I put a spell on you

My site is wonky at the moment because it is just too popular now and I have outgrown my server and must move, which is good because that means new layout will be up by week’s end. Sorry for the hiccups, you’ve been wonderful. I was worried I’d been hacked and of course always fear the worst. Only parts of my site will be loading in the meanwhile because, “you are getting too much traffic on the server we have you on, it overloaded it and the url has been blocked by the server.” And now I shall be back with more photos from Valentine Vamps. xo rlw. (direct urls to specific posts aren’t working, you’ll have to load the whole blog to see ughhhhh).

The camera gets a swipe with one of my rods in this one and comes back from the malfunction and keeps recording. The ceiling isn’t that high or that low, but there is a disco ball on it to maneuver around with these giant wings. One pasty was just dying to fall off too haha.

Will be coming back with tons of pics momentaril-all day-ily. I took my top off too soon. Meh. The rest of the Vamps were PERFECT. Solid show and greatly fine-tuned production overall it was super fun, thank you everyone!!

A lot of up close mystery camera pics too haha.

Fantastic green room!

Goin’ through tons more now. Nothing but girl flesh and sequins. There’s thousands of them. Waiting for 200 to upload before I can upload 200 more hahaha oy.

Back with tons more. And I will probably repeat that a lot throughout the day.


Girls from the North Country

Bum Bum Lauren! I don’t think I have one cool family nickname, does anybody?

2 secs for me to jump in the shot. We’re pretty bush league.

I don’t see anything old here, sorry, nothing but hot taught in their prime fresh Chrismas chicks. I bet I am in better shape than whoever left that comment.

Heehehh you can see that I am not wearing pasties here.

Clem burst in to the back and said RAYMES GET ME MORE SPRINKLES. I created a monster, I threw sparkles on everyone, constantly, dumping them down sweaters, coats, scarves, shirts, while embracing, leaving behind piles of the shit it was hilarious and pissed off a lot of people. I had words with the cleaner at the end of the night, tipped him a twenty whilst basically saying now talk to the hand I’ve had enough tonight brah. I paid the girls out and took no cut, didn’t charge for their costumes either, a very Minxy Christmas to you Elfettes thanks for everythang! I am wearing Allison’s braclet in this picture she has a new (doing very well) jewelry business now awesome. Gave away a thong too and fishnets, thank you Ohhh Canada!

Behind the scenes panic room.

One day, I am fat, the next (today apparently) I am too old, naw son, I ain’t too old for shit, maybe you are. The sooner you are to slowing down the closer you are to dying. Hating on someone who is living their dream will not bring you any closer to yours.

Have you ever wanted to tap dance to punk rock with one of those old timey film darlings?

Pastel’s new fan. He came with 5 look-alikes all towering over me and asks Teacher how he puts up with or handles my burlesque. Lots of drinking.

Pastel raisin’ hell.

Quite the tickle trunk back there, Paddy had all her shit in my area and was never around for me to say hey move your crap so I kept having to do that which wasn’t fun. Your stuff HAS to be organized, number for number, otherwise it’s a frenzy of search and destroy until find.

Did that bow ever come off? I was in a bit of a vortex at points.

Bechnique, you should have put a costume on.

Sprinkle fairy! Clem referring to sparkles as sprinkles made me have a giggle fit for five minutes. I don’t know why but I just prefer retarded people in life. I am so glad he came in santa suit, gives you permish to be a jerk all night long and get away with it.

This guy’s friends threw his scarf on the ground and like a good little Elfette I picked it up and twirled it around for him and he was very happy, it washed away his going to scream at friends moment. We keep it Jersey Shore and dance where and whenever the hell we please. Oh my god I miss Jersey Shore in Italy I can’t believe I am saying that.

No elves left behind.

Good score off Red Zeppelin that red thing thanks girl! Very retro Miss Claus.

That’s Red unwrapping herself. I was very impressed by her performances. Yes her name has changed, she’s been getting weirdos ever since this burlesque thing started uh oh, how exciting!

