The lost visit

time for a timewarp post fuck yeah livin in the past RUUUUULES! rolling out a new blog post series, uh, whenever i get around to it and it’s called, THE LOST DAYS. maybe we will come up with a better title for it, who knows, don’t bank on it. this one in particular we will call THE LOST VISIT. this is from mid march, back when i was 26. (unofficially) dating the red flag, steph came to visit for a week blah bla etc etc i never posted these pics because they weren’t very flattering and they got lost in the fray of my manic life at that time. it was near st. pat’s, i was also two-timing with another guy i just remembered. working at the central, my blog, men, me, the mtv party oh right i was burlesque dancing also i was basically trying to juggle everything at once and it wasn’t happening. well it was for a bit.

my idea. it’s just around the corner again and that still fits me.

steph is now engaged to a guy she met through my blog ahahahha nerd. just kidding. guess who gets to take credit for their union from now til the end of time, and to their kid too oh man that is going to be the fucking best. ryan, her future husband, and i have been online buddies since 2003. that’s right, i put up with his shit for that many years. then i met her. then he drunk emailed me about her then, like anybody would, instantly forwarded it to her and he was like noooo ultimate embarrassment. but it worked. she fell in love then moved away to thunder bay. this blog makes true love happen.

the tickle trunk back then. way less cluttered seeming. red flag gave me that flower.


i looked like this wicked brassy hair. it wasn’t as brassy as it looks in photos but still it was pretty orange yellow. i was still going through lifting the colour phases gradually so as not to destroy the hair. it was getting gnarly in the ends. part of why i lost my game around april was because i cut all my hair off. when spaced out hippie spinsters go on makeover shows and sob their heads off when their to the floor length braid is snipped off, that shit is real. the day of you’re in shock but as it sinks in throughout the weeks and months to come, fuckin’ right i was miserable. long hair was my identity for years. like one who hides behind glasses. oh well. it’s growing back all soft and perfect now so it’ll be my destiny once again, always is. i am also amazed that i was able to use my laptop on my bed without it bursting into flames and shorting out at one point in time. wow. look at my beautiful hand and nails.

these were the worst because look at our thighs. high bed angle from below, try to avoid having your photo taken on my bed like this. ever. always. forever.

who went home from my party with that emo cupcake painting?

those pants don’t fit me at all now. the hat i lost, at mitzi’s one night.

i just gave myself bangs too. that was a big deal, changed my whole perspective on shit. well not really i’ve done bangs so many times before. the funniest part was this fucking twitter chick lost her mind about it and got mad kifey, we had a confrontation at the mtv party casie invited us all too and we wore peach berserk dresses. i was a scary skinny courtney love skeleton but my dress was fabulous. this hater girl with bangs got drunk and passive aggressive surly it ruined my day. if you can’t handle being out-shined, shine brighter then.

haheh so cute and dopey.

gnarly hair see why i cut it off. my top was platinum and the ends were gathered up bindles of hedgerow.

showing her the national post profile on me where i can’t even remember what i was saying, and was misquoted too hah.

i wanted them to meet, the chemistry was palpable. steph made me look cooler, therefore more appealing, henceforth we dated a little longer.

ahahahahaaa ah. i am glad i don’t do the peace sign anymore.

it was a pretty white trash afternoon. it was awesome.

then we went polak. i like the polish district of roncessvalles it’s like, uh, ok? i’m going back to whatever bar me and mel went to a couple weeks back to flirt with that bartendress (she was perceptive to all the stupid things i said) and play crappy music on their jukebox (they have terrible selections).

the hot pics just keep-a-comin’ i am wearing those socks right meow.

i noticed that the booths match the couch in my room, same family of furniture set. my couch is meant to be a take your shoes off, put your boots on hallway sitting implement.

gill i know for fact i left these at your place in a bag of stuff please look for it.

keira gave me these. i gave them to casie. melodie said i can’t wear them anymore because i am always wearing my hair and it’s too much. see how someone can influence you just like that.

then we went fubar.

all good now.

ooh ooh i spy a dimple.

look look. oh mhmm very nice.

and now i look like this. i dunno if you can call looking better dibs because i never know how to view myself. i have image issues BIG TIME. not to mention people daily telling you how you look and only acknowledging the negative comments. it really does warp a person.

