dragged my mom and niece all over the city yesterday afternoon, apparently it wasn’t “real” enough for them. uh guys this is how real toronto people live and this is where they go. one stop on the raymi express was this cute little shop in koreatown where the proprietor is insane(ly awesome!) and a clever salesman.

cannot wait to have a house there will be an entire room filled to the tits with this shit.

the guy pulls out a jar of these and gives us each one and i’m like oh yeah cute and he mimics swallowing it so i go to pop it in my mouth and he freaks NO NO not to eat! so he opens one and there’s a little scroll inside with a metal ring around it (you’re supposed to write a message to someone) so i put it in my purse and he’s like no no not for free. guy, why did you give me this then? he let me keep mine, i’m going to write a message on it for my niece. “sorry the long walk i took you on sucked” love aunty lauren.

pickin’ out nail polish.

OOOOOOOooooooooooooooooh.

um as if i’m not buying this.

hailey wants the coke one. her birthday’s just around the corner too. i tried to impress upon her the fact that maybe she REALLY wanted the pink one. no dice.

cut through christie pitts on our way to wychwood park and my mom proclaims they are used to parks and grass, that’s boring, they want lights, action. um ok but it’s daytime. they went to yonge/dundas square last nite.

see there you go you wouldn’t find that in your precious yonge dundas sqaure area.

lucky houses. last year or the year before fil and i saw a huge tree down in this area, something about the higher ground maybe?

if anyone wants to hang with my niece and i tomorrow get at me – hotel party – no parents!

before we went out to brad’s show last nite dave mentioned that my xmas tree ornaments weren’t to scale (just you wait til i post all of his MINIS) so we did this little side-by-side. click for larger photo of the beer can to ball ratio comparison.

one more for good measure. here‘s a better enlarged shot.

this is the ancient beer opener i found on sunday.

cool no?

time to get dark!

second cemetery hang this season and not a soul around.

little background on that shirt. it’s an h&m (you see girls all over wearing it) size 12 back during raymi fat tour, even then it was too big i just bought everything big to shock and awe distract from what was goin’ on in the midsection. ugh sob. anyway, it’s a tent on me now so i belted it voila, whole new shirt. it’s like i am like a fashion expert or something yeah what with all these total insider tips.

then dave arrived and we went on a little exploration down this hill where old mill ruins were and i made tons of jokes at he and fil oh hey guys look at this i think it was attached to a tree at one point yeah, maybe, i think it’s a…PINE CONE! i did find a totally ancient beer bottle opener though, so old it looks like a paint can opener. i’ll post a pic later don’t have much time now.

shopping cart up in the tallest tree ever. the guys (fil) thought the tree had grown with it in it. pfft right. i say someone launched/sling-shot it from the top of the hill.

fil got a good picture of me standing beside this tree and you can see both the cart and i, pretty funny.

i picked that tuborg green beer cos i thought it would actually be green. or ethical. it’s neither.

this gravestone was weird, took a pic of the daughter beside her too, a picture of a picture of her and a stuffed homemade bear and a cat and the cat is mentioned on the gravestone and this woman’s whatever she’s holding is mentioned too. cuckoo. i’m happy people stopped taking photos OF the dead in studio portrait style a long time ago. creeepy.

see?

at this point fil tells his irish historical graveyard story for the billionth time. it’s so old that bone fragments have come up through the earth and you can see them.

this one is sooooooo going on flickr omg you guys.

diggin’ the celtic medieval thing here.

“death is but a covered way which opens into light” huh what? see that weed baggy in the foreground, good blaze spot no?

tons of mothers all over this place.

guess this guy didn’t really get ahead in life. dad that one’s for you.

this is why we’re fat. most amazing chips ever thanks brosz7 he went on a herr’s messageboard yesterday to discuss these chips omg apparently there’s a philly cheesesteak flavour that tastes like you just ate a philly cheesesteak sandwich and i believe it as the bbq ribs ones are dead on, you cannot stop eating them. you’ve been warned. look at us the next day we went back and bought six more bags! (we put one away)

a little disappointed based on how much brosz7 was hyping the authentic ketchup flavour, they’re pretty good but no, not exactly like heinz ketchup. bbq ribs are still winning.

first 649 ticket i ever bought. when i was a depressed loser at 20 i used to buy super sevens on the frequent, won zippo. the nite before each draw i’d lie in bed thinking man, everything’s going to be ok from now on hahahhaa. fil says super sevens are a waste cos you need to match 7 numbers, with 649 it’s only 6. good point. anyway, 4 numbers ($78 bones) on my first try! i thought it would have been more and for the rest of my shower yesterday you bet your ass i fantasized about a big ole bag of money.

