Banished from the promised land.

Hey guys! Happy Valentine’s Day! Here is my gift to you, a bunch of hot chicks (plus me!)(once I’m done posting the ones of me I mean) dancing and rude jokes, yay times!

Les Valentine Vamps.

These are Thomas’ photos, he has a filter of some sort on them. Neat. He won the Team Macho book. That pleased me.

Ho hum. This looks like a sad birthday valentine’s party. I am hanging that sign in the living room after this blog post. So at like 4.

Paddy Bewbies. I think this burlesque shit is turning me in to a pervert.

I look like a dragon fly. I am fine with that.

That shit is fun. I have to sew one end of it, the rod came out. I am so going to pride this year, do you want to sponsor me? I’ll put your logo all over my naked painted body. I’m going to be a naked painted model for an artist friend’s art show in june, so we’ll be practicing a lot. Then I can be in caribana and when the gun shots happen don’t worry bitch will be mawfuck’n sprintin’ for sure taking flight too I bet.

It’s not cellophane I swear.

I’d look good with wings tattooed on my back. Probably a bad idea.

I wonder what nudist colony I’ll be settling on in my old age. Playing tennis with some fogey and his balls resting on the wooden net spike ahhhaha nice clear cut visual you are most welcome.

Just one of the guys. Hey lets go for tacos later.

I am the pink scorpion queen don’t get tangled up in my scorpion wings

Oh shit when will this end!!!

I’m thinking is this illegal right now.

Approachable! I am way less nervous making a fool out of myself dancing than standing in front of a sea of people waiting for bids. Someone said seeing me in the social media world it is obvious that I am uncomfortable and guess why, that shit is not natural, it’s a phoney baloney world full of stupid assholes (they all talk shit and backstab) and I can’t wait til the scene dies. I like real life. Despite my blog’s taking a nap yesterday having a real effect on me spiritually (ahha shut up) it’s like real life hit pause and I felt there was no point in doing anything because I already have a backlog of content. Still felt lost though, albeit relieved. I enjoyed being a hungover pile of loser on the couch on Sunday and not blogging, I needed the rest.

Here are Maria Juana and Chow Mein (best names right) doing the Mr. Sandman number. You will have to come out to the next one to see it for yourself, sometimes I’m too generous with the aftermath footage for the lazy bastards, oh Raymi is so good to us we don’t even have to go we can sit on our asses at home and just wait. Also we don’t have a video of this dance either heheh :(.

So cute and cheeky, I love their style, very Harlettes.

Then Mr. Sandman shows up!

Cute cute dance.

Chow has a Harlettes logo tattoo on her thigh.

And I cannot get over her tits.

Oh there’s Maria Juana’s tat too.

Shimmy shimmy shake.

Pastel as always is perfection incarnate.

She does this quick flip spin on the chair, major pro. So much skill and control, grace, poise, ahhh.

No problem Chow Mein!

Seriously. O_O.

More in a sec! had to upgrade WordPress so I am learning that too and the type font is all squinty typewriter I hate it.

Oh look I am actually cleaning something.

Bunny looks like a sexy ninja.

Lucky I was standing right there by the stage with my gloves on. Also someone is missing a glove, I came home with three.

Much more to come blabbity blah blogging is harder than facebook FYI. HAha.

And now, Maria Juana! man I’d like ta get me some of that!

This dance is amazing. One guy exclaimed, SHE REMOVED HER GARTERS WITH HER DRESS STILL ON.

Love the backward panty hose peel. Classic.

I lost my mind at this point it was so fucking good.

SO amazeballs.

And now time for more pastel supernova! She’s danced with Lady Gaga before. Nelly Furtado too. It shows. Boy does it ever.

Aaadorable. We’re the same age too! For some reason that is a victory to me.

She reminds me of the hot girl (Maria) Kuamr is in love with in Harold and Kumar (duh) and now they’re married and having a baby! There will so be a fourth movie, they’re the new cheech and chong. We watched the xmas Harold and Kumar recently. I will have to watch it again soon.

That little nightie baby doll dress looks familiar.

How many people totally need sparkle socks now?

it just occurred to me I can be making my pictures bigger and wider here now that the border is at the bottom of my blog, not that there is any vital information on it haha. We had to remove some plugins, namely my guest counter best friend widget. Maybe it was cranked too high and it blew up the server, ok not blow up but crashed it. I will be moving to my own dedicated server soon. That is some “big deal” type shit!

My first dance.

I look like Godzilla.

Considering how much time I spend sitting on that thing, my ass is pretty alright.

I think I must be singing along. My mouth was open the entire time.

Red Zeppelin was hot this night!!!

Hi Thomas!

I want that nightie.

And that dress too.

We matched outfits later on in the night too, cosmic twins. It’s what Florence would want.

