Hi Booberdoobers, also, goobers. Yesterday we drove to Germany cos it was so nice out.
Today is even nicer so I’m going to tippity type this blog post as fast as I can so I can finish my homework then sit in the sun. We just cut the grass, which is a big deal cos we have that house with the cray english garden that all the neighbour’s hate. I bet someone was slow-clapping in their kitchen at the sight of us. Ha. Or thought they were seeing a mirage. As you can see I did not wash my hair before going out, I likes to keep it low maintenance.
I have a lot of photos of this castle but this is the first time the sky was bright sunny blue. Sorry for the windshield crap.
Patio doggy.
The Hoff’s bench? He is huge in Germany after all. I had a Berlin friend when I was 19 and her bf, also my friend said she had a David Hasselhoff poster on her wall which we found endlessly hilarious. Wonder if she’s still in Berlin. I also met a girl from Holland when I was a teenager in Sauble Beach and we were pen pals way back when I wonder how much her mind would be blown to hear from me now. I have no idea what her name is I’d have to look in my journal lol. My bro had the hots for her.
Floor score shirt, pretty nice. It was brand new in its shopping bag. No shame all fame. First time wearing it. I am becoming one with my Euro cheesiness.
Cute little nook of a patio. All the other places were closed, it was Monday after all but still I’d ring up my little lazy German rascal staff and scream them in to work cos it was patio weather which we’ve been waiting for forever.
Sheep’s cheese olives onions peppers. Trying to read German is more impossible than Dutch. I totally give the fuck up. As a foodie it is infuriating. I’m like just whatever make sure there is cheese and salt. This was really good.
The carpaccio was really good too. Our eyes were bigger than our stomachs, note to self do not order a main after appetizers in Germany cos the portions are gigantic. The mixed grill was a supreme disappointment after these, plus the fucking hair on one of the pieces of pork. It’s not a complaining about your food kind of nation either (womp womp complaining is my favourite lol) it’s more of a pull it off your meat shut up and like it. It was such a long black gross wiry hair too, lost appetite after that.
Everything is so cute. Hi are the Three little bears home? This is the side of the restaurant.
Turtles!
Mini turtle catching a lift! This is in the swamp beside the castle.
That one. After driving to this town several times we finally investigated it. Bf has seen it before of course but now it’s a full blown Raymi experience. You have not lived before you have experienced Raymbo. Also two months ago today was my foot accident in Aruba so yesterday was our two month Raymiversary.
Within 24 hours of meeting the dude I was in the hospital baha. #soulmate. He actually adores my clumsiness I’m like for real why? No seriously why?? He’s like I dunno I just do it’s cute and, you. I don’t care how much haters think I’m hateable I’m really not and you’re wasting your time on the dark side. His sister loves me too and said I’m really nice. omgaaaaaaaaaaaaay.
At least I dressed like a cyclist.
It wasn’t warm enough to wear shorts but just about.
Sexy mom times blaha. Now I don’t care what this castle’s name is or what year it was built or any of that crap, I had an ex who exhausted the shit out of this stuff and it made sightseeing uber boring basically all I know is everyone and anyone who ever had to do with this place is dead now, bye bye. Okay, what I mean is I have zero attention span plus I can’t read German we’re more concerned with photographing the grounds for the internet. You’re welcome.
Besides I think I blogged a line or two from wikipedia about this place in my Medieval fair posts.
I think some of you would enjoy seeing how I maneuver up cobblestones these days. Like a crab. Or a drunk. I am a walking ‘nother accident waiting to happen.
Why does my head look like a teeny little acorn when I cock it like this. Yes I said cock.
Bet some bad ass shit went down here back in the day though.
Purty. Wish I knew flower names, wish I knew lotsa things.
A blond couple (version of us) walked over to that wall to take pics and spark a doobie. The dude looked at me a lot. Probably because I exclaimed that I was bored in English cos my bf was hogging the camera and German pothead was like WTF is that American saying now? People get whiplash when they hear me open my mouth. When I don’t feel like the attention I just nod and smile at people silently, silent smiles go a long way.
