See you in Hell

Mom look it’s a little Lois beside us over there.

Doug rules.

That guy held out a PBR to me haha next time make it something that’s not piss water thanks. But I love that move, it’s classic strip club film starlette cliche and like the dude’s minds being blown and pyrotechnics and axl rose is going yaaaaaaaaah! Ha.

This one ends in blood. Glad I followed through with it. Careful this video gets very very racy. I commit. Go big or go home.

That’s Freddy Mercury. The Nurse put her bandaged face in my bum. I hugged everyone with my bloody body and definitely messed up a ton of outfits. What can I say I put on a great party. This was so so fun and such a success, again again soon! Def a christmas party. That’ll be hot.

People think they are exploiting me but really, I am exploiting them.

She was a babe. It is such an ego trip having babes gush all over you all night long, I am humbled by it.

During the opening some shot glasses were on the speakers so I dramatically kick/brushed them aside against the wall and all the dudes were like O_O. Hahahah so many funny things happened/said/overheard what a dizzy circus. Love it.

So proud of these ladies we did it! Good times and we also do private functions/events: That’s a drink ticket in my bra.

And the best three piece set, seen here. I’ll be adding more and more to this post over the next hour.

I was a hot mess all day long yesterday. This has been a suicide mission week my brains are obliterated.

I went like this to get all my last minute needs: nipple pasties (with tassels), new fishnet thigh highs, that mesh body suit, the french red three piece. I almost bought a massive feather headpiece but it was too ugly. The customer service where I went was HORRIBLE and am now boycotting them, one girl was nice but the other my lord so no mention of their name. Zero taste-making for you. (no soup for you voice).

And they’re like we don’t do dancer discounts and I was like, honey childs I aint’s no strippuh! I like what I bought though and the three piece was only $56.

Last Halloween one of my costumes was Tracey, I went as a cougar.

I get to use my ticket again to do the other stuff up there and Jenn gave me hers so we’re going!

This is freaking me out again and again it feels like a dream. I don’t even get a moment to reflect on the insane things I do cos I’m already off to the next thing. Sean said the Beatles didn’t get to enjoy what they did for years. Good point, keep the momentum going. Thank god Renita postponed my tattoo to next weekend. Ok nappy time. Mmm I want McDonalds. We had brunch at the Gladstone and were disasters. It was really fun I like brunch! Being amazed by your own life is a nice thing and normal things blowing your mind. Have a wonderful Sunday.

I would kill for this right now it was a mini big mac same dressing but high end I had it all over my face like an animal from doing this.

See the burn mark on my arm that is where I am getting my tattoo. Hahah read what ti says on the screen.


I know I posted this already but I love it. Don’t I look like Fear Factor? Window washer?

Gonna upload a video clip. I better call my dad it’s Sunday phonecall time!

I did this yesterday morning, no, Friday morning. Everything feels like it happened yesterday and I haven’t blinked in a week.

I’m volunteering for this camp.

I went with hangover party face and was drunk still I think, definitely sleep-deprived, no food or coffee from nerves I didn’t want to crap myself. But then while up there I was like, mm I am so hungry fantasizing about deep fried junk from Jack Astors and that’s what I did with my new friend Sam. She’s had 13 face surgeries and is a survivor, she conquered her fear up there. I wish I was watching it at my dad’s right now but we are totally bagged I am going to couch surf in three seconds it’s going to be the p0rn0graphy of laziness. I still have blood on my hands and toes this morning Dave (crashed on our floor and James on the couch)(snoring!) goes WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FEET!!? Totally forgot about my blood. Go look on the wall in the dead center of the King St Atlantic bridge I sloshed blood all over the wall like a Jack the Ripper slaying. The motor oil bottle fell out of a bag, we ditched the blody sheet in a construction site too someone is going to be freaked out tomorrow! Forensics! We had to walk from Bovine cos not enough cabs out there it was the NYE of Halloween last night. It was cold but we toughed it, starving too, but for some reason didn’t get any snacks from the gas station?? Bumped in to Snake and had a funny wasted conversation in his mouse ears and nose and he told me to be friends with our old friends and I was like they hate me and he’s like no, do it! Then I told the boys who that was when he walked away and they were like WHAAAAT!!? SNAKE! but he was too far away. Haha.

