Tag Archives: toronto

Yes you deserve to die and i hope you blog in hell

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I belong in the jungle anyway. I am doing infinity tricep extensions today and all weekend.

Holy tense! It was! Teacher popped in to check out the hotel (immediately lost) and we were cutting it close to reservation time (where they pitch your table if you’re not there and follow through with that threat) so it shows on my face a bit.

These are mean ass gold diggin’ heels. Teetering around the keg the irony wasn’t lost on me, holy crap that was scary. I didn’t fall but I am sure I looked like an idiot. We lost the table we were supposed to have in the middle of all the action so we sat in a hidden tucked away room which Tracey the Minx did not appreciate and so got us two comped bottles of Veuve and desserts. Why the crap would we want to sit in the corner at the Keg on corporate man cruising night on a 4 Birthday celebration night, honestly.

I had Creole (where was the creole?) chicken, it was bland and I was worried my scallops were undercooked. My ex bf in Maine got red tide poisoning from scallops (that I thankfully didn’t get, didn’t eat as much as him) and I am forever scarred. Anyway it was a light meal, I didn’t want heavy so it was perfect.

Lois is a dear, she bought me this while I haunted the Old Mill like a lazy scruff, match perfectly with heels. Well done. Mom was uber jealous and thinks we are in a love competition with Lois meanwhile I have seen my mom spoil my niece for 13 years and not said anything (nor care!) my mom is a brat. Middle child issues I think it is. I love this jacket because it reminds me of Allison from ANTM all stars and we are obsessed/adore her cos she has sugar glider eyes.

I would kill to look like her. She probably got that from H&M which means she ghett-ayo like me. Oh Allison we have so much in common.

This already feels so long ago. This was a nice relaxing afternoon. I dig my solitude, I am pretty monastic.

Those are some ballin’ sashes.

I may as well of just gone out like this considering how short my dress (actually a shirt) was, I wish I got a good photo but the bathroom lighting was so dark, I looked like a figure skater.

I wrote the maid’s name down to ensure she get her tip today.

That little darling woman out there, aw.

Waiting for it to chill, waited it out to 2pm about, then was sozzled immediately ha. I am done with champagne for the next little while.

Not even going to pretend that this is the last photo you’re gonna see of these pets. I am not a shoe person but I am a worshiper of the things I accumulate (hoard?) and this is the Raymi Times, top story, Autumn mission accomplished, fall heels. That I will probably fall in. Knock on wood/count on it ugh.

I rearranged the chill room back in to a party room, put the fold out couch away, we had an after party bender last night and stayed up til 4am oh god this weekend is going to be all about R&R maybe we will hit a spa? But anyway, this was my Home Alone fantasy realized, walking through a weird figure 8 from bathroom to bed(palace)room, to water closet, ahhhh. I did a funny impression of a silver spoon posh brat by the fireplace mantle.

I am listening to Black Keys right now and his whiney voice is hurting my feelings, is a new album out yet?

I entitle thee, garish cougar working from home today. Also last night I spied a reversal cougaring “working late at the office” drinks in the lounge with a female boss and young pup (smokin’ hot) employee of hers and he eyed me like crazy and she dripped all over him for protection of her cub and I made a point to look at him when I left and his eyes flicked up back at me, like, in another life. I was fascinated by the role-reversal cos I see old CEO dudes all the time with their young temps having goblets of wine together and it’s nothing but to see them together like that was, I couldn’t keep my eyes off them. It was kind of primal too. Good for her though.

Alright enough. I’m gonna need more of these pants in diff colours. Then I can go to any pub in libville and get coddled and burped like a baby cos that’s what all the students living off their parents in their shoebox condos do at the brazenhead, maybe your food comes faster when you show up in sweatpants?

The dining dancing hall. Dreamy and Royal-feeling. I love that part in Beauty and the Beast (because I have regressed to grade 3 now) when Belle is walking through her pilgrim thatched roof village, this is reminiscent of that. I love the muppets christmas carol too and will watch it this weekend while I suck my thumb on the couch ahaha.

Geezers everywhere, I imagine it will be bumpin’ here for Thanksgiving. HAhah that happened already. Oh my god I am starving.

Very similar to Casa Loma, sorry we didn’t go Lois. I’ll get us in to an event there soon.

These two birds were amazed by me, excuse me, are you here for the conference, uh no I am staying here, There’s rooms here!? Yup. And I am dressed like this and they were the type that wears clear plastic doo rags in the rain.

Spiral staircase (closed off spooky!) down to hell. Where was the torture dungeon I forgot to ask.