We’ve hung out down there before.
People park there for the weekend, plug in to get electricity then parking lot hang.
Clean energy.
Something about the stairs.
gates on tower windows make me nervous.
Ha. I’d say next time I’ll dress better but nope, I won’t. I told my bf he dresses like a five year old and he forever quotes that but says 2 year old and I said no, five, or four. It’s not about what you wear to the places you go it’s about going to them at all.
Should we go over there?
I’m going on this swing and you can’t stop me.
“Whee” as they say.
Okay I’ll brb I’m being summoned to head out cos it’s gorgeous and I concur. Tomorrow it’s going to rain cats and dogs. Be back sooners.
TGIFU time! Love it. See that can? My bf kicked it away when we were getting in the car to leave and it rolled down the street for like an hour, funny little details like that make the world go round. Cans too. He said it’s still rolling and I’m like what, really? Then we froze in silence and I could hear it from inside the car tootling away bahahha.
So after we finished up hanging around some vintage cars and canal boats we got back on the road making our way to Amsterdam. I felt like total carbage. We went to Germany the day before then stayed up late playing video games drank-a-lanking, got up early-ish and were out the door by noon before I could even finish my morning ritual of water coffee smoothie pooping and suffice it to say now bf knows not to force me out the door before I am ready because it ruins his day too gaddamnit. Anyway those be tulips, maybe next time there’ll be some tiptoeing through them.
Seriously can someone please explain the damage what was (RIP dude not speakin’ ill of the dead here) Tiny Tim thank you. He’s kind of a genius right, like Crispin Glover with a Tim Burton filter. Back to MY LIFE now though.
This is Urk. It was a holiday, Pinksteren, something religious and as luck would have it the inhabitants of this town are super ultra all about it and donned their traditional Dutch attire. They look like Amish Mafia to me. The guys have these clinky golden earrings it’s pretty badass and I couldn’t help but feel suspicious of all of them.
They don’t walk around like this all the time that’s why my bf said we were lucky.
Lotsa this. At least it didn’t rain.
Lotsa that.
Ooh sweet.
Look at the jealous stares at the pretty one. International jeals.
She’s super owning it though. Their bonnets have gold and/or silver balls that jam into their cheeks and look like cheek piercings.
Very narrow topsy turvy streets. Everything was closed because of the holiday maybe things were open til noon but we didn’t get there til 2 or 3? One place was open by the water and that’s where everyone was strolling by to people watch and take photos of the boats on the water. We were fungry it was a funger emergency thank god for that place. A German fisherman directed us toward it and when we drove off I asked if he was the R word cos he spoke so slowly and then my bf imitated how he methodically directed us for a half hour, it was cutelarious. I wish I could type how people speak here, I don’t even know how to describe it. I’ll make a video one day.
I went in here to wee and check it out maybe infer as to taking the table out front plus getting their attention (hate waiting for service) but then I’m like oh yeah there is no way they’re going to understand me. I just pretend I am invisible everywhere and force my way into bathrooms.
It was coldish. It’s always coldish. I’m always coldish. Yesterday it was 7. Last year on 23 May it was 30. THIRTY. By the time it gets hot I won’t be here. Great.
It’s all about the scenerey and fish though. Name that bit of Canadiana 90’s culture album. Try not to google it you tool.
Although they’re wearing clogs the dudes look pretty badass. If all my Dutch bros were wearing their funky outfits and I wasn’t I would run the hell home and put mine on too. Once a year guy, do it.
Those guys had the gold earrings on too. They look like gypsy earrings. Like a secret club. Their dialect is a bit different than regular Dutch not that I can discern the difference but bf can. He would laugh at certain things he overheard but then also not comprehend some things. Like Amish slang maybe?
Buh buh buh boats.
Ruh Ruh Ruh Raymi.
Perspective makes these look the same size but they’s ain’ts.
So I guess if we have a kid I’ll be allowed to dress it up like a Dutch doll. Yay.
Derno why the folks weren’t dressed up too though I think I’d feel like a self conscious moron after checking out the mom’s heels. Nice.
