Valentine Vamps

We have a show at the Bovine Sex Club Saturday February 11th Doors at 9. HERE IS THE FACEBOOK EVENT It’s also a Singles Mixer so you can go in a crew. I’ll be auctioned off two days prior for love a heart and this will be a perfect V-Day week bender, non? Lots more to confirm and share yet, very exciting shit!

Will you be my Vampentine SAT FEB 11?

Girls on deck:



As well, there will be my cast of VIPLEASE PLAYERS CLUB BACHELORETTES mingling about doin’ their thing. Celebrate Saint Valentine in style with all your friends in one big giant horny obscene mobscene. All shows are legendary. Guaranteed. Bring the boys and watch the girls! Bring the boys and find a girl, bring the girl and watch her ease in to a sexy alter-ego of her former conservative self. Cabarets are always heart warming and work magic over your lady pants parts.

See you soon, I’ve got a show to prepare!

There will be an MC and he WILL be FUNNY. And famous!



Last night a little angel came pumpin ‘cross my floor

This has been flagged, BIG SURPRISE, so you have to be logged in to view. Cool story. Not taking the post down. Haters can suck it. There is absolutely no nudity in this video and it is NOT innapropes, comparatively to tons of garbage out there. This is just a personal attack against Raymi, and always will be. I normally upload to vimeo cos you can’t control anything there but the video is too long now that Teacher’s phone vid quality is higher so I had to go with youtube. Thanks, and fuck you twats. Maybe if you did sit-ups you wouldn’t feel obliged to flag me all the time. Cow.

I bet your fun is pretend

Ooh la la what are they staring at?

Total doll!

Smooth move! Nice throw, expertly timed. Guh.

What is going on?

I look like a grasshopper. Do you think I take myself seriously? Frig off losers.


Pastel does the cawktease, nudes and sparkles and oh my.

I have a pre-show video of this. I have SO MUCH more material it is making my marbles clink around like the little rascals.

Bunny you were phenomenal!

So cute and classy and saucy. Yum slizzurp.

This lucky woman got a lapdance.

Like cat and mouse.

Shit damn!

Red Zeppelin turned it out with the costumes holy crap LOVED IT. Can’t wait to go through Tom’s pics after this next blast round of shots.

That’s one of my Raymism things that I have to stop doing hahaha.

Gorgeous! Pastel has danced for/with LADY GAGA! I am bowing.

That’s Tom there. He dressed as an internet troll at our halloween show. Tom is a groupie of our ever changing/rotating troupe name. Nice boots and ribcage Red Zeppelin!

Why does this make me think of Sesame Street in the 80’s, 70’s? I love that jumpsuit lets break out in to a street dance while we sing about keeping it real alphabet style.

Good as new again haha shrug.

LOOK at those suckers raise up like that holla! and they’re big bajungas. These are things I think guys are thinking at the time in the crowd right? I need a guy review one day ahaha I’ll try to find someone from pervert’s row. Bunny said there’s a slew of dudes in the burlesque circuit who go to all these things. There’s a whole scene.


Ok I admit I look slightly retarded here but you know, it’s not the end of the world and if I am grinning at you like this it’s a good thing cos you are about to get a welsh cuddle from a Minx followed by something nonsensically accidentally intelligent lisped into your ear. I thought I slurred when I drank, newp I lispth. HAhaha.

Pastel is going to take us through her workout regime gauntlet. I am ready kid.

Destruction concerned and that’s a Little Raymi in shot too obvi you can tell by the hair Alyssa what is your blog/twitter again? LOVE AND MISS YOU!

If I’m a minx then Pastel is def a cheetah. Apparently her body has yo-yo’d more than mine has. People eat that up man, can’t wait to see some pics.

Disney princess face. Any guess what her heritage is?

If I ran a Hello Kitty Strip Club…

Kat and I look all business here. That’s cos we is sucka. Our Vday show is going to be bananers and we are switching venues to somewhere bigger, with raised stage. Valentinettes? Hmm will have to think of a good one, cupid’s something. Bleh. DUMB DUMB. Thanks for the lingerie girly!

Here are some of erica’s pics:

Clemmy Claus.

Hobo Clemmy Claus back there ahha and in the foreground our window smasher.

You’re still adorable Erica despite this angle you don’t like next time more kiss takes xoxo and thank you for the sexy scientist costume!!

A garter winner. Kat and her buddy.


There’s glitter on my tit.

We are in a fake tits wanting competition now too. If Pastel can’t be happy with her body then we are all fucking fucked.

Dripping hot.

Major influx of dudes bemoaning (the ones who did) missing Sunday night once they saw the coverage. I told you so bros.

