I imagine this is how Kelly Ripa works out too. I LOVE HER!
Interview Question: Would you say that you are ambitious?
Long silence then intake of breath because I had a LOT to say.
+++
LOOK IT’S ROB PATTINSON!! I met him a few years ago when he was staying on tofino island (my ex’s stepsis knew about this) and he came to the gibson juno party we had, Tyler Stewart was there too hey buddy! Anyway, if I had played my cards right and wasn’t engaged at the time I am confident I would and could have said something horrendously perverse that might impress him and like 9/11, my life would be forever changed. Again. Whatever you tell me why you read this stupid fucking blog then. haha. OOH I FOUND THE TWILIGHT POST message to the crazies where I waved the white flag. LOL.
“I DO NOT CARE ABOUT HIM OR TWILIGHT I WILL NEVER EVER TALK ABOUT HIM OR THE MOVIE EVER FUCKING AGAIN ON MY “BIG DEAL CANADIAN BLOG” THAT YOU NEVER HEARD OF BEFORE BECAUSE YOU ARE HEADS UP YOUR ASSES OBSESSED WITH STUPID THINGS LIKE VAMPIRE MOVIES I LIKED THE FIRST TIME AROUND WHEN IT WAS CALLED THE LOST BOYS.”
I am never a deserter, rarely so, and this was one of the times where I trashed a post. One of my tips about being internet famous is, if you’ve got something to say, stand by it and back it up. Be controversial, but in this case I was not prepared for the lunacy of #twihards. Teacher told me it’s pretty good though holding out on not seeing Twilight ever for over 4 years. I met a dude when I was 18 who was my friend for awhile when I interned at a magazine downtown for my high school co-op placement, he was in the Knights of Columbus (he had the ring and everything, or it was the FreeMasons if I saw their emblem I could place it) he looked like a conducter with long curly hair and had an internet indian name as an alter ego for his email account, Rajiv something (I know right and I am not even making this up, I have loads of ridiculous stories like these) and he was a vegetarian, anyway the point of this is he never heard of Britney Spears and it straight BLEW MA MIND like, what. O_O he didn’t have a tv either and his slow computer was dial-up and I was like how can you live like this? No furniture too so we would always sit on the floor and he had a best buddy who ALSO had looong blond flowing hair and I was like, who are you people? Meh it was Cabbagetown but anyway, I guess guys who get in to funny old man cults aggressively avoid pop culture and so I guess I turned in to my friend Garth (actual names YES) and turned my back on a big fluke of popular culture like Twilight. Bowing, the end, where is my medal?
I’ll take my didn’t hit it rage out on the gingerbread house now.
My bro’s boys cock-blocked and photobombed all night long. I had enough divas in my face so I was mellow yellow all around. It sucks when you get professional, you can’t talk shit anymore about people who deserve it. That’s why we have a little in-the-know clique.
I love the movie the fifth element so I chose this couple to win, The second to this pair was gary oldman’s character and says to me, Hello Raymi, it’s me the guy who works at Watusi (my shitty date bar) do you recognize me oh yeah hi! I love Watusi and they love me over there too, I’m their best customer! If I were a doorknob into foursquare I’d be mayor.
Once ZomboKini goes on it’s party time. It’s tradition for me to wear my zombie bikini at every burlesque show at the bovine now. awwdorable.
Hey Raymi!
I’m not sure how we came about adding each other on here (which is kind of awesome . Just wanted to say…You are deadly! The pics an things you say on your page are amazing. Not to mention your style is epic! Keep everything rolling girl!!
Oh , and yes, I do recognize this is the creepiest message, all time!
Chris
At one point I said to teacher that I would make his other eye match his black eye, in front of the girls, to keep them in order, ahhaha it worked. Teacher is my point person and a vital part of our troupe and knows all our dances. Tough life much? He tells my dad all about Jazmin to wind him up.
Paddy I missed your cry me a river dance, how did it go?
Most confusing lipstick touch up ever.
By the Power of Grayskull gettin’ ready for the ball.
Can Skeletor get a plus one?
My new buddy rules, she used to skin snakes in the south and survived a garbage truck running over her. I do not hang with pussies. She’s also a talented artist/painter and has a very organized apartment. o_0.
