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i’ve been tried i’ve been tested i was born tired i never got rested

i just downloaded pics from my camera, of which i have not done since last week. time capsule treasure trove indeed. so many to go through. this is what i miss about what i used to most obsessively do, mass photo dumps. because the screen of my camera is shattered i take pictures and forget what i have. somewhat freeing actually and then when i finally get around to self-indulgent me blog time, well, i like it.

what makes a good blogger? when you can tell someone is really into what they do, enjoys it wholeheartedly, married to it. girls who enjoy sucking wang are really good at it comparatively to those who just go through the motions of it because they, love sucking wang. so i blog like i am giving head. one bold statement after another is how she goes.

two nights ago at boehmer. suggested the place to my ex boyfriend, he wanted to impress, i know his style, invited me to drop in for a drink, i brought lucas, i know my ex is generous and enjoys to get lit with company. people ask me frequently where to eat in the city and this is when i get to decide who in toronto gets money, basically. how slimeball of me right. so powerful. i should be talking on a brick cell phone on rodeo drive with slicked back yuppie hair and speed grinding a toothpick right now.

they changed the art. paul (mr. boehmer) said he bought all the other pieces up. i want the purple/pink fade one i still have a photo i took of it on my phone.

i am not telling you where i bought this skirt. khaki is coming in to style for spring, you will be able to track down any steve irwin-toned accessory yourself at any store and you know where i shop so just figure it out on your own. i am pms impatient sorry.

my ex is forever indebted to me because he was kind of a scumbag to me when we were together. i’ve written about it before but past is past he knows how to act now, more or less. i’m going to write about our time dating when i lived in oakville at 21 with my dad on cedar grove blvd. i’m calling the book, or long/short story (probably a book) 6 MONTHS IN MANSIONS. maybe Six Months in Mansions. i dunno. as crazy and hectic/in crisis this period in my life was it was still pretty awesome and spectacular actually, in hindsight. i have so many stories.

this was a boozy night. the eve of my newspaper interview. always always goes down this way. i got myself home by midnight right? or one?

blazing apples (love this drink v bourbon cinnamon apple) matches the apple on this shirt (the beast gave it to me) i don’t have a white bra (seriously) and it’s kind of see-through. get me a bra sponsorship and i’ll wear one. from working out they’re perkier, my mom said bigger. ew weird mom don’t say that.

this was a great stress reliever night i was pretty happy. got to reminisce and make fun of, well, everything. i am clawing my way out of my emo. takes a couple weeks. getting there. i know a lot of down in the dumps people right now we are all in hell together.

i don’t remember what this is but i thought i had all these different vials or goblets of mix to do it myself. nope just a side of soda and nope, that’s actually my tumbler of water. i am retarded.

A. (ex) had a girl with him we all fell in love with. at first i wanted to be a hater but i got over it. she’s young and rich and was doing the poor little rich girl thing and as much as i lipped her and phony boo-hoed for her she didn’t give a fuck. i’m like, twenty two? i would die to be twenty two again and have your non-existant problems. oh, you’ve peaked? are you serious? then she and mel went to the bathroom and my ex goes, are they, they’re crying. they’re crying? ahahaha nice. i love instant girl bonds and a nice ole drunk cry. mmmm mmmmm so glorious. on top of saying she was going edie i also compared her to rose from titanic. i sobbed and imitated kate winslet’s accent, “i was drowning.” hahah i am a hybrid of every jude law type-casted character, total piece of s—.

she was wearing this lipstick and she asked if it made her look like a crackhead. i lied and said no but that’s when she won me over. what an amazing thing to ask someone who is sitting across from you wearing bright gwen stefani red lipstick. she also kept saying “your white hair” to me which i found to be hugely complimentary at the time.

her trick was to mix these two, a pale pale pink and this more vibrant one. the end result was a pastel thick bubblegum barbie fade shade. an am i really here pink. this girl has the same name as my niece and after she spoke of her stress and miserableness i said, well, you’ve got great cleavage so don’t be sad. she had piles of jewels and chains resting (sitting!) on her tits. she was fabulous. firecracker. attention-seeking. wonderful. i laughed to A. haha someone has a type. he silently convulse laughed.


jenga frites. we played jenga with these fries. then we went to unlovable but immediately forgot about the jenga i boasted they had there to play with cos we were a bona fide shit show by that point.