I also have all of these to put up.

fanny bay oysters rockefeller


My hair is ridiculous. When you have platinum hair the texture of the follicle turns delicate, doll-like. Luckily my hair is resilient and can take a lot. My hair is all virgin platinum too, I only do my roots, never double-process and because of my new-found texture it goes wavy like that. My hair was perfectly straight last night and in bed I sweated like a junky withdrawing and now my hair is declaration of Independence wavy, with a little gay ponytail. I need a ruffled shirt to complete the look.

I can’t be arsed to blog proper today. I just spent an hour on the phone with rogers, got my bloody hardware upgrade and a brand new blackberry on the way which is more than half stupid as today internationally every blackberry is taking a dirt nap. I need the keyboard, if iphone had a keyboard I’d get one. They don’t, so I didn’t. I am not a robot and this isn’t the matrix, I blog, I type, you can’t change me.

I like when new trolls discover me, they fall all over themselves starting up dummy twitter accounts to troll me and comparing me to heidi montag. So naive and lazy these reactions to all things RTM.COM it never changes. They’re like this OMG WHAT? Pictures of herself! SO MANY! And her clothes! OOOH ^&%#&$#&! Like seriously people did you just stumble into the internet yesterday? How else do you get people interested in your life if you don’t fucking show it?

When I visit, Rocky only hangs out in two places now, the computer desk or my dad’s room. Stella the dog has something to do with that though she loves and tolerates cats, lives with two.

These kittens sell for $900. My uncle’s cat has popped out its third or second litter now.

Someone said elsewhere on the internet that I am built like Amy Winehouse. I think they meant hip bones. I am fine with that. Raymi Finehouse.

Papa was protecting this one from the rest of the family but I said he was killing it, its arms and legs were wedged in the couch like a fawn. This was the lap-cat of the lot. Mewling in your ears ahhh bless it I am a total kitten groupie.

I was holding back tears in this photo cos I knew I looked like an idiot and this was my first ever portrait (that I was conscious of) and I was totally nervous ps. thanks mom for curling my bangs. NOT.

Gwen Stefani is prettier as a person.

That’s my dad at 17.

Even if I wanted to “blog” I couldn’t cos all my shots are on my blackberry and can no longer email to myself. I was like, to customer support, I CAN’T WORK LIKE THIS ANYMOOOOOOOOOOOORE! Do something or I’ll go mental.

Feather earrings may be in but if they look artificial, you can’t wear them. When people jump on trends so quick they don’t always bother to get it right. As for these ones, pretty real. For seagull feathers. Haha they’re not.

Ps. these ads are all over town and if you see one be sure to go up and yank your lingerie from the poster. Too cool, they refill them as well. I’ve decided to go sexier with RTM, back to basics, things I should’ve done years ago but I let stupid bitch whiners get in my ear. CYA! Totally have a case of the Mondays on this Wednesday. I don’t know how I’ve blogged for all these years or forced myself to do so whilst feeling so aggro.

live fast and document


HI! Oh man I am SO jazzed for haunted harem!

this was shot before learning what the installation was all about.

Initial Nuit Blanche smattering here. Finally dredging up the rest I’ve already uploaded, brb. It’s gorgeous out I’m wearing a bikini ahhh glorious! Fank you Sun King! Oh here too are more teddy bear shots. My favourite ones. I’m a ladybear Stew said.

Getting pumped up for my show.This is what scared looks like kids. Face your fears in life and your will be stronger, more iron in your will than food. I learned that from my cleanse coach.

I was shaking. But I was also obliterated so when I was performing I was more focused on my wicked buzz and thankfully I had a long shaggy bang all over my face. I’ve been to many concerts, seen so many various styles of performer, I know how it is done. I am a born entertainer. It was brought.

After it was all said and done we dipped in to Bovine, had just missed a live nude bondage performance whaaat? increds.

