A mic in my hand and a mouth full of Miller

i am working on destroying enhancing this green tank i got from joe fresh a few years ago. i have mangled two other shirts as well. you really need the right material to fray it up (soft cotton, an AA shirt would be perfect) this ribbed stuff is ok but takes a little more effort. cut off the entire bottom seam and pick at it with your nails, dragging upwards. longer nails work better and you need to have patience.

a perfect shirt to wear on mother’s day.

yesterday my moms was in town so we hung out in the most irritating part of the city, yonge/dundas square. the heat was icing on the cake. after hitting up the clearance corner of UO we went to salad king. mom was like but i don’t want a salad. it’s like grape nuts over there, where’s the grape, or the nuts? why are you called salad king, dudes!?

this was the pose of the day get used to it. it’s called the bun showcase.

you can do it even if your hair isn’t in a bun.

then i noticed that bracelet and guilted my mom into giving it to me. it was pretty easy.

UO loot. oh god need to go back when i’m not having IBS. fil fed us expired (since april!) feta cheese the other day so i’m pretty sure bathroom party is due to that. thanks fil! he will eat yogurt if it’s a month passed it’s date.

the pensive police called and they were like good job.

there’s a ton of dude clearance merch for once i’m sending fil over to therapy shop for himself today. every time i get him something it doesn’t fit and then i have an over sized t-shirt on my hands that i have to incorporate into my already ridiculous wardrobe.

i had the buyer’s remorse as i went there with the intention of getting something for a friend. i decided to get her a necklace from forever21 instead (new addiction on the horizon holy cheap thrills is that store!)

peep my pits. celebrated crap attackz by purchasing an xs coug dress. the skirt is very flippy.

gypsy artist eccentric pretentious oh this old thing shirt.

mom wanted to share a sandwich, sorry, samwich. what is it with moms and sandwiches? f that we’re having noodles. she was a good sport and really liked it. even added broccoli to our order.

way natural.

thai basil chicken. medium. fil dared me to order 15 chilis. yeah right i don’t feel like fire diarrhea right now thanks.

smart set, well played. bad music though and too loud it drove me bananas. they’ve certainly youthed-out their ish to contend with h&m and UO. it made me sort of reminisce about the good ole days when it actually required effort to come up with a “hipster” look. you’d have to track all that shit down from various nooks and crannies, dead relatives, friends who got fat etc but now you can just walk into virtually any store and come out in a fucking uniform. lame. i never thought “the man” could outsmart us or would be able to figure out how to mass-produce our look, as it wasn’t just one t-shirt, chuck taylors, ripped jeans, not simple. but they’ve done it and i think they’re winning.

it is taking every ounce of strength within me not to claim this for myself.

my mom was all don’t get a small no no not a small what’s it with moms and clothing sizes, why should i buy a size that doesn’t fit me right now? i’m not a fucking toddler i’m not going to grow into it, no more growth spurts here k relax pill. then i realised what she was up to, she bought the exact same shirt for herself IN that bigger size. mental.

need to get a better picture of this shirt in a proper outfit.

what’s with the filmy pictures?

lost the socks (allen’s patio was HOT and zero breeze) and changed shorts.

getting your fall wardrobe in summer and wearing it during summer feels like trouble. we got jogging outfits (omg) at the end of summer as kids and were only allowed to wear them to grandma and grandpa’s house which was stupid cos they had a huge backyard that we always rough-housed in, grass stains!

we got line-bumped at allen’s cos we tight with them and “we” as in “fil” but whatever. if you are feeling like douche-spectating while eating amazing appetizers that is the place for you. also cool is the people who smoke while the table beside them is eating. collective gasps and tsk-tsks could be heard for miles and miles. my favourite guy was the colonel sanders look-a-like complete with all white suit, white hair, beard and cigarette. such a vision.

love the dick tracy lamps once the nite comes it is very detectivey.

there’s that pose again. that bun gets a gold star it lasted all day AND did not bequeath me bun headache.

then they placed a mirror beside fil for some reason.

what’s more ridiculous is chad and fil completely are the same person. same attitude, dad-like ways, quiet, smart, ugh irritatingly so, while holly and i are bla bl ablahbal one more drink one MORE DRINK BLAHAAH. v funny. why are dudes like this attracted to chicks like us?

they probably have the same phone number according to holly.

two orders of this.

two orders of this.

more uncanny in real life. white wine drinking sasquatches beside them gave holly stink-eye for taking this one so we had a stare-down contest. oh go fuck yourself shrek, sorry for enjoying ourselves? get with the times and the digital age, people have cameras and want to capture moments to reminisce over later on. i won the staring contest i pretended i was a statue and one grimaced hahaha what? got something to say? yeah i didn’t think so. NEXT.

to be fair though i do look like a fucking brat. oh i wish i took a picture of the tiniest glass in the world holly’s vodka soda came in. the one your nana gives you before bed with it half full of gingerale cos you’re spazzing out and NEED MORE POP JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE. ridiculous. we fled that scene and went somewhere loads douchier. i’d never strolled the danforth strip that far before and holy lord, doucheland, love it. greek sluts for miles, sleazebag dudes too.

kinda at least once in my life want to get my nails did as a joke.

airbrush hot peach with palm trees of course i mean obviously.

seriously how would i type? i can barely type these days anymore and my nails are pretty much non-existent.

oh yeah she got a haircut, we like it.

oh man the music there buh-rutal. more good people-watching judging opportunities. after a few drinks you are like, i understand these people especially the gigantic cleavage of our waitress layin’ the drinks on hard.

oh man this took forever.

oh look it’s you!

THOU SHALL NOT PASS!

what’s the secret password who cares zzzz.

oh yeah i bought fil one of those 5L heineken kegs cos he was annoyed at his website yesterday and waiting in line at the lcbo this huge crabby gross drunk yelled at an employee to open up her cash cos there was a line, made me cringe. brosz7 knew someone who worked there before and said they all talk about everyone who shops there, like, knows each drunk, how often they shop all that. dude why do you want to draw more attention to yourself shut up! meanwhile had one huge tallboy in his hand. ps. the keg was for me too cos i missed out on the weekend keg cos apparently during my hour nap during the wedding reception it was heineken hour.

THIS BLOG POST IS SPONSORED BY HEINEKEN.