the past is a finite resource

but oh so much to work with.

ready to go back in time with me?

the last summer, i call it.

i was a beautiful bitchy witchy ghost.

i have drug these up cos i have to submit some photos of myself as a brunette for a movie role.

i do not want to go back to brunette yet. not until i get to be long and blonde.

this was an amazing weekend. michael jackson died this day. we heard his tunes blasting at weber’s in line and all the kids were dancing. i love summer time kids their brains are perma-fried into thinking they’re in australia it’s great. anywhooooo.

i did not feel good enough here. fit enough. ridiculous. tell tale sign of a girl’s insecurity, if she’s wearing a scrunchie or an elastic hair-tie for a bracelet it means she doesn’t feel comfortable in her skin so she flops between ponytail to hair down, ugh. so exhausting i cannot wait to be mellowed out one day.

holy amazing look at me. i was working out here a lot with britt. i had already fucked off to thunder bay because i bought that shirt there.

i wish guu took reservations. i hate waiting in line. it’s an actual deterrent from me going there.

this photo was after guu, after the spoke club. great night.

the next day at manic coffee.

spoke bathrooms are the best to take pictures of yourself in. you’re not supposed to take photos in there in case you catch a philanderer philandering. the bartender is supposed to greet the member as if he didn’t see him the night prior with his mistress. LOVE THAT SHIT! discretion really is a lost dying art and i know that is super rich coming from me. i still have many skeletons i’ve snuffed into submission in my closet, never you mind or worry.

this is how i seduced the red flag.

reject photos.

here i am the eve of my burlesque audition at the central. i had to work late and i cried about it cos i was promised to get off early so i could rest up for the audition. i made the cut despite my late night. here is how i looked the next day for my audition.

super tired. skinnay.

kamila gave me that unitard. i love the word unitard. guess why.

i made sure to pull out all the balletesque stops i could to ensure a successful audition. that bra is now covered in sequins and jewels. i need to go on a bra hunt.

cute chels. never got around to posting these cos i got busy. we look hot.

this chick likes girls more than boys. she’s twenty. i was the elder at this bar. so coyote ugly of me. it was a good transition back in to the city which went hardcore real quick. definitely seasoned my face a bit, the underweight is also to blame. you can get your young face back you know. i know i can and will.

and she’s a drama girl, actress, dancer, hard working kid.

emma wore this during rehearsal and i never saw it again. my belly wide hip shape is not conducive to this cut of dress, i feel.

these speak for themselves woah look out for the next one.

not bad.

cannot wait for long hair again.

an innocent bystander told me i personified these things.

clem was never even able to open up my bullshit resume. my winning email is how i got hired. i sent a photo of myself standing behind the bar at the central the night of my art show there and said here i am looking good behind your bar, i am now 40% HOTTER than this photo and then i said a bunch of baloney about social media and being a key player and how i just beat out margaret atwood AND the mayor for toronto’s top tweeter of 2010 nice. brosz7 gave me a head’s up that clem was a bit of a scoundrel so then i knew what to do to get hired. everything fell in to place, that job and my room at adventurehouse. new life lets do it!

haha yeah keep eating that bar food, idiot.

don’t play cards to your heart now

shwing! i need to bone up on my waynes world quotes seeing as i look like garth every other day these days.

wow twitter why don’t you be down some more right now so i can’t blast this post and get up off my ass to do real world stuff like stare at myself endlessly in the mirror and congratulate myself on acquiring pinned out wombat eyes thanks to the slowness of the net today, twitter, blogging like a maniac, being a maniac and acquiring spine problems from sitting like a hunchback.

i sweated this outfit off (i changed, hey relax no newdy) immediately when army guy showed up. army guy is actually military guy now. you try wearing a sweater shirt in a sunbeam. i didn’t clean my room cos he was making all these jokes about how we weren’t going to do anything, i didn’t even shower after the gym. after his long drive into the city he had to use the bathroom. or that was his trick to get inside. my room was a disaster. so in my sweater shirt lickity split i tidied up the tickle trunk. (by the way one of the rooms in adventurehouse is going to be called compliments corner. luc came up with it at mitzi’s inadvertently)(isn’t inadvertently how everything comes up?)