As for me I look like p0rn0 Slitherin, Snape?
Started the night like this, it takes a lot of organizing keeping all your costume changes straight, remembering you can’t wear a certain thing cos it’s meant for a further set but the fun thing is hanging out in your outfit after your performance, stretch it out a little.
This got a bit of blood on it, I’ll cut those tutu parts off.
I love theatrical. Teacher said people were being reverential (respectful, quiet) during my blood solo yet the place was packed and it sounds dead. I was nervous but the show must go on, I don’t have time for nerves.
Welcome to the fabulous green room.
Dave (your right) told me all night long how proud he was of me and I was like all you gotta do is start a blog guy and he’s like NO REN SHUT THE F UP it’s more than that ahh wasted wisdoms are my favourite. I will trademark that.
Ha rando, teach went to get smokes and batteries.
Everyone should always come to the Bovine for last call there is nothing like trainwreck freaks all blathering about if you like to send your brain to far off howling hour places aka people who do drugs at concerts with visuals or I dunno, you know? All I’m saying is Christmas show is going to be epic the girls better start doing sit-ups cos I want to re-imagine a Victoria Secret runway with big angel wings. I’m going to dance as a reindeer, snowflakes, the mean girls sexy santa performance rip-off, oldies christmas jams I listen to at my Nana and Papa’s dreeeamy, play PeeWee’s Christmas special, or copy the entire thing. Slutty elves messing with you. I will try to hire some Little People too. Let me know if you know of one as self-exploitary as I am.
At the end of the night it’s a dance party and everyone spills on to the stage. i have a lot of great footage from our last party there, of course. Just too much.
Ew my shoulder haha it’s like texas chainsaw massacre. Poor Red Velvet’s bf (hot chef guy) missed her solo by five minutes :(.
The bikini bottoms are pretty saggy on me now.
Someone’s discarded Jack-o-lantern of course I had to dance in it for a little bit.
That’s Freddy Mercury.
That nurse sexually assaulted me, numerous times grabbing my nay-nay and teacher said her boyfriend said she does that, a lot. Yeah no shit. I have to come up with a diplomatic genteel way to handle these situations. A man said the dirtiest shit in my ear about what he would do to me, to his wife as well and then I put him on stage and she stared up, seething at us. YIKES. He was clueless to my involvement with the bovine, no I am not merely some bloody naked scene-appropriate girl, I’m the headlining act and now, come with me. All the best costumes had left by the time we had a moment to do the prize cash giveaways.
Recovery from the weekend which spilled in to Monday and I ended up going out after all as Pamela.
This one is less vulgar than the last one, which, I am proud of. Every day it is like being a new person the more toned and vampy I become, I am making a monster.
Some other indian thing we ate, we get those pouches you throw in to boiling water. Looks like beans on toast eh? Way better, I hate beans. Gross.
Pasta and sauce, I seldom have pasta so I make sure to have it when my metabolism is high functioning as it is now.
Pam always wore furry raver hats and big shades. Bad fashion and I paired it with my cheesy running shoes, as no one would be looking at my feet but it completes the fitness Baywatch fashionless intent.
Stephen suggested ditching my pants only at the last possible minute, tease them til the end. It was freezing anyway.
Do I keep these feather earrings? Please tell me! Tired of asking!
Good for a performance but a one trick pony? They were expensive.
I don’t look so tired here. Asshole.
Roots coming in, appt today.
I look like my dad as a teen here. I have lots of different looks.
Hahah. I have two red berets so I could make a dance out of that. And now TWO legit lifeguard outfits!
Ok final verdict, keep earrings or not.
So nostalgic for sunny days.
That’s ginger beer over there, I am obsessed with it.
Think how good I would look photoshopped and airbrushed like all professional models in magazines. A colleague said he thought it was impressive that I post all 100% raw material, editing nothing.
My reaction to first slipping this on made me LOL.
Halloween burlesque explosion. Teacher is home today cleaning. It’s part of my present, for what I don’t know. Well, I do. We are in the bubble phase again. Ooh I look ripped and no that’s not a camel toe.
