Jesus. oh and we bought some bread after this because the fire reminded me.
A bread factory inferno started at a 1 then raged for three hours into a grip2 which is Dutch measuring increments for GTFO. Naturally we chased it for a closer look. The name of the company is Pré Pain, that’s for sure. I guess the bread is toast now lol.
Hiya internet. Hope you like monkeys and sensible zoo outfits plus my party hat nip-ons (the shade is brrrrr) cos yesterday we went to a zoo that was actually a “park” dedicated to every single monkey species you can think of and the little ones, HUNDREDS of them, walk all over you. Great idea for a hangover right?
Let me get rid of these first. The day before we had drinks and dinner with bf’s friend in the city, fun times. I wore my new wedges and I didn’t fall once I just walked really slow.
This annoying couple turned up our last day in Aruba at the pool so no more hot tub blasting for us though bf did a cannon ball to announce our presence. The old guy sat on his laptop for a couple hours under the umbrella, cool vacation bro! I smiled at the lady when we passed each other doing pool laps but she was not feeling us until an hour later when she realized her husband was gonna be hardcore ignoring her for hours.
Aruba is a magical place.
See! We went through all the pics on my phone and videos the other night we haven’t even looked at and were catapulted right back into our honeymooning blissdom. Pictures are addictive, a healthy addiction IMO but totally can be overdone if you’re OCD snapping at everything and missing out on the IRL experience.
Me and my jumpsuit I was wearing the night we met. It’s from H&M.
Irish writer dudes in Amsterdam. We had Irish coffees here then split town.
On with de show now. These are all taken with his other camera, the camera I used has all the videos and close-ups on it. Just too much but lots of goodies. It’s hard to narrow it down from 1000 photos. I don’t have the attention span nor patience to discern which picture of a monkey is better than the others, aside from facial expressions and funny things they’re doing but if you get one posing nicely on a flower tree you tend to take 40 pictures of that moment and then when you sit down to go through them it’s like wtf is wrong with me?
Quickly realized I wore the wrong bra, I had to use bf as a shield a lot. Had a few Grandpa groupies at various junctures, women eyeing me up and down pissed off too oh whatever if I could go back in time and wear something with more padding I would have.
Love the design here.
We got in for the price of one cos an old guy came up to us before the entrance with internet print-out tickets, his wife can’t walk anymore. Being avid watchers of scam city I was a little worried but the man had an honest face and the tickets were legit wuhoo savings!!!!!!
If you want to borrow these zipper bags for the day you can, some monkeys are a little grabby. If they were gypsy monkeys we would be ripped off for sure.
I feel bad for turkeys, they’re so fugly with that shit hanging off their beaks like God made a mistake and put ball sack on their nose instead whoops too late.
Wearing flips flops on long walks is a risk. By the end of the afternoon I was beat.
At this point it dawned on me that if I was going to speak baby talk to the animals they’re not going to understand English cos they’re all Dutch animals ah duhhhhhhhh. Saying hello in a cooing voice works internationally also having animal aura which I possess, most morons do. It’s like a come to me competitive wizardry.
Don’t interrupt while I’m minxing yo.
It is overwhelming in the cutest way to enter this area, they’re just everywhere playing about and interacting with people it’s the best therapy ever.
Having “monkey” as my nickname at a place literally crawling with monkeys was funny too, good thing no one speaks English. The zoo staff did though and found our running commentary quite hilarious and how nervous and skittish I was around the monkeys. They bite and when you’re spooked easy your overactive imagination gets the better of you. Have you seen the movie Outbreak?
Branches obscuring me, hot look.
Baby monkey brain asplosion awwwwwww.
Their little faces blew me through a wall aghhhhhh. They climbed all over my bf it was adorablah, bit his camera and hands god it was so amazing.
They’re so human looking, the ape I captured on film later on was spectacularly human I could watch all day.
Curious little guy.
I didn’t have the balls to hold one, I didn’t want to be bitten.
We went back at the end of the day to steal one but were too late lol.
I’m making the weirdest noises while going through these right meow.
