i blew my voice out singing karaoke on playstation christmas eve and now i talk like the chick from superbad and i am in tons of pain awesome. what?! no one could beat me so i kept going and going and going then woke up talking like a dude.
did y’all have god christmaseseseses? did you get good shit? crap? monies? returnies?
i got us a new shower curtain and framed fil’s degree.
i am painfully coughing up interesting looking things (not even a smoker!)(but i’ve noticed how not grey and dirty they are) and the stuff coming out of my nose is just, phenomenal.
guys i fucking suck.
i got the robe i wanted and lots of loot, thanks everyone! more later i feel like shit.
oh and you’ll be happy to know i gained back all the weight i lost from being sick fucking fuck.
This morning I unwrapped my copy of Marketable Depression and went on to read it in about an hour, but I felt it necessary to say that the “i like the crazy girl next door” story was quite possibly one of the greatest things I have read in a very very long time.
So much so that I called my boyfriend and read it out-loud to him.
didn’t wear this because it was too slutty and apparently we had both agreed on that it was GOOD slutty, then i walk back into the room and fil says you’re wearing that? i was actually glad cos it is so unsausageforgiving especially with tights, bad dinner dress, good dance slutty dress. thanks alicia.
CUCKOO! though i happily enabled gill‘s obsession further with a cellphone betty charm see:
i also overheard you’re getting a BB tattoo?
new sweater vest, he thinks he needs it in a bigger size and everyone is telling him NO he so doesn’t.
had/have this exact mouse ornament on our tree growing up.
this game has good potential, more than that gun game we could never figure out.
purse fetish, i had no idea gill.
mmmmm st. jorge cheese.
this looks familiar…
on to dinner at sidecar, prix fixe stretches to wednesdays, awesome. our waiter was v dramatic, i asked him if he was a poet.
goro pony i immediately took down after looking at this.
the salmon was great, my flash completely blocked it out so it has a nice shadow. don’t be pissed if you weren’t there this was totally last minute impromptu we were planning to eat alone then figured why not cos brad would be missing out on friday as well as gill.
sitting beside a radiator is not conducive to sweater vests.
they gave us a nice assortment of desserts.
blue cheese cheese cake sort of?
see how powerful the flash is anyway, this is the chocolate they make the mousse from, so rich in this form your face would explode.
yes how flattering, my shade of foundation was out of stock so for the next month or so i’m going to be orange oprah which is the perfect time of year for it too WINTER stand out much!? and oh yeah thanks (SARCASM) mom for convincing me to get the black cardigan in small instead of XS it’s fucking HUGE. i’m glad i didn’t listen to you for the grey one.
HAHAHA you can see RIGHT through my shirt holy tara reid moment.
don’t forget this is going on saturday nite, i have two unspoken for tickets and i am too lazy to make a contest so just email me and tell me why you should be allowed to party with fil and i saturday nite.
SMIRNOFF EXPERIENCE: RED NIGHT HOTEL
Saturday, December 20th, 2008
Windsor Arms Hotel, 18 St. Thomas St. [Bay & Bloor]
$20 advance tickets at www.smirnoff.com OR
$30 at the door
yesterday’s outfit was brought to you by WASN’T THINKING. feh. i had those tights BEFORE feist and i would give them up in a heartbeat for five solid minutes of forced eye contact with her while she sings me a song. side note: yet another “article” about hipsters (and they’re talking about me in the comments hahahahahhahahaha) has been scribed and everyone is bashing the shit out of it/them (seriously who cares?) but anyway here is a joke my intelligent bipolar brain just invented: Q: what does a hipster fear most? A: eye contact.
ponytail day two sans shower, new skid on the block.
my infinitieth grey cardigan. the reason this is a bonehead outfit is because it’s a tight highwaisted skirt that rests on my torso exactly where the tights hike up to and then we are left with sausage stomach, even if you look skinny you do not feel it. oh my god how interesting is my body dysmorphia right now you guys!!!?
