just a touch of sadness in his fingers

so, raymitheminx, thank you for answering a few questions for us today:

– we know the story behind the minx, but could you tell us again?

one day i realized i was a minx and i wanted to live my life as such. i wanted to man eat. i wrote a story about a girl like this i called her raymi and i became her. i guess i’ve been acting my entire life because a lot of my happiness and self worth has been largely deriven from men and in order to get that you have to minx them. have i enjoyed any of them. no, not really. maybe some of the time. i know everything is doomed from the start but i plunge anyway. raymi the minx is a brutally painfully honest tortured bullshit artist, bullshitting herself most of all.

- how much of your blog is in character rather than lauren white?

it’s all entirely me, how ever i’m feeling at the time i write, how stoned or how hung or how miserable i am. i’m no schizophrenic. the only time i characterize myself is when i’m trying to protect myself from things like feelings and trying to appear stronger than i actually am.

- you share a lot about your personal relationships on your blog, so what kind of person attracts you?

devastating losers, messes, unattainables. i just have to know someone is thinking about me, obsessing even, i like intensity. anyone can be beautiful and cute, that part’s easy. i guess i require straight-laced berts to my ernie to tame the monster that i am. i don’t think that will happen again for a very long time though.

- you often blog about abusing substances and your desire not to drink to excess, for example. why?

i don’t abuse substances. i indulge in them from time to time and only weed which is the wimpiest of the lot but why do i talk about it? i dunno, i don’t feel the need to hide it, people can relate, it can be funny. we all have our sadness crutches. my shrink asked why i smoke weed, i said it helps me write and it makes alone time fun time. it puts the world away and i like that it’s sort of a fuck you to everybody in a sense. i could go on all night about it but really it doesn’t need to be romanticized. i can function on it but one day i’d like to be completely straight just to see if i can handle life that way. i did it once before and it was probably the most depressing time of my life.

- you’re related to jack kerouac. what would you tell him if he were alive today?

i picked up right where you left off.

i check in from time to time and, while we spent very little time together a long time ago, i know you’re a good person. i really like thinking i had a peek behind your curtain.

sitting in a hotel room in kansasfuckincity watching the comedy channel roast of william shatner, it just seemed the right time to send you a note – and because i can’t sleep. but andy dick jokes get old and farrah fawcett’s dead now.

you don’t have to respond, but i have to believe that getting past your fil isn’t easy. i confess i’m really surprised. and if you miss him, it looks like you aren’t missing a beat.

so hang in there because i still look forward to being a toothless drunk in a dive at 10am when i see you on the tv and no one believes we ever met.

you hang in there too, buddy.

sorry for the vulgar tits. honestly i’m completely fine with my nudity, after awhile you don’t even notice i’m shirtless. i do not take intentional tit shots, they’re just real life candids, in the middle of changing, getting ready to go out etc. i’m not excusing, justifying or defending why i post them any more. are they art, am i art, art art art who cares it’s just a body. these pants i’m wearing that look super baggy were the tightest pants ever alicia gave to me and i had bulging love handles when i wore them, i could only wear them on skinny days and even then i’d want to bury my torso in some gypsy billowy shirt but now they’re bags. sad face.

and puppy dog lies won’t sweeten the truth

cannot wait for longboarding season. that’s one of my favourite things to say i can’t wait for and then i go like once or twice and then it starts snowing again. really it just means i can’t wait for warm weather to not take advantage of.

people think i don’t eat. not true. what’s more, i eat suburban styles (unhealthy).

meet my agent. not so secret anymore, despite blogging him when we first met. we have a plan now i just have to enact it. god it’s so hard being lazy and thinking you have all the time in the world.

pepto pills and notes. goin’ places, for real. hungover out of my mind. i could have gone skiing today with the work gang. regret saying no a little bit now but at 9am this morning, no fucking way guy. the last time i skiied was in grade nine and i am far more neurotic and clumsy since then. i’d rather not break my ankles today.