Hi buddies. Happy hump day. Put my Flinstoner dress on yesterday then hit the road for some fun in the sun. The last and only time I ever wore this thing was Christmas. A girl goth eyed me up and down in it and I told bf this is like a prom dress to a goth for sure definitely, combined with my tattoos she could not stop staring a hole through me to think if I opened my mouth and said something in Canadian I bet she would have asploded into goth poetry. My heart has a bleed-on for summer time goths cos my inner emo kinda is one. If I could have given her this dress I would have kinda thing and I wasn’t even drunk, just thirsty. Sometimes I think I am like so nice like look out everyone NICE JUST ARRIVED floor it!
Amsterdam picture of the day. I’m going to do a dedicated Amsterdam post yet don’t worry (worry) instead of just farting them out hither and yon instagrammish. This street and there are many is a little Champs Elysees.
Happy a kid’s swing set can support me no problem.
Before walking through the forest to the watering hole, an actual watering hole not a bar euphemism for once, had to take some field shots. This is in Holland. Needs to be said I feel cos we go to Germany so often. Kinda makes me think of Inglorious Basterds a little. Shosanna! Love her.
Minus the running for my life.
He wanted to line my head up with the windmills but it didn’t work out. I mooned the camera in one photo but it has been so long since I posted a nude I don’t think I could handle the backlash and nasty remarks from angry mean people anymore, I mean I can handle it but it’s super annoying like really? From all the nudity and saucy stuff on the web you have to hyper focus on me still? Thank you for ruining good times always.
One of our regular places to go for a stroll when we get stir cray. There’s a path all along the swamp whatever. Bit of a land locked country, where we are at least so not much water for the Dutch to enjoy which makes me chuckle cos in Canada we are spoiled by bodies of water.
Not only was the water brown it was cold not that I walked all the way down to it f that. Wish I knew we were going here I’d have brought a bikini.
It’s pretty steep. Not the wisest place for a stroll. I had numerous visions of rolling down the hill and falling in. Uneven sandy terrain and my ankle don’t mix but I’m not going to not try.
Glad it was pretty deserted otherwise lots of crack for one and all to see. Pretty sure a man and his dog peeped my butt when I was sitting down in the sand on bf’s shirt with my dress hiked up so as not to get it sandy. Free candy!
He was laughing at my plight then started capturing my slow mo ascent for you guys. Aw my crab, my monkey. Monkey is my nickname btw cos we climb each other like monkies.
Yesterday I learned that limping uphill is hard shit.
And that I haven’t a clue how to do it gracefully.
Shut up I hate you no fair.
At least my hair is getting cuter.
Omg this sucks look I have three fingers.
Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeh uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh guhh.
Lefty is the bad foot. Guess I’m takin’ a T-O here?
Hi Booberdoobers, also, goobers. Yesterday we drove to Germany cos it was so nice out.
Today is even nicer so I’m going to tippity type this blog post as fast as I can so I can finish my homework then sit in the sun. We just cut the grass, which is a big deal cos we have that house with the cray english garden that all the neighbour’s hate. I bet someone was slow-clapping in their kitchen at the sight of us. Ha. Or thought they were seeing a mirage. As you can see I did not wash my hair before going out, I likes to keep it low maintenance.
I have a lot of photos of this castle but this is the first time the sky was bright sunny blue. Sorry for the windshield crap.
Patio doggy.
The Hoff’s bench? He is huge in Germany after all. I had a Berlin friend when I was 19 and her bf, also my friend said she had a David Hasselhoff poster on her wall which we found endlessly hilarious. Wonder if she’s still in Berlin. I also met a girl from Holland when I was a teenager in Sauble Beach and we were pen pals way back when I wonder how much her mind would be blown to hear from me now. I have no idea what her name is I’d have to look in my journal lol. My bro had the hots for her.
Floor score shirt, pretty nice. It was brand new in its shopping bag. No shame all fame. First time wearing it. I am becoming one with my Euro cheesiness.
Cute little nook of a patio. All the other places were closed, it was Monday after all but still I’d ring up my little lazy German rascal staff and scream them in to work cos it was patio weather which we’ve been waiting for forever.
