Tag Archives: holland

Monkey Business

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Hiya internet. Hope you like monkeys and sensible zoo outfits plus my party hat nip-ons (the shade is brrrrr) cos yesterday we went to a zoo that was actually a “park” dedicated to every single monkey species you can think of and the little ones, HUNDREDS of them, walk all over you. Great idea for a hangover right?

Let me get rid of these first. The day before we had drinks and dinner with bf’s friend in the city, fun times. I wore my new wedges and I didn’t fall once I just walked really slow.

This annoying couple turned up our last day in Aruba at the pool so no more hot tub blasting for us though bf did a cannon ball to announce our presence. The old guy sat on his laptop for a couple hours under the umbrella, cool vacation bro! I smiled at the lady when we passed each other doing pool laps but she was not feeling us until an hour later when she realized her husband was gonna be hardcore ignoring her for hours.

Aruba is a magical place.

See! We went through all the pics on my phone and videos the other night we haven’t even looked at and were catapulted right back into our honeymooning blissdom. Pictures are addictive, a healthy addiction IMO but totally can be overdone if you’re OCD snapping at everything and missing out on the IRL experience.

Me and my jumpsuit I was wearing the night we met. It’s from H&M.

Irish writer dudes in Amsterdam. We had Irish coffees here then split town.


Totally wanna see #hangoverIII here. #Tuschinski #cinema #amsterdam made in 1921 so old, rats will run over your feet during a #film.

On with de show now. These are all taken with his other camera, the camera I used has all the videos and close-ups on it. Just too much but lots of goodies. It’s hard to narrow it down from 1000 photos. I don’t have the attention span nor patience to discern which picture of a monkey is better than the others, aside from facial expressions and funny things they’re doing but if you get one posing nicely on a flower tree you tend to take 40 pictures of that moment and then when you sit down to go through them it’s like wtf is wrong with me?

Quickly realized I wore the wrong bra, I had to use bf as a shield a lot. Had a few Grandpa groupies at various junctures, women eyeing me up and down pissed off too oh whatever if I could go back in time and wear something with more padding I would have.

Love the design here.

We got in for the price of one cos an old guy came up to us before the entrance with internet print-out tickets, his wife can’t walk anymore. Being avid watchers of scam city I was a little worried but the man had an honest face and the tickets were legit wuhoo savings!!!!!!

If you want to borrow these zipper bags for the day you can, some monkeys are a little grabby. If they were gypsy monkeys we would be ripped off for sure.

I feel bad for turkeys, they’re so fugly with that shit hanging off their beaks like God made a mistake and put ball sack on their nose instead whoops too late.

Wearing flips flops on long walks is a risk. By the end of the afternoon I was beat.

At this point it dawned on me that if I was going to speak baby talk to the animals they’re not going to understand English cos they’re all Dutch animals ah duhhhhhhhh. Saying hello in a cooing voice works internationally also having animal aura which I possess, most morons do. It’s like a come to me competitive wizardry.

Don’t interrupt while I’m minxing yo.

It is overwhelming in the cutest way to enter this area, they’re just everywhere playing about and interacting with people it’s the best therapy ever.

Having “monkey” as my nickname at a place literally crawling with monkeys was funny too, good thing no one speaks English. The zoo staff did though and found our running commentary quite hilarious and how nervous and skittish I was around the monkeys. They bite and when you’re spooked easy your overactive imagination gets the better of you. Have you seen the movie Outbreak?

Branches obscuring me, hot look.

Baby monkey brain asplosion awwwwwww.

Their little faces blew me through a wall aghhhhhh. They climbed all over my bf it was adorablah, bit his camera and hands god it was so amazing.

They’re so human looking, the ape I captured on film later on was spectacularly human I could watch all day.

Curious little guy.

I didn’t have the balls to hold one, I didn’t want to be bitten.

We went back at the end of the day to steal one but were too late lol.

I’m making the weirdest noises while going through these right meow.

You are my favourite littlest people ever.

Blaha.

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Do you want to be my toyfriend?

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Hi buddies. Happy hump day. Put my Flinstoner dress on yesterday then hit the road for some fun in the sun. The last and only time I ever wore this thing was Christmas. A girl goth eyed me up and down in it and I told bf this is like a prom dress to a goth for sure definitely, combined with my tattoos she could not stop staring a hole through me to think if I opened my mouth and said something in Canadian I bet she would have asploded into goth poetry. My heart has a bleed-on for summer time goths cos my inner emo kinda is one. If I could have given her this dress I would have kinda thing and I wasn’t even drunk, just thirsty. Sometimes I think I am like so nice like look out everyone NICE JUST ARRIVED floor it!