def tired looking and a wicked marilyn monroe zit. when i was red flag skinny i was underweight and i habitually (obsessively) weighed myself on his wii fit, i got lighter and lighter. i told him i am trying to get back to red flag skinny, oh i had you at your best then? yeah i think so. no, he goes, you were too skinny then. what? no i wasn’t! now the kind of skinny i am i like way more. i feel stronger, and i also don’t weigh myself. i am not going to weigh myself for another two months and i know whatever the number is will be a reflection of good health and fitness.

it’s cold outside but between us it’s worse in here

Fear of failure’s all you’ve started, The jury is in, verdict: Retarded.

decided to see my moms.

i missed my work out today but it’s alright i assaulted myself all day long yesterday. 3.7 miles on the elliptical, 200 calories, wicked fast clip. then i did a lot of weights, more cardio stretching and worked out with my mom too. saturday, tomorrow, bootcamp. i will bringing this thing called THE NOISE.

i bought this for my mom, guess when, guess where. guess what guys i saw things and did stuff! some of us have sick fascinations, morbid curiosities, sentimental reasoning being the base culprit.

that new hippie nailpolish. a lot harder to get off.

weird salami salad from the counter. good weird.

i am in a depression.

stew and i this night wandered around yonge dundas square through barricades of police news trucks firetrucks ambulances more cops on foot cruisers parked, we shared a joint throughout and were only annoyed we had to make a detour west of yonge parallel a street down. we had time for jack astor’s and drank through black swan sat in the loser front row like crackheads gunned on large diet vodka cokes. then we went to the beac to continue the shit show.

i can’t tell time in 24:00 format. that pissed off my engineer mensa-iq ex a lot. i have a collection of these papers because i have to make one every time i check the go train schedules which i can’t remember because i am one of those adorable bumbling creative types who step off a sidewalk curb into a pink fluffy cloud down to dumb luck capital city population how did i make it this far in life hahha. anyway, i should start saving these, frame them and have a show. i tried to save one at my dad’s but he threw it out. these numbers are important numbers. how to be famous on the internet right there kids. (yes it’s a wine stain).

i am dealing with my present anxiety sadness by doing a lot of cardio and weights. i got up off the couch and did a hundred curls lateral raises squats flies push ups lunges, went zen and realised i am back to being flexible again. i did a session on my mom too, she’s pretty fit. i pushed her to go as hard as she could. i’m going to bring her to TMR soon, brother too. family day! also don’t forget about the shasha bread factory OPEN HOUSE tour this family day, sign up and join me please while i stuff bread and cookies in my mouth. i like weird pursuits. i pursue the weird. while i am trying to steer my slutty brand over into asexual territory i need new activities for it that align. there’s also a secret hidden reason for it in the back-end i’ll tell you when it happens.

i change my nail polish practically daily. at least 6 times a week. on a scale of one to mental where does that sit?

i’m thinking of coming back out for saturday night, the firehall is having a karaoke contest kicking off their saturday nights and if they pick your name and you sing the song you pre-requested you can win $250. yeah, i’m doing it. taylor the managress chatted to my mom and i over our nightcap wednesday night after emmas. taylor carded me i was like, are you serious? momentarily nervous she stood her ground. i dragged my heels all the way back to the car to get my expired passport with my mom’s SHE’S ALMOST 30! ringing in my ears. i said MOM I’M ALMOST 28! i knew she threw me under the bus cos she was jealous i got carded like that. it was only because we ordered one glass of wine like we were going to share it then i threw in the extra glass like a total minor would using their parent as a shield. it’s alright though, i accidentally said my mom’s real age to one of the dude friends in her crew. baha.

remind me to steal this lipstick off my mom before i leave. she’s trying to get me to go shopping. i always whine to go to f21 when i’m out here and she always says no (i don’t put up much of a fight i have enough shit and blowing money is just a past time, things don’t make me any happier) but last night and today she keeps suggesting it so i know that she knows i am in hell. which is what i said last night on the couch then erupted in a river of tears with only my head exposed out of the couch throw blanket floating crying head, fantastic visual.

making friends everywhere i go. there are an abundance of late boomer white dudes all over this neighbourhood. or maybe it’s just that i only ever go to bars. dad , this guy was in a beatle cover band.

my hair was long this night, felt longer.