Sheep’s cheese olives onions peppers. Trying to read German is more impossible than Dutch. I totally give the fuck up. As a foodie it is infuriating. I’m like just whatever make sure there is cheese and salt. This was really good.
The carpaccio was really good too. Our eyes were bigger than our stomachs, note to self do not order a main after appetizers in Germany cos the portions are gigantic. The mixed grill was a supreme disappointment after these, plus the fucking hair on one of the pieces of pork. It’s not a complaining about your food kind of nation either (womp womp complaining is my favourite lol) it’s more of a pull it off your meat shut up and like it. It was such a long black gross wiry hair too, lost appetite after that.
Everything is so cute. Hi are the Three little bears home? This is the side of the restaurant.
Turtles!
Mini turtle catching a lift! This is in the swamp beside the castle.
That one. After driving to this town several times we finally investigated it. Bf has seen it before of course but now it’s a full blown Raymi experience. You have not lived before you have experienced Raymbo. Also two months ago today was my foot accident in Aruba so yesterday was our two month Raymiversary.
Within 24 hours of meeting the dude I was in the hospital baha. #soulmate. He actually adores my clumsiness I’m like for real why? No seriously why?? He’s like I dunno I just do it’s cute and, you. I don’t care how much haters think I’m hateable I’m really not and you’re wasting your time on the dark side. His sister loves me too and said I’m really nice. omgaaaaaaaaaaaaay.
At least I dressed like a cyclist.
It wasn’t warm enough to wear shorts but just about.
Sexy mom times blaha. Now I don’t care what this castle’s name is or what year it was built or any of that crap, I had an ex who exhausted the shit out of this stuff and it made sightseeing uber boring basically all I know is everyone and anyone who ever had to do with this place is dead now, bye bye. Okay, what I mean is I have zero attention span plus I can’t read German we’re more concerned with photographing the grounds for the internet. You’re welcome.
Besides I think I blogged a line or two from wikipedia about this place in my Medieval fair posts.
I think some of you would enjoy seeing how I maneuver up cobblestones these days. Like a crab. Or a drunk. I am a walking ‘nother accident waiting to happen.
Why does my head look like a teeny little acorn when I cock it like this. Yes I said cock.
Bet some bad ass shit went down here back in the day though.
Purty. Wish I knew flower names, wish I knew lotsa things.
A blond couple (version of us) walked over to that wall to take pics and spark a doobie. The dude looked at me a lot. Probably because I exclaimed that I was bored in English cos my bf was hogging the camera and German pothead was like WTF is that American saying now? People get whiplash when they hear me open my mouth. When I don’t feel like the attention I just nod and smile at people silently, silent smiles go a long way.
We’ve hung out down there before.
People park there for the weekend, plug in to get electricity then parking lot hang.
Clean energy.
Something about the stairs.
gates on tower windows make me nervous.
Ha. I’d say next time I’ll dress better but nope, I won’t. I told my bf he dresses like a five year old and he forever quotes that but says 2 year old and I said no, five, or four. It’s not about what you wear to the places you go it’s about going to them at all.
Should we go over there?
I’m going on this swing and you can’t stop me.
“Whee” as they say.
Okay I’ll brb I’m being summoned to head out cos it’s gorgeous and I concur. Tomorrow it’s going to rain cats and dogs. Be back sooners.
TGIFU time! Love it. See that can? My bf kicked it away when we were getting in the car to leave and it rolled down the street for like an hour, funny little details like that make the world go round. Cans too. He said it’s still rolling and I’m like what, really? Then we froze in silence and I could hear it from inside the car tootling away bahahha.
So after we finished up hanging around some vintage cars and canal boats we got back on the road making our way to Amsterdam. I felt like total carbage. We went to Germany the day before then stayed up late playing video games drank-a-lanking, got up early-ish and were out the door by noon before I could even finish my morning ritual of water coffee smoothie pooping and suffice it to say now bf knows not to force me out the door before I am ready because it ruins his day too gaddamnit. Anyway those be tulips, maybe next time there’ll be some tiptoeing through them.