Super cute.
Super cute. No idea how he can just wear a t-shirt. Such a dude.
New flickr is making things take ten times longer btw thanks yahoo ps. thanks for tumblr take over too ya jerks.
Good thing I wore my gypsy hoops that day.
Just wait til that hair is longer. Whip it flip it good.
I’m gonna dye it this weekend. Darker or lighter? Or should I stay in the hair extensions colour family in case I need to rock ‘em?
Keep it nautical bro.
Bikes need hugs too.
This guy reminded me of my Uncle Rodgey. He had a slice of apple pie and a glass of red wine. He was ignored for ten minutes when he first arrived and was calm enough about it, when he showed up to the table beside me that had crap on it still from the previous patrons he stood in a am I allowed to sit here? daze and I gestured Yes you can sit there. He sat to my right instead, weirdo. Bf was like ew red wine and pie? I thought you don’t understand red wine you are not allowed to talk shit about red wine. Red wine all mine gimme gimme. Yesterday was sober day btw.
Finally. I ate half of this schnitzel. Holy schnit I felt like schnit afterward though, something was off, maybe the mayonnaise I dunno. BTW if I ever open a schnitzel place it’s gonna be called Holy Schnit!
And that cheese looks passed it’s prime too. This is what your sandwich looks like, make it yourself jerk off.
Hey guysbians. On Sunday we didn’t go to that freshtival I wanted to go to so instead we drove to Amsterdam and blabbity blah took a lot of photos, saw lots of stuff and things and things and more stuff, towns, cows, tulips, tourists yadda yadda here is the first installment.
I brought a couple costume changes. My surf maxi dress is versatile in that it is beachwear and a snuggie at the same time and people’s faces look like question marks here when they see me in it. YOLO EUROs.
It was supposed to be a sunny day. It wasn’t. There’s lots of windmills here. Both retro and modern. I have some trippy videos of them set to trance music or whatever it is the crap that we listen to.
I held my peepee for as long as I could then it got painful, we stopped off at a place where a nice lady let me use her cafe’s facility. She didn’t speak english. Obviously I’m not asking for a danish yo. Bathroom? Can I use your bathroom? Luckily no matter what nationality they are, the word toilet is understood. It’s gotten to the point where I just say TOILET even though I am perfectly capable of saying toiletten cos then they think I am American and know not to f around. I took the above picture after I wizzed, coulda just said that and moved on but nope sorry. Not sorry.
This town is like the Venice of this town. It’s the coldest May ever. Next time I am packing properly.
See how the flag of The Netherlands looks like France? France’s stripes are vertical.
Car pervs everywhere. I bet they all watched us through the windows of that restaurant with binoculars.
You can rent these boats and have a boat picnic and stare at everyone like you have staring problems.
South path.
Three girls, one guy, a ton of food.
Whimsical.
Which one do you like most?
There’s a lot of Mr. Bean cars here too. Bf says they’re nice looking but break down a lot. Also they’re way too small, so unsafe. I prefer a tank thanks.
That one’s got a Batmobile-looking flare about it.
These are for my dad so just scroll if your eyes start to get heavy.
Think I like the blue one most.
Don’t worry lots of pics of me coming up. This is getting boring though I need to crack a beer to make the funny flow.
So sweet.
Then it was sunny for three minutes. Everything looks better bathed in sun. It looks awesome to begin with cos it’s Europe but the sun reeeeeeeally brings out the amaze.
I changed in the car after this. Walking in a bed sheet with my messed up ankle on grass is too dangerous and when people check me out I’m too shy for it I don’t want to walk into a sign like Kanye.
Birds kept dive bombing everyone on this patio. Back-up soon arrived. I love lap cats. Short lived love. Yopi the cat is the boss of this restaurant’s patio. Everyone tried to get her (his?) attention but guess who she liked most? The cat’s hovering was particularly novel because just over yonder were hundreds of drunk people all crowding/partying about and the cat was super chill about it. I like that kinda stuff.