ok one more to showcase my tiny ponytail head.
then to kilgour’s to pre-eat/drink with just a couple of regular guys. also kz was there hiding up against the wall.
then to tranzac (hilar hilar place every single funny joke i have about tranzac is canceling each another out TOO MUCH, love/hate/love/hate/hate that place) to see human highway which kind of put me to sleep but the music is very nice, the magic opened for them with a very spiral beachy thing going on, very much liked them but we weren’t ripped enough to dance. during human highway the room was silent, way to go toronto you never fail to unimpress with your stoic pretentiousness. i am glad i clapped at the wrong time at the part of the what i thought was finally the end of a song, too many annoying pretentious silences in your songs equals ME CLAPPING COS I THINK IT’S OVER AND IT SHOULD BE.
this is alicia and i on the phone, what are you wearing tonite? NO IDEA. ok me i’m going for trying but not trying and i didn’t shower.
look at my wrinkled skirt what a winner ahh.
steve’s in town from skid bay, he is a v old time friend of fil’s (also had long hair back then hahaha), do you have a friend who would fly in specially for your birthday? i don’t. fuck i hate myself now thanks steve.
alicia is poo pooing my tights? my knees? my AWESOME more like.
i know you love this pose, and that chick to the left with arms crossed TALKED A LOT AND LOUDLY and yet somehow we were more annoying? sorry not buying it. wait til you see a picture of what her friend was wearing. last nite i learned that i officially hate young people, yes, a milestone has passed.
thanks for the beads jolisha.
oh right a band was playing.
guy on the far left was my favourite cos he looks like my dad when dad played bass in his high school band SWEED. they wanted to be called WEED but couldn’t cos they exclusively played churches and schools. HAHA. i’ll dig up those pics again soon if you remind me to.
ok SEE that nightgown back there. go ahead, defend it, you have one chance. also there was a girl in an AA rainbow striped tank thing with a belt and fake spectacles, i rolled my eyes so much last nite i almost set off the fire alarm.
singer/keys guys is so tiny and lovely and has a phenom voice.
birthday tradition, i brought fil to the green room four years ago today for his first time, what a classy benefactor i am right? (before that we saw emily haines at church of the redeemer and fell asleep in the pew during it) for the smart people reading/looking at photographs, his fingers represent his new age.
steve (snow hair) was there for it too, ok i will get the post and link it and you can see how bad my hair was and chunky i was getting.
we did not tip our waitress last nite because she lied about me placing an order for nachos, i specifically said muchos nachos and pointed at the menu, so we waited half an hour (normally they show within what, 5 minutes?) so steve goes and says did my friend order and she says no she didn’t. LIAR. nachos were my ulterior motive for goin’ there in the first place cos we were all cocked enough. NO TIP FOR YOU if you would have just admitted to forgetting to place the order you would have been tipped, easy. (if you give me grief about this i will shut you down, we are always ALWAYS gracious tippers so shut it).
another important and totally interesting fact: we bring in this mat during winter. i must be drunk still.
fil reveals his new specs that I CHOSE.
solar power up, i am insecure over whether he really likes it or not, i think he is just pretending and until he writes a sonnet about his solar powered mason jar light i will not believe him.
this big guy belonged to steph and she passed it on to me cos it looked like she was wearing a neckbrace when she wore it. i felt like the universe was staring into my soul yesterday and kept laughing at myself and of course looked crazier, it made my head look really tiny at least, bonus? matt met up with us to get his ipod he forgot at our place last week and i said we have to get out of here my scarf is too big for this book store.
i NEED a necklace tree.
he’s still around though.
good morning heartache. it is so totally hair wash day. i want to cut it fil says no.
so i guess this is the bun scarf, necessary for when i do bun head to protect my ears cos a hat just looks super stupid over a bun.
now that the wine fridge is gone the crap on the floor is more obvious, hate it.
