i had a greek fisherman’s hat like this (in cream and the braid was beige) but some dickhead at a house party of mine stole it. he was wearing it all nite and i kept saying you better not leave here with that hat in between dancing drinking etc. the hat was gone in the morning. thanks for inviting those guys you met at the bar cheryl!

homebase for the weekend. those two 2-4s beneath the table were untouched if you can believe it.

sharpie had the right idea in bringin’ up that wig.

you kids need to get over this mask. what are you, 2? BOO!

poor stefan we “pissed on him all weekend long” one thing of which being water balloon fight attack, he got pelted from all sides. sorry, “ambushed” haaha. it’s ok i got him fil and samir from outside and locked out by the girls they thought i had joined the other side so fil whipped a balloon at my back from close-range, TWICE, it wouldn’t burst. i was pretty peeved after that (it really hurt) and the game pretty much ended. but we kept finding un-burst balloons all over the place which was funny. i was told that’s what i get for bringing up water balloons.

that’s betty. the mask looks great on everyone.

orgasmburgers

still dry.

ketchup-free, still amazing.

thank you for butting your cigs out in this OBVIOUS ashtray, guys.

nothing makes you want to go back in time more than seeing pictures of food you ate. yeah maybe to see a dead relative one more time or whatever BUT NO ONE EVER SAYS THAT but for a burger, yes, i will go back in time for a burger.

um i am kinda detoxing (trying to) this week so my brain isn’t functioning right.

ugh.

dance party!

audrey seriously wore this hat as a teenager (like last week) with no irony whatsoever. brings to mind a ton of stupid floral printed shorts and shirts my mom bought THANKS MOM also THANKS FOR THE PERM TOO!

soaked!

my family has these on vhs too and i have watched each decade at least 200 times, fully memorized. audrey knows ‘em well also.

oh hi there.

that is fil’s signature boozin’ snarl photo face. i smell a meme post. should i dig up 60 similar photos to this? he just dared me to. wuh-oh.

insta-face lift.

sambo.

watch your step!

bahahaha that was funny. time for bed!

aw why so sad?

HELLO! we got heavy and i said every girl should invest in a hot pink bikini top. deep silence then audrey says, yes, that is very true. total blasted moment.

enjoying the moment after the moment has passed. stefan i swear to god you better send me some pictures. dude has like a basement archive of photos on a projector he watches by himself, crying. we sure as shit have never seen any.

things are gettin’ pretty serious.

fil owns this hat in twenty different colours.

BAM

hi i’m here to shoot stills for you guises what you hired me for.

mask mask wah wah oh noes i scared!

i’m sure it was a fantastic dance move. as they all are.

like that one.

the gross/great thing about that mask is all your breath condensation gets trapped in the cheeks and chin. i need to punch a bigger hole in the mouth so i can eat and drink without pulling it up.

grand finale.

samir passed out so we paid him a visit. also paid stefan a visit the following nite and i was wearing the mask in the hopes of startling him but he had cashed out hard.

ok the rest will have to wait i have to um, do research now.

that’s me. i scraped my right hip bone on a rock several feet out it gets shallow pretty quick before you know it.

guess i’ve slacked long enough time to get up some of my own along with word stories up. you can see the rest of fil’s pics here.

first the final product to distract from the 30 tired eyes pictures of me you are about to see. gill and i biked over to solo bace salon (860 yonge) for our essensity appointments yesterday morning, called her the nite before to remind her about it even though she was supposed to call and remind ME anyway, was pretty tired after the weekend. to book your own visit the site, it happens every monday at different salons throughout the city until october 26 – ALL FREE! go in late to the office or have your hair and makeup done on your lunch break and go back to work looking like a prom queen.

just look for these signs.

see gill in there?

gift bags. good sign.

gill already had her eyes made up. coward. i had my base make up on, myself, no eyes though. i felt pretty naked and squinty and shy.

nice joint.

i showered/washed my hair everyday at the cottage, glad i did sunday and braided it. i apologized every time the shampoo girl hit a snag (not too frequently thankfully) and at one point there were four hands working on me. SORRY I HAVE MERMAID HAIR SORRY! (not sorry)

forced myself to “let go” and relax for the head massage. normally i make a ton of stupid embarrassing enjoyment noises or i kick out my legs comic-like, way sensitive scalp, tickles. not yesterday though i held my breath and shut my mouth.

being forced to stare at yourself for a half hour in a mirror is intense when you’re eye-baggin’ it. why can’t they do makeup pre-hair? way less depressing.

eavesdropping cannot be avoided. my favourite. once gill left the chair beside me a girl with short hair sat down and proclaimed that she “hated long hair” when asked why the short hair. i decided that she was then my enemy but kept it a secret. i liked her shoes though. the stylist had short hair too. there are other answers for having short hair you know like for one, muffdiving, or, momming out.

