Category Archives: Uncategorized

pssssssssst just a mini one

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you know what i am positively RABID about? THE STUPIDITY I ENDURE EVERY TIME I LOAD POSTSECRET.COM THANKS TO NUGGETS SUCH AS THIS! have some more jonestown kool-aid you fucking lesbian NO ONE IS LOOKING AT YOUR RECYCLABLES in fact the only people who give a shit about what you have in your bin are homeless junkies looking for booze bottles to return for the deposit and teeny little asian women with shopping carts who make mint cos that’s all they do so. get. over. yourself. or build a tampon box fortress around your lonely barren uterus cos that’s what’s in store for you if you can’t get over natural body functions. do you hold in farts too?

fantastic and your family will never ever forget that and when you’re an old geezer they will not visit you on your death bed and you will have regrets and have one of those cliche moments when you tell your son i’m sorry i never told you i loved you and he will be emotionally unavailable to every woman he ever dates WAY TO GO DAD and as for your daughter well, she will eternally seek out older men (great visual for you when you’re working on that engine yeah?) and your wife is having emotional affairs on the internet. happy holidays.

did elisabeth hasselbeck send this one in? seriously, you are too stupid for words do you not get the rules? equality = good, non-equality = bad ok wait let me just quote your postcard, how convenient: PRO-HOMOSEXUALS ARE WONDERFUL, TOLERANT HUMAN BEINGS why thank you for the compliment so nice of you and ANTI-HOMOSEXUALS ARE EVIL AND IGNORANT. it’s not that everyone “thinks” this sorry, we know it. FACT. and we are tolerant of YOU so follow suit cos you’re a dying breed.

ugh how annoying is that thing you drew beneath the word don’t? that was my signature cool detail from grade 4 i reserved for title pages on shitty stories i wrote. anyway, yes what you said is par for the course, insecure chicks only feel good about themselves when someone more lecherous than them is in the room be it male or female and when a hot babe strolls on in it’s all daggers and scorn and judgment, at least you admitted to it albeit anonymously on a postcard, wimpy hag. guess what, the feeling’s mutual across the board, change or prep yourself for a solitary life where EVERYONE talks shit about you behind your back cos they cannot stand your smarmy bullshit. something also tells me you aren’t very attractive and that’s likely not your fault but you know what? it’s also no one else’s so stop taking it out on other people.

guess how loudly i just sighed do i even need to write something about this one? no? k good moving on.

check-outage? thanks 15 year old obsessed with the movie JUNO, thanks? i meant fuck off, get some life experience and jadedness then come back and write something meaningful.

the word MY kinda frightens me, you sound like a psycho, your minimalist sentence and the picture you chose, ugh tingles down my spine single white female much? FOCUS ON YOURSELF FATAL ATTRACTION!

ahem, how about being nice for the sake of being nice? how about being a hero for once and sticking up for people and not following the crowd? how about the guilt you will inevitably feel in the future if you’re currently self-aware enough to make a difference now? i wish i could go back in time and let people like you really have it in high school but i’m happy your fear tortures you at least. let me guess, you also believe in jesus JUST IN CASE. pansy.

oh shut up you arrogant pompous ass. so if you adopt a kid you’re not giving it your last name? yeah yeah coming out is tough bla blah wah wah just do it and spare me your harvard posing bullshit.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA my favourite. also, makes me sad cos men are so stubborn and stupidly proud when it comes to doctors and their health meanwhile everyone around them suffers for it. one reason feminists are better than you.

at the risk of offending every single person on facebook which i think is a HUGE factor in this race to wed phenom, um well, yeah. there are those who wed for the right reasons and then there is everyone else, like, every stupid person from your elementary school + facebook = wedding and why? facebook has granted these girls the spotlight they have always wanted and to stick it to the rest of us (who didn’t even care to begin with). i could beat this dead horse forever but i am already bored of this shit. here i will admit that i would like to be married one day and i do not want to be an “old bride” and that’s just silly, why do i not want to be an “old bride” oh BECAUSE OF FACEBOOK OF COURSE! i just want to be engaged really, for like ever, and that’s that. TICK TOCK FIL, TICK TOCK.