made new butt shorts, i changed outfit last minute slightly and i should have covered my arm last nite it bumped into so many people and is now scabbing all gross (normal) but i’m still paro, i better not have cooties.
i was going to do a shotgunning ketchup pose (of course) and the lid was barely screwed on so this is an almost holy shit reaction.
grossman’s wall is my favourite sketchy wall in all of toronto.
once i gave our waitress one of the camera cases from my swag bag she was very generous in her wine pouring, this was to the brim before i sipped it and took this.
ugh, and so it begins. this guy smelled like crazy, WAS crazy, crazy drunk, aggressive, and we humoured him for way too long as you are about to witness in the following pictures. enjoy. i am so glad i was sitting in the corner protected by the table.
poor erin, this guy talked all over her food, so gross.
he said we were all hot and then accused us of being against queers, said he had a wife but he’s gay, he was all over the place. he eventually called me a punk cos i told him he blew it by touching my friends way too much and i gave him three warnings and politely said if you don’t tone it down i will be forced to get violent. HE ALMOST PULLED HIS DICK OUT!
natalie was going to gas peddle him. she went back and forth between cheering him on and hating him, at all the wrong times too, someone would go to the bathroom and miss out on how much further he was taking things. he called fil pretty and would not shut up.
he lifted his shirt ten thousand times.
sigh. thanks but no thanks.
um we fuckin’ get it already.
then he drags an innocent chick from the other side of the room into his layer of crazy.
aaaaand this is how much other patrons were appreciating him (my favourite picture). the girl was trying to help him out, at first you pity these guys right then they get on your nerves cos they’re so cocked and don’t realise they’re pushing their luck. natalie said she was two hours too late in helping him relax.
red shirt hi there, he was pretty close to removing crazy’s face.
fiiiinally matt goes and complains when he tried to show us his dick, i almost wish i didn’t stop him cos then i’d have an awesome picture for you guys. he told me he had been going to grossman’s before i was born but it sounded like i wurse cominz here befur you wiz even BORN. (he referenced this important FACT multiple times) so i said AND? what is your point? they’ve been tolerating you that long? he didn’t hear any of it though. believe it or not i was the nicest to him of us, erin almost punched his lights out. my other favourite part of the nite was the guitarist’s hair and how the band kept playing throughout.
see his undid fly.
TIME TO GO DUDE!
i love grossman’s, always a guaranteed sloppy time. once he was gone the guy yelling in his face in that one picture nestled in his amazon gf’s lap, so funny.
don’t think i don’t have a conscience, i empathize for drunks and crazies while at the same time being totally entertained by them, it doesn’t stop my compassion for their plight and i can tell that this guy when/if sober is actually a kind soul. issues up the yin yang of course, but still decent. good luck to you sir.
it was funny to me that i was being the sympathizer advice giver and he thought i was his enemy and ruiner of good times because i was gently suggesting he NOT pull out his dick. oh and i was a punk for it too.
*i just realised i have a plus one for this party someone be my date you have til 6.30 to let me know!*
a pair of winter tights i was planning my outfit around for tonite are too small i am psychotically pissed off a little bit miffed and now i have to come up with some other stupid outfit to feel insecure in. they don’t go up high enough in the crotch, note to self YOUR LEGS ARE TOO LONG FOR A SIZE MEDIUM NO MATTER HOW SKINNY THEY ARE YOU ARE NOT A MEDIUM STOP BUYING MEDIUMS. steph your christmas present from me this year is a pair of black subtly argyle printed tights with some cat hair from cid, ho ho ho.
i have oprah on right now it’s the repeat of the sex and the city cast episode how fucking fascinating. still haven’t seen this totally predictable piece of cinematic drivel but i plan to just so i have more material to complain about. maybe i will “live” “blog” it from sass‘ couch.