Seriously can someone please explain the damage what was (RIP dude not speakin’ ill of the dead here) Tiny Tim thank you. He’s kind of a genius right, like Crispin Glover with a Tim Burton filter. Back to MY LIFE now though.
This is Urk. It was a holiday, Pinksteren, something religious and as luck would have it the inhabitants of this town are super ultra all about it and donned their traditional Dutch attire. They look like Amish Mafia to me. The guys have these clinky golden earrings it’s pretty badass and I couldn’t help but feel suspicious of all of them.
They don’t walk around like this all the time that’s why my bf said we were lucky.
Lotsa this. At least it didn’t rain.
Lotsa that.
Ooh sweet.
Look at the jealous stares at the pretty one. International jeals.
She’s super owning it though. Their bonnets have gold and/or silver balls that jam into their cheeks and look like cheek piercings.
Very narrow topsy turvy streets. Everything was closed because of the holiday maybe things were open til noon but we didn’t get there til 2 or 3? One place was open by the water and that’s where everyone was strolling by to people watch and take photos of the boats on the water. We were fungry it was a funger emergency thank god for that place. A German fisherman directed us toward it and when we drove off I asked if he was the R word cos he spoke so slowly and then my bf imitated how he methodically directed us for a half hour, it was cutelarious. I wish I could type how people speak here, I don’t even know how to describe it. I’ll make a video one day.
I went in here to wee and check it out maybe infer as to taking the table out front plus getting their attention (hate waiting for service) but then I’m like oh yeah there is no way they’re going to understand me. I just pretend I am invisible everywhere and force my way into bathrooms.
It was coldish. It’s always coldish. I’m always coldish. Yesterday it was 7. Last year on 23 May it was 30. THIRTY. By the time it gets hot I won’t be here. Great.
It’s all about the scenerey and fish though. Name that bit of Canadiana 90’s culture album. Try not to google it you tool.
Although they’re wearing clogs the dudes look pretty badass. If all my Dutch bros were wearing their funky outfits and I wasn’t I would run the hell home and put mine on too. Once a year guy, do it.
Those guys had the gold earrings on too. They look like gypsy earrings. Like a secret club. Their dialect is a bit different than regular Dutch not that I can discern the difference but bf can. He would laugh at certain things he overheard but then also not comprehend some things. Like Amish slang maybe?
Buh buh buh boats.
Ruh Ruh Ruh Raymi.
Perspective makes these look the same size but they’s ain’ts.
So I guess if we have a kid I’ll be allowed to dress it up like a Dutch doll. Yay.
Derno why the folks weren’t dressed up too though I think I’d feel like a self conscious moron after checking out the mom’s heels. Nice.
Super cute.
Super cute. No idea how he can just wear a t-shirt. Such a dude.
New flickr is making things take ten times longer btw thanks yahoo ps. thanks for tumblr take over too ya jerks.
Good thing I wore my gypsy hoops that day.
Just wait til that hair is longer. Whip it flip it good.
I’m gonna dye it this weekend. Darker or lighter? Or should I stay in the hair extensions colour family in case I need to rock ‘em?
Keep it nautical bro.
Bikes need hugs too.
This guy reminded me of my Uncle Rodgey. He had a slice of apple pie and a glass of red wine. He was ignored for ten minutes when he first arrived and was calm enough about it, when he showed up to the table beside me that had crap on it still from the previous patrons he stood in a am I allowed to sit here? daze and I gestured Yes you can sit there. He sat to my right instead, weirdo. Bf was like ew red wine and pie? I thought you don’t understand red wine you are not allowed to talk shit about red wine. Red wine all mine gimme gimme. Yesterday was sober day btw.
Finally. I ate half of this schnitzel. Holy schnit I felt like schnit afterward though, something was off, maybe the mayonnaise I dunno. BTW if I ever open a schnitzel place it’s gonna be called Holy Schnit!
And that cheese looks passed it’s prime too. This is what your sandwich looks like, make it yourself jerk off.