Seriously I would eat my foot right now, my chocolates arrived by mail gonna pick them up tonight and mail a pile of stuff I’ve put off for centuries. We cleared out the breakfast room of all peace and quiet of course.

It was fun watching little asian tourist ladies fix their hair in the window reflection not seeing us in there. My friend asked me why I was dressed like The Situation. God I miss Jersey Shore. God I can’t believe that I would ever say that before. Let that be a lesson that people do have the capacity to change and turn a new leaf of awesome.

The most adorable courtyard. We stood outside in the night under the full moon and took pictures too. It was frigid.

The antlers over there are bad ass.

Wonder what the historical/heritage of this is, Dutch or Swiss looking architecture? I should just make this all up and you wouldn’t even know or care or fact check. I’ll hit you with a lie if I can think of a good one.

I am a blue blood so tea and table manners are my thang-a-lang which I tried to honour as much as was capable of at time.

I saw one woman take a photo of something out the window and saw that a hotel employee walked in, she went, “it’s so beautiful” apologetically and shy. I chuckled inwardly while waiting for my challah to toast, guy it’s almost 2012 don’t apologize for doing your tourist digital camera thing.

If it weren’t for pictures this blog would suuuuuuuck!

Quite a confusing hotel. Middle Earth now on our way to the Prancing Pony for a pint (it comes in pints!?)(name that Hobbit).

Just anotha hotel under our belt right girls. Some ex-communicated people from the group ran their mouths (as usual) a little bit about ma moms and myself and on top of internet haterade there are jealous spiteful scary jealous crazy people IRL we’ve got to deal with and it’s eery the similarity in cruel things we yield, but anyway, I celebrate my life and my family and friends, animals, I don’t do mean things to people and I would prefer if everybody got along and was nice it disgusts and repulses me when people go down to low levels and whine and do not see the error of their ways and responsibility blabbity blah it was a non-stop gossiping trashing shit show of the century and a wicked good time.

Gave my mom the extra copy of On the Road and she was stoked. These HK jammies are going to Hailey cos I look like a snausage in them. MMMM snausages. I don’t know what that is but I heard it as a joke once and it made me LOL.

Accidental close-ups and learning to camera whore with this slide out phone.

Statement scarf/necklace, good eye Teacher. As I was leaving I said you know how much attention this is going to get me? And he goes Nooo! haha. Our waiter at Mercato said,” My GIRLFRIEND makes bread” to me 5 times chill dude just cos I look like a playmate doesn’t mean I’m going to blow you now. Seriously I am not being conceited here he really was being over-the-top.

The girls are even worse at taking photos with it and think my phone is shit aahha.

So these are candids and failures, pose give-ups. Omg it’s over that’s all I uploaded. BATH ATTACK! TGIF!

*ps. guess what quote (and who said it!?) my blog post title is derived from. You will win: SOMETHING!

Showgirls

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Hey don’t I look like a Juglette?

You don’t have to wear that dress tonight.

Perfs setting.

My bro’s boys cock-blocked and photobombed all night long. I had enough divas in my face so I was mellow yellow all around. It sucks when you get professional, you can’t talk shit anymore about people who deserve it. That’s why we have a little in-the-know clique.

I love the movie the fifth element so I chose this couple to win, The second to this pair was gary oldman’s character and says to me, Hello Raymi, it’s me the guy who works at Watusi (my shitty date bar) do you recognize me oh yeah hi! I love Watusi and they love me over there too, I’m their best customer! If I were a doorknob into foursquare I’d be mayor.

Once ZomboKini goes on it’s party time. It’s tradition for me to wear my zombie bikini at every burlesque show at the bovine now. awwdorable.

Hey Raymi!

I’m not sure how we came about adding each other on here (which is kind of awesome . Just wanted to say…You are deadly! The pics an things you say on your page are amazing. Not to mention your style is epic! Keep everything rolling girl!!

Oh , and yes, I do recognize this is the creepiest message, all time!

Chris

At one point I said to teacher that I would make his other eye match his black eye, in front of the girls, to keep them in order, ahhaha it worked. Teacher is my point person and a vital part of our troupe and knows all our dances. Tough life much? He tells my dad all about Jazmin to wind him up.

Paddy I missed your cry me a river dance, how did it go?

Most confusing lipstick touch up ever.

By the Power of Grayskull gettin’ ready for the ball.

Can Skeletor get a plus one?

My new buddy rules, she used to skin snakes in the south and survived a garbage truck running over her. I do not hang with pussies. She’s also a talented artist/painter and has a very organized apartment. o_0.

As for me I look like p0rn0 Slitherin, Snape?