check my legs nice toothpicks. i am going to come out of this depression a prize champion cage fighting gladiator skeleton. i’m white as hell too.

not the greatest (mom where are the others?) i want to train my mom and uncle together. my uncle mike is obsessed with his body and positively OCD about working out. hmm how familiar-seeming is that? i am a good trainer/coach i have zero qualifications or certificates but whatever, i’m smart. i wouldn’t make you lift a boulder or anything. not yet anyway. speaking of uncle mike it’s his birthday on tuesday so he wants to use his cafe du lac prize sunday night. must call and make arrangements for him.

then i dressed like macaulay culkin.

uh weirdly unflattering i have no idea how to make that vest work. maybe at a snooty garden party.

cabbage patch figurine face.


firehall this saturday, tomorrow night. bronte. see you on the mic. i’m going to top this performance, same song.

Das Bootcamp

it’s no secret that this lil minxer’s arms are getting skinnay. here’s why.

The Motion Room.

my comrades.

i throw myself into these sessions full throttle. i cannot imagine my life now without fitness. maybe being a lazy pathetic sloth worked for me for a time before, but not now. now, i need that ish.

every saturday it’s modified so you don’t get bored. ever. yet using some of the drills you learned before you kind of know what to expect and it’s super easy to pick up and follow along as you go.

i was very proud of alyssa for showing up i’ll ask her for a full honest review after i post this for a follow-up.

even some old guy did the re-energizer with us. i was impressed. even though i was better.

that’s alyssa on the right, casie’s friend on the left. me, i dunno who or what i think i am.

oh i know, i have this anxiety breath exhalation i do a lot, you may notice it someday. we’ll be talking, or i’ll awkwardly be steering the ship and then i’ll go hoooooooooooo really quietly and probably put my hands on my hips maybe it’s just that i probably motor-mouthed for ten minutes straight and forgot to breathe. it happens.

this day i felt was a significant skinny day. the beginning of lovesickness.

push-ups are my nemesi. sometimes i am good at them, sometimes totally weak-ass.

the man behind me pushing that thing is doing my favourite station. reminded me of the strong man (iron man?) competitions. so is. i want to ace it. i’m already there but i want to push it way faster and i want gloves to pull it faster too without scraping up my palms.

this is on one of the new fliers.

come to mama.

destroyed it. my mom is walking around feeling her mom arms saying, “i need to go to the motion” while eyeing my slender new arms jealously. she is part retarded like me so she can’t get the full name out right. close though.

you pull it all the way to yourself then you push it like an ox.

it’s a piece-a-cake but it’s also challenging.

we have a new trainer at TMR now too called the RUSSIAN NIGHTMARE. hahaha. going to brand him up like CAN YOU HANDLE THE RUSSIAN NIGHTMARE. while i’m training with james we watch him training a client and wow, i saw him like, jump in the air and do a mortal kombat spiral tornado twirl in the air then a kick one hand to the floor 360 rotation jump flip tuck i don’t know the fuck what but it was just for fun. he’s also really little. we’ve never been introduced but i know he watches me out of curiosity. who is this tall blond euro looking giraffe girl running for her life on the treadmill? he reminds me of the infamous psychotic olympic coach that held the girl with the sprained ankle who won USA the gold. there is just no way not to draw that comparison when i look at that guy.

i am getting jacked to hit the elliptical once i’m done this post now. these things work.

look at all the hard worker bees.

i could do that ten times in a row.

i have papa eyes here. tiny and burnt-out.

this one is great if you go zen you can really work it and your core, lift up and over going back and forth between arms. time it to the music.

don’t forget to smile.

more smile!

the step alyssa is on is so high wow. didn’t notice that before. or i did but forgot. go us.

hahah i look hot.

hot mess, hot.

peace and lightning bolts.

bounce from one to the other to the middle and back again. bouncing somehow is exercise. breaks up the monotony too.

don’t forget to have fun though.

i look like icicles.

i thought aqua eyeshadow would be a good time.

oh great that’s james sneaking up behind me.

getting in trouble. not really i was just laughing here.

someone on twitter was like are you pushing a lawnmower? haha yeah. people never think before typing in arbitrary dumb lazy questions into twitter knowing some idiot will answer. i am guilty of this a lot, usually just with songs. WHAT’S THAT SONG WITH THE GIRL IN THE HAT AND THE SMILE? THANKS TWITTER!

