Monkey Business

Hiya internet. Hope you like monkeys and sensible zoo outfits plus my party hat nip-ons (the shade is brrrrr) cos yesterday we went to a zoo that was actually a “park” dedicated to every single monkey species you can think of and the little ones, HUNDREDS of them, walk all over you. Great idea for a hangover right?

Let me get rid of these first. The day before we had drinks and dinner with bf’s friend in the city, fun times. I wore my new wedges and I didn’t fall once I just walked really slow.

This annoying couple turned up our last day in Aruba at the pool so no more hot tub blasting for us though bf did a cannon ball to announce our presence. The old guy sat on his laptop for a couple hours under the umbrella, cool vacation bro! I smiled at the lady when we passed each other doing pool laps but she was not feeling us until an hour later when she realized her husband was gonna be hardcore ignoring her for hours.

Aruba is a magical place.

See! We went through all the pics on my phone and videos the other night we haven’t even looked at and were catapulted right back into our honeymooning blissdom. Pictures are addictive, a healthy addiction IMO but totally can be overdone if you’re OCD snapping at everything and missing out on the IRL experience.

Me and my jumpsuit I was wearing the night we met. It’s from H&M.

Irish writer dudes in Amsterdam. We had Irish coffees here then split town.

Totally wanna see #hangoverIII here. #Tuschinski #cinema #amsterdam made in 1921 so old, rats will run over your feet during a #film.

On with de show now. These are all taken with his other camera, the camera I used has all the videos and close-ups on it. Just too much but lots of goodies. It’s hard to narrow it down from 1000 photos. I don’t have the attention span nor patience to discern which picture of a monkey is better than the others, aside from facial expressions and funny things they’re doing but if you get one posing nicely on a flower tree you tend to take 40 pictures of that moment and then when you sit down to go through them it’s like wtf is wrong with me?

Quickly realized I wore the wrong bra, I had to use bf as a shield a lot. Had a few Grandpa groupies at various junctures, women eyeing me up and down pissed off too oh whatever if I could go back in time and wear something with more padding I would have.

Love the design here.

We got in for the price of one cos an old guy came up to us before the entrance with internet print-out tickets, his wife can’t walk anymore. Being avid watchers of scam city I was a little worried but the man had an honest face and the tickets were legit wuhoo savings!!!!!!

If you want to borrow these zipper bags for the day you can, some monkeys are a little grabby. If they were gypsy monkeys we would be ripped off for sure.

I feel bad for turkeys, they’re so fugly with that shit hanging off their beaks like God made a mistake and put ball sack on their nose instead whoops too late.

Wearing flips flops on long walks is a risk. By the end of the afternoon I was beat.

At this point it dawned on me that if I was going to speak baby talk to the animals they’re not going to understand English cos they’re all Dutch animals ah duhhhhhhhh. Saying hello in a cooing voice works internationally also having animal aura which I possess, most morons do. It’s like a come to me competitive wizardry.

Don’t interrupt while I’m minxing yo.

It is overwhelming in the cutest way to enter this area, they’re just everywhere playing about and interacting with people it’s the best therapy ever.

Having “monkey” as my nickname at a place literally crawling with monkeys was funny too, good thing no one speaks English. The zoo staff did though and found our running commentary quite hilarious and how nervous and skittish I was around the monkeys. They bite and when you’re spooked easy your overactive imagination gets the better of you. Have you seen the movie Outbreak?

Branches obscuring me, hot look.

Baby monkey brain asplosion awwwwwww.

Their little faces blew me through a wall aghhhhhh. They climbed all over my bf it was adorablah, bit his camera and hands god it was so amazing.

They’re so human looking, the ape I captured on film later on was spectacularly human I could watch all day.

Curious little guy.

I didn’t have the balls to hold one, I didn’t want to be bitten.

We went back at the end of the day to steal one but were too late lol.

I’m making the weirdest noises while going through these right meow.

You are my favourite littlest people ever.


Continue reading


What do we do when we fall off the horse?

We get back on, Little Raymis, we get back on.

Ready for round II? Ah duh.

Hi Lena!

The penguins would make little runs for it it was so funny and cute, they’d puff up their chests and flap wings and SCRAM then the girls would have to scoot them back in again. We were so close we could have touched one but we’d get pecked potentially which one girl did much to our amusement lol.

I went from crying to laughing in seconds. Normally a sign of hysteria or any form of crazy but I was at a zoo extreme emotion boomerangs happen here. Animals in captivity (usually injured so it’s a sanctuary of sorts), new ones being born, winemotional. To recapyou though, Lady Garbage was put down this day + a dude ran in to me with wine glasses after a downpour (thunder and lightning scare me & rain PISSES ME OFF! If I have to be out in it)(Plus I am still sick and was at the time) are these enough reasons for crying yet? Thank you.

The universal cat call known as pss pss pss worked like a c harm we had thing thing near us in seconds. You should have seen Bech get an Eagle to squak at her to STFU! cos of her voice and annoying talking at it bahaha ps. check out her tumblr I updated like a crazyiac last night. It’s fun currating other people’s images and putting the best-ofs together or whatever. I am the shittiest best friend ever!

AW I LOVE IT I WANT IT EXPLOSION!!!! Also I am pretty. Shut up don’t tell anyone you’re making me blush.