military guy and i hit it off. lots of build up too. it’s been several months, we met off pof. corresponded. both killed our accounts but remained facebook friends. had he lived in the city we would have met a long time ago. i am impulsive, not good at long distance planning and then day of, possible bailing from both parties. i knew i would like him, i just didn’t feel read yto meet him from all the other bullshit i get up to and i dunno. after we hung out at the cadillac when i was in a sad state, i started giving him attention. pestering him. it worked.


dreamy nerd bait at your service.

i should be a hired minx. something out of james bond but less dangerous and violent.

i have many skills. ha ok i’ll stop. you’ll have to excuse me, i’m drinking chai.

oh what’s that you have property in montenegro and a private jet?

woah that’s sounding escorty now. this top had a mark on it i’m sure would have come out but i didn’t want to bother. too bad looks cute.

guava like it’s hot.

lois gave me this clutch. little lois. i love her. i’ll tell you the hamilton story another time.

or right now. i slummed it in hamilton. sorry but i did. what i did there is irrelevant. what’s worse is i told the guy i am not going to lead you on kay but he is still trying. the one time i’m blunt about it and they won’t accept it. he also said i might be taking up real estate in his head. WRONG THING TO SAY.

it’s flattering to be sought after for over a night but if you don’t want it, you so do not want it. dude’s gotta realize at some point no?

colour me officially cured of the american, though.

ok squiry Q’s see you later.

i’ve been tried i’ve been tested i was born tired i never got rested

i just downloaded pics from my camera, of which i have not done since last week. time capsule treasure trove indeed. so many to go through. this is what i miss about what i used to most obsessively do, mass photo dumps. because the screen of my camera is shattered i take pictures and forget what i have. somewhat freeing actually and then when i finally get around to self-indulgent me blog time, well, i like it.

what makes a good blogger? when you can tell someone is really into what they do, enjoys it wholeheartedly, married to it. girls who enjoy sucking wang are really good at it comparatively to those who just go through the motions of it because they, love sucking wang. so i blog like i am giving head. one bold statement after another is how she goes.

two nights ago at boehmer. suggested the place to my ex boyfriend, he wanted to impress, i know his style, invited me to drop in for a drink, i brought lucas, i know my ex is generous and enjoys to get lit with company. people ask me frequently where to eat in the city and this is when i get to decide who in toronto gets money, basically. how slimeball of me right. so powerful. i should be talking on a brick cell phone on rodeo drive with slicked back yuppie hair and speed grinding a toothpick right now.

they changed the art. paul (mr. boehmer) said he bought all the other pieces up. i want the purple/pink fade one i still have a photo i took of it on my phone.

i am not telling you where i bought this skirt. khaki is coming in to style for spring, you will be able to track down any steve irwin-toned accessory yourself at any store and you know where i shop so just figure it out on your own. i am pms impatient sorry.

my ex is forever indebted to me because he was kind of a scumbag to me when we were together. i’ve written about it before but past is past he knows how to act now, more or less. i’m going to write about our time dating when i lived in oakville at 21 with my dad on cedar grove blvd. i’m calling the book, or long/short story (probably a book) 6 MONTHS IN MANSIONS. maybe Six Months in Mansions. i dunno. as crazy and hectic/in crisis this period in my life was it was still pretty awesome and spectacular actually, in hindsight. i have so many stories.

this was a boozy night. the eve of my newspaper interview. always always goes down this way. i got myself home by midnight right? or one?

blazing apples (love this drink v bourbon cinnamon apple) matches the apple on this shirt (the beast gave it to me) i don’t have a white bra (seriously) and it’s kind of see-through. get me a bra sponsorship and i’ll wear one. from working out they’re perkier, my mom said bigger. ew weird mom don’t say that.

this was a great stress reliever night i was pretty happy. got to reminisce and make fun of, well, everything. i am clawing my way out of my emo. takes a couple weeks. getting there. i know a lot of down in the dumps people right now we are all in hell together.

i don’t remember what this is but i thought i had all these different vials or goblets of mix to do it myself. nope just a side of soda and nope, that’s actually my tumbler of water. i am retarded.