step class. you get an element of everything on saturdays. speaking of which i am going so CONTACT the motion room if you want to go to boot camp too this saturday, or call:

6 4 7 – 3 5 1 – 8 6 7 1

gee i wonder what happiness is like. ha.

better be careful or my face will stay that way.

pose stepping. i’m actually working out here. yes you too can look this good and stupid at the same time. while working out!

take mini breathers when needed.

try not to trip up the step.

i wonder what alyssa is thinking back there.

i don’t really like the ball of sand thing anymore. i mean i like it but i don’t like raising it. i gather that mentality is what got my arms fat in the first place. anything you hate doing is the thing that will fix the trouble area you have on your body. seriously. who likes sit ups? how many of those people who didn’t raise their hand have washboard stomachs? exactly.

so just shut up and do it basically. when i say no to james he just looks at me and so i keep doing lateral raises and leg lifts (worst!) because i know there is a goal here.

these photos are two weeks old now so i am even trimmer. it’s a day-by-day results system with me. nothing tops your trainer telling you mondays wednesdays and fridays you look little, and then two days later littler than the day before. this is why i am an egomaniac right now. warranted cos i am earning it yes? i think this is also why no one gets along with fitness people. they are tunnel-visioned obsessed and only eat alfalfa sprouts and on their days off do yoga. (i am in the middle of trying to land someone like this right now hahaha).

my dimple just punched you in the face.

i am going to start thinking of fitness choreography for a video here pretty soon. which girls will be in it? april, britt, casie. abc hahahah.

more importantly what do we wear? i want to rip off the girls next door video. ok buying it. purely for research purposes obviously.

arm looks fat (obsessed) that shirt is a shrunken small so that isn’t helping. laughing here because i growled at jeff after he gave me my smoothie and i pounded half of it. yes, animal growled. it felt right and it felt good. see what noises you make this saturday.

you start visualizing yourself as some thing out of x-men, so strong could hurl boulders though brick walls. i wonder if i can beat up my brother yet.

or pin him. see this is when i had eyebrows.

eyeshadow of champs. surprised it didn’t sweat off. the globe is coming next week i have to get lots of sleep for it and a new outfit.

hipster fitness tool.

woah roots. my appointment was on monday, brennen was renovating so couldn’t take me this week. another area of obsession in my life is my hair. tragic.

i was thinking i might dress like a fitness rainbow bright (raymbo) and casie as superman (she has a costume from wakestock) to show the globe how we insert fun into our social media worlds and campaigns i dunno, just a thought. the pics would look really cute. too juvenile, colleague?

now picture me dressed as rainbow bright doing this.

very amusing.

this one kills your butt and thighs i love moves where i get to stretch my loooong legs.

scary roots hahaha. spying on the birthday party kidlets.

artistic. TMR are perfectionists. very new clean facilities, stylish, great atmosphere. everyone i bring in there immediately becomes hooked. tmr is on my brain every single day, if i’m not blogging it or there it’s a constant discussion with people, interested parties, when are we going again!? parties. it has changed my life for the good. at first i was like, what, three times a week for 3-6 months? no way. now? total way. totally. i’m dependent.

cute alyssa awww. she wanted to do the 6am workouts. are you nuts girl! go at normal hours.

you coming this saturday? how about the rest of you? it’s the last freebie bootcamp JUSSAYIN’.


leslie says it looks like a high end tea shop something in here? thanks.

check this hot girl, a cross between the pussy cat dolls and the kardashians. how much do you think i was dying in my head over her but completely playing it cool. tha’s right. her name is armig. raymi and armig. she’s from the country so got no city game therefore all up over me plus i was dancing like a total guy who loves concerts and only dances at concerts lives for concerts type. very appealing. we’re gonna be bros. sort of related, james says i should do a seminar for girls with low self esteem and teach people social skills. i should. i bring people up through email why not in real life like tom cruise in magnolia. i’m gregarious as shit. time to monetize.

when is toronto gonna honour thee! nigh night nigh.

i wanted to make unicorn eye makeup last night.