See, err, don’t rather but you know, there isn’t enough camel to warrant a toe lol. Which is why the night of Wolf parade that guy screaming CAMEL TOE out at me was such pure bullshit, I know I do not have a camel toe, it was my onesie jumper. I got bullied by six drunk losers at a shitty party, I’ll find the post, one of the promoters was mortified because they didn’t know they were beaking off to raymi the minx and it was one of the other promoters who joined in the rallying and were all completely in the wrong. Lucas did you ever find her?
No one believed that Henry would ever actually quit.
The cats were really bored without the dog and fought more but also enjoyed their extra attention and grey cat is getting territorial over me when Stella comes near, to protect me from the cat who is protecting me from the dog. Yes it is the funny farm here, come for tea wont you!
Sunday Salvation. It is the day of the Lord after all.
Hot solo hipster brunch dudes.
Gaga wore a mesh suit thing in Telephone. I had one of these at 19 when I was an online p0rno model. Yeah, I said it.
And here my brains are being blown inside out by this height.
Will show you the video. Blog Slave OG saw it and was like WOW I am so doing this in Spring.
Ugly Raymi and Tom. Why won’t they dye her poor roots? :(.
Many essentials. My Godmother slammed in to a concrete pillar after this night $1500 later oh boy. We are doing something this weekend or when mom? It’s their birthdays one day apart. Pray for Raymeh.
Teach got a “leather” coat out of a halloween costume bag and a wig, which looks dumb but maybe I can make work?
Paddy’s friend went as an internet troll, that ugly dumb mask.
Look at me climb the thing at 1:30 I remember thinking at the time it was dangerous, when I fully extended my legs and stood up IN heels clinging to the tiny bar but it was Iggy Pop of me and I don’t half-ass a thing. This is how we opened, walking through the crowd and playing with them, it was fun to be in a mask and naked, a major kind of bizarre confidence and forcefield surrounding me, horny awe from the patrons Hehehh.
Red Velvet’s Jessica Rabbit number. F-O-X. I am SO jealous of Pastel Supernova in this video getting to motorboat her.
Oh Red Velvet, you’re a prize right down to your foot tattoo.
Jazmin says we are super on point here but also doing it on a flat surface is a luxury, far easier than a wrestling ring. Which, we also nailed. Except my underwear shows at the end of this because I am a loser, of course. I am Liz Lemon. I couldn’t feel my dress from the gloves and I needed double sided tape I suppose. You can hear people criticizing, comparing and judging us AHahaha.
Oh my eyes so lovely rolled back in my skull like that.
Look at how much she looks like her!
My body is covered by the cat ears. Nice!
Mom don’t you dance like that? That’s the Kerouac groove.
I wanted her to win!
James Photobombed all my shots with the girls. That’s our Pastel Supernova on the left there. I missed her performance boo :(.
I love this generation, look at the p0rnographers. I’m getting stink-eye in like every photo too.
Paddy did Glory Box and smashed out of this robot box YEA!
It was a tribute to my shaking Beth’s hand at Portishead a few weeks back. That’s the Black Swan beauty helping her.
So funny and then hot. I’ll post the Set List and then you can see how insane we truly are.
I fall down the stairs at the end of this, Haters, Elyse, you will love it. Teacher goes, welp, I know what video I’m showing the boys today. HAHAHHA.
Coincidentally we both had asian themed dances, I did Kill Bill’s Ninja. Will post another time this is overkill enough.
Also got Jazmin’s rumba ooh I’ll listen to that album today, soca zoomba music dance cleaning party with blog slave.
I’m a sexy nice dictator.
Pastel in my pink nightie thing looks way better on her. I think I look crazy in it. Maybe with a Valley of the Dolls wig.
Out of all my costumes you’ve seen, which one should I sport out tonight?
Pastel gave me last minute tassel swinging advice. Bounce and shake, bounce and shake. I want to get a small C cup I think it would be good for business, I could give a fuck about confidence (or your opinions on the matter) I got enough of that already. I have two more years til 30 I may as well stretch them out. Seven grand is a lot of money though, I need a sponsorship. Will blog for boobs.
What a legend!
There’s a mega poster behind bar of this. I can’t wait to see an xmas burlesque poster.
More stink-eye and I look like the Queen and that’s not my arm.
Can’t tell if that’s a hipster costume or a hipster or a costume.