I could care less what you think of it. Come back to me when you have a live solo performance of your own and the guts to do it. This video features a funny moment with my cupcake Christmas ornament and this version of MCB is slightly diff than the one I know, slightly slower tempo. I made do.

Remember haters, I am adorable and you are horrible.

Winners are proactive.

Losers are left in the dust writing hate comments on blogs of winners.

See how I covered up the word SEX? I am classy.

I love how the next dopey comment will be WELL I AM GLAD I KNOW WHAT IT LOOKED LIKE IN VIDEO SO I KNOW I DIDN’T MISS ANYTHING thank you loser for the opinion no one asked for if you’re so glad why did you come here, wait for it, then watch it, and then comment about it? Hahaha.

Hi John!

Christmas vortexxx.

I’m sorry but I cannot get over this one of my ass.

Red Zeppelin’s first solo was Peggy Lee’s the very thought of you.

Ok I’ma plaster this with Elfette pics now.

Girls from the North Country

Bum Bum Lauren! I don’t think I have one cool family nickname, does anybody?

2 secs for me to jump in the shot. We’re pretty bush league.

I don’t see anything old here, sorry, nothing but hot taught in their prime fresh Chrismas chicks. I bet I am in better shape than whoever left that comment.

Heehehh you can see that I am not wearing pasties here.

Clem burst in to the back and said RAYMES GET ME MORE SPRINKLES. I created a monster, I threw sparkles on everyone, constantly, dumping them down sweaters, coats, scarves, shirts, while embracing, leaving behind piles of the shit it was hilarious and pissed off a lot of people. I had words with the cleaner at the end of the night, tipped him a twenty whilst basically saying now talk to the hand I’ve had enough tonight brah. I paid the girls out and took no cut, didn’t charge for their costumes either, a very Minxy Christmas to you Elfettes thanks for everythang! I am wearing Allison’s braclet in this picture she has a new (doing very well) jewelry business now awesome. Gave away a thong too and fishnets, thank you Ohhh Canada!

Behind the scenes panic room.

One day, I am fat, the next (today apparently) I am too old, naw son, I ain’t too old for shit, maybe you are. The sooner you are to slowing down the closer you are to dying. Hating on someone who is living their dream will not bring you any closer to yours.

Have you ever wanted to tap dance to punk rock with one of those old timey film darlings?

Pastel’s new fan. He came with 5 look-alikes all towering over me and asks Teacher how he puts up with or handles my burlesque. Lots of drinking.

Pastel raisin’ hell.

Quite the tickle trunk back there, Paddy had all her shit in my area and was never around for me to say hey move your crap so I kept having to do that which wasn’t fun. Your stuff HAS to be organized, number for number, otherwise it’s a frenzy of search and destroy until find.

Did that bow ever come off? I was in a bit of a vortex at points.

Bechnique, you should have put a costume on.

Sprinkle fairy! Clem referring to sparkles as sprinkles made me have a giggle fit for five minutes. I don’t know why but I just prefer retarded people in life. I am so glad he came in santa suit, gives you permish to be a jerk all night long and get away with it.

This guy’s friends threw his scarf on the ground and like a good little Elfette I picked it up and twirled it around for him and he was very happy, it washed away his going to scream at friends moment. We keep it Jersey Shore and dance where and whenever the hell we please. Oh my god I miss Jersey Shore in Italy I can’t believe I am saying that.

No elves left behind.

Good score off Red Zeppelin that red thing thanks girl! Very retro Miss Claus.

That’s Red unwrapping herself. I was very impressed by her performances. Yes her name has changed, she’s been getting weirdos ever since this burlesque thing started uh oh, how exciting!

Would you tell this girl she’s too old to dance? She’s a pro and smokin’ hot, we are the same age. A gaggle of my boys were like, Raymi, WHAT IS HER NAME!? It was a really good time Sunday night. Leaving me loser comments about your opinions and feeling sorry for me is hysterical for one and all in the real world who were there. You say so much about yourself when you hate on girls for taking their clothes off for a show in real life and then share it with you on their blog that has been number one since the year 2000 like I am supposed to feel like an idiot now? Oh no I have been exposed thanks to your detective skills and your opinion has REALLY MADE ME THINK ABOUT MY LIFE. I don’t care if you think I can’t dance. This isn’t the so I think I can dance show, it’s the I know I look smokin’ in teeny g-strings and love Christmas music lets make a cabaret and great material out of it show. Everything I do turns to gold and after everything I do someone feels like a grinch at the reflection of the art I made then blogged and like clockwork, chimes in. I’m sorry you couldn’t get 3 people to show up at your turn at the pole.