THE ABSOLUTE WORST SERVICE AND FOOD EVER brought to us by cornerstone. such a letdown. passing by that place it’s like nothing but cute guys, very promising, so i made a mental note to check it out someday and that i did. dude to chick ratio is pretty solid, other than that don’t go there hungry. that steak “pie” was really just a pile of slop with an oval-shaped bread hat, there was no pie to be found. period. and my curry looked like hey i didn’t know i was in a thai restaurant. tasted fine but minus zero points on presentation. red flag said i don’t know how they did it but they managed to make the fries completely flavourless.

stuff you can expect to see me in soon compliments of a super blog fan.







this (anchor pendant)




went for a tan at jasper studios and now i feel so good. never going back to my old joint, jasper is way cheaper.

type in my url it’s what my blog sounds like. TOTAL SHIT HAHAHAHAHHA. thanks lucas.

i’ve been receiving quite a few psychotic emails lately. here check this bullshit:


My name is Daniel and
I am a fashion creator and i work for amarican apparel switzerland.
we opened 2 stores last year! I really dont know how is that whit these spandex dicco pants by you over there, but here in switzerland these pants are not famous! Thats the reason because i need you!
It would be not a problem, to fînd a model here but for only these one, two, pics we need, we really dont want to waist our time. we are salers no photographers :) So i have the exercise to find some girls, which want show us some pisc. We must search on the web, because here is nobody waer these pants. We want to improve the situation on the market, and thats difficult whit only 2 stores! Our sector is especially the DISCO PANTS! We want to bring these trend back in live!

And now that, what interest you:

why you? we have 2 things what we want to do whit your pics if we like them:

1. we manufactured posters of you and show these as advertisements.( one for example infront of each store).

2. we bring you into our fashionmagazine 2010 for our clients.

and another important: if we will choose you, you get a prize of 250 swiss francs!

At the moment we have 6 girls, wich send us some photos.
Deadline is the end of february!

-we choose 3 pics, in front, from back and from side (thats the stances).

-Its not important where do you make the pics, but you must be the only person on picture.
The pictures must be clear!!!
-If you decide to send us some pics of you, look that is the pant tight on you, and if you wear a shirt or a pullover look thats no longer until your hips!
( we must see the pant)

-and please dont forget: only black spandex disco pants

For last: dont think to much!
This organisation is only for us. Much more pics we have, much more we can choose and your chances are better.

You have only few pics on your blog, but these are not right for us!
Take a digital camera and lets make some pics of you.

Sorry for this long long mail but now you know more and all important things.

Hope you understand???

And I really want you for our publicity because you looks great!
Its dont a joke!!! please give me an anwser, ok?

And really, you have talent for this bussines, i see this.

hi Daniel I am very interested. I will get a pair of pants and take pictures with my friend as soon as possible. any other information i need to know? how should i pose? i need you to write to me from your AA email account as evidence that this isnt a hoax before i carry this out.

Hy there! Thanks for answer. Ok, its no especially to say about the stances. Take normal poses from all sides. Be creative and use your fantasy. Make positions in knees, or in sitting for example. Look thats really not a joke, i have some calificatet girls at the moment, and all the other girls they are not at first position go into our magazine! Thats a intern job in our store here in switzerland and i am normally have an other mail from work. Thats my private e- mail. I have the exersize from my boss to find people all over the world wich want help us with this publication. We importend very much of these spandex pants but nobody know for it. We have only 2 stores and we are especially look for this product! Now i hope you understand me? I would be glad if you can answer me. You look really perfect for us. Its really really difficult about this job and deadline is soon over. Im serious and if you really want work whit us i give you always informations
as soon as i can.. Regards daniel

email me from your american apparel account please then

I havent an aa account! And thats the problem! We have 2 stores, 12 salers, and i get this temporary work only for aa because this publication. Look if you dont trust me, than let it be. Its no problem for me, but you lost your chance. I waisting my time. I repeat my offer last time: would you do that or not? We have the same website like aa america and all others too! We are not the central station! I cant have an account! I work for various fashion centres only here in swiss and i us my PRIVATE mail. Also, do you want help me or not? I mean whats your problem to make some pictures? Is this difficult for you? Say me the reason.?

nothing personal to you at all i just dont know you right and if this is legit. i have friends who work for american apparel and they say this isnt how one would go about contacting a prospective model. also you would offer to send me the actual pants right? i am totally interested but if i am going to proceed i need a little more proof here is all.