A. (ex) had a girl with him we all fell in love with. at first i wanted to be a hater but i got over it. she’s young and rich and was doing the poor little rich girl thing and as much as i lipped her and phony boo-hoed for her she didn’t give a fuck. i’m like, twenty two? i would die to be twenty two again and have your non-existant problems. oh, you’ve peaked? are you serious? then she and mel went to the bathroom and my ex goes, are they, they’re crying. they’re crying? ahahaha nice. i love instant girl bonds and a nice ole drunk cry. mmmm mmmmm so glorious. on top of saying she was going edie i also compared her to rose from titanic. i sobbed and imitated kate winslet’s accent, “i was drowning.” hahah i am a hybrid of every jude law type-casted character, total piece of s—.

she was wearing this lipstick and she asked if it made her look like a crackhead. i lied and said no but that’s when she won me over. what an amazing thing to ask someone who is sitting across from you wearing bright gwen stefani red lipstick. she also kept saying “your white hair” to me which i found to be hugely complimentary at the time.

her trick was to mix these two, a pale pale pink and this more vibrant one. the end result was a pastel thick bubblegum barbie fade shade. an am i really here pink. this girl has the same name as my niece and after she spoke of her stress and miserableness i said, well, you’ve got great cleavage so don’t be sad. she had piles of jewels and chains resting (sitting!) on her tits. she was fabulous. firecracker. attention-seeking. wonderful. i laughed to A. haha someone has a type. he silently convulse laughed.


jenga frites. we played jenga with these fries. then we went to unlovable but immediately forgot about the jenga i boasted they had there to play with cos we were a bona fide shit show by that point.

it’s nice that they have shoe stretchers there. is it for men who buy new expensive shoes to wear to dinner and then their feet get pinched and blisters and they say excuse me to their business clients and go stretch their hugo boss weird pointy alligator skin dress shoes? yes, i think this is exactly what happens. totally.

well done sir. jolly good. a toast, a toast. to: fooling ourselves!

enter the vortex.

this post is seriously taking me forever i want to die. bell is bullshit. this is incredibly unacceptable. luc made a new tumblr called waitingonholdwithbell. i was nice about it at first but now i am livid. this internet is vital. my livelihood. angry. also that pms right. wicked minimal patience for anything right now so apologies in advance if i cut you a new one in the very near future. duck.

these turned out kinda fun though. we went to check out the competition to adventurehouse – next party is next friday MARCH 4 i’m going to personally email you wieners ok. there’s two weeks time to plan some kind of deviantly creative tie-in. mel and i were just discussing goldilocks and the three bears. guess which one i am. or maybe we can all be goldilocks? or maybe i have to grow the f— up.

which would be happening a quarter to never.

dude come to our party, bring a record or two if you wish.

evil betty and veronica. i likey. watch the next pic now you will think i am a rocket biologist.

this, was a great moment in time. if i were to write a mother goose story about it the title would be called, the conservative gentle dainty ginger toronto hipster man cannot hack it. my god what a fake hero. he was appalled with a beard on the dance floor in a cavern trainwreck place to give’r and a hot nubile big titted girl is having the time of her life, now i know that mousey jackie o girl with you might have been the one you were impressing and you had to pretend to be offended on her behalf, but she didn’t ask you. i think it’s cooler to not be an aggro jealous face girl anymore. i used to be that girl. back when i had black hair that apparently i looked amazing in but no one told me at the time so sorry. when i have a valley of the dolls nicole kidman stepford wife long platinum foxy mane i think you will let that shit rest. i looked better then cos i was two years younger then. everyone looks better two years younger. A. said i looked like a young 24. strong words bro.

anyway she wasn’t aware of this subtle play, mel sort of was. i grabbed haily and squeezed her arms put my face into her neck, you are amazing, i said. she goes what? so i scream you are amazing, just in case she had any inkling of self-doubt or a complex from this beardguy. short story, a mentor of mine big ups this one employee of his and gets a few other high-ups doing the same, now i can’t for the life of me understand what the f–k is special about this guy, i actually find him loathsome and i despise him a bit and my mentor says, cos he’s our star, we have to. you have to bring people up is how i interpret this and now i see why. i will never be twenty two again but if i was i would have appreciated someone giving me game credits on the dance floor.

so i can’t be you but i can live vicariously and help make you a better you. i can’t be you but i can enjoy you. ok that’s getting too cosmic now.

i am an asshole and i am personally offended by everything because i am offensive.

here’s some from my blackberry now.

can’t wait to see pictures from this day. loved my new outfit. i didn’t mean to match casie, everything fitness gear at winners was blue. oh well. it’s best on camera always. lindy told me that.

case that lipstick is amazing on you wow.

have you seen that hipster has to pee site? i think the url speaks enough for me so no point to bother actually checking it out but now that i know the term i have a posing complex. hard to break. this shirt looks better tucked in you can see how svelte i am now.

