through the forest
Down to your grave
Where the birds wait
And the tall grasses wave
They do not
Know you anymore

Dear shadow alive and well
How can the body die
You tell me everything
Anything true

In the town one morning I went
Staggering through premonitions of my death
I don’t see anybody that dear to me

Dear shadow alive and well
How can the body die
You tell me everything
Anything true

I don’t know what I have done
I’m turning myself to a demon
I don’t know what I have done
I’m turning myself to a demon

my buddies’n me are gettin real well known

girl longboard date with chelsea was a success. we’ve been meaning to make it happen for what, three years now?

the befores. (humidity made my hair all cavegirl).

after. sweaty and made it back in the nick of time to watch the crazy sky turn dark and all the patio shit fly around on the balcony. scary fun.

she watched me stress out over hell’s kitchen (seriously my hand is a claw after playing a few rounds of it and my back is super tensed up, v bad for blood pressure and anxiety)(speaking of, yesterday before chelsea came over i had a panic attack and i gather it’s the heat that does it to me. i tried to walk with fil and his bike to pump up the tires but had to come back and wait it out. i just can’t live like this anymore, every hot day makes me pant and hyper-ventilate. it’s debilitating and embarrassing. what the fuck can i do about it seriously what is wrong with me? i said to fil i cannot live like this anymore i’m not going through another summer holed up because it’s balls hot out and hello i WANT to go out and get some sun. after awhile of downtime i’m fine, a brew and a chat and a chill pill but really, it wasn’t even hangover anxiety i barely drank friday nite. anyway i’ll complain more about it later) oh right so yeah hell’s kitchen wasn’t fun it was just scary so we played cooking mama instead while we waited out the rain.

fil made it to stefan’s bbq just in time.

chelsea wanted some ironic tattoos drawn on her for an activist thing she was going to? anyway this one is an homage to my friend pokey, she has a real (mad better) version of this on her arm.

i’m stacked you better believe it.

i had a roadie ready to bring to the bbq then fil called to say party’s over so i just drank it at home and it got on his (drunk) nerves a lot. WHAT the bottle was sticky get over it sorry you can’t handle hobo chic. then we played hell’s kitchen and it was actually fun cos the inebriation made me (everyone) less scared and on edge. despite the wimpy shit, i do recommend this game, i got it cheap from that new video game store near the tap. they sell used (and new) everything.

burn. fil thinks he’s more tanned than i am.

i purged a ton of clothes for chelsea, feels great. she reworks things too so that makes me feel extra good about it.

i’ve been pumped for today for over a week and the weather is so crap. not gonna let it get me down.

hiii hii hihiiihihi

so the thing on my shoulder is a keyloid (sp?) cyst pretty much, i have to go back for a biopsy, then they will laser the fuck out of it on seperate occasions. what do i want gigantic embarrassing red thing or cool scar. i’m goin’ for cool scar. i’m writing on my old laptop from my dad’s it’s sooooooooo sloooooow i have a pile of emails to go through and it’s way irritating having to do it in slow motion. i thought ok i ‘ll just have myself a little break from the ole internet today but like some stupid metaphor i can’t even think of right now it pulled me in. i killed some time in the biodome mall reading my book on a plush couch while a blonde clone of several other blonde clones talked incessantly on a cellphone right beside my head. i bought a new hat with the remainder of my gift card, i look like one or all of the seven dwarves in it. there’s a ridiculous new shoe store the size of the old supermarket in this mall, like an outlet for every insane name brand fashion foot apparel you could ever think of um is there spell check on this thing or am i just on a roll cos i see no red underline squiggly things.

ok back to business, dooce is gaining on me, don’t let her!

love you guys.

thanks for all the voting and support and well wishes, such pals.

did i say we went to sketch comedy at the riv last nite? i put my name to be part of the game show but it wasn’t drawn, i won an uncie herb simspons doll for having a gap between my teeth though then i looked in the mirror and realised it’s practically closed now. my mom’s did that too.

ok bye for real now

A drunkard takes it all in like a friend

i really love (being blasted in) the harbord room’s facilities.

i turned the vase around specially for me/you.

