Tag Archives: RIP

what goes around is all around

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Well it’s time for an unprecedented post. I decided to house this here instead of facebook because it’s so important to me.

Today is your birthday and you deserved to have many more birthdays. The size of the loss felt in your absence is undeniable. bro it’s fuckin huge. I don’t even know how to write this tribute. I’ve been delaying it because there is so much to say, it’s overwhelming trying to navigate honouring your memory. The grief comes in waves, a very uncomfortable feeling. You don’t realise the amount of time in your daily life someone is always around for you until they are gone. Your go-to. Your number 1. I knew it while you were here and was always grateful and mindful as I practice that kinda shit now but it was such a huge blow when I found out from your sister you had passed away. I screamed. I lost it I fucking LOST ITTTTTT. Writing this now brings it all back to the hurt. And sorrow.

But I don’t think you want to hear about that sad part and because it is your birthday today I will focus on the fun happy shit instead because I cannot type when I am crying which I fully am now the floodgates are open if you saw me right now you would laugh I am hunched over the bed standing up pure full spine curvature like an arachnid my favourite gargoyle pose.

Our kinship was one you would never see coming. You found me thru MTV Creeps and eventually stood out amongst the “little raymis” becoming more of a confidant about ten years ago, who knows when you actually saw MTV Creeps because it was replayed a lot on MTV Canada but anyway my first stand-out memory was being in my apartment in Toronto by Moss Park (so sketchy) and messaging you whatsapping the behind scenes gossip about a shitty boyfriend playin’ in my face and you were always there for me to unload on things that bug me, in moments when you’re angry af and you need to type it at someone Dan was always my someone he got me thru so much shit I am forever endlessly grateful.

Dan was all about zen and imparting wisdom on the right approach to everything in life. A true buddy. a true friend. My best friend. I was so shattered when I heard the news. Haunted. Nauseous.

We had so many inside jokes long-running immature stupid shit, similar interests, we would watch the same shows and discuss them, all garbage reality escapist stuff we loved the most. When I am watching them now I will think of things to say to you and be angry knowing you missed some insignificant thing you would find amusing. I still message you. I keep our whatsapp chat alive and revisit so many treasures in there.

I am so happy I was able to visit you for a week before Christmas. We had an amazing time snowed-in the subfreezing temps of Alberta together. We completed a puzzle, ordered food, watched all the movies we had geeked out about watching together for years finally, helped you hang more art, made art, opened christmas presents, laughed and talked it was a complete joy.

I didn’t know how to title this post I thought HBD DAN RIP was not funny so I went with a Rickyism instead we both love to share when the time would call for it. Other good ones you quoted, it’s all water under the fridge. Getting two birds stoned at once. lol. it’s not rocket appliances, also a very good one.

Your love for the Beatles was familiar to me as my Dad is a John Lennon head like you so that was a fun connection bond. The Big Lebowski got a lot of action between us as well.

I’m just gonna wrap this up. I miss you everyday. You were so much to me to many and it’s not fair. I love you Dan and I thank you for being my best friend. You helped me in many ways that I can never repay.

to everyone else, please send positive vibes to Dan’s family and loved ones, and cherish your loved ones. And enjoy your life!

wake up

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so, yesterday was kinda sad eh.

this notorious (great guy) barfly suffered a massive heart attack just before christmas and on his person was a note to contact the bar if anything should ever happen to him, no family basically, aw. he wanted some of his ashes to be scattered on the floor and the rest of his tab covered the food and drinks for a few hours it was really sweet. i was not expecting to have such an emotional reaction at seeing his old post and that teddy bear he had given to his old waitress (who has rights of his ashes) sitting in his old chair like that and the pictures. god. anyway, it was a bittersweet afternoon and i came away from it with a lesson to us all not to let your life pass you by in a bar, but, if you do, be a bit of a wise-ass about it, and at least make some friends there so then you really don’t die alone? i dunno. i feel like oakville pubs kinda remind me of peter pan, they allow adults to never really grow up in a way, you can always go back to one and see at least ten familiar faces in there is what i mean. kind of a bubble effect that place. it’s comforting and it’s sad at the same time. then that stupid sam roberts song came on I THINK MY LIFE IS PASSING ME BYYYYYY… and i said fil he’s speaking to us from beyond the graaaaaaaaaaaaave ooooooh as i was playing megatouch. i’ve given so many dollars to that machine and a good few years too and allowed myself to let myself go for awhile. so yes indeed, total lesson if you’re going to be a drunk at least have something creative to show for it, like a book detailing all your drunken excursions so kids can idolize you for years to come there’s nothing like the glamorization of things that kill you. ahh hollywood.

RIP burt and cheers you are, and will be missed.

pretty much everyone has done some time behind that bar.

i also finally met binsk, after years of her hiding and ditching she came out. yay hi binsk gimme yer new url i can’t find it.

and this would be the infamous stall after i uh ahem had an ASSident i had to remove my winter boots, pants and underwear (and threw ‘em out) it all went down here. you’re welcome.

i have a crazy appt today ugh, i missed my last one cos it was on the same day as fil’s closing photo show and i messed up the date. i have no idea what to come at this guy with i feel so exhausted like i have nothing left to say (shocking) so maybe we will just sit in silence and have a blinking contest.

my mom was in a car accident on saturday, it’s ok she’s ok but wow yeah, be safe people.

my cat marlowe

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Raymi,

I got hooked on your blog sometime in 2004 or 5, I think. I’ve checked in at least once or twice a week ever since.

I wrote you once before–just a one-off, throwaway “hi, love your blog” thing.

I’m sending a pic of my cat because I had to take him to the vet for the last time last night.

I miss him and I’ve been a mess all day. It was/is so much harder than I had prepared for.

I don’t know what is motivating me to send this to you, but I’m going with it. I know cid is a big part of your lives, so I’m sorry if this is an intrusive bummer.

Marlowe loved to drink from the faucet. He would sit on the bathroom sink and wait for me to get out of the shower and then pester me until I turned on the cold water. He’d sit and drink while I put in my contacts.

He had bad farts sometimes. He always looked guilty when he let one go, especially if he happened to be in my lap when he did it.

Anyway, I just wanted someone to know he was my best bud from the time he was a kitten and it really sucks that I only got to spend eleven years with him.

Gog

siiigh, to marlowe.

being a pet lover/owner is a slippery slope cos we know that inevitably our little buddy will leave before us but our lives are all the more richer for ever having them in it and they make us better people.

so lets ogle her

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bettie page died two years ago yesterday at the age of 85. i can’t say that she hasn’t been an inspiration for me in the past and still is somewhat, whatever, homages are cheesy SORRY. such a class act that lady was and so, i tip my metaphorical hat.

“modesty is for ugly people”