Rhonda and her blasted husband George we had them over at the end of this with Brosz7 and it was fun all that etc but should have been in bed. They’re all the way in from Ireland so that requires a good gong show. I’ve been pretty good this holiday season so far I think and deserved a little letting loose. There aren’t many breaks in RaymiLand.

Merry Christmas and go f*ck yourself would be this xmas card caption.

And this one too haha. Elfettes have sparkly claws, insert claus pun.

And now we get loose. Tonight I gotta cut loose, Foot loose.

Kick off your Sunday shoes. Please, Louise, pull me off a my knees.

Jack, get back, c’mon before we crack. Lose your blues everybody cut footloose!

And now we are talking shop about the incident while Amy is in my Raymi la la land kevin bacon vortex which was actually probably the spice girls or something hahaa. Meanwhile, Paul on the left there is totally stoked Kim Jong Il died and owns my painting of him (from 2006!) and he was with us the night we met the kid who threw the thing through the window, I think Clem was too it was a very special thing he did for us lol.

The canes were excellent.

Should I show up to Teacher’s family’s Christmas dinner like this? So, we’re all reading my blog now I guess, hi all meet the REAL ME. Your hot tub better be on lol. I will probably show up dressed like a Ski Bunny.

People just collapse right in to me I am so loveable I don’t know what you are all crying for, I’m more enjoyable than your own best friends!

Amy is awesome. We met and fell in love at the LCBO in LibVille, she was sampling and we were drunk, it was a Saturday bender, summer I think, I was dressed like Malibu Hello Kitty and who the fuck even knows what we talked about.

End of the night, me and Sarah are always yammering about girl stuff basically like, I like you, NO it is I who LIKES YOU! She posted this photo of us on FB and someone said… “holy crap i think my friend’s band wrote a song about her”.

Raymous the famous!

Um where were you two dopes during dance recruitment?

The after dance costume party is when I sneak out stuff from my tickle trunk and put it on drunk hot girls and then get pictures for my blog.

Hey we’re the Chippettes and again I’d like to point out how hot and young looking I am just in case the trolls missed it.

I found something.

Something way better than sprinkles.

How do these get here? Staff after hours ploughing? Hey babe can I keep those I want to hang them up here to reminisce and so I can remember that I had sex here last night.

Excuse me I have to interrupt your ever fascinating irish drunken tale in order to dangle this skanky thong on your face you don’t mind do you?

She didn’t know and it was too late to stop her, luckily crotch didn’t touch lips. Well not in this photo anyway.

TBH it looked brand new.


Hot mess Christmas choo choo train.

Kept busting in on their dance circle in loud coloured outfits and loud coloured mouthing off, it was a gas, then we split two cabs back to the gingerbread house and continued getting polluted and that’s why I slept all day yesterday. I don’t power drink like I used to. That’s basically how Winehouse bit the dust eh. I say you should always drink a little less the older you get.

Red had a date in attendance this night who turns out knew me from something to do with the Globe and Mail days I forget but I am sure this date’s activity solidified things for that dude and Red Zeppelin haha. “So like my burlesque troupe is having a show tonight (and they are totally fucking insane sexy shit shows) do you wanna come?”

Ok I am adding the rest of colleague’s and Tom’s and Little Raymi (erica’s) now. These were all Mystery camera for the most part, did you have a nice lunch?

Brb I have to damage control shit with Mrs. Claus. It was a May Pang kinda thing the Elfettes, you know, but now she’s a bit cranky. Google John Lennon/lost weekend if you don’t know what I am talking about.

Stalk to me baby

Ok fucksticks lets do this again. Help me decide PLEASE.

Poster 1.

Poster 2.

WHich poster do I choose?
Poster 1
Poster 2
Free polls from

Your reward is this this:

I am not even going to watch this. Yes we are blasticated at the Old Mill. Yes this is my mom and godmother and I. Not sorry. Double Birthday Scorpio whammy.

and now I have to figure out which shot I haven’t blogged yet. I shall do that now.

Rehearsal, remember (no judging), this is as much teaser as you’ll get, so lots of dumb talking and brainstorming. These vids ar teaching aides. You’re welcome for sharing and welcome to the creative process. I am PSYCHED for this. I am giggling in the beginning of this uncontrollably cos in the last take I tornado twirl ninja karate chopped the hell out of Bunny. We DIED laughing.

Brb with pixxx. xohoho.

Ps. meanwhile my new fav Valentine K shirt arrived by way of personal hot girl messenger Charise #ballin’ #flossin’. This chick and I got history, elite history, which trumps all gimme-gimme social media bratty jealous expectant competitiveness hand outs, fyi. Charise is my homeboy, and I know I got some hot shots of her on Mystery Cam.

This shirt is cashmere. get used to it cos you’ll be seein’ it lots lol.