when i got on camera the girls from the globe looked at each other and went oooh blond girls. SO many viewers. haha. comes out in a month.


i bought new pants. back to a small. i’m in meltdown phase of my training. the grey is connected to the pants. lulu rips offs. 12 bucks.

oh hi.

i turn heads in this starbucks. eye contact with ten people at once because i am a look-backer. most of the time anyway. this morning taking snaps of each other the staring was palpable.

i hate sitting in the back seat.

girl guide.

mitzi’s bathroom. ate dinner here with luc.

holy look at my wonky eye. kris and i did a lot this day. fun family day. ok i am going to go do something else now. ha see you.


in life, one should always ask themselves, what would raymi do? someone was describing a restaurant to me recently and they were impressing that it had great atmosphere and what not, i interjected and asked Would Raymi Like It? if the answer is yes then proceed. you can apply this method to lots of things as a general practical guide to life if you are ever feeling lost and directionless. seeing as i am a professional blogger and my area of expertise dwells in the all things life category, i essentially am a life expert too. these are the mitts they use for bread loaves. guess how many times i said GO TO BREAD (bart simpson quote)(not as funny when you have to explain your jokes right) i think i said it at least 20 times. modest.

variety is a key spice of life, an ingredient where i thrive. check all these buzz words and catch phrases eh, i think my next raymi army branch will be televangelism blogging. anyway, does raymi want to go on a bread/cookie factory tour of Shasha Co. on family day at ten in the morning with a bunch of little kids and parents? insert most sarcastic voice ever: resounding duh heard ’round the world.

and of course my adventurehouse co-horts didn’t make it out. i laid the guilt on thick but i know that i am the only idiot who is for real keen on this stuff. why does anyone want to wake up early on a holiday monday when they’ve been partying the night before?

i think it would be an honour to eat one of my hairs in a cookie.

shasha is a trip. he looks like an action figure. i love what i do because i get to discover the background story, the bizarre and irrelevant, mmm mmm my favourite.

if i was a president founder of anything (oh wait i am!) i’d give tours (of my house?) just so i could talk to little kids and people about dumb jokes i said once.

my colleague was all uh i thought you weren’t doing the peace sign anymore raymi. just this one more time. for family day i’m keepin’ it Churchill to throw down for my gramps. ha my grandpa kinda looked like winston C and my grandma, the queen. seriously.

i suggest shasha install a trolley car from building to building to cart tourists to and fro from HQ to factory to adopt a disneyland feel. or a slide. kris says in the corus building they have a slide from the third floor to the first but no one uses it cos you get static electricity shocks. hilarious. also hilarious, being the before person in a static cling dryer sheet commercial all day long in an office environment. just saying. can someone at corus invent a reason for me to come by for a social media consultation (there i just invented it for you you’re welcome) so i can come do a superman down this slide of lore (if it even exists) and film it? i know people at corus read my blog. how do you find out if people read your blog? write about them. what’s up howard?

just kidding i don’t know a howard.

naturally, this part of the tour was a highlight for me. nothing like normal people en masse going through an obstacle course like american gladiators in hairnets and winter jackets, and raymi.

oh my god i made so many (oh so many) stuffing kids into ovens, hansel and gretel, children made of cookies wisecracks. whispered them. silent laughing and forcing your face into a not smile is SO hard and then you convulse, gets funnier, make eye contact with a two year old on his father’s shoulders, pinch purse your lips, keep it together oh god. fun and weird and we learned something. um, sort of. i know i’m smart enough i don’t really need to learn anything here. well i guess i do as i funnel out bits of information to you (lazier than me) a-holes. sigh. fine.

later on he had a microphone and an amp. like a guitar amp. shasha is also a musician so i bet that’s his band practice amp too. it looked cool and funny to talk to a crowd through a guitar amp. when everyone left i picked up the mic and was going to address everyone but i thought i should keep it mature. a little.

princess leia meets public enemy meets this photo is not at all flattering.

reeking of maturity. check those eye bags oh yeah. severe ADD. very regressed i am. it was fun to be a kid for a bit, really was. keeps you young.

taking an iphone pic lemme facebook that. i said lemme twitta that (big ups andy milonakis) during my globe and mail interview. i bet they won’t use it. i said many (many) stupid things. i sound articulate and normal, breezy even, in normal people talking time but then they mic you and you turn into intergalactic retardo big time. in future, do not prepare me or ask me questions unless the camera is rolling. i need original cues, those are the best sound bytes. i think best on my feet, if i even think at all.