Amsterdam picture of the day. I’m going to do a dedicated Amsterdam post yet don’t worry (worry) instead of just farting them out hither and yon instagrammish. This street and there are many is a little Champs Elysees.

An upcoming set (within this post) of me trying to climb a sand dune hill. Wow, imposs. Lots more healing to do. :(

Those are Wisteria flowers. Gorgeous. This photo is being spread around tumblr yay original content for once.

Happy a kid’s swing set can support me no problem.

Before walking through the forest to the watering hole, an actual watering hole not a bar euphemism for once, had to take some field shots. This is in Holland. Needs to be said I feel cos we go to Germany so often. Kinda makes me think of Inglorious Basterds a little. Shosanna! Love her.

Minus the running for my life.

He wanted to line my head up with the windmills but it didn’t work out. I mooned the camera in one photo but it has been so long since I posted a nude I don’t think I could handle the backlash and nasty remarks from angry mean people anymore, I mean I can handle it but it’s super annoying like really? From all the nudity and saucy stuff on the web you have to hyper focus on me still? Thank you for ruining good times always.

One of our regular places to go for a stroll when we get stir cray. There’s a path all along the swamp whatever. Bit of a land locked country, where we are at least so not much water for the Dutch to enjoy which makes me chuckle cos in Canada we are spoiled by bodies of water.

Not only was the water brown it was cold not that I walked all the way down to it f that. Wish I knew we were going here I’d have brought a bikini.

It’s pretty steep. Not the wisest place for a stroll. I had numerous visions of rolling down the hill and falling in. Uneven sandy terrain and my ankle don’t mix but I’m not going to not try.

Glad it was pretty deserted otherwise lots of crack for one and all to see. Pretty sure a man and his dog peeped my butt when I was sitting down in the sand on bf’s shirt with my dress hiked up so as not to get it sandy. Free candy!

He was laughing at my plight then started capturing my slow mo ascent for you guys. Aw my crab, my monkey. Monkey is my nickname btw cos we climb each other like monkies.

Yesterday I learned that limping uphill is hard shit.

And that I haven’t a clue how to do it gracefully.

Shut up I hate you no fair.

At least my hair is getting cuter.

Omg this sucks look I have three fingers.

Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeh uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh guhh.

Lefty is the bad foot. Guess I’m takin’ a T-O here?

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Let’s get Raymical.

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TGIFU time! Love it. See that can? My bf kicked it away when we were getting in the car to leave and it rolled down the street for like an hour, funny little details like that make the world go round. Cans too. He said it’s still rolling and I’m like what, really? Then we froze in silence and I could hear it from inside the car tootling away bahahha.

So after we finished up hanging around some vintage cars and canal boats we got back on the road making our way to Amsterdam. I felt like total carbage. We went to Germany the day before then stayed up late playing video games drank-a-lanking, got up early-ish and were out the door by noon before I could even finish my morning ritual of water coffee smoothie pooping and suffice it to say now bf knows not to force me out the door before I am ready because it ruins his day too gaddamnit. Anyway those be tulips, maybe next time there’ll be some tiptoeing through them.

Seriously can someone please explain the damage what was (RIP dude not speakin’ ill of the dead here) Tiny Tim thank you. He’s kind of a genius right, like Crispin Glover with a Tim Burton filter. Back to MY LIFE now though.

This is Urk. It was a holiday, Pinksteren, something religious and as luck would have it the inhabitants of this town are super ultra all about it and donned their traditional Dutch attire. They look like Amish Mafia to me. The guys have these clinky golden earrings it’s pretty badass and I couldn’t help but feel suspicious of all of them.

They don’t walk around like this all the time that’s why my bf said we were lucky.

Lotsa this. At least it didn’t rain.

Lotsa that.

Ooh sweet.

Look at the jealous stares at the pretty one. International jeals.

She’s super owning it though. Their bonnets have gold and/or silver balls that jam into their cheeks and look like cheek piercings.

Very narrow topsy turvy streets. Everything was closed because of the holiday maybe things were open til noon but we didn’t get there til 2 or 3? One place was open by the water and that’s where everyone was strolling by to people watch and take photos of the boats on the water. We were fungry it was a funger emergency thank god for that place. A German fisherman directed us toward it and when we drove off I asked if he was the R word cos he spoke so slowly and then my bf imitated how he methodically directed us for a half hour, it was cutelarious. I wish I could type how people speak here, I don’t even know how to describe it. I’ll make a video one day.

I went in here to wee and check it out maybe infer as to taking the table out front plus getting their attention (hate waiting for service) but then I’m like oh yeah there is no way they’re going to understand me. I just pretend I am invisible everywhere and force my way into bathrooms.