Started the night like this, it takes a lot of organizing keeping all your costume changes straight, remembering you can’t wear a certain thing cos it’s meant for a further set but the fun thing is hanging out in your outfit after your performance, stretch it out a little.

This got a bit of blood on it, I’ll cut those tutu parts off.

I love theatrical. Teacher said people were being reverential (respectful, quiet) during my blood solo yet the place was packed and it sounds dead. I was nervous but the show must go on, I don’t have time for nerves.

Welcome to the fabulous green room.

Dave (your right) told me all night long how proud he was of me and I was like all you gotta do is start a blog guy and he’s like NO REN SHUT THE F UP it’s more than that ahh wasted wisdoms are my favourite. I will trademark that.

Ha rando, teach went to get smokes and batteries.

Everyone should always come to the Bovine for last call there is nothing like trainwreck freaks all blathering about if you like to send your brain to far off howling hour places aka people who do drugs at concerts with visuals or I dunno, you know? All I’m saying is Christmas show is going to be epic the girls better start doing sit-ups cos I want to re-imagine a Victoria Secret runway with big angel wings. I’m going to dance as a reindeer, snowflakes, the mean girls sexy santa performance rip-off, oldies christmas jams I listen to at my Nana and Papa’s dreeeamy, play PeeWee’s Christmas special, or copy the entire thing. Slutty elves messing with you. I will try to hire some Little People too. Let me know if you know of one as self-exploitary as I am.

At the end of the night it’s a dance party and everyone spills on to the stage. i have a lot of great footage from our last party there, of course. Just too much.

Ew my shoulder haha it’s like texas chainsaw massacre. Poor Red Velvet’s bf (hot chef guy) missed her solo by five minutes :(.

The bikini bottoms are pretty saggy on me now.

Someone’s discarded Jack-o-lantern of course I had to dance in it for a little bit.

That’s Freddy Mercury.

That nurse sexually assaulted me, numerous times grabbing my nay-nay and teacher said her boyfriend said she does that, a lot. Yeah no shit. I have to come up with a diplomatic genteel way to handle these situations. A man said the dirtiest shit in my ear about what he would do to me, to his wife as well and then I put him on stage and she stared up, seething at us. YIKES. He was clueless to my involvement with the bovine, no I am not merely some bloody naked scene-appropriate girl, I’m the headlining act and now, come with me. All the best costumes had left by the time we had a moment to do the prize cash giveaways.

Recovery from the weekend which spilled in to Monday and I ended up going out after all as Pamela.

This one is less vulgar than the last one, which, I am proud of. Every day it is like being a new person the more toned and vampy I become, I am making a monster.

Some other indian thing we ate, we get those pouches you throw in to boiling water. Looks like beans on toast eh? Way better, I hate beans. Gross.

Pasta and sauce, I seldom have pasta so I make sure to have it when my metabolism is high functioning as it is now.

Pam always wore furry raver hats and big shades. Bad fashion and I paired it with my cheesy running shoes, as no one would be looking at my feet but it completes the fitness Baywatch fashionless intent.

Stephen suggested ditching my pants only at the last possible minute, tease them til the end. It was freezing anyway.

Do I keep these feather earrings? Please tell me! Tired of asking!

Good for a performance but a one trick pony? They were expensive.

I don’t look so tired here. Asshole.

Roots coming in, appt today.

I look like my dad as a teen here. I have lots of different looks.

Hahah. I have two red berets so I could make a dance out of that. And now TWO legit lifeguard outfits!

Ok final verdict, keep earrings or not.

So nostalgic for sunny days.

That’s ginger beer over there, I am obsessed with it.

Think how good I would look photoshopped and airbrushed like all professional models in magazines. A colleague said he thought it was impressive that I post all 100% raw material, editing nothing.

My reaction to first slipping this on made me LOL.

Halloween burlesque explosion. Teacher is home today cleaning. It’s part of my present, for what I don’t know. Well, I do. We are in the bubble phase again. Ooh I look ripped and no that’s not a camel toe.

See, err, don’t rather but you know, there isn’t enough camel to warrant a toe lol. Which is why the night of Wolf parade that guy screaming CAMEL TOE out at me was such pure bullshit, I know I do not have a camel toe, it was my onesie jumper. I got bullied by six drunk losers at a shitty party, I’ll find the post, one of the promoters was mortified because they didn’t know they were beaking off to raymi the minx and it was one of the other promoters who joined in the rallying and were all completely in the wrong. Lucas did you ever find her?

No one believed that Henry would ever actually quit.

The cats were really bored without the dog and fought more but also enjoyed their extra attention and grey cat is getting territorial over me when Stella comes near, to protect me from the cat who is protecting me from the dog. Yes it is the funny farm here, come for tea wont you!