That guy held out a PBR to me haha next time make it something that’s not piss water thanks. But I love that move, it’s classic strip club film starlette cliche and like the dude’s minds being blown and pyrotechnics and axl rose is going yaaaaaaaaah! Ha.
This one ends in blood. Glad I followed through with it. Careful this video gets very very racy. I commit. Go big or go home.
That’s Freddy Mercury. The Nurse put her bandaged face in my bum. I hugged everyone with my bloody body and definitely messed up a ton of outfits. What can I say I put on a great party. This was so so fun and such a success, again again soon! Def a christmas party. That’ll be hot.
People think they are exploiting me but really, I am exploiting them.
She was a babe. It is such an ego trip having babes gush all over you all night long, I am humbled by it.
During the opening some shot glasses were on the speakers so I dramatically kick/brushed them aside against the wall and all the dudes were like O_O. Hahahah so many funny things happened/said/overheard what a dizzy circus. Love it.
So proud of these ladies we did it! Good times and we also do private functions/events: raymiATraymitheminx.com. That’s a drink ticket in my bra.
And the best three piece set, seen here. I’ll be adding more and more to this post over the next hour.
I was a hot mess all day long yesterday. This has been a suicide mission week my brains are obliterated.
I went like this to get all my last minute needs: nipple pasties (with tassels), new fishnet thigh highs, that mesh body suit, the french red three piece. I almost bought a massive feather headpiece but it was too ugly. The customer service where I went was HORRIBLE and am now boycotting them, one girl was nice but the other my lord so no mention of their name. Zero taste-making for you. (no soup for you voice).
And they’re like we don’t do dancer discounts and I was like, honey childs I aint’s no strippuh! I like what I bought though and the three piece was only $56.
Last Halloween one of my costumes was Tracey, I went as a cougar.
I get to use my ticket again to do the other stuff up there and Jenn gave me hers so we’re going!
This is freaking me out again and again it feels like a dream. I don’t even get a moment to reflect on the insane things I do cos I’m already off to the next thing. Sean said the Beatles didn’t get to enjoy what they did for years. Good point, keep the momentum going. Thank god Renita postponed my tattoo to next weekend. Ok nappy time. Mmm I want McDonalds. We had brunch at the Gladstone and were disasters. It was really fun I like brunch! Being amazed by your own life is a nice thing and normal things blowing your mind. Have a wonderful Sunday.
I would kill for this right now it was a mini big mac same dressing but high end I had it all over my face like an animal from doing this.
See the burn mark on my arm that is where I am getting my tattoo. Hahah read what ti says on the screen.
OH SHIT!
I know I posted this already but I love it. Don’t I look like Fear Factor? Window washer?
Gonna upload a video clip. I better call my dad it’s Sunday phonecall time!
I did this yesterday morning, no, Friday morning. Everything feels like it happened yesterday and I haven’t blinked in a week.
I’m volunteering for this camp.
I went with hangover party face and was drunk still I think, definitely sleep-deprived, no food or coffee from nerves I didn’t want to crap myself. But then while up there I was like, mm I am so hungry fantasizing about deep fried junk from Jack Astors and that’s what I did with my new friend Sam. She’s had 13 face surgeries and is a survivor, she conquered her fear up there. I wish I was watching it at my dad’s right now but we are totally bagged I am going to couch surf in three seconds it’s going to be the p0rn0graphy of laziness. I still have blood on my hands and toes this morning Dave (crashed on our floor and James on the couch)(snoring!) goes WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FEET!!? Totally forgot about my blood. Go look on the wall in the dead center of the King St Atlantic bridge I sloshed blood all over the wall like a Jack the Ripper slaying. The motor oil bottle fell out of a bag, we ditched the blody sheet in a construction site too someone is going to be freaked out tomorrow! Forensics! We had to walk from Bovine cos not enough cabs out there it was the NYE of Halloween last night. It was cold but we toughed it, starving too, but for some reason didn’t get any snacks from the gas station?? Bumped in to Snake and had a funny wasted conversation in his mouse ears and nose and he told me to be friends with our old friends and I was like they hate me and he’s like no, do it! Then I told the boys who that was when he walked away and they were like WHAAAAT!!? SNAKE! but he was too far away. Haha.