Took a bajillion pics yesterday, went to Amsterdam. On the way there visited a couple lovely places, stay tuned for that. Lady Gaga, Britney Spears, Psy and Obama have been to this town called Volendam, we saw their pictures in a photo studio tourist trap store. Going for a walk now. Happy May 2-4 everyone back home don’t blow up your face with fireworks thanks kay bye. Btw it has been the coldest spring on record ever here.
Nacnud, more vintage British car pictures for you coming soon.
Queen’s Day was awesome. Why should I grow up when this art school geezer doesn’t have to? I’d rather be like him than any of you every day of the week. You guys need to check yourself and enjoy life a little more. Me, I’m good. Miss you Canuckleheads.
Zero filter face. Can you show us your haggard under eyebags without a filter, lady? Pfft I doubt it. Here is another flawless picture from last week, click to enlarge it. Zero photoshop, I never do that, zero filters too. I don’t think you’ve posted a filter-less photo in three years or one w/o sunglasses.
Here’s just a whatever one. Simple and arty. Can you be calm, present in your own life and own a simple portrait of yourself proudly? Do you have to hate on absolutely everything you see someone else doing that has totally nothing to do with your stupid fucking shallow try hard life?
Wow I look SO HAGGARD. Look at those disgusting teeth and ridiculous fugly face.
Holy shit this is the grossest I have ever looked I better make a zany facial expression to fill in all my crow’s feet and wrinkles to trick you guys in to thinking I am pretty, no wait, no need to cos my face is fantastic as is.
Okay fine, here’s something wacky. Sorry it just made me look cuter from all the f’s I don’t give. As an aside, I might need to buy a bat to fight off all the dudes who want me here fur sure.
This is me exercising. Because drinking Coke zero equals exercising duh. I’m sorry that I am funnier than you, more original too and you can’t come up with jokes like that on your own. Go write about your swaggy swag now, you empty vessel. What’s your obsession with material worth btw? Things don’t make you better, nor your life. You need be happy being simple, having, wanting, and needing less.
Last night before bed I was adorabs then too. Being cute is a never ending job. When I am forty I will still be cute and my eyes will always be minxy.
Here is a picture of not trying. Try it.
Although some effort should be made to maintain physique, omg don’t forget to harp on me for that too you pathetic freak. You’re so goddamn obsessed with me you’ll write an essay about my shoelace. Can’t you find someone else to harass and jerk off to while crying already? I bet you have a hater hit list a mile long.
I made this for my bf this morning before his meetings because I have zero ambitions. That guy loves the shit out of me.
Hi guys. What’s up. Okay I don’t care. Sorry I didn’t blog yesterday. I felt like it but then I didn’t, so I didn’t even though I spent like fifty hours on the internet looking at everything. It feels kinda pointless to tweet or blog six hours hyperly-ahead of everything else like throwing coins in to a black hole cos none of y’all are up to read it assuming only people on eastern standard time read me. I think I should shift my statcounter ahead six hours so my blog traffic numbers calculate properly. I’ll just add that to the never-ending list of not crappening. Along with calling Rogers to turn off my phone. It’s been a month and I still haven’t done that yet. I have issues with responsibility big time. Especially when I am in trouble.
Today is day three no booze. There’s an alcoholic in my head throwing a red ball at a wall again and again and again, no biggie. Also, I have decided to kick w–d too so my brain should kick in to overdrive any minute now. I want to prove that I can do it. My only fear is boredom. I’ve gone through life wearing rose-tinted brain glasses to protect myself from feelings and depression and I agree now that at thirty maybe I should cut the crap. I’ve gone through a mania before which happens when you dry out after years of Jack Sparrowing it. Your intelligence comes flooding back, you think you’re a genius all of a sudden and delusions of grandeur surround you like a fog. You get more energy and require little sleep so be careful. I’ll keep you posted on all things my brain throughout this journey.