so i did. that feather clip i use to hold my bangs back while i do my makeup mask of orange. sometimes i stain my hair. can you imagine having something so delicate ready and willing to absorb anything it touches. this is why i toil with men always petting it and reaching out to touch. i’m wearing a white permanent angora sweater on my head everyday. think about it fucking idiots. you gloots. gloots? brutes. yeah that. that is what you are.

major tired looking. coming out of loser fog.

two lights at once. it’s my orange ball of fire in the sky.

swapped the ceiling energy saver bulb with my side lamp cos melodie blew the last bulb so i have a fluorescent star wars bright beam emanating in the corner there when it’s turned on and the sun penetrates this room it’s like vitamin d is doing you all over like the easy slore you are. it’s wonderful. this is the time of the year when it lines up perfectly with my windows.

i felt pretty skinny yesterday.

brought shawn to good catch up the street or beside mitzis. he was like whaaaat? cn tower cat stand. he bought micheal jackson cards from when mj was black. he ate the gum from the packs (brave!) and it disintegrated into powder in his mouth in front of britt and brad. wicked gross for him.

nocturnal emissions star wars (two SW references in a post)(intentional) designer duds for duds. if a guy came up to me on a date in one of these i would just roll my eyes and shake my head simultaneously, laugh and say, well, we know you’ve gotten laid maybe 2 times in your life before and one of those times was definitely to yourself while you were sleeping in those star wars sheets. lets do this loser.

i am turning into a bitter mean toronto person because my life sucks and my heart is destroyed. i am ok i am just a mess. it’s fine. someone said they wanted to hate slice my melon on valentines day, it’s cool, it’s perfectly totally normal to say that to somebody. shit’s fine.

i definitely was a tall skinny motherf***er last night. i went ronald. ‘cept without the pedophilia. christ he’s a creepy looking mascot brand. they should give him a makeover a la archie comics. i am not into clowns at all. they aren’t funny, there was that clown horror movie that is terrifying, and another one at a carnival. you have no idea what facial imperfections they’re covering up with all that makeup and their outfits are way too loud, so loud, screaming in your face loud. they’re always at parties too like, ruining the atmosphere. no thanks. i lost my red lipstick on the night of the date auction i think so if i wore it last night i would definitely look like ronald. i even matched melodie’s t-shirt to the laces. i need to know for fact that zero people will be matching me when i go out. 10000000% of the time i am right. a girl complimented this shirt and a fitness hottie asked for it. i am already talking to another dude. you know it. you will love this story if it pans out. which it won’t because we all know i am fucking cursed and destined for unhappiness FOREVER for the enjoyment of all my friends from here to eternity.

anywhooooooo guess who went out and threw caution to the wind to the soundtrack of interpol last night? oh you did now did ya? fuck that your life sucks in a different way than mine so obviously it wasn’t you. when shit goes sour to cope i like to distract, delude, deny, rinse and repeat. thanks erik for the band-aid. i love sound academy. at first i was lying to just you know, in business, one hand washes the other but now i love that place. i know the show is going to be perfect, the act, huge, and the places i get to watch it all go down, photo pit, side/backstage, biz mezzanine, vip, whatever. drink tickets from my hand to armpit? oh please run along now chile. lucas was like thanks for the invite re: last night. um, britt and brad asked me a month ago. i told you the onus is on you to tell the golden goose what you want to see and when and i make it happen this wasn’t a grand i am excluding you scheme. i have just decided to look on the site and pick out shit i want to see and do that from now on. yep. queens of the stone(r)age whats up son.

i’ve seen these guys before. well i think i have. i can’t really remember anymore we used to go to so many and this is 20000 drinks ago. i’ll google my archives afterward to scare up some information on that. this blog is like my personal life library. shawn asked me if i went to the cne this summer. mind blanked. um, let me get back to you on that one i’m not sure if i did or not.

they are tight and perfectionist new yorkers and dark and moody gloomy creepy rock hard heavy. exactly like their recordings that i have memorized because i listen to the same discography of music from the last decade of my life repetitiously. i knew exactly when and where the bass would go this way or a tune would get heavier, so my dance moves were perfectly timed no matter how sloppy frenetic i moved, i have rhythm, in spades. don’t i now?

i like going out here. britt and brad were in awe. the water was frozen and all broken up it felt like being in alaska or on the titanic so cool where are the glaciers at. oh just floating out over there.