It was coldish. It’s always coldish. I’m always coldish. Yesterday it was 7. Last year on 23 May it was 30. THIRTY. By the time it gets hot I won’t be here. Great.

It’s all about the scenerey and fish though. Name that bit of Canadiana 90’s culture album. Try not to google it you tool.

Although they’re wearing clogs the dudes look pretty badass. If all my Dutch bros were wearing their funky outfits and I wasn’t I would run the hell home and put mine on too. Once a year guy, do it.

Those guys had the gold earrings on too. They look like gypsy earrings. Like a secret club. Their dialect is a bit different than regular Dutch not that I can discern the difference but bf can. He would laugh at certain things he overheard but then also not comprehend some things. Like Amish slang maybe?

Buh buh buh boats.

Ruh Ruh Ruh Raymi.

Perspective makes these look the same size but they’s ain’ts.

So I guess if we have a kid I’ll be allowed to dress it up like a Dutch doll. Yay.

Derno why the folks weren’t dressed up too though I think I’d feel like a self conscious moron after checking out the mom’s heels. Nice.

Super cute.

Super cute. No idea how he can just wear a t-shirt. Such a dude.

This is gonna be good.

Oh aww. It’s okay the dog dissed me too.

Haahaha. Hi friend. This is my desktop background. Can’t wait for Cray Tray’s commentary.

New flickr is making things take ten times longer btw thanks yahoo ps. thanks for tumblr take over too ya jerks.

Good thing I wore my gypsy hoops that day.

Just wait til that hair is longer. Whip it flip it good.

I’m gonna dye it this weekend. Darker or lighter? Or should I stay in the hair extensions colour family in case I need to rock ‘em?

Keep it nautical bro.

Bikes need hugs too.

This guy reminded me of my Uncle Rodgey. He had a slice of apple pie and a glass of red wine. He was ignored for ten minutes when he first arrived and was calm enough about it, when he showed up to the table beside me that had crap on it still from the previous patrons he stood in a am I allowed to sit here? daze and I gestured Yes you can sit there. He sat to my right instead, weirdo. Bf was like ew red wine and pie? I thought you don’t understand red wine you are not allowed to talk shit about red wine. Red wine all mine gimme gimme. Yesterday was sober day btw.

Finally. I ate half of this schnitzel. Holy schnit I felt like schnit afterward though, something was off, maybe the mayonnaise I dunno. BTW if I ever open a schnitzel place it’s gonna be called Holy Schnit!

And that cheese looks passed it’s prime too. This is what your sandwich looks like, make it yourself jerk off.

Boat porn.

I should photoshop the sky blue.

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Von Dutch

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Hey guysbians. On Sunday we didn’t go to that freshtival I wanted to go to so instead we drove to Amsterdam and blabbity blah took a lot of photos, saw lots of stuff and things and things and more stuff, towns, cows, tulips, tourists yadda yadda here is the first installment.

I brought a couple costume changes. My surf maxi dress is versatile in that it is beachwear and a snuggie at the same time and people’s faces look like question marks here when they see me in it. YOLO EUROs.

It was supposed to be a sunny day. It wasn’t. There’s lots of windmills here. Both retro and modern. I have some trippy videos of them set to trance music or whatever it is the crap that we listen to.

I held my peepee for as long as I could then it got painful, we stopped off at a place where a nice lady let me use her cafe’s facility. She didn’t speak english. Obviously I’m not asking for a danish yo. Bathroom? Can I use your bathroom? Luckily no matter what nationality they are, the word toilet is understood. It’s gotten to the point where I just say TOILET even though I am perfectly capable of saying toiletten cos then they think I am American and know not to f around. I took the above picture after I wizzed, coulda just said that and moved on but nope sorry. Not sorry.

This town is like the Venice of this town. It’s the coldest May ever. Next time I am packing properly.

See how the flag of The Netherlands looks like France? France’s stripes are vertical.

Car pervs everywhere. I bet they all watched us through the windows of that restaurant with binoculars.

You can rent these boats and have a boat picnic and stare at everyone like you have staring problems.

South path.

Three girls, one guy, a ton of food.

Whimsical.

Which one do you like most?

There’s a lot of Mr. Bean cars here too. Bf says they’re nice looking but break down a lot. Also they’re way too small, so unsafe. I prefer a tank thanks.

That one’s got a Batmobile-looking flare about it.

These are for my dad so just scroll if your eyes start to get heavy.

Think I like the blue one most.

Don’t worry lots of pics of me coming up. This is getting boring though I need to crack a beer to make the funny flow.