hmm this looks important, it’s red and round, maybe i should press it. there wasn’t one time ever when we were told to not press or pull anything. mega loophole. i guess it means it’s ok then.

begging for bread, very pilgrim. pilgrim is a hot look. it’s up there with gyspy. except more humble.

i nexted that little girl and grabbed my own piece. i wanted the experience of selecting my own piece. i am anal like that. i later felt bad for not letting her be the little adorable helper she was. i swear i went preschool, i am not proud of myself at all. it was my secret shame i carried with me throughout the entire tour. when do you think woody allen will be calling me up?

oh my god carbs. i only ate a third of this, no, 2/3 and i didn’t bring hot sauce. i rolled it up into a huge hot bread ball inside my napkin and when we walked by a garbage can i did a slow motion arc slam dunk and yelled BOOM. it got two laughs.

where is my hairnet? second favourite part of all this. oh i’m an idiot i’m wearing it man i’m smart right now.

sometimes i just don’t know what to say.

so just give ‘em the vanna whites. i think this is when vivian came in and went IT’S RAYMI HI RAYMI. how amazing is that timing? i’m game show posing for a stupid glamour shot and in walks a fan. a fan, excuse me, i need a fan, where’s my fan? remember that joke from the spice world movie? poshsays it and in runs a screaming fan. this is why during the party sean ward threw at horseshoe when he said where’s affan (real person’s name) we need affan to come to the stage i thought they were doing that same bit, and i laughed my ass off, but then this little wiry brown dude comes forward, and i still think it’s funny cos here’s the fan, but no what, his actual name is affan? priceless. double entendre dying forever and ever amen.

FREEBIRD! (that’s kris’ joke).

this is how you wear a hairnet. that kid did a hilarious (he wasn’t hurt) face plant trip into a wall in the foyer and he landed with his face against the wall and lying down on his stomach and he was ok it was fine but there was a second where as a spectator you’re not sure, but then the dad explodes into laughter so we were allowed to laugh at the kid too. and then, we did. man i can’t wait to have a little idiot version of me it’s going to be so wicked i’ll have this exceptionally gifted monster doing some creative destruction of a playroom with a new age schoolteacher encouraging this terrorization monstrosity and my friends (in this fantasy i haven’t seen my friends in three years time) will be like, is that, that’s your kid? i’ll be yep that’s my little ray of sunshine as little raymi is decapitating teddy bears and painting the floor. isn’t she incredible? i’m going to try to enforce a no swearing zone. once my brother and i started to cuss (prematurely) my parents thought it was clever and cute, but then we wouldn’t stop, and it wasn’t funny anymore. hahaha hi dad love you.

i like how photos say a thousand translucent words about the type of person i am. leader of the pack, i keep a distance and i want to be first. for everything. jesus i am annoying. look at how much i think rules don’t apply to me.

this is the type of in-between shot my brother would get of my mom on his cellphone and we’d snicker at it to drive her nuts.

cookienthusiasts. one kid was documenting everything with a digital camera point and shoot, i saw him do a cool pan of the entire line of cookies being baked. future blogger.

there’s one part when shasha spoke about ezekial bread, biblical bread, 7 grains, nutrients i dunno i forget but it gave me a joke base of course. i wanted shasha to go messiah complex and refer to himself as God. maybe next family day?

could easily stuff him in there. or you. i bench-pressed casie today i’m strong enough to lift a human.

would i get a bad burn if i stuck my hand in there and stole a cookie? i was too shy to ask that in real life. yes, i get shy. i am cute. cute people get shy.

dude, you mean, your keys are locked inside the car? can you come up with a better stoner caption for this?

here i am asking if i can lie down superman position on the cookie conveyor and he’s telling us about cookie rain. ok you one-upped me this round Shasha. ps. did you know these are the healthiest cookies in the universe. i mean, galaxy. i mean, whats more vast than that? heavens?

hairnets make me look fat.

here i am talking to that guy who is going to walk to the north pole. shasha is making bread for him, dense bread for his travels so he can be like frodo and samwise. i was like um are you mental why do you want to walk to the north pole? childhood obesity. ok so, were you fat then ever? nope. he said to motivate others to get in shape you have to do something big. yeah i’ll say that is super big. being out of contact for over thirty days. that is massive. eaten by a polar bear, or falling through ice. two real top threats.

look at me all incredulous. then i said why are you starting your quest from etobicoke? he laughed at me. he’s flying to some place i forget, nunuvut maybe and starting there. so i go, well isn’t that cheating then? i say what’s on people’s minds. i am better than FOX news and just as tactful.

here i am likely saying how he’s something out of forrest gump.

my fan. i tell you, my demographic is far reaching and beautifully broad. raymi army.

listening to my higher power.