didn’t leave vip once this time. the side back stage wasn’t open nor the biz exec mezzanine i guess interpol is too famous for groupies well all the people in the scene who get vip access/treatment if that was open to all it would get rammed and if one gets to go then all want to go. just too many people i think. these are the things i consider and figure out all on my own. i also know from experience that fighting the crowd to get down to the bar is annoying i didn’t want to be touched. you immediately once down there want to go right back up to vip where you can spin around like a pinwheel if you want and not be arm-to-arm with fanatics.

favourite part of the night. people looked up at me, being herded like cattle, so many, so much claustrophobia and crowd volume. there is no way to look down on people and make it look like you aren’t actually looking, down on them. suffice it to say some not too happy looks were returned my way.

how much were tickets last night?

i really enjoyed this. not their suffering just my own leisurely drink ticketed pace of waiting for them all to clear out before peacing.

christmas tree of beer waste. how many two fours is that on the deposits you think?

quite the production.

time for salads. i am going to spend way more time in that diner. passport reminder. how interpol looking is this photo? i am in sync wither my every surrounding.

pbj is hilarious to see on a menu because people make that shit when they’s po’ not go out to a high fallutin’ restaurant to eat an overpriced version. has anyone had it? how do they make it?

shawn’s photo. shawn bought me at the date auction btw. this isn’t the date. just a bonus as proof of my pedigree, a good stallion thoroughbred. neigh. nee? who cares i probably should stop comparing myself to horses. maybe a unicorn.


wait not yet.


match-tastic. that nailpolish (thanks shawny!) is ecofriendly at good catch the guy showed us how regular polish disintegrates styrofoam plates and this hippie stuff doesn’t at all. i should have asked why good catch has styrofoam plates though. haha. i made a “these people” comment and he asked me what i meant about that when i said something about parkdale, the community to shawn. he thought we were american. nope not american just hugely offensive to every person, place, and thing. no kidding. what the hell were we talking about though? and yes i look tired here it’s one in the morning.

pie-eyed much. shawn got tailed by cops after he dropped me off because we were idled for a bit and my street is hooker drug central. i keep it really real, you know? anyway the po po totally thought i was a prosti. definitely. yo guys hookers go on dates too. i’m sure shawn’s little red black top convertible sports car didn’t at all help matters either hahahhaa. that musta been some nerve-wrackin’ass ride for a lil bit there eh shawn?

look at this girl with her cousin and his friend. she’s like where are the hot guys raymi bring me to them and i’m like go down there. we were both too lazy. k i’ma soop her facebook now BYE.

you would not believe my yesterday

checking out pictures from friday has just tipped my stoner fog back into the boozy whirlwind tornado what was this night. i am actually overjoyed, well, happy to be granted a ticket back in time to it it’s way better than my current reality ha jokes i should just start emo tweeting again. i remember this night but the pictures make it seem all more surreal, especially cos lucas took them (thanks buddy). i was free for a night (from being house photog) but i still came out with badges of glorious memorable honour. here’s why i never made it to dodgeball. i know i would have been a killer on the court considering how i am a champion mental case at the motion room and all and turning into an olympiad. i am pissed at myself for missing it but oh well, there’s always next year.

first it took a mighty attempt to get me out of my room.

then i touched down on jupiter.

36 people human birthday cake for will munro. we have our candles still. amazing.

fuuuuuuuuuuck you belly shirt see. i gave no cares. i was goin’ lez. i look terrible here but it is a vast improvement from what i looked like when stew arrived.

i wrote love is the meaning of life on the naked body of a dragstar. i changed my mind. love is not the meaning of life. it is the pursuit of life. the meaning of life is to be miserable in the pursuit of love. i am going to start focusing on myself more, and be my own champion and idol. every time i trip up on love it fucks up everything and gets in the way of my game. from now on i am pursuing NOBODY. they have to come and get me and they had better be 10’s. that’s my plan that’s that.

what’s this i dunno backstairs patio. where was i? dancing i think.

gay music is amazing it’s so primal, it’s got to be. it’s brave to be gay it takes courage so you need mate anthems, jungle adrenaline. there are so many songs i heard i wish i could hear again. no idea how to track them down or to even describe what it is i think i heard.

we consumed three of the peniseclairs. we were animals. all in the exact same kinda bender state. i love my friends for this. i mean. we were a village on the run. together.