That guy was 7 feet tall. Wicked get-up. Andy Koffman as that lounge lizard dude? He was one of the photograph subjects, in a bathtub naked with two hot broads. Very sexy art back there. You can see it at my show!

Here’s my calling card, stay close now. Dressing as a fuzzy animal gets you away with murder. not real murder but things you wouldn’t normally get up to. The only near miss altercation was with two jersey boy guido poseurs. I won of course.

Cute no? Yes. That guy took a seat to watch the show. Nuit Blanche is like Mardi Gras Halloween.

She was like a severe drew barrymore face. So cute.

She is telling me how great I am and my performance at The Toronto Underground Cinema. Aww.

I am building a hot girl army.


Just gonna sneak up on these unsuspecting campers now heheheh deedly dee.

I don’t like street meat. We went to Mcdonald’s for the sketchiest experience ever.

There was a big ass castlelike mansion in Bellwoods once, which is why those gates are there. Now why in the hell they tore it down is beyond me. Idiotic. Princess Diana has her palace in hyde park, right? Kensington? I have it written down in one of my travel journals. Something palace, starts with a c? ugh brain!

Scuse me coming through.

Everyone was dancing at my teddy bear picnic. Great success!

We squeezed our way in. Wicked times.

Bumped into my hair team, hi BRENNEN!

Almost to our fast food desty.

One of my fav parts about this costume was not having to wash my hair. Laziness grounds for the day. That pile of my clothes is gone now. Slobtastical.

Babe Bartender Allison. it’s nice being a VIP at bovine.



Up the Queen west hill. Ok I am bored bye now.

Time can never kill the true heart

Hey sports fans!

Ahh love me a do-nothing post. THESE are the rewards that make all the hustle worth it. These in-betweeners, they help me get through the scary landscape what is my mind, life. How many neurotics out there reading? How often do you worry about your place in society, status quo, business, I dunno. WORRIES. Man, what a drag.

A guy I dated once said he loved the fantasy world I created for myself. The make believe. What are you talking about? In the same breath he called me a charlatan. What the fuck is that? We were in bed naked together and I laughed. It was actually a compliment cos it means I coast on dreams pixie dust fume sparkles. But can I forever?

I’m just as scared as any of you. Imagine of all the doubts you had about yourself daily were amplified ten fold, ten times when you least expect it throughout the day something intensely disdainful was thrown your way. I think you’d be exactly like me, worse.

I have always taken matters in to my own hands my entire life. I can’t? Watch me. Cue spitting dust and pebbles.

While sitting here three insane facebook messages came through about my age, how I should hang up my heels. Other putrid stuff as if written by psycho ward demon. The way a person writes, their typos and grammar, it’s a massive impression from their soul cos emotions tend to get affixed to the words they choose and if you’ve been reading for eleven years it’s like waiting for the fuse to go out and BOOM. All crazies eventually snap.

I had written on my facebook to not spam my wall, as a status update, directed at no one and everyone. This guy LOST IT. Anyway, I will only have to get used to this, and more of it. I know right? SO wrong.

So apparently when I sound off anger on the internet it warrants a massive cataclysm.

Why do you think I train like a nutcase? One of the guys on Survivor said if you didn’t do any sort of exercise, training, working out before the show, then you’re an idiot.

That’s lucas. See him tonight at adventurehouse VII. Or me, rather.

I spy Diamond.

Too many possessions.

I met with my book agent yesterday and got him to light a fire under our asses. Outline due Tuesday. I’m more of a show don’t tell girl so I say no more.

Need to do something about the Harth hive lighting, I look grey here.

Do you know what Harth stands for? HARMONICA AVALANCHE RADIO TOOTHPICK HOUSE. Ask again and get a completely different and fun answer. That is how we do. No seriously they told me Hurricane Alf Rocketship… Lets see what Diamond says when I interview him. I heard a rumour he is shy. Isn’t that adorable!

St. patty’s day owl, a knight guy representative of something funny I forget and me Oktoberfest wench. This is the Halloween user group meeting. Seriously this is like hanging out with JPOD. I love it.