one of the pairs of shorts i feared had been ruined last week. don’t kill yourself until you give ‘em a wash ‘n dry. there’s not much material left in the crotch area but other than that, passable.

see? no that ain’t balls, just my impeccably toned and curvaceous AYSE made more apparent by tan lines and possibly bending over like so.

um yeah hi. how can you hate anybody in a bun? i dunno why but you just can’t. also i get carded all the time when i bun it out. maybe cos they think i’m on my way to ballet class and only four year olds take ballet.

i really miss dance maybe this winter i’ll get out some stir crazy in classes.

can you picture me in a leotard awkwardly spazzing around the room dance-face supreme. (notice the pile of hippie bags on that chair? there’s like 30 of them STOP LEAVING THEM HERE BROSZ7KOWSKI)

then fil can go back to his mafia wars in peace. (thanks brosz7 for getting him into that you asshole).

amy winehouse ‘rexic much holy stick limbs ha. i’m cleaning up i swear.

then my necklace busted. COOL.

it will be fixed it’s ok. (it’s not ok).

yes, quite pleased with these little shorts i am.

i wish i didn’t add that stupid branch. this is a finch. it has a frame i’ll have to figure out how to mount it permanently in, keeps popping out.

new delicious discovery. i LOVE anything remotely coffee-flavoured, especially ice cream (yogurt) and chocolate, (pot of gold i am comin’ for you) or any kind of truffle mm mmm yes. someone needs to clean the freezer.

less fattening even than the chapmans yogurt plus.

now in the not delicious department… i was actually trying to get a somewhat attractive glamour shot.

some hippie forgot their cucumber.

WINNING!

summer glisten what’s up! yeah it’s a bit much but just wait til winter white face so enjoy this now.

we biked home from supermarket friday nite, why i’m so glowy. they stamped everyone on the patio just before we got there so you had to pay $5 to get in, then fil went back and they let him in free but made our friend justin pay ten? fucking scoundrels. then when we left i wanted to use the bathroom, the chick was like i need to see id, so i go back through patio fighting smoking hipster turds, retrieve id, show it then the chick says she has to hold on to it while i go to the bathroom, wait why? in case i totally lose myself in the scene and decide to fuckin’ giv’er on the dance floor til last call? you blew it supermarket, i’ll still eat your food but not goin’ back to hang at nite peace. while i understand you have tons of young people there fucking it up for the rest of us, i really do not tolerate bossy pointless rules. i had to hold in my pee the entire time why would i pay just to use the bathroom?

crapattackz is still in full-effect sons!

here’s some highlights from last saturday’s all-out (wildly successful) gong show what was angie’s stagette. rad rad time and i am fully broke from it, pocketwise only, not my spirits.

it began atop the park hyatt, where the majority of our money was directly deposited.

angie holds a 1/4 of our bill in her hand, it’s cool she had a couple more and i did too. i inevitably asked our waitress how much these glasses were and when she told me i tried so hard not to flinch, or faint. i went out knowing i would blow my bank account. ok no more money complaining sorry we’re here to celebrate.

half the gang had to leave before us to prepare destination two.

where to? oh you’ll have to wait and see.

diggin’ on the sequins, ang.

old lady knitting lessons and tea prepare for wild times!

such a sweet place.

the quiches were by jamie kennedy. i ate like 5. and the pizza was also amazing. this was dinner for me and all of us, pretty much.

steph you woulda died in there.

gettin’ a little choked up awwwww.

spoon cozy!

casting on took me forever, even after multiple lessons. my brain just does not “get” “it” but when it FINALLY DID then i learned how to knit what? that wasn’t knitting what i just did? i was so the slow kid in this class so i made tons of jokes to overcompensate like for how i get through life daily.

pretty jazzed about it. yvonna is the most patient person in the world she deserves an award. you know when you’re teaching something to someone and you know full well that none of it is being retained, all going in one ear and out the other. yep. poor girl.

waiting for her to come around again to teach me for the fiftieth time. it all fell out of my brain. also when i got home i tried to keep the knitting going (blasted) and royally fucked it up, i have to start all over again but i am too wimpy to undo it all. angie you will receive your square in five years and that is not a promise.

so at this point in time a little visitor dropped in to “use the bathroom” and angie knew immediately what was up. guy didn’t arrive in his cop uniform like he was supposed to. ha ha remember my long screaming post about stag parties yes i am a total fucking hypocrite. i wrote that knowing i was in for this experience. fil knew about it and didn’t care as long as no touching. no worries there i sat with my hands on my head freaking out going AHH AHHH AHHHH the entire time anyway.