So close. Bech looks like a 7 year old that is what I love about her.

I just said Aw Booboodoodoo out loud. If you can tell me where that term originates from I will blow a fart on your tum tum. Mom no telling.

Two of them!


It was ridinkulous. We were on our way to the stingrays and I was like whaaaaaat!

Yes that is actually what I was like. That is a thing now. I hope I get on Letterman before he retires so I can be a total asshole to him back. I don’t like how he is unraveling and being a POS (piece of sh-) to guests like a drunk prick uncle. You adapt to society, do not expect it to adapt to you. Remember that everyone.

HAhaah lovely. You can’t bring your wine in so we chug them and then go drunk in to the stingrays it is a ball of a time.

She’s all we wouldn’t let you go very far with them and I said you couldn’t catch me anyway hey colleague check out her foot! HAPPY BIRTHDAY COLLEAGUE B T W! The ghost with the most! LOL ((((colleague)))) o_O :) Now tune-up ma bike we got stuffs ta do tomorrow.

Wash your hands so we don’t get our dirty hands all over the stingrays.

Doing the same last year.

Rebecca is MAJORLY focusing.

And last year.

We went right to work.

We’re like one of those movies based on people who work at sea world having adventures and romances and heartbreak and valuable life lessons I get to be Adam Sandler called it.

We are whispering bad girl things and daring each other to be tough guys.

Here I am bragging about this being my THIRD year in a row petting these freaky alien sharks and bein’ straight ballin’ gangster god how annoying I am sorry Rebecca (NOT).

Ya gotta get right on in there. Now why was I getting stink eye again lol. Like I care.

We were already damp, moist, and/or soaked from the downpour so what did it matter anymore? There was one particular stingraymi™ that was a punk dick! It splashed me big time, lots of people, but it was being playful really I felt cos it kept coming back for more. Some will come up for a pet they like it.

This is the one (what kind of shark is it?) that we held on to that was pretty ballsy what if it turned around and bit us? I would if some stupid girls were holding me like a snake. Raymbecca does as Raymbecca pleases.

See? she did it first I had to stop her because I have maternal instincts whilst Bech’s snake-charming ones kicked in to overdrive HAHAHA fantastic.

I am so dramatic. I was destined to be a gay icon. #truth.

Thanks a lot Raymbecca.

Oh my god seriously?

Do you come in large?

I would not quit until I held this one.

Lots of them in this area, they circle the entire pool but the meat of them are all here it’s like petting central.

Careful we’re about to get creeped.

Colleague liked this one most of all haha lawda mercy!


It was a juicy day in the Raymbohood. Atin’ and drankin’

That’s Raymbecca as sharks.

Time to dry off.

Love my neon nails.

Flirty nearing thirty.

Wiping the moisture from my stupid phone camera lens.


Continue reading

Foodie attitudey

Yesterday your fearless hero went to the zoo (where she belongs) for the annual Seafood for Thought eatathon. My third year in a row! I am a important people! Here’s last year’s post: Seafood? I see food I eat it. Funny how some people don’t know I’m “a foodie” yeah I’m all over the place I get that but it’s true, I have reviewed quite the amount of restaurants over the years so I kinda know what I’m talking and eating about.

Tickets to the rain ball and man, did it ever rain.

As you can see it was quite summery weather save for the monsoon so we dressed appropriately & although it Noah’s Ark dumped forty days forty nights style, it was still hot out.

Too hot for a bra even so I Sharon Stoner’d it.

A taste of what was to come except we did not taste Stingraymis™ as they are not for eating but for petting only. They are scary looking things and I was most brave this year thanks to Rebecca’s fearlessness rubbing off on me. She grabbed this one shark and held on for awhile so I copied that. It was a lot of fun. We got soaked again. If the rain won’t get you the stingrays will.

Colleague, ever the s-disturber, told me some women were giving me major stink eye when we passed because of my outfit. Well I’m sorry it’s summer ladies. I’m sure you watch all kinds of sluttily dressed shows and read celeb gossip mags where they are dressed hotter than me and you don’t think twice about it.

Line skipping. Baby doesn’t wait in lines.

Rebecca said we matched (cos of my camel toe) she burned me many times on that and I fell in to the trap each time. I can’t help how these shorts were designed, they’re Bettie Page and since high-waisted 50’s technology has not been advanced to avoid c-toe, don’t blame me.

She wore those earrings in honour of Lady G.

Ferret Bueller.

Act natural everybody!

I did not touch it. I didn’t see the point. It was grooming itself anyway.

This chick is from the old neighbourhood, was nice running in to her hi Jenn! Oh I got stories lol.

Woah easy neck veins!

Wine me up. I wish Cheese Boutique‘s tent was attached to this one during the downpour which turned me in to a sucky pants. I am scared of thunder and lightning. Laugh all you want I have sensitivities. I deal.

First thing in my mouth was yummy ceviche. Can you remember what Raymbecca? If there’s no picture of the resto to go along with then my photographic memory can only go so far.

What kind of fish is this?

But of course.

I rule therefore I am.

Hello old friend.

We had moments to choose where to find shelter not wanting to accept that it was actually going to happen. Self-delusion is one of my strongest skills.

Continue reading