This was a very busy day for me I was on a warpath and BBMing non-stop. I changed into my costume in the car in front of two garbagemen up in their garbage truck looking down and into the windshield replete with headlights. It will definitely make the life highlight of 2011 cut. Sean was like they’re all in here in costumes waiting for you and like the team player I am I couldn’t get my shirt off fast enough. Luckily I threw this costume in to my Nella Bella Gym bag in planning to wear it in our ANDY MILONAKIS video. There was also a totally weird french guy and other strangers. This was a partial major duping because I have nothing but s-e-x costumes I wanted to throttle sean but I was too busy bbming Joey. UGHHHH hahaha.

Squeezed back in to my nearly naked burlesque two-piece set. Dug it.

Hodge glitter-podged James Dean from rebel w/o a cause on to butterface pin-up girl. You can claim him if you donate to my aboutface charity. My paintings at base sell for $300. Truth. My thermometer is embarrassingly at 0. I got donations already toward Jenn’s, but I still had to register for legal purposes in case I die up there but yeah, this time I am rewarding a Little Raymi with something nice. Second prize donation is my Rasta designer toothbrush haha. I am walking the CN Tower on October 28 at 8 in the morning. Oh my god. O_O. I’ve climbed mountains and high structures before but this, I dunno. At least it’s for charity. Jenn’s is up to $645! Amazing. She has three boys with cleft palettes and AboutFACE is a charity that helps those kids with skills for the future, they go to camp and have a wonderful experience like “normal” kids and then I fall off the CN Tower. I’ve never been UP the CN Tower before. They give you a breathalyzer too.

I told my therapist about all the insane things I do and he was like, wow. I’M STRESSED OUT OF MY MIIIND! HAhaha. You know every time someone goes, man I’m so ____ I’ll jump out of a window! Or off a building. Kay nevermind that joke doesn’t make sense cos I’m not jumping, or falling, I HOPE! I would black out on my way down if I bungee jumped. I made a hot air balloon ride joke to my dad as a non-sequitor “what’s new?” once and he completely lost his mind on me. Woah was TOTALLY KIDDING. he’s used to my stupidity these days. Looking forward to his band’s gig tomorrow in my beloved Burnoutington.

This tender amish moment ruined by yours truly. CHOOSE ELECTRICITY STAY! STAY! The modern world is calling. Actually I would love to trade places. I could write for the village newspaper on the side of a cave bahaha. Mennonites fascinate me. Wonder if they ever google themselves. I know someone who gave a bunch a lift once cos they built the barn on their property, what? You’ll go to hell if I drive you, get out and hoof it Jebediah!

Up Ossington.

These shoes make me laugh, so geeky. Yuppie bait!

Have to get back in to burlesque spirit. Shit dog I never left. Maybe I should go to a strip club and take notes. We did in Quebec City. Funny night man they are smooth operators.

Blowing through film to see if I am doing it right, I need to take it out I think.

Leslie’s like you will NEVER mail that. The soap made it like ten times more expensive to ship, it’s a brick.

Name the artist.

This is a dreamy little place. I left with 15 bags of coffee to-go for ten bucks? Fifteen? Forget but it’s delicious and each bag is a full pot, they cut out the thinking for me. Cafe Barnate, hidden gem I have never stepped in before.

It’s gorgeous out so it’s time for a spin with Stella.


Just another day in the life

The eatingest sweetheart of the city. Maybe that will be my next self-selling detail, usually I tack the “foodie” bit on to the end of all my other accolades, “Oh and I’m a total pig with connections too, fully, honestly.”

Scotch egg and steak tartare. Red Flag was in a feeling’s eating mood, I wasn’t, but I ate anyway. 416 food doesn’t count cos it’s made for mice from the Beatrix Potter book (tiny tiny portion sized).

Eggs benny scotched egg at that. Deadly.

Deadlier, Devil’s on horseback. No idea what they were, still kind of don’t. Favourite thing. I don’t know what it is but it’s my favourite.

This shirt and a few others I discovered in one of my many piles of collections that I have been diligently pairing down and out the stuff I never wear. I got this from our adventurehouse garage sale from Melucas, why they would get rid of this gem beats me. I also got a nice white vintage GOODYEAR tee.