sharpie gets FULL credit for this genius idea. the running joke between her and angie is angie is an old lady and just wants to drink wine and knit, so drag her to a knitting circle and make her think that’s what her big wild last hurrah is going to be hahaha then BAD BOYS BAD BOYS WHATCHA GONNA DOOOOOO shows up. betty was teaching me how to cast on with her hands over my shoulders and the guy arrives and we both started trembling trying to keep it cool and play it aloof. so funny.

angie was such a good sport about it, so chill i would have shit my pants in embarrassment and turned purple.

time to get waaaaaaaaaasted.

good thing there was a bachelor party on the roof with a reserved section AND bottle service just lying around waiting to be shared with us. thanks guys! ok so here is the difference between stags and stagettes. THEY got a stripper for 2 hours for 300 bones. we had one for 3 songs. guys are gross. women are ladies. hmm two hours eh, why would you require the services of a stripper for two whole hours, what’s going on there?

complete with fans too. i personalized some of them.

the bachelor back in his glory days. dying of curiosity to know what the bride to be looks like.

hope that one didn’t get you in trouble the next morning, sorry!

nice.

this chick carla is a complete dead ringer for fil’s ex (of seven years)(whom is also my friend because i am the most understanding and patient woman in the universe and yes i deserve an award maybe ten) and it was blowing my fucking mind all nite, the more i drank the more she drank, personality, everything. i may as well have taken mushrooms.

once we drank all their booze we hightailed it to salvador darling for a little breather.

oh yeah and don’t forget how hot it was last saturday – it was like moving around in a sauna that you cannot escape. my hair got really interesting after awhile.

i attempted to limbo under this table and made it half way but cut it short as too much wall got in the way. if it was in the middle of the room i coulda done it. nothing spells party like concussion.

angie is the cutest and she laughs at all my dumb jokes. girl crush!

when these sorts of poses come out you know the magic’s working.

trying to get someone’s attention sitting in this thing is ridiculous. the pod absorbs all of your words and muffles them and because you can’t reach the floor you spin slowly turned away from everybody else and they can’t hear you banging on the wall of the pod to rotate you. awesome chair to watch tv in basically haha hi i’m raymi and i NOTICE THINGS READ MY BLOG.

i swear to god i went to elementary school with the dj and i so knew she liked chicks. don’t worry i didn’t say anything. for once.

off to circa’s vip room thanks kenny!

definitely the best and only way to tolerate that place is to have your own little treehouse away from the masses.

and a wall made of glass to spy on them by.

uh oh party photog got us in his sights.

another sweet chair.

i checked, all woman. not a dude.

love the horny mob surrounding each one, takin’ cell phone pics.

i told angie this is what i want to do with my life next. she said i need tits. is that a green light on a tit job? (this picture is awesome full size. one of those lucky timing shots in the dark when a strobe light swept the crowd. so much is going on. i made it my desktop wallpaper).

most amazing wig ever. a giant mane of fluorescent orange and hot pink attached to a roman chariot helmet thing. incredible.

see, two of them! fuck blogging!

this is what we looked like to everybody else. i hope they enjoyed my red underwear.

cool big head atop our vip box a la the simpsons tribal head mr. burns gifted them.

swoon.

that dress just got cuter and cuter as the nite wore on.

deep thoughts with audrey.

why so serious? it’s completely normal taking a photo of three hot babes right, i just immortalized you relax. way to block my view, sweater vest.

circa is great for normies, really blows their minds! 25 bucks to get in too (not for us cool dewds though) that blew my mind.

then it was time to call it quits. angie and sharpie went off to get drinks and dance and everyone else realised how old and tired they were so we scattered. i got home around 2.30 i would have walked to save money had fil decided to meet me. then all my knitting came apart oh right i mentioned that. i’m too afraid to touch it!

loads more pictures in this set ya goofs!

westbound yesterday for a dermatology appointment (if you haven’t been following i have/had a keyloid cyst on my shoulder) and for the fourth (fifth?) time now had it lasered and injected with collagen? this time a different technician did it and she injected me four times, usually it’s one or two tiny injections cos the doctor is a shyster i presume, give ‘em the least bit of juice so they have to come back for more and more treatments and he makes more money. this time the area is actually bruised blue/purple, which is good. the cyst has morphed into two now, one section is flat the other puffy. sitting in the waiting room i felt super guilty and frivolous and selfish cos i was surrounded by people with terrible skin and here i am getting this minor insignificant thing zapped on my shoulder.