You skinny! That’s what it is. Smokin’.

Okay new post for the next batch of bechnique’s and colleague’s and alyssa’s shots. Have mercy, yesterday’s hiccup have put me behind a little beet.

Happeh Valehntine’s Day you guys’s. Love yew!

Valentine Vamps

We have a show at the Bovine Sex Club Saturday February 11th Doors at 9. HERE IS THE FACEBOOK EVENT It’s also a Singles Mixer so you can go in a crew. I’ll be auctioned off two days prior for love a heart and this will be a perfect V-Day week bender, non? Lots more to confirm and share yet, very exciting shit!

Will you be my Vampentine SAT FEB 11?

Girls on deck:



As well, there will be my cast of VIPLEASE PLAYERS CLUB BACHELORETTES mingling about doin’ their thing. Celebrate Saint Valentine in style with all your friends in one big giant horny obscene mobscene. All shows are legendary. Guaranteed. Bring the boys and watch the girls! Bring the boys and find a girl, bring the girl and watch her ease in to a sexy alter-ego of her former conservative self. Cabarets are always heart warming and work magic over your lady pants parts.

See you soon, I’ve got a show to prepare!

There will be an MC and he WILL be FUNNY. And famous!



All persons on Naughty list manditory meeting this Sunday night


Mini Christmas for Hello Kitty TOO!


This is a child’s tutu btw. Slips right around ma teensers waist.

Did you notice my earrings?

Hi Kat!

Thanks for the outfits Kat!

Thanks for making today fun everyone!

Sumptuous rug!

How sexy is your recycling?

Excited to see what Katrina extracts from her video footage!!

How cute is our dance going to be?

And now I am Chevy Chase in Christmas Vacay lol you know which scene? It’s my mom’s favourite.

Ordering this online with Bunny yesterday felt too much like an exam lol.

Hot purse them Nella Bellas are.

What a life Kat must lead. Dig this girl.

Just two more sleeps til Sunday. If you catch an Elfette garter in the crowd you will be handsomely rewarded with mistletoe kisses. There are 8 garters in total.

Dudes it’s gonna be awesome!

Oh yeah there’s more of these but they don’t really fit so I’ll hold off.

Ok maybe just one more.

Gah I can’t stop myself! ha, Elf, can’t stop myselfette.


Red Zeppelin and I have hilar stage chemistry together. We may have some side punk rock burlesque biz for jokes on the side in the future lol.

Back to Christmas now!

Ha psyche. Ok now!

Look at the big bag of glitter confetti! The Elfettes will be sprinkling it everywhere while we walk around and dance and get up to elf mischief.

The day I wore two pairs of pants at the same time oooh!

Leftover pics I have previously uploaded and forgot about.

See? Look at her eyes, opposite directions. The coasters came with the house I moved in to.

No, My Friend, over here.

Aw I want to blow a fart on your tummy.


Hey don’t I look like a Juglette?

You don’t have to wear that dress tonight.

Perfs setting.

My bro’s boys cock-blocked and photobombed all night long. I had enough divas in my face so I was mellow yellow all around. It sucks when you get professional, you can’t talk shit anymore about people who deserve it. That’s why we have a little in-the-know clique.

I love the movie the fifth element so I chose this couple to win, The second to this pair was gary oldman’s character and says to me, Hello Raymi, it’s me the guy who works at Watusi (my shitty date bar) do you recognize me oh yeah hi! I love Watusi and they love me over there too, I’m their best customer! If I were a doorknob into foursquare I’d be mayor.

Once ZomboKini goes on it’s party time. It’s tradition for me to wear my zombie bikini at every burlesque show at the bovine now. awwdorable.

Hey Raymi!

I’m not sure how we came about adding each other on here (which is kind of awesome . Just wanted to say…You are deadly! The pics an things you say on your page are amazing. Not to mention your style is epic! Keep everything rolling girl!!

Oh , and yes, I do recognize this is the creepiest message, all time!


At one point I said to teacher that I would make his other eye match his black eye, in front of the girls, to keep them in order, ahhaha it worked. Teacher is my point person and a vital part of our troupe and knows all our dances. Tough life much? He tells my dad all about Jazmin to wind him up.

Paddy I missed your cry me a river dance, how did it go?

Most confusing lipstick touch up ever.

By the Power of Grayskull gettin’ ready for the ball.

Can Skeletor get a plus one?

My new buddy rules, she used to skin snakes in the south and survived a garbage truck running over her. I do not hang with pussies. She’s also a talented artist/painter and has a very organized apartment. o_0.

As for me I look like p0rn0 Slitherin, Snape?

Started the night like this, it takes a lot of organizing keeping all your costume changes straight, remembering you can’t wear a certain thing cos it’s meant for a further set but the fun thing is hanging out in your outfit after your performance, stretch it out a little.