Ok i understand. And are your friends really know all staff from all over the world which work for aa? I thought you own these pants allready? What do you want? I said in your blog you have some disco pants at home? Look i have no time to proofe all canditates my statemants, if you want do it, then do it, or let it. I promise i get information after we decide us for you. Bye

i do not own the pants already, what pictures of me are you referring to? i just need proof and this isnt unreasonable, if im going to book time with a photographer i dont want to get fucked over here, understand?

Ok i understand. If you dont own the pants i cant use you for that. I thought you have them and i belive you own these pants because you said in the first mail which poses do you need to make. Im sorry for waisting your time!

hey no prob thanks for the content!

these streets will make you feel brand new

after my crazy appointment i felt like i should probably spoil myself by hitting every shop on queen west on my way home. this one is too expensive for words but i dunno, one retarded overpriced item a year isn’t too bad? i ended up blowing 90 bucks on five shirts instead at 69 vintage.

i feel like i’d need to start smoking again if i wanted to wear fred astaire shoes. oh, you smoke? no, only when i wear these.

guys in these shoes and some nice yuppie shorts, oh man, i die. i’m sure alicia is with me on this one.



these are the acceptable jogging pants chicks can wear (as long as you pair them with four hundred dollar stacked clogs and a bad attitude) they’re $130. i almost did it. i slouch a lot anyway, that’s my stance, these are perfect slouching posing pants. you gotta be ready.

AA carries them too no? i should do the cheapie route before i decide my next fashion guru is chuck norris. (get it, karate pants omg you guys make SOME effort here please). i really like the pockets i bet i’d be playing pocket pool like crazy in these or pretend like i was always looking for something in my pocket now…where is that nickel?

had a pretty vivid dream about damon albarn and i was worried (quite stressed rather) about how i was going to get away with sneaking around with him. i woke up to reality and my non-encounter with damon albarn. holy shit can that guy just call me already i’ve spent a good grand on miscellaneous blurchandise over the years he at least owes me a roll in the hay, a photo to remember it by, and a fuckin’ high five thanks for the support despite him being a geezer now.

listened to this a billion times today it’s in my head from last nite.

natural skincare

abstract heroine hangover

oh look it’s the blog about the things and the stuff about the things hi!

come and get your shirt casie. i’m not washing it those badges are way too delicate.

one of my tips from friday nite. we’re not sure if it’s real or not, it’s a good centimetre shy of the length of a real five. meh.

kamila got cut early then she GOT CUT came back to get down and tell everyone how much she looooves them. i love drunkamila hahahaha better than her other nickname from paintball. anyway she says i’m sexy and plays with my hair and dances with me. yeah i’ve already put feelers out for a potential makeout, it’s not happening but feel free to come by to watch me in rejection action anyway. she can’t handle dirty jokes so now that i know this it’s like i can’t help but exclusively reference blow jobs. it’s an eastern euro black and white thing for sure. toughest crowd ever.

aaron is the one who gets all the phone numbers because he acts like he hates you (according to clem)(which is nothing but bullshit anyway) and it works. me i got no game, in fact, my game is saying the most awkward not funny thing ever that gets no laughs then walking away as fast as possible into a fucking wall. no one actually believes that i’m shy, SO shy. i fight it so hard, when i’m talking and seeming super casual whatever inside my head i am dyyying. classic bipolar.