then in the doc room they have new monitors fitted showcasing all the treatments they offer: ear pinning, botox, lipo, lifts, tattoo removal, everything. totally mesmerizing watching that screen and i dunno, being that close to it you’re like well it just seems so easy and doable. of course prices don’t flash across the bottom but still, momentarily you fantasize about it putting the costs out of mind.

except for when you go to pay for your minor little procedure. so far i’ve paid 110 + 63 + 63 + 63 + 63 and while i see slight change, the thing is definitely still on my shoulder and it isn’t guaranteed to go away completely. my advice to you is to never ever pick your skin. alright enough gross.

crazytown weather yesterday.

saw district 9 on tuesday, loved it. there are actual funny parts, not at all what i expected and the way it’s presented is pretty unique, and clever. i also predict a sequel. these are the flowers in the indigo bathroom, whoever’s in charge of these is definitely a dreamer.

um likewise for whomever wrote this.

the gap’s bandwagon-jumping on the coat tails of woodstock’s anniversary. shocking, i’m shocked at you the gap. introducing 1969 what exactly?

nice try photoshop (check it bigger) in proportion legs much?

capicola pizza from martinos.

they didn’t have any chickens that day so i got pad thai. their menu is hilarious to me, thai and italian and indian and canadian, yeah sure ok. the bbq is amazing and for a 1/4 piece it’s just 5 bucks.

admittedly, fil is way better at this hiding the little gay friend man game than i am. (he’s gay because he’s a grow a gay best friend thing someone asked once)

he’s dirty because he was previously hidden in the espresso grounds tin. after that i stuck him in the kosher salt but the moisture from the cold grounds (freezer) made the salt clumpy so i abandoned it then found him in the ice tray.

he’s thawed out now no idea where to put him next. before i had him in fil’s battery charger for over a week and before that for WEEKS he was in the battery compartment of a wii remote courtesy fil. welcome to the funny farm.

speaking of, after watching truth be told: i’m obsessed with my pet we gave cid some catnip.

mental.

then we tramped over to BFF09‘s opening party/show at the Polish Combatants Hall (neat place)(thanks sean!) do make say think was headlining.

yes i took a roll. or 3. crumpler, your bags are nerdy but your advertising/promo is certainly fly.

fil had three of these monster beers at 6% each. someone‘s out to get laced. i had a couple white wines and they tasted like hangover, and were fizzy too why?

really dug on the poster design and merch overall.

did not dig on the snoozy hippiefest. i don’t know why seeing people sitting at shows makes me so uncomfortable, i mean i get it but i, don’t?

to be fair the musician was playing lullaby music.

hung out in the other area and watched the entire video reel thrice over. in this one the guy biked the holland tunnel then got arrested or fined at the end. took him 4 minutes and 51 seconds. other videos effectively illustrated exactly why motorists and pedestrians hate cyclists (couriers) and how people living in the suburbs think city bikers all ride. i liked the village bicyle project film the most, very touching.

tonsa arty hippie new age scenester bicycle outfit dreadlocked people out this nite.

it was also stupid hot and then i started feeling nauseous.

finally. one of the guys in this band is from broken social scene and if asked to describe this act i would say yeah, fully, BSS. great tunes though, kinda wasn’t in the right mood for it. each song was ten minutes long and we didn’t hear singing once though only lasted three songs i am a total killjoy. i really tried, really i did!

couldn’t make out shit.

so i focused on the pretentiously mysterious sort of shot.

damn girl!

BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

here’s some head shots fil and i took yesterday. don’t laugh!

ths pose is called the fiesta.

this one’s called thick neck.

this one’s serious yet casual and we had to show tattoo so they know what they’re gettin’ themselves into.

hi, yes it’s true i do wear turtlenecks often.

i also loooooove Balzac.

i will not smile.

ok maybe a little. i am late for drama class though.

oh shit it’s the fist. here’s lookin’ at you kid.

ok barf sorry.

what’s that? i got the part!?

i am SO way down to earth you guys.

but don’t forget i can be serious too.

and mysterious.

i am a nice girl.

you’re supposed to wear shirts without patterns or prints so you can be better visualized in whatever role it is you’re goin’ for. i wanted a variation of style poses, kinda staying true to the typical head shot but being myself at the same time, and different shirts for variety also. i did some of the more classic poses too, fist to chin, open mouth fake smile laughing, ugh biography poses haha. also put on this renaissance dress we have recently acquired (that’ll come later) but for now the rest can be seen in this set and the rest will have to wait.

if you need head shots too you know who to call. for rate inquiry email px@philogynist.ca