Sunday Salvation. It is the day of the Lord after all.

Hot solo hipster brunch dudes.

Gaga wore a mesh suit thing in Telephone. I had one of these at 19 when I was an online p0rno model. Yeah, I said it.

And here my brains are being blown inside out by this height.

Will show you the video. Blog Slave OG saw it and was like WOW I am so doing this in Spring.

Ugly Raymi and Tom. Why won’t they dye her poor roots? :(.

Many essentials. My Godmother slammed in to a concrete pillar after this night $1500 later oh boy. We are doing something this weekend or when mom? It’s their birthdays one day apart. Pray for Raymeh.

Teach got a “leather” coat out of a halloween costume bag and a wig, which looks dumb but maybe I can make work?

OK time to look at some photos we just took. BYE!

See you in Hell

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Mom look it’s a little Lois beside us over there.

Doug rules.

That guy held out a PBR to me haha next time make it something that’s not piss water thanks. But I love that move, it’s classic strip club film starlette cliche and like the dude’s minds being blown and pyrotechnics and axl rose is going yaaaaaaaaah! Ha.

This one ends in blood. Glad I followed through with it. Careful this video gets very very racy. I commit. Go big or go home.

That’s Freddy Mercury. The Nurse put her bandaged face in my bum. I hugged everyone with my bloody body and definitely messed up a ton of outfits. What can I say I put on a great party. This was so so fun and such a success, again again soon! Def a christmas party. That’ll be hot.

People think they are exploiting me but really, I am exploiting them.

She was a babe. It is such an ego trip having babes gush all over you all night long, I am humbled by it.

During the opening some shot glasses were on the speakers so I dramatically kick/brushed them aside against the wall and all the dudes were like O_O. Hahahah so many funny things happened/said/overheard what a dizzy circus. Love it.

So proud of these ladies we did it! Good times and we also do private functions/events: raymiATraymitheminx.com. That’s a drink ticket in my bra.

And the best three piece set, seen here. I’ll be adding more and more to this post over the next hour.

I was a hot mess all day long yesterday. This has been a suicide mission week my brains are obliterated.

I went like this to get all my last minute needs: nipple pasties (with tassels), new fishnet thigh highs, that mesh body suit, the french red three piece. I almost bought a massive feather headpiece but it was too ugly. The customer service where I went was HORRIBLE and am now boycotting them, one girl was nice but the other my lord so no mention of their name. Zero taste-making for you. (no soup for you voice).

And they’re like we don’t do dancer discounts and I was like, honey childs I aint’s no strippuh! I like what I bought though and the three piece was only $56.

Last Halloween one of my costumes was Tracey, I went as a cougar.

I get to use my ticket again to do the other stuff up there and Jenn gave me hers so we’re going!

This is freaking me out again and again it feels like a dream. I don’t even get a moment to reflect on the insane things I do cos I’m already off to the next thing. Sean said the Beatles didn’t get to enjoy what they did for years. Good point, keep the momentum going. Thank god Renita postponed my tattoo to next weekend. Ok nappy time. Mmm I want McDonalds. We had brunch at the Gladstone and were disasters. It was really fun I like brunch! Being amazed by your own life is a nice thing and normal things blowing your mind. Have a wonderful Sunday.

I would kill for this right now it was a mini big mac same dressing but high end I had it all over my face like an animal from doing this.

See the burn mark on my arm that is where I am getting my tattoo. Hahah read what ti says on the screen.

OH SHIT!

I know I posted this already but I love it. Don’t I look like Fear Factor? Window washer?

Gonna upload a video clip. I better call my dad it’s Sunday phonecall time!

I did this yesterday morning, no, Friday morning. Everything feels like it happened yesterday and I haven’t blinked in a week.

I’m volunteering for this camp.

I went with hangover party face and was drunk still I think, definitely sleep-deprived, no food or coffee from nerves I didn’t want to crap myself. But then while up there I was like, mm I am so hungry fantasizing about deep fried junk from Jack Astors and that’s what I did with my new friend Sam. She’s had 13 face surgeries and is a survivor, she conquered her fear up there. I wish I was watching it at my dad’s right now but we are totally bagged I am going to couch surf in three seconds it’s going to be the p0rn0graphy of laziness. I still have blood on my hands and toes this morning Dave (crashed on our floor and James on the couch)(snoring!) goes WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FEET!!? Totally forgot about my blood. Go look on the wall in the dead center of the King St Atlantic bridge I sloshed blood all over the wall like a Jack the Ripper slaying. The motor oil bottle fell out of a bag, we ditched the blody sheet in a construction site too someone is going to be freaked out tomorrow! Forensics! We had to walk from Bovine cos not enough cabs out there it was the NYE of Halloween last night. It was cold but we toughed it, starving too, but for some reason didn’t get any snacks from the gas station?? Bumped in to Snake and had a funny wasted conversation in his mouse ears and nose and he told me to be friends with our old friends and I was like they hate me and he’s like no, do it! Then I told the boys who that was when he walked away and they were like WHAAAAT!!? SNAKE! but he was too far away. Haha.

