your shoulderblades like sails

oh liane. i was happy to see she was the leader of the party upstairs at work last nite. in case you forgot or are new here, liane and i met in england during our respective english exchange programs at the age of seventeen. she has grown into such a dreamy little adult but i can still see the non-adult in her, it’s so endearing.

so glad this came out blurry as that chick was too hot for words. i knew allison was coming in at some point but when i saw this chick i thought it was her and when allison came in she too was wounded by the beauty of this creature so i cut out early and we hid upstairs where there was less competition.

she brought her little sister katie who is painfully shy. quiet shy. then everyone talked about how shy she was and answered all her questions for her. aw. and by everyone i mean me but mostly allison. funny to see her in protective mode.

clam chowdaaaaaair special. i thought teppei said CLEM chowder ew!

erin’s amazing shoes.

boring picture much you guys? DO something next time if you’re going to mug with my camera. -headquarters.

talk about effort. i wish i made effort.

erin takes care of comedy nite and i have no idea how all these comedians lucked out with this little babe babysitting their asses. she’s a diamond in their scruff.

nails did!

i showed off my one figure skating jump and here i am landing it. fuck the olympics i got your olympics RIGHT HERE!

so ghey allison.

but you’re hot so it’s ok. i love that necklace. or that ten necklaces. also, calling all musicians who don’t deserve this poon-tang, allison is single. she requires a hot dirtbag to flirt with. get on this shit STAT before i do.

oh look it’s a comedian. this is dom. he is funny. two of his ex’s read my blog (hi tania!) he broke the bands vs comedians tension really well by making fun of skinny pants and getting one of the guys up to bu-dum-dum-ching the drums after each joke tanked. speaking of me and my blog, i’ve been meeting lots of people who read my blog lately, or know someone who does. it’s neat.

my face is so red. i tanned without makeup on. i look like a ginger who fell asleep wasted in mexico.

ben is schooling me on stand-up. i really want to do it. took some videos of him giving me lessons i’ll share later if i remember. it was his idea for the myspace picture not mine i’m way cooler than that.

ok lets pretend we’re having a great time aaaaaaand click.

katie you’re pretty and all but get the fuck out of my way.

haha i’m pushing her.

oh i’m sorry, whose blog is this again?

if you don’t have any friends you should try befriending comedians cos they never go away and need lots of attention so you instantly feel admired. ok maybe my stand-up will be about comedians? every single idea i came up with they shot down those assholes. everything’s been done before so i may as well not bother.

the tables are wonky, one reason why erin thinks she beat me at arm wrestling.

teppei is the man.

hopefully i have a tapeworm. i eat carbs like craaaazy now, remember how insanely no-carb strict i was? well now i can eat anything. it’s great. i still have a nagging voice in my head about starches though which i drown out with piles of bread and dips and pastas.

cool guys. who are you, me?


blaaaah zzzzzzzzz.

little bit unimpressed by the cheese plate at czehoski. 12 bucks for this? even more dismal looking in real life. satiated no emotional eating requirements. the macaroni was pretty weak too. maybe it was a case of the mondays.

mer was my little dinner date. i like dating girls and paying for them. fuck men they can buy me dinner, i want to spoil my girls.

hipster guy bar line-up was pretty funny. and depressing. i love projecting shit on strangers. people do it to me all the time so it seems aptly fair.

thanks bloggins i’ll be here all week!

family weekend day one: done.

some gorgeous genes in my family there are.

papa’s 80th, not really a surprise in the end.

some things were said as is the typical case when it comes to family gatherings. somehow these people get away with it. i just say i don’t know how to react to that so i won’t say anything at all meanwhile i am choking them out in my mind.

i brought cupcakes and pumpkin pie brownies. gone in a flash.


mom’s princess feet. i guess this is where it comes from.

thanksgiving buffet, several people were not in attendance due to thanksgiving. i choked on the massivest piece of dry dark meat and mom says that’s cos “i don’t eat” urrrrg no. if you were ever in need of knowing how your bod was doin’ go visit the fam, they’ll put you straight on the spot.

wasn’t feeling the poker game.

now on to the next jam.