READ THIS 12 QUESTIONS INTERVIEW a la raymi. How do you define virtue?

I don’t know one person who is defined as this nor do I think one exists therefore it is an irrelevant ideal.

oooh deep and feisty. “It’s her life and she loves it. And we can’t help it – all of us here at 12 Questions love it too.” awwwwwwwwwwwww!

i’m not going to lead you on kay

when you talk about me I WIN

i haven’t been feeling quite myself lately. i feel like, a ghost. i know that sounds uber gay and grandiose and who cares. stress-related, mostly, when i peel away all the superficial things i worry about and engage in purely for entertainment crutches, carrying out my boredom exercises. i do so much bullshit that i shouldn’t just because i know i can. it has its effect on my person, people around me, in between the debauchery and secret ridiculous endeavours, i have this blog thing here where somedays it is just nothing but abuse, negativity and being chastised for everything in between all that, it’s like, no relief. ever. can you imagine that? a blip in my email, a live shitty comment when i’m out distracting myself from how miserable i am right now and because it is constant you lose yourself in it and have to decide now, do i fight my millionth battle about my hairstyle? or do i just approve and ignore? having my character assassinated time and time again from a virtual stranger, fuck i dunno, it really is true i guess that every time you talk about me, i win. so why should i care?

as lois pointed out to me while we were driving to hamilton (oh man what a goddamn hell hole that place is) the people who dog me, dog me out of fear. you traipse around like you ain’t a fuckin’ trainwreck yourself, that’s the funny thing. me? do i tell lies? do i pose as anything other that what i am? how is this false having nice hair, pampering myself, taking care of myself? it’s fake going on adventures and meeting new people and having platinum hair. did it not occur to you that this is a business? and long black hair might not move product as successfully as mega blond can? goofy f—ing pictures of me in a tree with a can of pabst with long gnarly tumbleweed black hair isn’t exactly a streamlined image and you know, people treated me like DOG SHIT when i had black hair. i can never fucking win. i look like this or that, you dicks always have to make a shitty comment about it. i bet i can find 40 things wrong with your appearances inside ten seconds. with pleasure. though believe it or not i prefer to make fun of people for more creative reasons like choice of clothing, because you CHOSE to wear those stupid pants, it was an act of intention. i like to make fun of personalities too, type As are a great and most deserved target cos they try soooo HARD to appear like they’ve got in together. they so don’t. their worlds crumble when they run out of things to organize. boring.

i’m trying to be a type a person and i tell you, it’s fucking insanely depressing. boring. superficial even. yeah for sure my blond hair is a fake out, doesn’t mean i don’t look good with it. i am not letting the blond slags go by the way, this is my blog my diary i don’t know when the people decided they could just own me and talk about me like they’re in charge or something. your shit is rude, it is rude to tell someone i liked you before. it’s a blow to discover how much society is lacking in filters, intelligence, and accountability. i call you on it, don’t make a fucking battle with me and get defensive. you put me under a microscope ALL the time and i take it and take it but you, you can’t accept being wrong. that’s so little of you. ok i am bored of this now.

shasha is an amazing man. i was even blog spotted by a cool chick, hey vivian. i was posing for a photo beside these bread ovens declaring that i bet i could fit inside one whilst simultaneously making hugely HUGELY offensive references about them and then i hear LOOK IT’S RAYMI HIII RAYMIIIIIIII! egoboner!

i better hurry this up i have an important business meeting after this. i’ve already done my nails coral. polish name guava. i can’t wait for more spring pastels because i am a princess cupcake girl nerd. i am shapeshifting.

holy crapola do i ever look retarded. what are the odds of selecting a hat in the same shape as a hair net? they also had beard nets. i was going to put one on but then shasha pulled me away to give me a present. a teddy bear. i tell you, everything about yesterday, business as usual. completely normal. shasha said there’s a video on youtube of him being rained down on by cookies. cookie rain. kris and were like I WANT A COOKIE RAIN TOO. haha.