firstly, it’s “my boyfriend and i” and secondly did you know that dogs are kind of um, dumb? an old friend of mine said she had to close her dog out of the bedroom when she had sex because the dog thought she was being attacked, seriously, that’s what it looks like to a dog, they do not have the capacity to understand human nudity all it is to them is an activity (ex: the removal of clothing), you are doing something new AND they watch it SO DON’T FLATTER YOURSELF. ps. it’s a dog A DOG you fucking idiot! do you feel flattered by this?! AHHAHA. here look what i found on the internet for you:

BYE!

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*REMINDER* FIL‘S BIRTHDAY PARTY IS TONITE AT HARMONY LOUNGE AND YES IT’S A BLIZZARD JUST LIKE LAST YEAR SIGH SIGH OH WELL WE HAVE THE WHOLE PLACE AND THIS DJ IS GOOD AND IT’S FREE TO GET IN DOORS ARE AT 8PM WE SHOULD BE THERE FOR 9 OR SO 589 COLLEGE STREET BASICALLY BESIDE STRANGELOVE. COME CELEBRATE THE BIRTH OF THE GUY YOU TOLERATE ME FOR! dinner plans are scrapped so it’s just drinks, simple dimple!

who were you after you were mine

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didn’t wear this because it was too slutty and apparently we had both agreed on that it was GOOD slutty, then i walk back into the room and fil says you’re wearing that? i was actually glad cos it is so unsausageforgiving especially with tights, bad dinner dress, good dance slutty dress. thanks alicia.

stopped off at nancy’s cheese.

nice paper, what’s in the box?

CUCKOO! though i happily enabled gill‘s obsession further with a cellphone betty charm see:

i also overheard you’re getting a BB tattoo?

new sweater vest, he thinks he needs it in a bigger size and everyone is telling him NO he so doesn’t.

had/have this exact mouse ornament on our tree growing up.

this game has good potential, more than that gun game we could never figure out.

purse fetish, i had no idea gill.

mmmmm st. jorge cheese.

this looks familiar…

on to dinner at sidecar, prix fixe stretches to wednesdays, awesome. our waiter was v dramatic, i asked him if he was a poet.

goro pony i immediately took down after looking at this.

the salmon was great, my flash completely blocked it out so it has a nice shadow. don’t be pissed if you weren’t there this was totally last minute impromptu we were planning to eat alone then figured why not cos brad would be missing out on friday as well as gill.

sitting beside a radiator is not conducive to sweater vests.

they gave us a nice assortment of desserts.

blue cheese cheese cake sort of?

see how powerful the flash is anyway, this is the chocolate they make the mousse from, so rich in this form your face would explode.

yes how flattering, my shade of foundation was out of stock so for the next month or so i’m going to be orange oprah which is the perfect time of year for it too WINTER stand out much!? and oh yeah thanks (SARCASM) mom for convincing me to get the black cardigan in small instead of XS it’s fucking HUGE. i’m glad i didn’t listen to you for the grey one.

HAHAHA you can see RIGHT through my shirt holy tara reid moment.

don’t forget this is going on saturday nite, i have two unspoken for tickets and i am too lazy to make a contest so just email me and tell me why you should be allowed to party with fil and i saturday nite.

SMIRNOFF EXPERIENCE: RED NIGHT HOTEL
Saturday, December 20th, 2008
Windsor Arms Hotel, 18 St. Thomas St. [Bay & Bloor]
$20 advance tickets at www.smirnoff.com OR
$30 at the door

stories from the balcony

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this chick is a fuckin’ relic man, i’ve had her since i was 4? she was barbie’s ginger beach party fun-lovin’ friend, forget the name unfortunately. she was into american apparel before you were check the gold lam-ay hot pants.

uhhhm, this one didn’t make it.