So sweet.

Then it was sunny for three minutes. Everything looks better bathed in sun. It looks awesome to begin with cos it’s Europe but the sun reeeeeeeally brings out the amaze.

I changed in the car after this. Walking in a bed sheet with my messed up ankle on grass is too dangerous and when people check me out I’m too shy for it I don’t want to walk into a sign like Kanye.

No idea.

Okay lets check out over here now.

 

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You are being minxed.

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Hi everyone who is not me, happy Monday. Better make it snappy cos it’s hot out and it might not last plus it’s almost lunch. I’m still not 100% and I think this thing has traveled in to my lungs now, phlegmtastical. Update: went for a nice walk and now I am back.

Stay tuned for this cray day! Each day is a fantastical mystery adventure. So much to do.

We were curious about this tent for a few days before Queen’s Day then were like oh right, duhh.

Football club.

You think at the top it says drop?

This is vodka.

Cuuute. Sister said my blog is inspired, wants to paint me. Can’t take it back now! Actually we should have a paint jam.

Super goofy ahha.

Handicap friendly. I heard another conspiracy theory from the father! There’s an empty unit in this building from when they housed prisoners off-site, you can’t reach it from the elevator. Love it. Scarylicious. They’re gone now.

Lets go for a drink. Or a ton.

Boobs O_O. They had an it’s your fault not our fault look away disclaimer. Very cheeky country.

Night club hot. If asked to classify one of my kinds of hot, NIGHTCLUB HOT is one of my hots. I also represent a strong BEER GOGGLES HOT front as well as OLD MAN HOT. Have you got an hour? It’s funny or cosmic that I come up with these dumb sayings, raymisms, then bf’s sis and I got to gossiping or, “bonding” and she was going through pictures from this night and making fun of herself and I’m like yeah sames I’m nightclub hot. Then we laughed for five minutes ahah omg I can’t stop thinking about the sour face of that woman who gave me stink eye for a full fucking hour straight! The more drunk I became the more I mouthed off about it until finally I gave her the longest eye contact mean girl smile back and we stared at each other for five minutes, she must have been Latvian I dunno (hi Anja!!) but she def came from the cougar bar from across the way. There’s a name for it they all make fun of but it’s kind of a compliment when someone makes you their enemy all night long meanwhile everyone else is blowing and hugging you. I got nicknamed Moose (Canadian) and had to explain why that particular Canadian mammal was not a complimentary thing to call a woman and now it looks even worse when typed haha.

I actually liked this place a lot. It’s a restaurant earlier in the day, evening. You can watch the boomers lining up across the path and they ALL eventually turn up at the dance club you’re at, endless action and entertainment. Good DJ too. I was dressed like a mom, no one cared. Next time I will dress less homely. We went for a drive, then we went to the city, then were like lets call sister she’s like ughh more notice please next time ok I’m getting ready now lol then we walked into the square and bob’s your uncle disco time. My outfit and have a good time audacity with 25 years jr get-up is precisely why I got stink eye all night long. She didn’t find Mr. Right at the cougar bar so she went across the street to scowl at everything. I danced even more ridiculous, my bf was dipping me it was the best funnest time ever. I wanted to pinch myself.

BF knows the dj.

This is what you call a better pour on the personality outfit cos you ain’t got shit. Guys I love a challenge. Pretty and plain girls are a threat oh no she didn’t just apply chapstick!

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It’s Craymi time.

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Holla Holland.

Here’s the rest of the shit I uploaded days ago. I’ve been sick. Afflicted by some exotic dutch flu. Feels like dying. Didn’t drink for days and my Kerouac complex was going overdrive why are all my organs feeling as if punched out, whatever. Finally on the mend today but still pretty weak. They don’t have cold meds here, like nyquil day time jacked with speed pills. I know right. Going in to every conversation speaking english is spiked with anxiety because you know they are not going to comprehend what you said but are going to act like they did and you have a staring contest Mexican stand off. Then I just keep talking and pretend I know they know what I mean, I Kim Kardashian it and it works.

Classic. Maybe I got sick this day?

Getting a prosecco addiction here. Bottles are like 3 euro. It’s in every restaurant. Very light.

The sun finally came out. This was after the flower center, there’s so much to see in Holland and tiny little historical towns everywhere. I don’t name places or things cos I like to be preparanoid.

There are a lot of geezers in Holland, not many young people he said. People stopped having kids and the boomer generation is hanging on tight, we are the youngest people almost everywhere. Mom there’s a cougar bar for you and Lois in this one town you’d love.