i must have slammed into many people.

visually and physically.

calm before the karaoke storm.

robin black was there (you can see his name). he sang. i went alone to karaoke here one night and then received a mean comment about it on my blog the next day, i don’t think anyone is going to leave robin black a mean internet comment for going out on a karaoke date that treatment is purely reserved for yours truly. the feeling of being watched by creepy mean people is a sick feeling up your spine. i also wasn’t totally alone i was talking to mary. i sang and left to meet the kids at mezzrow’s, it was after a date that sucked and i was drunk. you may have seen me, but are the sight unseen. burn on you.

jesus how flinstones is this? my prehistoric bun hair and melodie’s cavewoman print. i’ve never typed this word before EVER nor here but i’m gonna say it now because it’s entirely applicable: AMAZEBALLS.

next singer raymi!

an applicable track choice.

imagine me singing crying and then i start crying. AGHAHAHa awww haha sigh.

went back to the beav our sloppy parade kept-a-going.

my message was still there.

dancing in the light. the blue t-shirt is the guy who followed us from the gladstone.

very hip night. full of love and light and rejoicing, well wishing in the winter, in a foggy gay dance catacomb it really lifted me up. putting lots of things into perspective.

me and the dude. see how i kind of have a type? it’s like, stupid wasted jock up to no good. send ‘em on over! actually it was his singing how he pulled it together and danced.

love that bartender and you can see sandy, another great bartender.

definitely one of those TIMES OF YOUR LIFE snapshots.

by the way the soundtrack to this post is:

yep def-skies, times o your life.

i turn into a vampire werewolf creature in the dark pupils at 100%.

did you even see me at all.

babushka sweet onion head. who wouldn’t follow that shit around. stew said a cougar at the gladstoner was eyeing me up all over and over. i saw it too so i played into it a bit dancing like a shit show with melodie. give the people what they want. people pleaser, pleasure seeker.

adventurehouse bought the most baked goods.

love it. he had a german accent at the end of the night i overheard them all bickering about where they were going, but it wasn’t bickering it was just his tone. i love this about germans they could scare paint off walls with their accents.

stew was a cute kiebler elf. he made fun of me a lot so i ripped on him too. he was wearing my super tight jacket out i wonder if he’s worn it since he looked really slim and cute in it. the one he arrived in was way too aspen extreme for the beaver.

then we traveled to a neat neighbourhood i obnoxiously referred to as an industrial wasteland (the best lofts and spaces are there, dig?) to these great digs.

i look like a ten year old showing up early for your pop and chip party wow what a loser how did i even get invited? get out of here sarah!

she harvests her own ice. these drinks man i couldn’t even begin to tell you. crazy syrups pure scientific concoctions, sandy, genius. her partner that guy mike, him too. amazing things coming out of these two very soon will be hitting toronto. go see her at the gladstone though, girl’s famous. was on the cover of NOW.

one after party member immediately hit the couch and once i was done spooning her passed out. snoring.

we killed it at cat’s cradle.

it got stressful.

mel sorry to publicly out you but you blew it for us. we had it going ten rotations over. oh well. needed to end anyway i was getting bored.

he has a full side body bear tattoo. it is so fucking hot i almost tore him apart but there were witnesses so i didn’t. he has my card.

guess who is the strongest in the room and beat everyone at a game they have never tried before ever? yep. me. come and get it. i even beat lucas.

thanks james!

heartache is a motivating factor.

scissor sisters lol.

ok here’s last night. i can’t even begin to tell you how much yesterday sucked all around.

i won twister last night. awkward twister. christine took these. i was asked not to blog any of it cos people were embarrassed to be going to a singles mixer.

winning. i told everyone in the room how much my day sucked more than theirs and everyone bought me a drink for it. amazing. see by my arms how i am wasting away.

raymi and the dimples.

lee dropped this off for me last night at the party. she intrigues me. people who are nice to me and don’t want anything in return, what’s going on there. when older babes want to take you under their wing. she continues to drive this raymi as courtney love point home and i really hate it. she’s not the only one. i am not courtney love i am lauren white. she may be the original trainwreck and we may have the same hair and uh, oh forget it. i’d rather be kurt instead. i am battling my way out of the 27 club jinx.