guess what there’s more laundry nemesis ONLY FRIEND breakthrough news! i asked if she went to the christmas party and she said no she doesn’t live here (finally got it out of her) and that she wasn’t invited to which i made a frowny-face and said oh we didn’t go either then she said she went to a BETTER party at casino niagara and won five-hundred dollars and everything was paid for it was her birthday (i think whoever she works for in this building paid for her to go) and i reacted very enthusiastically and wished her happy birthday a couple times and said good for you! before all this she said i looked very summery. guys i think i am this close to hugging her please stop me. i wonder if she thinks about me. hahhahahahaha. or looks forward to the one day a week i do laundry.
i have decided to part my bangs pre-sarah palin days and they are so driving me bananananas!
ok dr. phil is on, you are kind of a big heel if you watch this shit and i cannot like you, at all, big deal breaker sorry. there are way too many reasons to list why dr. phil should dr. fuck himself (ps. I personally coin-phrased that term when i was manic) but i will give you one for now – his marriage failed and he gives advice to married couples and they keep going on the show for more of this marriage advice. ok one more reason why he can lick my bag (before the marriage failed) is he yells and points at people when he is delivering this “advice” as if it is law. like yeah great you’re profiting from the exploitation of stupid people and stupid people require advice to be yelled at them but still, YOU’RE ANNOYING ME DR. PHIL! and why do you come on before AND after oprah? ONCE IS ENOUGH! and why do you sit in those high chairs do you know how uncomfortable that makes me, i am nervous for your life when i see you in that high chair and i hate you don’t make me feel feelings for you! those chairs belong in bars only, like the keg where douche yuppies drink stupid drinks until their spirits break GOD!
and now i will plan something stupid to wear thank you for wasting my time.
ok wait i am too annoyed and involved in the saga what is this couple’s marriage to go away yet. wife (female) dresses in drag for fun and goes out. square husband does not jive with this, he just said he does not like gay things, gay culture (ugh). here is my marriage advice that dr. phil is not saying but should: GET A DIVORCE. he says it “hurts” him and is disgusted by it (someone punch his face off) she won’t stop (and why should she?)(her outfits are totally tame too!) so why are you even together in the first place. i swear, stupid people, stupid show if you are watching it right now you are dead to me.
i have to go back and write some more bio cards up for each one, many had F words on them, family place right? i get the walls for two months, wicked. once the crazy of xmas is finished i’ll have a party, and add more paintings. i love you grapefruit moon!
fuck, i was hungry.
so there now you know where it is, 968 bathurst and this street. i wrote about GM before here their food will blow your brains out. (haven’t figured how to quick search old posts in wordpress yet that’s why i linked to blogspot, whatevs.)
then off to switch contemporary to drop off a painting for zeesy‘s fundraiser this wednesday dec 10 (you MUST go see she will be making a live appearance all the way from japan! and you can bid on some amazing art)
rush home to get ready for fil’s work party where i pretty much did the complete opposite of all my rules, I DANCED MY HEAD OFF!
this sweater swallowed me up too much in this dress, so i did not wear it after all. i wore my beige cardi for like one second, that place was balls hot.
dropped hat, yo nikes i know you want it if you could just look under there you’d see the hidden treasure beneath.
banquet food is hit or miss, this was miss.
somewhere in there would be turkey.
liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiianne! her sister works with fil omfg quelle surprise! liane is back from shanghai, she was my favourite buddy from my england exchange and now she’s all grown up. i’ve been trying to dig up nerdy pictures of us from back then but can’t remember any search terms i used in the original post. here’s one for now.
then it was snl couch time, i didn’t even drink when we got home cos i obvs got blasted enough on wine at the work party. SMART. don’t worry i wasn’t the only one.
what a day.
then i woke up at 5am in an upset stomach panic remembering every stupid thing i said and did at the work party, refrained from taking a chill pill, an ultra strength tums sufficed. the only thing fil is concerned about me sharing with his coworkers was how cid nuzzles his ear and paws at him like a baby everyday. phew. good thing he didn’t overhear all the other shit i said.
ps. do not fall asleep with a band-aid on you would barf if you saw what my finger looks like right now.