i am NOT doing the bullshit sign, my fingers naturally fall that way. there’s a picture of my nana waving from a car in the 80s and it looks like she’s doing the bullshit sign, isn’t, as well as another photo of her a bit tipsy at my uncle’s wedding, same “rock on” alignment, unintentional. as if you were even looking at my hand check that figure.

i couldn’t find the chalk and even if i could what would i say HI IM RAYMI READ MY BLOG RAYMITHEMINX.COM BALBLA LBLAAHA everyone else had scrawled poetic meaningfulisms i didn’t want to sully it. for once. GUYS AM I GROWING UP OR WHAT!

itchy foot, new pants, burnin’ through that swedish wal*mart’s gift card let me tell ya.

nice roots, bangs are growing out i toy with the idea of cutting them again then i look at pictures of lohan and stop myself from entertaining such thoughts.

on to classier digs, and was reunited with the presence of one of many rude to me bartenders whom ignored me and i ignored her but chatted up fil to be passive aggressive. weak. brad what’s with your psychotic territorial tending buds, honestly? sass your ex was there.

i played the bubble hockey with sharpie and won and then a dude played with me and beat me then when we walked back to our respective parties one of the geezers at his said SO DID YOU PLAY FOR SEX? something like that. nice subtlety there guy and nice muscle t-shirt by the way.

do you want to read something profound that i mull over every time i look up at a bar ceiling? no? me either. haven’t fleshed it out yet oh yeah i had an anxiety attack this morning so that’s what you’re dealing with.

let me preface this with N-O J-U-D-J-I-N-G! i returned something, got a gift card, so these babes only set me back 68 86 cents and the pumas i was very close to considering were v sam ronsonesque and i think i’m too old to be dressing like i dance to hip hop but now come to think of it that chick is 31 so what the hell?

i’m going for a thom yorke in the JUST music video look here, get it? now someone just has to bop me in the eye.

i think blue laces will sort ‘em out. i almost asked some guy if he thought they were ridiculous, his girl was looking at ugg-type boots and he looked so wiped out but was mesmerized by my retarded shoe stress pacing and how they totally did not go with the shit i was wearing at the time, and he was a square so i doubt he would “get” “it” so i didn’t bother. 68 86 cents later i was on my way.

have a good one fuck it’s half past 2 already jeez.

ps. THIS was on tv last nite, i promise you your barf will barf watching it.

The 2008 Weblog Awards

i love me, you love me, win win.

88% legs

pretend dance pose just for you.

uh sorry the xXx’s on bottles is my thing thanks.

guess who almost lost their face last nite? totally my own fault it’s ok.

freddy the monster.

i want to live in an old bank building!

didn’t stay long at baby huey cos it smelled like pee at the top of the stairs, i closed the door once and the bartender came to open it up again. ok point taken buh-bye. I LOVE HOT PISS STINK. have you ever been in the bathrooms of max fish, it’s like a hot sauna of urine so sick, well, it wasn’t as bad as that but it was reminiscent of it and i cannot imagine trying to dig around in a baggy through that. also the fat nerd slobs would not vacate the couch area and it annoyed me like, you left your couch at home to go sit on a couch in this “cool” bar and you are so fantastically lazy you can’t be bothered to remove your empties you have to put them up on our (teeny) table of jackets? you didnt have enough room around that huge couch you had to take up our only space too? rude, toronto, you are fat and you are rude and you are lazy and you are getting on my last nerve and you all have the same winter boots. oh relax, only most of you are annoying.

i told fil before we left that i was going to just sit on the arm rest of the couch out of spite, fil said no. i am going to start a band called FIL SAID NO and we will play songs about rules and regulations and limitations. we will have zero fans and make zero money and have zero hits. good idea? maybe if we were called FIL SAID YES we’d make it.

oh and we bumped into alicia and she was wearing a new jacket that looks like my leather one and she would not let me take our picture together cos she was coasting on an alternate plane of reality (had to beat it out of there)(even though i put on MY jacket and got out my camera to snap one off)(ew i know sorry).


siiiigh. this place is available too….

then i broke my self-enforced blacklist rule for karaoke at the fox and they had sent the karaoke host home cos it was dead (wasn’t) so we (i) inhaled nachos and played megatouch instead and now i am fat and depressed and still sick good day.