red flag and i went together, not as dates just as bait. he was purposely socially awkward and retarded to everyone he spoke to it was highly amusing. kristin and i hit it off immediately and high-jacked the jukebox with all our songs. i forced myself to eat (there was nothing but horrible delicious feelings eating grease). felt nauseous the entire time and then that peppermint gas pill started to expel its way out of me via esophagus and it made me feel even pukier. bad idea.

i drank through it. this was the worst valentines day of my life. this party helped. the day itself, bullshit. party, not bad. hidden in the backroom of the fox n fiddle where NO ONE we know in the city will find us was also great as it was the scene of my many past karaoke crimes and hole my ex and i used to drink in once in awhile out of sheer laziness as we lived on st. george.

jalapeno meat tacos i made.

i threw my bread on his nametag. felt right. we spent last v day together and it was kind of hilarious too, not allowed to post pictures. don’t worry it is not at all what you think though if you look in my archives i’m sure there’s mentions.

kristin and i beat our pool opponents. i have no idea how because i was totally in a cosmic state at this juncture. i came down with a weird flu bug of stress pain, nausea i do not know but i was not feeling right or well. see how vodka can be a dangerous medicine. i would have stayed in but it was valentines day and i don’t think i could bump into anybody to have sex with in my room that way.

we didn’t want to show up to the party sober so we met at the hole what is the james joyce. red flag was like, old people crowd. i said, perfect. of all the places in my old neighbourhood i’d say the james joyce is my most despised and one we least haunted. it always smelled like windex and made me feel sick. so going there feeling sick, great idea. i didn’t want to bump into a soul i knew last night so sorry for that awkward meet and dash greeting when we initially arrived at the fox, nothing personal.

these were the worst best fries ever and exactly what i needed. we all know i don’t eat this shit. only when i feel like shit. i’m in the manic part of a depression right now so i don’t think it will affect me.

never noticed this light before. do whatever you can to fix this shit hole right. it’s for university kids and sad bastard drunks. a man talked to me immediately when i went over to the bar to order a drink and i said DON’T TALK TO ME hahahahha. red flag was like this place is great, i didn’t order a drink cos she was eating but i ordered your fries. so i went over with attitude and looked at her like she was a fucking idiot (she totally was) meanwhile she’s holding court to loser skid row of pathetic scroungy drunk derelicts. i hate bad servers. when someone walks into a bar it is your duty (LAW!) to put a drink in their hand so they don’t leave.

i’ll end this on a light note and just say nothing.

we will actually help one another pick up by going thick as thieves

someone said i looked 20 this night when i said i was almost 28. i died. it was a great moment.

i prowled. only just a little bit though. was prowled. was purchased. danced like a music video.


lil miss sunshine. was very proud of her up on stage owning it in that dress. not that dress, the other dress.

this dress. cutesy and once again um i am scream laugh yelling. what a delicate strawberry i am eh.

mr. cute suspenders. i wanted to go as an understated dickhead so i could blend into the background just in case things got too hot and i couldn’t stand the heat. they did and i could. here here.

hehehh. fun night.

mr. hawaii bought me. it’s going to be a hilarious date i can tell already. guy talks mad shit. my favourite.

my arms are lookin’ good.

that purse popped open all night i cannot overstuff that thing. lucky i didn’t lose anything.

he did a strip tease on stage. all the hot dudes did slutty stunts. sluttier than the girls.

affan le pimp. his dance moves made me laugh so hard i have no idea how you can dance in a back arch formation all the way down to the floor while holding a full pint in the middle of a black out and go up and down like king shit but he did it and it temporarily ruined my own dance moves because it was one. awesome and two. hilarious. affan i am gonna put you in the category of liked.

um i have no eyelashes i am the girl on america’s next top model who gets her eyebrows done and then it’s like where is your face? i wonder if this picture is before or after he cozied up to me like a pepe le pew and tried to jam his tongue up in to my mouth. how funny was that shawn?

the lead up, the build up. will they, won’t they?

this was super late. we were on a tear. there needs to be a toronto sosho-media bachelor/ette brats reality show. we all give’r together, some people may or may not motorboat behind the scenes just for fun.

happy valentine’s day go fuck yourrself brah. no seriously. pick up a massager tax free before february’s over with my RAYMI15 DICKSCOUNT at Good For Her. purrr bzz bzz buzz. vive le brock.