something im thankful for: your blog

happy thanksgiving lauren. i hope you have a nice weekend ahead of you. mine will be filled with dysfunction and wine. ahh. Also, I liked your mighty jail bush drawing ;)
sending love, xo Lisa

my buddies’n me are gettin real well known

girl longboard date with chelsea was a success. we’ve been meaning to make it happen for what, three years now?

the befores. (humidity made my hair all cavegirl).

after. sweaty and made it back in the nick of time to watch the crazy sky turn dark and all the patio shit fly around on the balcony. scary fun.

she watched me stress out over hell’s kitchen (seriously my hand is a claw after playing a few rounds of it and my back is super tensed up, v bad for blood pressure and anxiety)(speaking of, yesterday before chelsea came over i had a panic attack and i gather it’s the heat that does it to me. i tried to walk with fil and his bike to pump up the tires but had to come back and wait it out. i just can’t live like this anymore, every hot day makes me pant and hyper-ventilate. it’s debilitating and embarrassing. what the fuck can i do about it seriously what is wrong with me? i said to fil i cannot live like this anymore i’m not going through another summer holed up because it’s balls hot out and hello i WANT to go out and get some sun. after awhile of downtime i’m fine, a brew and a chat and a chill pill but really, it wasn’t even hangover anxiety i barely drank friday nite. anyway i’ll complain more about it later) oh right so yeah hell’s kitchen wasn’t fun it was just scary so we played cooking mama instead while we waited out the rain.

fil made it to stefan’s bbq just in time.

chelsea wanted some ironic tattoos drawn on her for an activist thing she was going to? anyway this one is an homage to my friend pokey, she has a real (mad better) version of this on her arm.

i’m stacked you better believe it.

i had a roadie ready to bring to the bbq then fil called to say party’s over so i just drank it at home and it got on his (drunk) nerves a lot. WHAT the bottle was sticky get over it sorry you can’t handle hobo chic. then we played hell’s kitchen and it was actually fun cos the inebriation made me (everyone) less scared and on edge. despite the wimpy shit, i do recommend this game, i got it cheap from that new video game store near the tap. they sell used (and new) everything.

burn. fil thinks he’s more tanned than i am.

i purged a ton of clothes for chelsea, feels great. she reworks things too so that makes me feel extra good about it.

i’ve been pumped for today for over a week and the weather is so crap. not gonna let it get me down.

important and fascinating update

my stevie dress is hard to capture in photographs so here is a video of me swishing it around. i make a dumb face in it too wait my face always look that way what am i saying. don’t worry full house post is comin’ up next hosers. happy friday i am in a funk mood and i don’t mean dancing.

stevie dress from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

this is probably the most graceful thing you will ever watch.

this blackout is serious shit

allison is on her way over to shower, another affected zone dwelling friend. yes yes come to my palace, bring coffee, oh and i’m low on shampoo and conditioner bring that too. people keep calling from the burbs to check on me i feel so bad for everyone else, apparently every street is packed with people walking, braving the cold. eerie.

i just had to skidster clean the shower for her while i showered, best time to do it.

my face has erupted in zits and the one on my neck that was slowly fading away, welp it’s got a new friend RIGHT BELOW IT. awesome. there’s a huge crater on my right cheek.

britt and i watched leatherheads last nite – let me save you the trouble – all it is is george clooney over-doing facial expressions for 2+ VERY SLOW hours and Renée Zellweger wrinkling up her face as tiny as it can go with lots of red lipstick on (ps i love her). some guy from the office is in it too. i think i laughed negative 4 times. the old timeyness was appreciated, everything else did not deliver.

i was just thinking about how i wanted to tan today so i won’t look like such a ghost tomorrow on the court but i think the salon i go to would probably be out of power, also, the idea of superbedding whilst people are freezing in their homes feels like the biggest prick move to pull at the moment. kind of hilarious in a way though.

we got matching tube socks for tomorrow, i’m going to draw a tiny star on one of my cheeks with black eyeliner and fill it in with pink blush, JEM kinda. also i’ll wear my ghetto adidas jersey for show between games.

fil got wallabies for 80 bucks, i hate him.