This got a bit of blood on it, I’ll cut those tutu parts off.

I love theatrical. Teacher said people were being reverential (respectful, quiet) during my blood solo yet the place was packed and it sounds dead. I was nervous but the show must go on, I don’t have time for nerves.

Welcome to the fabulous green room.

Dave (your right) told me all night long how proud he was of me and I was like all you gotta do is start a blog guy and he’s like NO REN SHUT THE F UP it’s more than that ahh wasted wisdoms are my favourite. I will trademark that.

Ha rando, teach went to get smokes and batteries.

Everyone should always come to the Bovine for last call there is nothing like trainwreck freaks all blathering about if you like to send your brain to far off howling hour places aka people who do drugs at concerts with visuals or I dunno, you know? All I’m saying is Christmas show is going to be epic the girls better start doing sit-ups cos I want to re-imagine a Victoria Secret runway with big angel wings. I’m going to dance as a reindeer, snowflakes, the mean girls sexy santa performance rip-off, oldies christmas jams I listen to at my Nana and Papa’s dreeeamy, play PeeWee’s Christmas special, or copy the entire thing. Slutty elves messing with you. I will try to hire some Little People too. Let me know if you know of one as self-exploitary as I am.

At the end of the night it’s a dance party and everyone spills on to the stage. i have a lot of great footage from our last party there, of course. Just too much.

Ew my shoulder haha it’s like texas chainsaw massacre. Poor Red Velvet’s bf (hot chef guy) missed her solo by five minutes :(.

The bikini bottoms are pretty saggy on me now.

Someone’s discarded Jack-o-lantern of course I had to dance in it for a little bit.

That’s Freddy Mercury.

That nurse sexually assaulted me, numerous times grabbing my nay-nay and teacher said her boyfriend said she does that, a lot. Yeah no shit. I have to come up with a diplomatic genteel way to handle these situations. A man said the dirtiest shit in my ear about what he would do to me, to his wife as well and then I put him on stage and she stared up, seething at us. YIKES. He was clueless to my involvement with the bovine, no I am not merely some bloody naked scene-appropriate girl, I’m the headlining act and now, come with me. All the best costumes had left by the time we had a moment to do the prize cash giveaways.

Recovery from the weekend which spilled in to Monday and I ended up going out after all as Pamela.

This one is less vulgar than the last one, which, I am proud of. Every day it is like being a new person the more toned and vampy I become, I am making a monster.

Some other indian thing we ate, we get those pouches you throw in to boiling water. Looks like beans on toast eh? Way better, I hate beans. Gross.

Pasta and sauce, I seldom have pasta so I make sure to have it when my metabolism is high functioning as it is now.

Pam always wore furry raver hats and big shades. Bad fashion and I paired it with my cheesy running shoes, as no one would be looking at my feet but it completes the fitness Baywatch fashionless intent.

Stephen suggested ditching my pants only at the last possible minute, tease them til the end. It was freezing anyway.

Do I keep these feather earrings? Please tell me! Tired of asking!

Good for a performance but a one trick pony? They were expensive.

I don’t look so tired here. Asshole.

Roots coming in, appt today.

I look like my dad as a teen here. I have lots of different looks.

Hahah. I have two red berets so I could make a dance out of that. And now TWO legit lifeguard outfits!

Ok final verdict, keep earrings or not.

So nostalgic for sunny days.

That’s ginger beer over there, I am obsessed with it.

Think how good I would look photoshopped and airbrushed like all professional models in magazines. A colleague said he thought it was impressive that I post all 100% raw material, editing nothing.

My reaction to first slipping this on made me LOL.

Halloween burlesque explosion. Teacher is home today cleaning. It’s part of my present, for what I don’t know. Well, I do. We are in the bubble phase again. Ooh I look ripped and no that’s not a camel toe.

See, err, don’t rather but you know, there isn’t enough camel to warrant a toe lol. Which is why the night of Wolf parade that guy screaming CAMEL TOE out at me was such pure bullshit, I know I do not have a camel toe, it was my onesie jumper. I got bullied by six drunk losers at a shitty party, I’ll find the post, one of the promoters was mortified because they didn’t know they were beaking off to raymi the minx and it was one of the other promoters who joined in the rallying and were all completely in the wrong. Lucas did you ever find her?

No one believed that Henry would ever actually quit.

The cats were really bored without the dog and fought more but also enjoyed their extra attention and grey cat is getting territorial over me when Stella comes near, to protect me from the cat who is protecting me from the dog. Yes it is the funny farm here, come for tea wont you!

Sunday Salvation. It is the day of the Lord after all.

Hot solo hipster brunch dudes.

Gaga wore a mesh suit thing in Telephone. I had one of these at 19 when I was an online p0rno model. Yeah, I said it.

And here my brains are being blown inside out by this height.