I also have all of these to put up.

Hot child in the city runnin wild and lookin pretty

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Mom show these top two to NANA!

Burlesque take over!

Ha that’s teacher. Lucky guy. Also that’s Red Velvet.

Here too! You guys are in luck come Saturday, and come Wednesday we will be saluting you from the middle of a WRESTLING RING at 99 Sudbury for the ANDROID TO after party with Andy Milonakis, Roller Derby girls, catered by Palais Royale, Tiny Danza are performing and I’ll be checking you in so bring your cameras! You can buy tickets at the door. 7PM.

We have roll-on luggage. You are going to diiiie when you see this routine.

Bobby Darin is driving me mad though, also, Kevin Spacey played him in Beyond the Sea, also the name of our song, plus I watched Horrible Bosses starring Kevin Spacey last night, and, my dad is pretty much a dead ringer for him, also big Bobby Darin fan. Omg I think I just wrote the sequel to the movie Number 23. See how the floor panels move and shift, I have to kick/nudge the slats back in place.

I looked like a weird naked wizard.

LOL are you still scrolling?

Gettin’ pumped up for this week!

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Mom that’s Uncle Mike and Janet with us. Hahaha.

Best time ever we had. Teacher dressed like a Pilot. we got chased down by fans and all the gals referenced Pan Am to me of course. Nothing but Cos-play for me for the next little while, what is normal? I hit the Delicious food show twice what a pig! Will blog it tomorrow. Have loads of shots from rehearsal today. I can’t wait to perform our Harth Airlettes number. Will be doing a redux performance with Red Velvet on Saturday too. Va va voom!

Heard some very interesting gossip from these two. I’m a sleeper in the food industry, they don’t see me coming, nor know of my contacts and intel on all things everyone in the scene. Food spy. But I also heard some other juicy stuff from the young lad on the left. Not at all surprising either.

And so Marty only wanted to interview me about the sex show that I wasn’t working at and I just talked about burlesque and talked mad shit about whatever as a crowd of horny chefs drew near and surrounded us, I ate a butter tart. I despise butter tarts, and I said that I also hated them so that was funny material and then a hot euro waffle man stuck a waffle on camera and I bettered him by gnawing on it. Hope they all come to our party!

I like my top gun glasses addition. My leather jacket looks good with the flight suit too.

I heard a fable about staring in to your oyster shell and the more whimsical the hue of the purples fading into a sunset of peach pink, the more joy your offspring will have in youth. I totally just made that up ahaha. I got lots of stuff for free for being a smooth operating Rockafeller, of Oysters.

Delicious. When we were over at Oyster Boy later on we discussed zombies and then we heard zombie movie plot ideas which was a perfect segue in to my B movie concept of rogue bicycles that come alive at night in Toronto causing mayhem and destruction and in the morning lock themselves up again and we’re all clued out on who is doing all this shit to our fair city and then we ghost ride BMX’s down hills and crappily construct the action sequences with CGI technology or something out of the Edison Twins. When is Strombo going to have me on his show?

Allergies and the grid lock traffic up Dufferin from our place and everyone staring at me/us like this O_O made me have a suck attack. TOO MUCH ATTENTION and my eye was gushing plus I didn’t grab makeup to touch it up and felt like a clown in this get-up. We went to hand out fliers and eat dinner. I like the idea of a dinner being at a food gala, I love activities as my ADD is getting worse with age so this was a good idea but we were starving and on death’s door on this fantastic voyage and thanks to the zombie tool walk our cab never came, even called us twice to tell us it would be later so we hoofed it, starving and freezing and dressed for the food show as well as sex show (which we never made it to, zzz). Only pussies wouldn’t follow through with something like this you know? Life is short, vive le freak.

They were wasted too. Alright!

Just a nip before my flight. Hahaha. I ploughed through the gates with my wine not knowing you couldn’t leave the drinking area cos onVIP night (thursday) you could go everywhere with booze. Everyone liked seeing that scene go down and then I soonly entered an absinthe vortex and suffice it to say never made it to the sex show. meh.