Back to domestic stuff now. We sleep on a king sized bed and lately I sweat a lot when I sleep. I don’t know what that means but I know I wake up drenched halfway through the night, go take a leak and then go back to bed on the other side of him where it is dry and freezing cold then I sweat the rest of my toxins out on that side and in the morning I look like Brunette Carrot Top. There is no point in even trying to have awesome hair here thanks to sleep sweats as well my Canadian hair straightener either doesn’t work or the adapter (both of them) don’t. I trimmed my ends last week, which are always trying to fade to platinum. I can’t wait til my Craymi mane is long and normal and perfect. Putting it up in a bun or ballerina mess suits me good and fine though and when it’s all big after drying from sweat and curly it looks nice with the volume and such. I have chilled out about my looks a ton over the last year so as much as it seems neurotic to blog every little thing, really I don’t care all that much. You only care when you’re single about these things and only diva dudes with city stress care about them too. It’s best keeping up with the Joneses by holding your own-ness.
Update: my new straightener just arrived in the mail back in biz now baby.
Sometimes being a peacock and too many accessories makes me cringe or feel the insecurity of others. I used to think it was a money thing, a very convenient way to go against the label whore herd by being a non-conformist and wearing an outfit worth less than $20 but still looking super fly. I know that it’s not about money entirely. If I gain weight (and I have) I know that an expensive outfit is not going to make me skinnier, or feel any better. I’d prefer to do the work, lose the weight, and wear a sexy cheap camisole like I’m still twenty. Although as women age we are supposed to dress it up more. All these rules.
I am skinnier than this now. This was after the medieval fair. Walking with my shitty ankle on paths and forest hills is challenging and frustrating but you gotta keep at it if you want improvement.
Yesterday morning at 8am (no judging!) my last day of fysio. He was throwing a ball to me while I balanced. Guys, if you have never torn a ligament or busted an ankle MAKE SURE YOU APPRECIATE YOUR MOBILITY cos once it’s gone it is awful. When I bend my knees, only my right knee can bend all the way. My left knee cannot because the ligament is still strained and tight I’m going to stop typing about it now before I start crying okay too late. I miss running. I would be in way better shape right now if I didn’t run in to that goddamn hole in the ocean in Aruba. I have to practice bending my knees and lunging holy crap is lunging ever impossible. Losing the ability to walk has been my greatest fear my entire life and thankfully I can walk but I can’t jog or skip or dance or run which are the best. If there is danger I can’t run. I just need to give it time and in a few months it’ll be better. Time? Who has time? NOBODY! Every time I get up to walk it’s like the injury resets again, my ankle is always stiff I better not limp forever. Complaining session over for now.
I love them. I don’t love that they are resting in a parking spot. I love their love though it’s like The Notebook and can do anything!
If we go to that festival I will be wearing these. I’m going to put them on today to start working them in. They’re a bit big, the 39s were too small. I figure your feet swell a lot from a day of drinking, walking, dancing, biking, falling and so on. I got a pair of vintage keds in a size bigger than normal one summer and they were the best. Neon is super in again and having bright feet will give me all the attention I so desire if so required. I can’t wear heels so I have to make more effort with flats.
Turkish Sunday dinner, this was baked I totally forget and not that I knew to begin with cos it was written in Turkish Dutch. We didn’t bring the camera cos the card was full. I like us-time dates, you are way more in the moment and if you really need to commemorate it just take a phone pic or two. The waiter asked why we were sitting beside each other instead of across like everyone else and bf said because I want to touch my wife and the waiter swooned how romantic. Then he heard my English and his curiosity clocked in at 100%. This is why I can get away with dressing like a potato all the time, my Canadianness is all the dress I need. We sat by the window on the second floor and watched all the other diners and made summaries for all of them and personal promises not to turn out like that couple or that one, but that one was alright because they left arm-in-arm.
Wine coloured polish. Time to get another shade. This post has no point or direction and no weed to juice it up either haha. I just had a few drags of a smoke out of boredom and a third espresso. I’ll make us lunch in a bit but I can tell neither of us are in eating moods yet. I’m going to go through some pics and plan my next post or add some to this one. Maybe troll a few people j/k. Okay brb not that it matters you’re all still asleep!
