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the past is a finite resource

but oh so much to work with.

ready to go back in time with me?

the last summer, i call it.

i was a beautiful bitchy witchy ghost.

i have drug these up cos i have to submit some photos of myself as a brunette for a movie role.

i do not want to go back to brunette yet. not until i get to be long and blonde.

this was an amazing weekend. michael jackson died this day. we heard his tunes blasting at weber’s in line and all the kids were dancing. i love summer time kids their brains are perma-fried into thinking they’re in australia it’s great. anywhooooo.

i did not feel good enough here. fit enough. ridiculous. tell tale sign of a girl’s insecurity, if she’s wearing a scrunchie or an elastic hair-tie for a bracelet it means she doesn’t feel comfortable in her skin so she flops between ponytail to hair down, ugh. so exhausting i cannot wait to be mellowed out one day.

holy amazing look at me. i was working out here a lot with britt. i had already fucked off to thunder bay because i bought that shirt there.

i wish guu took reservations. i hate waiting in line. it’s an actual deterrent from me going there.

this photo was after guu, after the spoke club. great night.

the next day at manic coffee.

spoke bathrooms are the best to take pictures of yourself in. you’re not supposed to take photos in there in case you catch a philanderer philandering. the bartender is supposed to greet the member as if he didn’t see him the night prior with his mistress. LOVE THAT SHIT! discretion really is a lost dying art and i know that is super rich coming from me. i still have many skeletons i’ve snuffed into submission in my closet, never you mind or worry.

this is how i seduced the red flag.

reject photos.

here i am the eve of my burlesque audition at the central. i had to work late and i cried about it cos i was promised to get off early so i could rest up for the audition. i made the cut despite my late night. here is how i looked the next day for my audition.

super tired. skinnay.

kamila gave me that unitard. i love the word unitard. guess why.

i made sure to pull out all the balletesque stops i could to ensure a successful audition. that bra is now covered in sequins and jewels. i need to go on a bra hunt.

cute chels. never got around to posting these cos i got busy. we look hot.

this chick likes girls more than boys. she’s twenty. i was the elder at this bar. so coyote ugly of me. it was a good transition back in to the city which went hardcore real quick. definitely seasoned my face a bit, the underweight is also to blame. you can get your young face back you know. i know i can and will.

and she’s a drama girl, actress, dancer, hard working kid.

emma wore this during rehearsal and i never saw it again. my belly wide hip shape is not conducive to this cut of dress, i feel.

these speak for themselves woah look out for the next one.

not bad.

cannot wait for long hair again.

an innocent bystander told me i personified these things.

clem was never even able to open up my bullshit resume. my winning email is how i got hired. i sent a photo of myself standing behind the bar at the central the night of my art show there and said here i am looking good behind your bar, i am now 40% HOTTER than this photo and then i said a bunch of baloney about social media and being a key player and how i just beat out margaret atwood AND the mayor for toronto’s top tweeter of 2010 nice. brosz7 gave me a head’s up that clem was a bit of a scoundrel so then i knew what to do to get hired. everything fell in to place, that job and my room at adventurehouse. new life lets do it!

haha yeah keep eating that bar food, idiot.

11 thoughts on “the past is a finite resource

  1. I remember at one point your hair was long and blonde with bangs and we looked like twinsies. I loved your hair during the in-between black/blonde when it was all streaky–like the pic with the fur hat? that was hot.

  2. Hair tie comment: so true…I always go out with a hair and around my wrist when I am feeling insecure about…well, hair-whatever else. Like, so I can have the option to pull my hair up and look like “I didn’t mean it”–if I am cute, accidental…if not: exactly.

    You are looking great, btw. I am out of Iraq and finally able to read your blog on the reg.

    Be well,

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