but there is hope for me cos they’re uk sizes, i’m a women’s 8 north american, so uk men’s that’s a 7, not a men’s 6 north american which is what i would need. yeah the math makes absolutely no sense to me either.

have you seen this thing yet?

coronary, anyone?

the following is brought to you by starvation dementia.

gawd lawdy lawdy hi! DON’T FORGET TO VOTE!! fuck it’s a close race i can’t take it man and why do i care? i dunno, well i do, and will elaborate more on that after a jug of coffee.

over christmas fil’s mom saw the teeny brush i’d stubbornly been using on my wet hair and flipped (not really) so she bought me my own big girl comb. aw. life’s gonna change now boys.

no more ghetto rings thanks to nat’s extras.

you will not believe who i get to see tonite, strictly for irony’s sake of course, oh man i’m bursting, kinda sorta, but you will have to wait for that news however, speaking of won’t believe it, remember pitt? well he’s a sober sally now and totally a drama queen, i mean, he’s in a play (a racy one at that) called bedrooms and it opens this upcoming weekend (we’re going of course). he plays a dude who tries to get a threesome going haha.

here’s a little chat we just had

Patrick: On Jan 8, 9, and 10 the Poor Cousin Theater Co., will be doing a production of “Bedrooms” at the Oakville Centre For Performing Arts.

me: can i mention that you’re a sober sally now

Patrick: if you think that has a hook, i have no shame about it
“Bedrooms” is a set of five comedies that explore the uncertain journeys of love, marriage, fidelity and getting older
For me the real story of all this is the director Leslie Carelse

me: right but my readers know you

Patrick: I know, I’ll make the relation for you to post. When I was about 12, or 13 my mom threw me into the Parks And Recreation Program in Oakville to keep me out of trouble. There I met Leslie who was the fixture of young actors in Oakville.
He taught the “Art of Acting Program”. I used it as a place to meet girls, but I can sincerely say that a lot of my make up today was augmented by what I learned under his tutelage

me: big words pitt!

Patrick: I’m sober now, and have more time to read the dictionary. Through the magic of facebook, I organized a drink up in Oakville about a year ago of old actors from this program. Leslie and I came up with an idea of an alumnist show. Leslie got auditions going for a bunch of his students over the last 2 or more decades. And put together this Theater Company: “Poor Cousin”. Basically he (we) are trying to bring in a younger crowd to Oakville’s theater culture.

me: can i just quote you verbatim

Patrick: If you like, but feel free to edit or ask questions. There’s been a lot of ups and downs that went into this production, but I truly believe Leslie is onto something, I’m really happy to be a part of it. There’s too many shows that cater to the old blue hairs and remote control corpses of Oakville. While the Burbs will never have the hipster culture of Toronto, or even Mississauga for that matter, it’s a nice little niche of cool in an otherwise stuffy city.

me: well i look forward to seeing it

fil took this picture, it was my idea for the chick to show more skin she had the sheet over her shoulders like a nana, i said maybe you should tuck it under your arms like so. ME!

Patrick: That’s why I want you and Phil to come see it, be a part of it and so forth. This is a legacy and the fact that Leslie has rounded up his students (some pro actors, others clearly not) to do this is cool. And I play a guy trying to get a threesome on with his Mistress and Sex Therapist…so I don’t think that’s something Oakville has seen too much of.
Oh and you and Fil get to see me prance around on a stage in my underwear again, so it’ll be like Old times.

me: no i doubt it
yeah nothing new there
ok this is good, heartfelt, you’re really a believer

For tickets call 905.815.2021 (toll free: 1.888.489.7784) or visit
the Oakville Centre for the Performing Arts box office

this is me reading your annoying comments

i am reading the late hector kipling right now and fucking loving it and the copy i am currently borrowing is an unedited manuscript, wicked. it was said that this book reminded the reader of me, and i guess it does or will. it’s just nice to have a book inspire you to write a book or paint a picture or at least think about doing those things or to be reminded that you enjoy doing them so this one gets the raymi’s book club stippity-stamp for sure and as it turns out the author is also an actor in harry potter wtf? oh internet, you are so totally the smartest person i ever met.