something right out of edward scissorhands right there. learning how to put stamps on cookies is a science. there is no way i could figure that out. those are all new agey imprints i think one represents playing hacky sack, patchouli brew recipe, love etc ha ha oh hippies gotta love ‘em.

who gets recognized in a bread factory in etobicoke? this guy. yeah yeah i blogged about it a few times but she didn’t see it.

more of these later on.

yesterday was an adventure blitz. blitzkrieg.

hung out with a vegan. ate like one. maybe i’ll try it out for a bit? i’m going to go george costanza with a twist of jim carrey in yes man (hilarious movie) and say yes to everything. uh except for that.

first time at this fresh even though i pass it all the time. bbq burgers.

i smothered mine in that hot sauce they have. lots of it. as usual i was warned against too much. pah. that’s pussy talk.

alrighty roo i have laundry folding to do, shower, power outfit creating, and it’s early to bed tonight cos will be on camera tomorrow for the globe at TMR they’re doing a feature on me and casie and social media. by the way, i am mega more toned. i can do chin ups now. i am throwing myself into working out and fitness like it’s nobody’s business it’s the only thing keeping me together right now and i love seeing results. i have to figure out a solid outfit for tomorrow. suggestions?

Some callin’ me a sinner callin’ me a winner I’m callin’ you to dinner

i sang will you still love me tomorrow and i hammed it up megawattage-guy. there was a girl who sang better than me but she was cheesy as shit. they did a bait and switch though, next week it’s up to $500. annoying. no grand prize winner last night. whatever.

i also sang la isla bonita and danced with all the drunken ladies. we had this one tailer, an older woman, totally cocked and sloppy. sloppotomous (the situation is a burn wordsmith) for real. this old lady wouldn’t leave but i could tell she had the sadness so i let her hover. i am nice like that.

i was nervous. drank through it. russia might make me an official rusky based on the amount of vodka i consumed last night.

my hair was retarded from boot camp. so glad that i showered before working out. i have never been so pink and red from a workout before. well that’s not true, it’s just never happened before in front of so many witnesses and cameras.

i’m like those kids on american idol with the moms. i roll out with four moms and they all take my picture. show party moms.

ran into an old galfriend from way back in the day. her purse matched my mom and i’s nails.

i love my little bees.

we danced. there is nothing like dancing in a restaurant fashioned like the movie serving based on delinquents working in cagney’s style chain restaurant holes. everything was ironic to me.

i pretended to be shy and sweet and they fell for it but lois said she knew what i was up to. lois is the best she reads my blog all over and gives me great input. she liked it when i said i’ll leave this on a positive note and say nothing. oh snap.

she asked me about the american cos she was there when we met and i said i was completely over him. yeah i am a total kaBOOM mess catastrophy from him but it’s over and i shouldn’t even be speaking about him now, that was way too dangerous talking territory and indulgent. i was going to use him for two days when he came back here then tell him to go fuck himself. i don’t think it’s even worth it now. i should thank him for the skinny though.

woah time warp.

can you believe how much of a prude i was then, i never posted this cos i thought it too racy. puhleaze guy i’ma recreate this one full on newd next time don’t think i won’t.

that’s a can of blue light affixed to my wrist. yes, i have always been amazing.

what a clean cool stud babe eh. don’t worry we’ll get back to that someday but we’ll be angelica houston faced. nice steven segal long hair piece i have out eh. ha. more like coming to america eddie murphy rat tail.

my beautiful old view. whenever people said mean things to me or about me i would just look out this window view smugly, like a princess, and look at hot young frat boys, or tan on the balcony when i was uber emo, make ridiculous drinks and dinner plans, i don’t know where i’m going with this.

reject photo, there were others i did post from this time.

movie timewarp now.

gibson showroom in vancouver. that’s brad. this was quite the week.

then the gala dinner. it was magical. exclusive.

earlier that summer i went to thunder bay for the first time.

family day tomorrow. i have convinced a fancy hipster guy on facebook and all his friends to come to the shasha open house factory adventure tomorrow and my dad too even. HUGE! it’s going to be so weird and hilarious and early. he’s bringing his own 5 mark d 2 whatever camera yawn. we are going to be soul mates. he just sent me a photo of himself hodling some literary function in a tuxedo at hooters. kismet.

just trying to get as many things off my laptop as i can, doesn’t hurt to spread around some content.