have gotten skinnier since working at the central from the steam bath we go through for hours every nite. i costume change too cos i sweat tons. i even sweat when sitting still for hours on end on my laptop. gross and annoying oh nice. it’s especially fun when you can SEE a bead of sweat take form and roll down your side. i guess i’m just really toxic. sorry for sicking you out.

met teppei’s dog she is soooo darling and beautiful, husky dog eyes so sky white blue, amazing. it was like the first time i heard the beatles looking into them. teppei developed a mini crush from seeing my dog whispering skills.

at the end of the nite clem was all um are these even work safe? HA NO! though i’m loads lighter on my feet in them so maybe i’ll have to invest in some hipster jazz shoes that i actually owned and feel like if i caved and bought a pair i’d hate myself from obligatorily owning many pairs in the past, considering how expensive each pair was and how fucking geeky like, shunningly so but now it’s cool. shorts my brain right out at the thought.

but who needs a brain when you look like this, jesus! when i mess up at work my go-to excuse is i am a woman so my brain is smaller, sorry or i have a tinier brain. gets a laugh, diffusing the sitch. the smarter-seeming the guy the bigger the laugh. saying you have a smaller brain makes you look smarter. FACT.

then i almost cracked my head open falling off one of the taller bar chairs. my heart never raced so hard. i didn’t actually fall, caught myself in the nick of time. never hooking my gams over the back of one of those things for a photo ever again i’m brain damaged enough already.

reunited with his scarf. it’s ok, melodie has 80 scarves hanging up in the water closet, i’ve been eyeing them.

good tips last nite. ass take a bow.

well if anything it makes us look funnier. overheard many customers laughing their balls off over it.

zero people noticed my ghetto money nails.

my chair stacking art maybe i will balance one of the plants atop next time.

the best hair day i’ll never have again.

ok now i have to do some karaoke machine sleuthing. can you guys picture me as a regular karaoke host and would you come to see me sing and then sing, maybe thursday nites? holy dream job i am dying all over myself right now thinking about it. maybe i’ll get a headset mic and bus tables at the same time or go to the bathroom. during an interview many years ago i forgot i was mic’ed still, went to the bathroom and talked shit about the interviewer at the same time. i’m sure that was fun to play back in the editing bay. suite? i’m glad we can talk industry terms together, i feel like we’re on the same level now.

as hung as i am i’m glad i have a meeting today to force me out to greet the sun’s glaring rays of judgment and thorough disappointment in me as a human. i need to start writing more raymisemoisms. i started a twitter for the central you should follow it, not much is on it yet but when we start using it more that’ll be the guy. follow thebabecentral (thecentral was taken)(and not like the babe central is misleading or anything, hay-o).

closing tiiiime


ugh i look like a beast.


so so into abba. gold was the soundtrack to my wicked seventeen year old straight givin’er times. this song especially brings back a lot of nostalgic bad girl memories.


it’s weird to be in contact with people from that period in my life. really fucking weird. people you had written off entirely, never to see or be heard from again. kinda funny actually and apparently i’m a skeleton in their closet too haha oh yuppies, too easy. no contest. yes, you are all running for mayor.

gays love me because they can easily see impersonating me in drag. we all require personal heroes, no?

my aunt came by for a visit and shared some pasta with me. it was sweet.

clem picked her up. literally.

everyone at work is super acrobatic. it’s one of the skills required to work there actually. teppei can jump onto the bar from a standing position. nucking futs! he has like, a twelve pack. clem asked what i would do if i had a boyfriend with abs like that. i’d lock him in a cage.

exact moment in time coworker and a ‘mo admit to my overall hotness, don’t fight it guys. also i left my vibrator ahem, massager, at work for the crabby people.

ahh man what a write off day now that friday is out of the way (the give it harder night) we can commence with friday’s second chance classically known as saturday.

note to self remind teppei how serious we are about starting the reverse plastic ono band, i’m john, he’ll be yoko.