Do you want to date my ex? Seriously. Consider this the beginnings of the facilitation process. Normally his face isn’t this intense.

Amazing oysters. This was all we ate.

My vest matched the decor.

This seemed dangerous.

Allison’s birthday party in the park. I showed up wicked late.

Happy Birthday little pet! RUV ROO! Only 25! Allow me to suck up your youth. I can remember back to when I was 25 and hanging out with you…

The picnic sheet had a Madhatter thing going on which I loved and sat on.

It was down to this or the blue, I felt the party hats poppin’ up might be too much for the world. It’s the little things, no? HAahahaa righteous.

White peach (nothing white about it) crystal light.

Smoked gouda flax nachos, with sriracha and green salsa.

Rasta toothbrush felt like checking up on the neighbours. I have three other rotating toothbrushes going right now (from traveling, one goes missing so you open another then that first one appears again, you know how it is) so I haven’t used this one yet I just like walking around with it for street cred purposes.

Some people collect dolls, others, bottles of tequila.

And so of course I had some wine.

Daddy’s girl. lol.

Took some italian cheese for the road and my perry bible fellowship book back! Now when I reference it people will understand what the hell I am talking about.

my abuse is addictive

Here’s an email exchange with a dude friend (Who works for the Toronto Star) and I from this morning hahaa.

Bovine looked packed! I hope it was a great show!
I got rained on at the BBQ at 8pm, —– and I were going to ride our bikes down from sunnyside, but needless to say we got soaked…
Would’ve been good if you needed men burlesque dancers cause we were WET!!!

the rain ended quickly then was dry and hot all night long. oh well.

Not on me! It rained out our BBQ then we all hid under a one of those covered areas at sunnyside till like 930, then when it chilled a bit we took off in our bikes, it rained all the way home for me, it stopped around 11.
This is just your way of saying you’re mad.

whatever i know its hard to get friends out to see you who live in the city
you think the party will last forever
but i hustled my ass off for this
we made a lot of money

I knew you would make lots of money!
The party lasts forever, fuck why not!

im not going to be 28 forever

You make it sound old… what rush are you in?
Everyone rushes for everything… just enjoy the small things.

If it’s babies you have until your 40s to worry about that.

Hahaha 40…. Well maybe not that long but get my drift?

its youth and events and a lot of work before 30
plus it was important
whatever get over it you didnt come u suck the end
you are one of many annoying excuses/reasons i have dealt with since not a big deal and it will happen again

But I told you two weeks prior that I had a BBQ, which I also invited you too as well! It was a friends birthday, unfortunately the dates coincided so I cant ditch a friends birthday bbq at sunnside planned back in early august.
Yes I understand it’s important, and that’s why I followed up with you the day of to see how its going, and leading up to it…

At least I didn’t completely fall of the face of the earth which you’ve done to me before when making plans :(

it started at 10 (my first solo), did your bbq go to ten? i dont care about rain. i took a cab there, have you heard of those?

I was stuck in the rain at sunnyside under one of those exposed roofs until 930… yes I have, but I had my bicycle.
If you want an apology, of course im sorry I couldn’t make it, why would I not want to see hot chicks dancing around in nothingness?
I’m confused of why I’m in trouble, it’s not like it was the golden ball with Roseanne, you had a sticker on your nipple, why the heck wouldn’t I want to come!!

“have you heard of those” smart ass.

hehehhhheheh you cant not have the last word too easy

I always win !

you stayed at home under a blanket with your boyfriends sucking your thumbs while i crowd surfed in a string bikini on a champagne tidal wave.

AHHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH! Good one, you wish you were at home with me under the blanket, while I was sucking your ‘thumb’ creating a champagne tidal wave.

someone else texted me a photo of their wet shirt on a shower curtain. yeah ok i fully understand now! such victims you guys are lolz.


Ok I am ending it there I have some “real” “work” to get to now, though, that kinda was/is work too. omg my life is bananas. Happy Tuesday/Monday ya mentals.