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*i just realised i have a plus one for this party someone be my date you have til 6.30 to let me know!*

a pair of winter tights i was planning my outfit around for tonite are too small i am psychotically pissed off a little bit miffed and now i have to come up with some other stupid outfit to feel insecure in. they don’t go up high enough in the crotch, note to self YOUR LEGS ARE TOO LONG FOR A SIZE MEDIUM NO MATTER HOW SKINNY THEY ARE YOU ARE NOT A MEDIUM STOP BUYING MEDIUMS. steph your christmas present from me this year is a pair of black subtly argyle printed tights with some cat hair from cid, ho ho ho.

i have oprah on right now it’s the repeat of the sex and the city cast episode how fucking fascinating. still haven’t seen this totally predictable piece of cinematic drivel but i plan to just so i have more material to complain about. maybe i will “live” “blog” it from sass‘ couch.

guess what there’s more laundry nemesis ONLY FRIEND breakthrough news! i asked if she went to the christmas party and she said no she doesn’t live here (finally got it out of her) and that she wasn’t invited to which i made a frowny-face and said oh we didn’t go either then she said she went to a BETTER party at casino niagara and won five-hundred dollars and everything was paid for it was her birthday (i think whoever she works for in this building paid for her to go) and i reacted very enthusiastically and wished her happy birthday a couple times and said good for you! before all this she said i looked very summery. guys i think i am this close to hugging her please stop me. i wonder if she thinks about me. hahhahahahaha. or looks forward to the one day a week i do laundry.

i have decided to part my bangs pre-sarah palin days and they are so driving me bananananas!

ok dr. phil is on, you are kind of a big heel if you watch this shit and i cannot like you, at all, big deal breaker sorry. there are way too many reasons to list why dr. phil should dr. fuck himself (ps. I personally coin-phrased that term when i was manic) but i will give you one for now – his marriage failed and he gives advice to married couples and they keep going on the show for more of this marriage advice. ok one more reason why he can lick my bag (before the marriage failed) is he yells and points at people when he is delivering this “advice” as if it is law. like yeah great you’re profiting from the exploitation of stupid people and stupid people require advice to be yelled at them but still, YOU’RE ANNOYING ME DR. PHIL! and why do you come on before AND after oprah? ONCE IS ENOUGH! and why do you sit in those high chairs do you know how uncomfortable that makes me, i am nervous for your life when i see you in that high chair and i hate you don’t make me feel feelings for you! those chairs belong in bars only, like the keg where douche yuppies drink stupid drinks until their spirits break GOD!

and now i will plan something stupid to wear thank you for wasting my time.

ok wait i am too annoyed and involved in the saga what is this couple’s marriage to go away yet. wife (female) dresses in drag for fun and goes out. square husband does not jive with this, he just said he does not like gay things, gay culture (ugh). here is my marriage advice that dr. phil is not saying but should: GET A DIVORCE. he says it “hurts” him and is disgusted by it (someone punch his face off) she won’t stop (and why should she?)(her outfits are totally tame too!) so why are you even together in the first place. i swear, stupid people, stupid show if you are watching it right now you are dead to me.

19 thoughts on “OMFtights

  1. You might not be a medium, but the large size will bunch up around your ankles. I was skanking it up for a while with thigh highs and garters instead, but that didn’t solve the problem. Damned things barely go past my knees most of the time. Stupid people of average height! Ruining everything!

    I DVR Tyra, but Dr. Phil is too much, even for me (unless I’m the most stoned of ever). He’s up there with Bill O’Reilly and the 700 Club for intolerability. I can’t believe you managed to sit through any portion of that.

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  3. My mom switched from “Dr. Phil” to something over here called “The Doctors” which as far as I can tell is a group of surfer looking dudes in doctor smocks showing the audience very graphic slides of rotted out colons. While out FCC freaks out over fleeting f-word and s-words on the air, they do nothing to regulate this show that is put on in the middle of the day??

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  5. “. there are way too many reasons to list why dr. phil should dr. fuck himself”


    Thats the funniest thing I’ve seen you write here! Bravo!

  6. If you’re wearing your too short tights with boots, cut open the feet and wear them as leggings- allowing for more pull up slack. No one will ever know.

  7. come to mai house and watching sex and city can brog from mai couch anytime wor cuz you are smelling the nicest teehee. wah so tall like model and rockstar neh.

  8. i have another pair from the same place size medium that i wore last nite and they fight fine, i think i might be able to stretch them out hopefully!

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