product plug. this is good shit. my hair has zero volume cos the length pulls it down quite a bit plus my ramones/tiger lily part and the overall fineness. point being, my hair has volume still today after sleeping on it thanks to this and this line of product is the most as organic as possible thing out there, pretty natural, less harsh on the environment and on your hair.

every morning i have knots and dreadlocks but, not today it’s still shiny. i use a leave-in conditioner after showering by schwartzkopf as well (came in another gift bag) that’s pretty good.

gill passed out during her hair wash/massage.

i haven’t had my hair blown by someone else in a VERY long time. this experience has inspired me to have my hair dyed next week (sponsored!) seeing how long my roots are in the jays game photos of last week, plus yesterday, i’m sold. a salon is no place for hippie hair. i can’t even remember the last time i had my hair dyed either.

i didn’t even notice that streak before.

gettin’ straight. my stylist asked if i ever curl my hair. yeah maybe a few times around christmas haha. i told her they don’t take and fall out pretty easily (especially if i straighten my hair first which i learned the hard way, so stupid) but anyway go ahead yeah lets do this.

hi i’m COUSIN IT have we met? i even gave the ends a trim last week AND my stylist gave my hair another trim to even it all out (fil evidently is blind and cannot detect uneven hair). sevda said i suit long hair. thanks sevda!

bangs are gettin’ long.

half-curled.

we marveled at the curl length still quite long with curls all up in it.

sevda sprayed my hair BEFORE curling. learn something new everyday.

i should have worn sunglasses. yikes. i totally look like my papa here.

colour change LED v nice.

if there was more time she would have held the curling iron longer which would have made the curls last longer. i said i would ride my bike home really slowly. didn’t happen, once i start riding i think i am in a race with everyone on the street. the curls flying in the air through yorkville turned heads though. worth it.

finally face time.

gahaha this is what happens when you ask me to smile so stop asking me to smile.

what a dope. i asked her to go to town on my puffy eyes. still wasn’t enough.

lots of mascara please. she wasn’t going to for some reason. then i asked for some on the bottom, she was very dainty with it. i was like um i fully lace this shit on. i saw how much gill was wearing and was jealous that’s how i learned gill had it on when we showed up what the hell! that’s like taking sand to the beach or basically washing your hair before the salon. women ARE insane.

pale attack. see can you tell i am even wearing any mascara at all? wait maybe this was before mascara i don’t even know.

haha. the picture on the other chick’s camera is way better. (why aren’t those up on the site yet?)

icing on the cake.

awesome. though i have a hook-up elsewhere, thanks tho! if someone wants this let me know.

oooooooooooh.

same bronzer used on my face. sayonara bonne bell bronzer (til this guy runs out).

wicked. that lipstick/gloss is phenom too. just when you run out the product fairy sprinkles some luck your way.

ok girls go get your own gratis pampering experiences while you can. (don’t forget to tip though ya cheapskates!)

EW internet speak in real life. whoever wrote that should be fired.

next read and it better not be a pretentious pile of self-indulgent puke. better not as in better BE! xoxo (she got a lot of flack for the “piece” she wrote about that author who died i forget the name of. fuckin’ internet eh. sometimes it’s like, just shut the fuck up already and let blowhards be blowhards)

so this weekend was filled with a medley of snores. not the oh man that was boring kind of snores. real snore snores. literal snores. fil and i shared the top bunk and got to listen to some kind of animal right above our heads that when you closed your eyes sounded like it was IN the fucking room with you. and then we listened to samir pepper the room with mouth music. then we dosed ourselves with some chill pills. both nites i slept til about 3 or 4 then took the couch. i just get anxious when not on the ground floor, it wouldn’t require much to think myself into puking. the first nite climbing over fil and down i almost broke my ankle. the second nite we closed all the windows so bears wouldn’t come eat us (are there even bears on that island? fil says no) and then around 3 in the morning it was a total sauna, fil was soaked in sweat and i felt like i was suffocating and extremely claustrophobic. so down i went to use the bathroom (outhouse) and fucking sprinted cos i felt like bears were going to chase me. what a wiener. thanks for putting that idea in my head. so i’m on the couch and then stefan comes strolling in desperate for water. he packed’er in early from givin’er hard all saturday then samir and the dog got up, then i finally fell asleep and what felt like two minutes later it was ten o’clock and everyone was up. such is the life of the couch surfer.

the point of this story is i got some more snoring presentations last nite courtesy of fil. i finished my book and i didn’t feel like drinking anymore or taking more chill pills so basically over-tired/wired can’t sleep also watching sketchy vintage to serve and protect (watch it sunday nites at 11 on suntv it’s the best, all footage from 80s/90s so so awesome) got my mind racing. fil wasn’t even really snoring my ears were just so acute to sound from no background cottage lake water rippling sounds getting in the way. then cid showed up to display all the various shapes of seashells he can impersonate with his body while purring like a goddamn lawnmower in my ear. alright enough of this time for the couch so i get the other duvet, remove one of the couch back cushions and lie down. now with me no longer in the room crooning brainwashy CLOSE YOUR MOUTH attempts at the back of fil’s head, guy was free to let it loose and i got to hear it all from the couch. even cid wanted to escape it and pawed at the door for ten minutes til it opened and the door wasn’t even closed all the way stupid idiot!