or that one. sniff. ha kidding i stopped watering those twinks long ago we just keep ‘em around for sentimental purposes and for the birds and squirrel which i have finally STOPPED feeding thanks to matt’s rat paranoia lecture. thank you matt for starving my only (squirrel) friend to death. steph it’s up to you to save me from horticultural failure, keep ferny strong please!

this is molding nicely into the balcony wood. i stopped myself short of taking a photo of the tiger rug that i pitched out there a long time ago not one of you skids claimed, it makes me sad to look at it which is better than when it used to scare me cos it was hung over a chair with its face staring into the apartment at me through the window and when i would watch tv at nite sometimes the eyes would reflect light and my heart would skip a beat. i think the squirrel has since been storing garbage beneath it.

alright so now you know and your life is all the better for it.

it feels like friday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DINKY

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i got him a solar powered mason hippie jar (it was not cheap) as well as a gift certificate for noah’s (hippie new age store i never tire of rippin’ on)(more on that to come) as well as quantum of solace for wii which he has already beaten in easy mode and yesterday i made him try on a sweater vest with his eyes closed then forced him to open his eyes to look at it in the mirror cos i’m a spazz so there is just ONE gift left to open but that has to wait for christmas so i pretty much blew it and i have to buy more shit because i force presents too early and fil is a birthday stickler. the vest was supposed to be an xmas gift but he needed to try it on in case they ran out of the right size yes you care. i have to deal with this every year so i’m sharing the burden i mean, privilege.

k just a quick post for now til i go through a mountain of emails, i love you fil even though you keep getting older and older and you boss me around DON’T EVER LEAVE ME! have a nice day, see you tonite xoxo.

everything is fine

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we went to gibson yesterday to look at the brand new dark fire guitar, i missed the performances and speeches though but oh look fil‘s photo is published in this article about it, hover over the pic. go dinky. (ps. it’s his bday tomorrow!)

is it too much to ask you to pretend to look like you are dancing with me for a photo?

excuse me while i go gay for a second here (from now on i will say rogue instead of gay, consider that the last G word on this website)(hopefully) anyway, i was prepared to be crabby last nite but my friends totally turned that around aw. thanks guys, your company made me (happy) look super young in this picture.

i was trying to get cleavage over there, give peace a chance will suffice i suppose, i tried aj.

i like this one because i look important.

oh man i just remembered those drinks: fireball, absolut, cran and tabasco i made sure i only had one even though they were laid out free all nite long.

thank you claire for saying this drink looks like a hangover she single-handedly saved my brains with that one-liner.

LOVE this dude and everything he embodies, he is like what toronto’s kid rock WISHES he could and should be doing.

LOVE party dogs.

a busy man on top of having a cold.

brad’s home away from home.

his new guitar.

no big deal or anything. brad’s sister renita did my tattoo and now everyone wants one.

aw sad fiver.

saturday FOREVS?

ps. xenia‘s blog is my new favourite.

so tired

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hated my outfit then realised it was my hair that ruined it, long hair and a huge shirt just doesn’t work, i hated it so strong i was this close to bailing (my middle name) on tonite. tomorrow is going to be a stressful day and i thought i should just sit here alone on the couch and soberly obsess about it? yeah smart move tardbreath. i’m so tired i just made myself a single shot of espresso (watered down to two) and i never have caffeine at nite. i either just bought fil the most fantastic christmas gift ever or the worst, his birthday isn’t even here yet i am so stressed next year i am giving him his birthday present in like august so i don’t have to drop a ton of money all at once. i picked up his last birthday gift this afternoon on my way to sushi with my cousin, you know there is yet another fuckin’ sushi place on bloor now? it’s the old las iguanas, weird. you get 15% off your bill for its grand opening. i had the sashimi and it was TERRIBLE.

i enjoyed the fake little bonsai tree that i accidentally broke a part off of though.

ugh. the tempura was fine, but how can you fuck that up? can’t.

the remark that chick made last nite on the survivor finale to sugar (re: anti-depressants, dead dad, crying etc) was positively disgusting and i am glad probst called her out on it, not glad she just smiled and waved. if i ever see this chick in real life i will stomp on her with high heels.