thanks to last nite i had to push my meeting with secret (book) agent man to tomorrow. it’s ok he knows how much of a stoner (loser) HARD WORKING CONTRIBUTING MEMBER OF SOCIETY i am. isn’t it his job to be pushing me? yeah i think it is let me look over that contract again.

they made their house from cedar

bluren was my blur nickname you idiots.

can i pull off this hat no i can’t. check my four hour’s sleep eyebag line, no wait don’t. not like you could miss it though here let me just HIGHLIGHT IT MORE.

vermicelli break. kinda bleh compared to my true spadina garden love.

waffle shirt one.

love handles i have conquered thee. it’s gonna be a gooood summer.

dear dad, thanks for the apathetic constitution. your teenage face lives on.

waffle two. kinda bland but a good bland, tight yet loose yet tight. alright.

i could wear it like a dress if i was feeling especially insano.

nebraska is for lovers. she threw this guy in for free so sweet as it was my favourite find. it says bob on the back. bob. from nebraska. hi bob, i feel like i know so much about you and yet you know nothing about me and that makes me sad.

close to going with a huge man cardi but then spied this soft little lamb.

i can feel your jealousy and it disgusts me.

hair air dries kinky like this.

now i’m just waiting to be invited to go back in time to an 80’s aspen fondue wife-swap.

charades anyone?

who messed up this dresser i can totally tell one necklace was moved.

ain’t she swell my pube line goes up to my ears and down to my knees. greek in a past life. the first time i ever did some upkeep down there i didn’t know how the shit to go about it so i used a razor and i guess went a little far with the project. ingrown bumps for days after that. cool i screwed up my life at puberty.

shrinkage was so underwhelmed by my life changes it was like i was telling him about folding socks.

evidently i am a mess a big old mess according to some nobody who reads my blog and i’m unaware of it. sorry i forgot to send out the i’m a mess right now bulletin. but mostly i’m sorry for your sad bastard life and wrongful conclusions about me and mine. i love my life right now. let me emphasize it, i am LOVIN’ LIFE RIGHT NOW. i have never been so happy. well im sure i have but for the moment this is the happiest i have been in a very fucking long time and i’m sorry (not sorry) it appears messy on the outside. choke on my happiness you penis.

analamos Says:

here is a diagnosis, free of charge; yer a mess. you do not notice that you are a mess because…well, because you are a mess. but it’s good you are down to only half a litre of booze a day from three full litres. congrats. gold medal in messery goes to…you.

raymi Says:

oh im a mess because im honest. right. YAWN!! im a mess because im a mess boy that was lazy of you. do you know what? everyone is a mess. no one has it figured out. i’m merely online sharing my tales of life in-flux. i have never been so happy before.

i’ve also not been so present and self-aware like this in ages. you think you’re such a slick fucker i’m not even going to bother making fun of where you live and generalizing the tired brand of skid you are cos at heart you know that i know that you know your life sucks which is why you psycho-analyze mine.

before this period i was doing everything right from a shallow viewpoint. man, ring, en route to marriage and inevitably kids. yet we were soooo unhappy. now we have none of those things and are happy. so fuck you and your stupid textbook philosophies, you are dead wrong. the messiest thing about me is my room and my sentences.

god why am i always defending myself to assholes all the time.