after this i was treated to ten minutes of the sound of cid sitting on a plastic bag i left on the floor. asshole. there’s fifty cloth bags littered all over the place and you choose a dominion bag. thank you.

next up of course was joining me on my chest in the hopes of first strangling then choking me with his paws then SITTING on my face with his gigantic ass and of course repositioning himself 40 times all of which ensuring as much fur as possible is covering my nostrils and mouth at all times. by this point i am extremely flattered, annoyed, and wide awake thinking ok this is how i am going to die. i was having trouble sleeping knowing i had to get up and be ready to go to that spa treatment appointment. even if i have something scheduled at say 3pm the following day, it will keep me up. anyway, woke up around 6 then went to bed and slept til 9.30 made to the appt for 11 good thing i didn’t shower cos they washed my hair. curled it too and did my make up. biking home all the curls fell out.

oh and i fell in the lake with all my clothes on saturday nite. slid down a rock and the water went up to right below my pockets, lucky cos my camera was in one. then i put on shorts and joined audrey in crayfish hunting. we got 7.

BYE!

thanks audrey! hi mary!

BRB back though off to a spaaaaaaaaaaa ahhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhh aw.

xo

hiiiiiiiiiiiiii!

hahahahaha.

yesterday i learned that the harsh lighting of the dome, the muggy heat moisture fuzzying up my hair i barely had time to dry = not doing any favours for the au natural roots. soo many fug photos of my hair, and one video which you will see momentarily revealed how long my roots are, like to the bottom of my head in the back i had no idea! ew! so basically i want to dye my hair the same colour as my roots and hopefully that will be possible w/o further destroying it.

fuzzy wuzzy.

coupla hens sittin’ behind us. oh wait that’s radmad and meegs.

way natural.

speaking of hair, brosz7 got shorn. mara said it makes him look more polish.

i don’t even know who i’m taking pictures of here. such a fan!

yeah that helps.

sunflower seeds?

good idea when you start at noon.

brutal hair. it’s not as bad when not hanging out beneath flood lights.

NKOTB.

when’s the album gonna drop?

urban leon’s beside the steamwhistle brewery just opened. impressive.

they have a pod chair there too! (not featured obvs).

we watched a trashy woman pick up someone’s dropped beer ticket, one of her own friends to boot, and pocketed it. she held it in her hand for awhile out of guilt, i stared holes into the back of her head praying for her to look at us and she did, so she knew we knew and pocketed it anyway. tacky.

took the wrong route through some construction. got some guys to lift up a fence to let mara and i through. being cute rules.

nice.

pitt made himself some eggs with some butter substitute i forget the name of.

we got in trouble so i took some down in plastic bags when we left.

ok bye multi-tasking here kinda lazy post gotta laundry pack goin’ to cottage xoxoxoxjdvgjk;sdbgowebgoiesbvgds/.

that’s another ferris bueller day off in the bag see ya next year!

wilbur and lise and i decided to take back my empties to the beer store. only got 2.50 out of it. i knew it would never happen if i waited for fil to finally agree to it so i did it myself. arm work out was worth it enough.

should fil get these pretentious hippie do-gooder shoes that look like every other pair he already owns?

with recycled tire soles! i foresee a million jokes and rolling my eyes ten thousand times a second in the future when someone points out his shoes and he shows off the soles.

lise put up some more art. she is so adorable.

fuzzy velvet poster.

aw. i even spied a topless postcard of me on the fridge!

prism unicorn! do you call it that?

and then i fainted. just kidding i dyed lise’s hair while we gossiped and watched some of the hangover and had snacks. just kidding. no i’m not. just kidding just kidding just kidding.

no i’m not.

emo day surprise. i asked lise if she would feel better if we went through her clothes and she gave me some haha and i think it did! i know it made me feel better.

fave.

if you need me i will be wearing this again today.

LOVE it.

red curry ground turkey.

in order to commit less carbicide i threw mine atop a pile of mesclun in lieu of rice. i don’t know why this has not occurred to me before. fil was mad i didn’t make it occur to him to copy me sorry not my responsibility even though i TOLD you i was planning to do it so make less rice.

look it’s carly my new agent. at green room they asked if she was old enough to drink haa ha. actually mucho depressing as i was not asked that AND she’s older than me! by two years! (sorry for telling everyone your age)(no i’m not just kidding)(just kidding).

shower time it’s playin’ hooky day and i have the world’s massivest zit on my face. brutal.

did you guys watch toddlers and tiaras last nite? i only lasted a half hour. all my opinions of it are on my twitter.