Will show you the video. Blog Slave OG saw it and was like WOW I am so doing this in Spring.

Ugly Raymi and Tom. Why won’t they dye her poor roots? :(.

Many essentials. My Godmother slammed in to a concrete pillar after this night $1500 later oh boy. We are doing something this weekend or when mom? It’s their birthdays one day apart. Pray for Raymeh.

Teach got a “leather” coat out of a halloween costume bag and a wig, which looks dumb but maybe I can make work?

OK time to look at some photos we just took. BYE!

See you in Hell

Mom look it’s a little Lois beside us over there.

Doug rules.

That guy held out a PBR to me haha next time make it something that’s not piss water thanks. But I love that move, it’s classic strip club film starlette cliche and like the dude’s minds being blown and pyrotechnics and axl rose is going yaaaaaaaaah! Ha.

This one ends in blood. Glad I followed through with it. Careful this video gets very very racy. I commit. Go big or go home.

That’s Freddy Mercury. The Nurse put her bandaged face in my bum. I hugged everyone with my bloody body and definitely messed up a ton of outfits. What can I say I put on a great party. This was so so fun and such a success, again again soon! Def a christmas party. That’ll be hot.

People think they are exploiting me but really, I am exploiting them.

She was a babe. It is such an ego trip having babes gush all over you all night long, I am humbled by it.

During the opening some shot glasses were on the speakers so I dramatically kick/brushed them aside against the wall and all the dudes were like O_O. Hahahah so many funny things happened/said/overheard what a dizzy circus. Love it.

So proud of these ladies we did it! Good times and we also do private functions/events: That’s a drink ticket in my bra.

And the best three piece set, seen here. I’ll be adding more and more to this post over the next hour.

I was a hot mess all day long yesterday. This has been a suicide mission week my brains are obliterated.

I went like this to get all my last minute needs: nipple pasties (with tassels), new fishnet thigh highs, that mesh body suit, the french red three piece. I almost bought a massive feather headpiece but it was too ugly. The customer service where I went was HORRIBLE and am now boycotting them, one girl was nice but the other my lord so no mention of their name. Zero taste-making for you. (no soup for you voice).

And they’re like we don’t do dancer discounts and I was like, honey childs I aint’s no strippuh! I like what I bought though and the three piece was only $56.

Last Halloween one of my costumes was Tracey, I went as a cougar.

I get to use my ticket again to do the other stuff up there and Jenn gave me hers so we’re going!

This is freaking me out again and again it feels like a dream. I don’t even get a moment to reflect on the insane things I do cos I’m already off to the next thing. Sean said the Beatles didn’t get to enjoy what they did for years. Good point, keep the momentum going. Thank god Renita postponed my tattoo to next weekend. Ok nappy time. Mmm I want McDonalds. We had brunch at the Gladstone and were disasters. It was really fun I like brunch! Being amazed by your own life is a nice thing and normal things blowing your mind. Have a wonderful Sunday.

I would kill for this right now it was a mini big mac same dressing but high end I had it all over my face like an animal from doing this.

See the burn mark on my arm that is where I am getting my tattoo. Hahah read what ti says on the screen.


I know I posted this already but I love it. Don’t I look like Fear Factor? Window washer?

Gonna upload a video clip. I better call my dad it’s Sunday phonecall time!

I did this yesterday morning, no, Friday morning. Everything feels like it happened yesterday and I haven’t blinked in a week.

I’m volunteering for this camp.

I went with hangover party face and was drunk still I think, definitely sleep-deprived, no food or coffee from nerves I didn’t want to crap myself. But then while up there I was like, mm I am so hungry fantasizing about deep fried junk from Jack Astors and that’s what I did with my new friend Sam. She’s had 13 face surgeries and is a survivor, she conquered her fear up there. I wish I was watching it at my dad’s right now but we are totally bagged I am going to couch surf in three seconds it’s going to be the p0rn0graphy of laziness. I still have blood on my hands and toes this morning Dave (crashed on our floor and James on the couch)(snoring!) goes WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FEET!!? Totally forgot about my blood. Go look on the wall in the dead center of the King St Atlantic bridge I sloshed blood all over the wall like a Jack the Ripper slaying. The motor oil bottle fell out of a bag, we ditched the blody sheet in a construction site too someone is going to be freaked out tomorrow! Forensics! We had to walk from Bovine cos not enough cabs out there it was the NYE of Halloween last night. It was cold but we toughed it, starving too, but for some reason didn’t get any snacks from the gas station?? Bumped in to Snake and had a funny wasted conversation in his mouse ears and nose and he told me to be friends with our old friends and I was like they hate me and he’s like no, do it! Then I told the boys who that was when he walked away and they were like WHAAAAT!!? SNAKE! but he was too far away. Haha.

I also have all of these to put up.