unless you read between tan lines

i have an appointment with my “the rapist” today. finally. it was supposed to be march 4 they called and left a v mail saying it’s canceled and i was set to lose it on them, i’ve been waiting to see my guy since the summer. haven’t seen him since before i left the city, and my ex. the shrink’s head is going to turn right the fuck around when i fill him in on all that’s been asunder. he’ll be most pissed i’m smoking weed again. i could tell he was getting tired (bored) of me at the end of our sessions cos each one would be further and further apart. this typically happens to me with shrinks. i tell them my shit, they listen, then we discuss how smart i am yet how stubborn to make any sort of change in my life regarding how much i drink (drank). i said all of our friends drink. he said that’s because you surround yourselves with drinkers so it seems normal. uh, oh, uh, err, right. ok well we go (went) to lots of events where they fall all over themselves plying you with booze and swag, something every nite of the week practically. buh. anyway, i filled up a triple script of chill pills back then and slowly went through them. i don’t rely on them so much anymore because i’m not drinking insane amounts from moving over to weed, the hangover anxieties have lessened and lessened but then the anxiety came back from burlington stress so i was still pretty dependent on them. there’s a point in here somewhere (i am stoked to be getting a script today, essentially). i still have anxiety but it isn’t as bad i feel, i’m removed from stressful people/influences now. i went to bed nauseous and woke up as such every single day practically in burlington. i just wasn’t happy anymore and woke up miserable every fucking day. it wasn’t easy in the end there. ok this is just therapy practice now i bet if i take a deep breath i can pack in a quick summary of the past five months of my life to my therapist then deflate like a balloon in the chair. i could forward him every single news article about the past five months too but then he’d know my blog but i kinda do in a way want him to see it cos i get the feeling he thinks i am infuckingsane when i vaguely make mention of this pseudo-fame thing to my person like just go see for yourself ok but then i won’t be able to write about it here so i’m not going to share it afterall. half the therapist’s i’ve had have been privy to my blog and it fucks me up so i’m not going to do that again. whether they actually read it or not it will still change how i write about certain experiences. this blog is a psychiatrist’s wet dream. or nightmare.

speaking of swag, awesome bag from the spoke club we love toronto party. another pair of calvin klein’s this time hot pink and givenchy perfume, gave one of each to kamila. i’m about to have an affair with myself and the frizz-ease john frieda shamp/condish that came with said bag right now. also this weird face buffer exfoliator that’s strong enough a vibrator to make a trip to come as you are totally unness! except for that gallon pump jug of liquid silk ew when did things get all lewd in here it’s too early for this kind of talk.

someone came here by searching for SEXY NINJA TURTLES. did you find any?

i’m a lousy lazy lay

actually i’m not a lousy lay, i’m pretty good in the sack i just prefer to not put much effort into it sometimes. like i put so much effort into making the vessel dynamite. sick. slammin’. so maybe yeah, you pick up the slack now for me will ya?

so the red flag and i have been pissing the day away. the red flag is my current kill btw. i’ve been trying to exercise some restraint in the discussing what i’m bagging department, well, in the not discussing it department. discussing it on my blog that the universe reads department. now why is he a red flag? many reasons. well, for starters he’s an emotional island which seems to be my fuckin’ cup of tea. he’s also rife with baggage. it was going to end last week actually, i foresaw it ending in one giant mess but things changed, we had “the talk” so we both know where we stand for the most part.

knowing something can’t go anywhere is a bit of a relief but it’s also like maybe it can? you still know it can’t though. i see him as a challenge, i like challenges. i think i can conquer people. i ensnare them in my dramatic world and they enjoy their stay in raymiland if but for a short while.

so it’s exclusive banging for now but it’s not like i’m not looking for something better. he said that he won’t be able to give me what i need and thats fine i don’t need a boyfriend right now. he says for now i’m on the rollercoaster at raymiland and i like it. i’m gonna ride again.

i’ve made contact with an old consort from a good ten years ago at least. retardedly good looking, hasn’t aged at all. now this guy is a major deviant so who knows where it’ll go, how it’ll go. i do not intend to fuck him, so there’s that decision made for now. it’s still a jealousy trap which we all know i’m a huge believer in/fan of.

when i contacted red flag i told him my intentions were entirely indecent. i was thinking about how i was coming back to the city and maybe i should have some extracurricular activities lined up for myself. he took the bait and off we went. i remember feeling sad after/during the first encounter cos i figured that woulda been it. i’ll have to come back to this later kinda gotta split and i’m covering for someone tonite. later wieners!