it’s nice that they have shoe stretchers there. is it for men who buy new expensive shoes to wear to dinner and then their feet get pinched and blisters and they say excuse me to their business clients and go stretch their hugo boss weird pointy alligator skin dress shoes? yes, i think this is exactly what happens. totally.

well done sir. jolly good. a toast, a toast. to: fooling ourselves!

enter the vortex.

this post is seriously taking me forever i want to die. bell is bullshit. this is incredibly unacceptable. luc made a new tumblr called waitingonholdwithbell. i was nice about it at first but now i am livid. this internet is vital. my livelihood. angry. also that pms right. wicked minimal patience for anything right now so apologies in advance if i cut you a new one in the very near future. duck.

these turned out kinda fun though. we went to check out the competition to adventurehouse – next party is next friday MARCH 4 i’m going to personally email you wieners ok. there’s two weeks time to plan some kind of deviantly creative tie-in. mel and i were just discussing goldilocks and the three bears. guess which one i am. or maybe we can all be goldilocks? or maybe i have to grow the f— up.

which would be happening a quarter to never.

dude come to our party, bring a record or two if you wish.

evil betty and veronica. i likey. watch the next pic now you will think i am a rocket biologist.

this, was a great moment in time. if i were to write a mother goose story about it the title would be called, the conservative gentle dainty ginger toronto hipster man cannot hack it. my god what a fake hero. he was appalled with a beard on the dance floor in a cavern trainwreck place to give’r and a hot nubile big titted girl is having the time of her life, now i know that mousey jackie o girl with you might have been the one you were impressing and you had to pretend to be offended on her behalf, but she didn’t ask you. i think it’s cooler to not be an aggro jealous face girl anymore. i used to be that girl. back when i had black hair that apparently i looked amazing in but no one told me at the time so sorry. when i have a valley of the dolls nicole kidman stepford wife long platinum foxy mane i think you will let that shit rest. i looked better then cos i was two years younger then. everyone looks better two years younger. A. said i looked like a young 24. strong words bro.

anyway she wasn’t aware of this subtle play, mel sort of was. i grabbed haily and squeezed her arms put my face into her neck, you are amazing, i said. she goes what? so i scream you are amazing, just in case she had any inkling of self-doubt or a complex from this beardguy. short story, a mentor of mine big ups this one employee of his and gets a few other high-ups doing the same, now i can’t for the life of me understand what the f–k is special about this guy, i actually find him loathsome and i despise him a bit and my mentor says, cos he’s our star, we have to. you have to bring people up is how i interpret this and now i see why. i will never be twenty two again but if i was i would have appreciated someone giving me game credits on the dance floor.

so i can’t be you but i can live vicariously and help make you a better you. i can’t be you but i can enjoy you. ok that’s getting too cosmic now.

i am an asshole and i am personally offended by everything because i am offensive.

here’s some from my blackberry now.

can’t wait to see pictures from this day. loved my new outfit. i didn’t mean to match casie, everything fitness gear at winners was blue. oh well. it’s best on camera always. lindy told me that.

case that lipstick is amazing on you wow.

have you seen that hipster has to pee site? i think the url speaks enough for me so no point to bother actually checking it out but now that i know the term i have a posing complex. hard to break. this shirt looks better tucked in you can see how svelte i am now.

when i got on camera the girls from the globe looked at each other and went oooh blond girls. SO many viewers. haha. comes out in a month.


i bought new pants. back to a small. i’m in meltdown phase of my training. the grey is connected to the pants. lulu rips offs. 12 bucks.

oh hi.

i turn heads in this starbucks. eye contact with ten people at once because i am a look-backer. most of the time anyway. this morning taking snaps of each other the staring was palpable.

i hate sitting in the back seat.

girl guide.

mitzi’s bathroom. ate dinner here with luc.

holy look at my wonky eye. kris and i did a lot this day. fun family day. ok i am going to go do something else now. ha see you.

12 thoughts on “i’ve been tried i’ve been tested i was born tired i never got rested

  1. the “workout wear” as your mom put it looks really good on you
    “i blog like i am giving head.” – ahahahahaha.

    hurry and write your new book, i will be buying it.

  2. oh, drunk girls with big tits and flashy jewelry are ALWAYS entertaining, how could anyone hate? shit, I wouldn’t want to lug those things around on a daily basis, but they’re fun to watch! (my best friend is very busty) this post was fun.

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