Would you tell this girl she’s too old to dance? She’s a pro and smokin’ hot, we are the same age. A gaggle of my boys were like, Raymi, WHAT IS HER NAME!? It was a really good time Sunday night. Leaving me loser comments about your opinions and feeling sorry for me is hysterical for one and all in the real world who were there. You say so much about yourself when you hate on girls for taking their clothes off for a show in real life and then share it with you on their blog that has been number one since the year 2000 like I am supposed to feel like an idiot now? Oh no I have been exposed thanks to your detective skills and your opinion has REALLY MADE ME THINK ABOUT MY LIFE. I don’t care if you think I can’t dance. This isn’t the so I think I can dance show, it’s the I know I look smokin’ in teeny g-strings and love Christmas music lets make a cabaret and great material out of it show. Everything I do turns to gold and after everything I do someone feels like a grinch at the reflection of the art I made then blogged and like clockwork, chimes in. I’m sorry you couldn’t get 3 people to show up at your turn at the pole.

Rhonda and her blasted husband George we had them over at the end of this with Brosz7 and it was fun all that etc but should have been in bed. They’re all the way in from Ireland so that requires a good gong show. I’ve been pretty good this holiday season so far I think and deserved a little letting loose. There aren’t many breaks in RaymiLand.

Merry Christmas and go f*ck yourself would be this xmas card caption.

And this one too haha. Elfettes have sparkly claws, insert claus pun.

And now we get loose. Tonight I gotta cut loose, Foot loose.

Kick off your Sunday shoes. Please, Louise, pull me off a my knees.

Jack, get back, c’mon before we crack. Lose your blues everybody cut footloose!

And now we are talking shop about the incident while Amy is in my Raymi la la land kevin bacon vortex which was actually probably the spice girls or something hahaa. Meanwhile, Paul on the left there is totally stoked Kim Jong Il died and owns my painting of him (from 2006!) and he was with us the night we met the kid who threw the thing through the window, I think Clem was too it was a very special thing he did for us lol.

The canes were excellent.

Should I show up to Teacher’s family’s Christmas dinner like this? So, we’re all reading my blog now I guess, hi all meet the REAL ME. Your hot tub better be on lol. I will probably show up dressed like a Ski Bunny.

People just collapse right in to me I am so loveable I don’t know what you are all crying for, I’m more enjoyable than your own best friends!

Amy is awesome. We met and fell in love at the LCBO in LibVille, she was sampling and we were drunk, it was a Saturday bender, summer I think, I was dressed like Malibu Hello Kitty and who the fuck even knows what we talked about.

End of the night, me and Sarah are always yammering about girl stuff basically like, I like you, NO it is I who LIKES YOU! She posted this photo of us on FB and someone said… “holy crap i think my friend’s band wrote a song about her”.

Raymous the famous!

Um where were you two dopes during dance recruitment?

The after dance costume party is when I sneak out stuff from my tickle trunk and put it on drunk hot girls and then get pictures for my blog.

Hey we’re the Chippettes and again I’d like to point out how hot and young looking I am just in case the trolls missed it.

I found something.

Something way better than sprinkles.

How do these get here? Staff after hours ploughing? Hey babe can I keep those I want to hang them up here to reminisce and so I can remember that I had sex here last night.

Excuse me I have to interrupt your ever fascinating irish drunken tale in order to dangle this skanky thong on your face you don’t mind do you?

She didn’t know and it was too late to stop her, luckily crotch didn’t touch lips. Well not in this photo anyway.

TBH it looked brand new.


Hot mess Christmas choo choo train.

Kept busting in on their dance circle in loud coloured outfits and loud coloured mouthing off, it was a gas, then we split two cabs back to the gingerbread house and continued getting polluted and that’s why I slept all day yesterday. I don’t power drink like I used to. That’s basically how Winehouse bit the dust eh. I say you should always drink a little less the older you get.

Red had a date in attendance this night who turns out knew me from something to do with the Globe and Mail days I forget but I am sure this date’s activity solidified things for that dude and Red Zeppelin haha. “So like my burlesque troupe is having a show tonight (and they are totally fucking insane sexy shit shows) do you wanna come?”

Ok I am adding the rest of colleague’s and Tom’s and Little Raymi (erica’s) now. These were all Mystery camera for the most part, did you have a nice lunch?

Brb I have to damage control shit with Mrs. Claus. It was a May Pang kinda thing the Elfettes, you know, but now she’s a bit cranky. Google John Lennon/lost weekend if you don’t know what I am talking about.

The people vs. Jessica Rabbit

Teddy bear nappy time.