Monkey see monkey do, he wanted an irish coffee. There was a spanish coffee, an italian coffee. Every alcoholic country got represented on that menu.

You would look better.

If you were wearing a hat. This country is mad for its sweets. Good thing my sugar tooth has vanished.

Top of the church looks like that.

Nice drapes!

I look like Howard Hughes. I had 5 blankets stacked and wrapped around my legs.

I stopped smoking mom. It was disgusting while it lasted.

This picture is TMI! Looks kinda ballin?

Jesus, chillax.

I have a picture of the plaque/the artist if anyone wants to know/cares.

Excuse me are you art?

Time to get bread. Bread Pitt.

I brought 6 pairs of black pants, sorry you have to keep staring at them. It’s shorts weather tomorrow. Right now I’m wearing a maxi dress.

I also don’t care. Minimal slob has always been my thing. I just wear all his hoodies. He’s like you look like me. People are drawn to things that look similar to them. Ha narcissists.

Fabulous bread.

You mean they were watching the whole time!?

Now I just need to take a picture of some tulips and clogs.

Today is a holiday. Holiday Sunday. Liberation day. Thursday is another holiday. Everyone goes bike riding that day, I get mine Wednesday. May is the month of holidays here he said there are no other holidays after this month ahha.

Flower for his mom then of course we had to pick out the best pot for it, so many choices.

Scene change. I woke up sick this morning, on the cusp of it. I think?

LOVE IT.

Okay now I get what’s going on here in this park – there’s gonna be weird at every juncture.

Right again!

Sweet. Pass the E.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh what is this Notting Hill?

I bet it looks ridonkulous today. We’re going out a little later after lunch.

I feel like I need equestrian boots here.

I should make this my FB profile photo, the club one is too dark. I still have to post that night before it gets lost in the Holland vortex.

Tons of fish, if we go today bringing bread or crackers.

These guys were pretty gangster. Didn’t give two S’s about us. Seen.

Ugh now what. I was on my period Lol. We went in to the park bickering about something then attempted to speed walk away from each other. It was funny. Lover’s quarrels at this point are cute. We are both Aries.

Someone googled is raymi pregnant? Yes I love to booze and drink while pregnant I mean, I’m in Europe after all.

That’s the orig, I am too pale. My hair is crap because I didn’t wash it. I’m giving myself a haircut later. I am keeping it as bohemianly real as is possible. Authentic experience. Oh my god wait til I blog about the schnitzel place in Germany last night, talk about authentic experience the guy is like okay I lit the pot to start our dinner an hour after we arrive hey guy I was hungry an hour ago when I first got here nah no take your time. If that happened in Toronto, hmm, well I think someone would have the sense to know to shut up about it but a regular person would walk straight out. I also enjoyed how he gave his hand out to me like a big fat sultan.

Yay they found their friend.

Holy! oh this reminds me I watched The Playboys on telly during the height of my fever but I didn’t finish it how does it end? Ah crap the cover of the dvd just gave it away.

Hello in there?

This reminds me of that Spice Girls video. Oh, what the hell?

I was team Scary Spice OBVS.

The new Queen is a QILF. Hat tip Jamie.

Aruba interval. This was a fun day.

And this was the last day, a mistake moment in time because I should have switched my flight to Caraco with him. It was fucking hell. Whatever that is then this is now.

How tired does this make you feel? Try watching it ALL DAY LONG.

The Netherlands flag is kinda France-like, except horizontal direction.

Hey I’m cool I’m hip I’m relevant! Bahaha. It kills me not to be able to dance like a mental case anymore. Now I just dance like an idiot. :(

DYING.

Close-up.

It was a pretty surrealistic day.

Here is a picture of me being nice to some girls.

Maybe this guy got me sick. Not that we made out or anything but I’m pretty sure he drunk spat in my mouth a lot. Ew hahahaha.

When we were going through these I was like oh man there’s something on my shirt, looked down, and it’s still f-ing there ahaha loser.

We exploded my head lei in the air in front of a table of guys, spontaneous Shakespearean art happening, they applauded. Sister bowed and curtseyed. Okay plenty of drunk magnificent moments it’s time to go. PS. Look I found a Shakespearean Insulter! Thou errant half-faced pumpion! Thou call’st thyself a hotter name than any is in hell. Thou art the rudeliest welcome to this world. Sick burns bro.

Your time will come too Klimt.

Sigh.

Whatever.

Good bye dead ends. Maybe I’ll do a Selma Blair thing, a long bob. No. Crazy girls cut their hair short.

On the other hand I was very conceited about my eyebrows yesterday, I gave them a shaping. Alright that’s all for now. I have some house wifery stuff to do.