unless you read between tan lines
i have an appointment with my “the rapist” today. finally. it was supposed to be march 4 they called and left a v mail saying it’s canceled and i was set to lose it on them, i’ve been waiting to see my guy since the summer. haven’t seen him since before i left the city, and my ex. the shrink’s head is going to turn right the fuck around when i fill him in on all that’s been asunder. he’ll be most pissed i’m smoking weed again. i could tell he was getting tired (bored) of me at the end of our sessions cos each one would be further and further apart. this typically happens to me with shrinks. i tell them my shit, they listen, then we discuss how smart i am yet how stubborn to make any sort of change in my life regarding how much i drink (drank). i said all of our friends drink. he said that’s because you surround yourselves with drinkers so it seems normal. uh, oh, uh, err, right. ok well we go (went) to lots of events where they fall all over themselves plying you with booze and swag, something every nite of the week practically. buh. anyway, i filled up a triple script of chill pills back then and slowly went through them. i don’t rely on them so much anymore because i’m not drinking insane amounts from moving over to weed, the hangover anxieties have lessened and lessened but then the anxiety came back from burlington stress so i was still pretty dependent on them. there’s a point in here somewhere (i am stoked to be getting a script today, essentially). i still have anxiety but it isn’t as bad i feel, i’m removed from stressful people/influences now. i went to bed nauseous and woke up as such every single day practically in burlington. i just wasn’t happy anymore and woke up miserable every fucking day. it wasn’t easy in the end there. ok this is just therapy practice now i bet if i take a deep breath i can pack in a quick summary of the past five months of my life to my therapist then deflate like a balloon in the chair. i could forward him every single news article about the past five months too but then he’d know my blog but i kinda do in a way want him to see it cos i get the feeling he thinks i am infuckingsane when i vaguely make mention of this pseudo-fame thing to my person like just go see for yourself ok but then i won’t be able to write about it here so i’m not going to share it afterall. half the therapist’s i’ve had have been privy to my blog and it fucks me up so i’m not going to do that again. whether they actually read it or not it will still change how i write about certain experiences. this blog is a psychiatrist’s wet dream. or nightmare.
speaking of swag, awesome bag from the spoke club we love toronto party. another pair of calvin klein’s this time hot pink and givenchy perfume, gave one of each to kamila. i’m about to have an affair with myself and the frizz-ease john frieda shamp/condish that came with said bag right now. also this weird face buffer exfoliator that’s strong enough a vibrator to make a trip to come as you are totally unness! except for that gallon pump jug of liquid silk ew when did things get all lewd in here it’s too early for this kind of talk.
someone came here by searching for SEXY NINJA TURTLES. did you find any?