I wanted her to win!

Paddy’s friend went as an internet troll, that ugly dumb mask.

Look at me climb the thing at 1:30 I remember thinking at the time it was dangerous, when I fully extended my legs and stood up IN heels clinging to the tiny bar but it was Iggy Pop of me and I don’t half-ass a thing. This is how we opened, walking through the crowd and playing with them, it was fun to be in a mask and naked, a major kind of bizarre confidence and forcefield surrounding me, horny awe from the patrons Hehehh.

Red Velvet’s Jessica Rabbit number. F-O-X. I am SO jealous of Pastel Supernova in this video getting to motorboat her.

Oh Red Velvet, you’re a prize right down to your foot tattoo.

Jazmin says we are super on point here but also doing it on a flat surface is a luxury, far easier than a wrestling ring. Which, we also nailed. Except my underwear shows at the end of this because I am a loser, of course. I am Liz Lemon. I couldn’t feel my dress from the gloves and I needed double sided tape I suppose. You can hear people criticizing, comparing and judging us AHahaha.

Oh my eyes so lovely rolled back in my skull like that.

Look at how much she looks like her!

My body is covered by the cat ears. Nice!

Mom don’t you dance like that? That’s the Kerouac groove.

I wanted her to win!

James Photobombed all my shots with the girls. That’s our Pastel Supernova on the left there. I missed her performance boo :(.

I love this generation, look at the p0rnographers. I’m getting stink-eye in like every photo too.

Paddy did Glory Box and smashed out of this robot box YEA!

It was a tribute to my shaking Beth’s hand at Portishead a few weeks back. That’s the Black Swan beauty helping her.

So funny and then hot. I’ll post the Set List and then you can see how insane we truly are.

I fall down the stairs at the end of this, Haters, Elyse, you will love it. Teacher goes, welp, I know what video I’m showing the boys today. HAHAHHA.

Coincidentally we both had asian themed dances, I did Kill Bill’s Ninja. Will post another time this is overkill enough.

Also got Jazmin’s rumba ooh I’ll listen to that album today, soca zoomba music dance cleaning party with blog slave.

I’m a sexy nice dictator.

Pastel in my pink nightie thing looks way better on her. I think I look crazy in it. Maybe with a Valley of the Dolls wig.

Out of all my costumes you’ve seen, which one should I sport out tonight?

Pastel gave me last minute tassel swinging advice. Bounce and shake, bounce and shake. I want to get a small C cup I think it would be good for business, I could give a fuck about confidence (or your opinions on the matter) I got enough of that already. I have two more years til 30 I may as well stretch them out. Seven grand is a lot of money though, I need a sponsorship. Will blog for boobs.

What a legend!

There’s a mega poster behind bar of this. I can’t wait to see an xmas burlesque poster.

More stink-eye and I look like the Queen and that’s not my arm.

Can’t tell if that’s a hipster costume or a hipster or a costume.

I look like I am flipping someone off.


K blog slave is here updating periodically.

Look I was voted best dressed at the brickworks picnic I went to by Toronto Standard.

OK brb i’m going to post my pamela anderson baywatch bathing suit photos now.

Set the bar

Post show dance celebrayshe encore peep show!

The sister video to this isn’t rotated, albeit darker, and just as it gets good these other chicks show up and block my dance moves with Jasmine. It’s a minute long. You can deal craning your neck, I requested this song specifically thanks to all of Toronto’s poking fun at my alleged ainwrecking-tray ways and similarity to one notorious Courtney Love. The girl who grabs my bewbs in this video that I classily and politely allowed (but pissed me off) I totally thought was a family friend of ours I hadn’t seen in over a decade. It wasn’t her but my confusion and thinking it was bought her more drunk groping time. Girls get away with murder.

Check the smoke coming out of her mouth! I love Starlight Burlesque Troupe. So many in the city eh? Brb with a treasure trove of goodies. My godmother finally downloaded her camera’s photos, I cycled through half a year of shots of all our shenanigans and you can clearly see my metamorphosis from drunk fat bloated face to skinny slim. Awesome! It’s good to see that shit and a total lesson not to ever go back. Canadians get booze bloat in the winter.

My ska Minx nails. J’adore!

It’s still totally hilarious that my mom wore the same dress as me this night without any prior discussion.