fil didn’t want to deal with the short slutty skirt of casie’s when returning the movie so i changed into these guys. what a difference!

remedy town.

buzzed shopper’s discount rack attack! this stuff gives you a body heat rush for an hour and makes you itch if you’re lacking whatever properties are contained. iron? anyway, funny trick to play on someone. the first time i had one at lucasaid‘s i felt like a fucking volcano and when you scratch your arms you get hotter and hotter i dunno why during a heatwave it seemed like a good idea. we were bored. last nite i swear i could feel my leg hairs growing! the niacin was 2.49 from 12 bucks rush high high cheap thrilllls!

i’ll let you know how useful these aren’t when i try ‘em out. the chocolate was 79 cents (no sugar added, low carb) i am addicted to deals especially deals on things i don’t need (bipolar bipolar bipolar) and when we got home caught the episode of simpsons when marge breaks her leg goes to hospital so lisa is forced to take on home duties, sends homer out food shopping and he comes back with a cellphone filled with candy, caramel syrup and some other useless shit. i said hey is that how i shop!? fil was taking a sip of beer at the time and choke laughed YES. omg i love stupid shit so much i want to be tom hanks in BIG right now!

me.

me.

me and fil.

me and myself.

oh jasmine. here she is teeny tiny last march.

convincing dudes to get in to their shorts and sit by the water is just, ugh, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU IDIOTS SUMMER IS GOING TO BE OVER LIKE NEXT WEEK!

turbo the ewok. actually, looks more like barf.

pure class.

do you guys want to win a 12 pack of black oak beer? trying to think of the logistics here, i don’t want to mail it so you’d have to come and see me. or you could have a tour of the black oak brewery, take some friends and get wasted for the day. plus it’s right across the street from mimico jail – scary! anyway lemme know.

dad if you get a pool i will visit every week.

oh isn’t that nice.

ding dongs.

i love gator.

powerful jet by my feet tickles the soles and it’s a contest with yourself to see how long you can withstand it and you smile like an uncomfortable goon. then your feet go numb.

thanks dad!

the card stock is thicker than my last cards, love it. i left a pile at queen video yesterday fyi. who wants a few?

caribana.

are there beer gardens set up anywhere? i can’t see the fun in standing around unless you’re in the parade. ps. next year i want to be in the parade. talkin’ full on feathers sequins gems bikini everything, how do i do this and who’s with me? can we get a blogger float sponsored?

caribana rubberneckers.

on our way down university two dudes in a car beside us (clearly in town for caribana) were holding up a bottle of grey goose and waving it out the window to their friends in the car behind them. fil looked over and gave them “the nod” (wearing top gun glasses) then they go s’up. s’up man, s’up. i waved. wanted a picture so bad. i’ve never seen fil so cool before in my life hahahaha. 50% due goes to the subaru spoiler i’m certain.

if you know of a better clear mascara (for pool/beach days) do pass it on k. this stuff is ok but, not as great as stuff i used as a teenager (mom do you remember?) that lip gloss is fantastic though.

look at this goddamn purse! click on all the photos of it. swoon.

i have so much presence i get checked out from up on high, didn’t even wave.

a very natural stance.

friday’s dinner.

boiling rotisserie chicken carcass for soup stock.

gross i know sorry.

no fat, virtually no carbs smart guy.

ya oh hi wtf

pretty easy. takes a little longer than a minute and you shouldn’t wring out the towel very much.

that organics grocery store by queen video changed ownership so everything (aside from produce, meat and dairy) is 50% off!

yeah yeah me again.

50% off tastes delicious.

this is so easy to make.

EW did you find that in the forest!?

it’s like a pupae (don’t google that, trust me)(or do it whatever i just did).

take the gross out to the next level by adding light cream cheese. SICK.

can you imagine getting hit in the face with one of these?

despite lookin’ this way they are so clean, practically no slop spills or anything and if you prep a few of them they retain their heat all wrapped up like that.

and then because the time taken prepping each one then eating one or two (eating slower) you get full, lots of leftovers.

ok this was long enough, bye frenemies!

and there we go. told you i wouldn’t listen. the usual garbage will have to wait.

1. What time did you get up this morning?

Well at first it was 6.30 then I had to move to the couch cos of LOUD BREATHING then slept til 11.30ish

2. How do you like your steak?

used to be grey cos i didn’t know any better (thanks britain). now i like it on the redder side of medium, charred on the outside. how do you like your steak? Oh as pretentious as possible, thanks!

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?

don’t remember it’s been so long and we were likely (definitely) drinking wine during it. so i probably thought it was a good movie. it was probably a guy movie.

4. What are your favorite TV shows?

LOST, usa/can’s next top model, ramsay’s kitchen nightmares, hell’s kitchen, everybody loves raymond (getting fil into it too!) any and all shows involving little people, morbidly obese, addictions, obsessions, fighting, swearing and crying. that wipe out show. oh and to serve & protect, canada’s ever classy version of cops (watch it sunday nites at 11 on sun tv)(i have a lot of spare time).

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?

ireland, countryside, quaint cottage on loads of land or here:

6. What did you have for breakfast?

espresso and i’m still working on it now.

7. What is your favorite cuisine?

thai/indian

8. What foods do you dislike?

i don’t think i have any food hang-ups anymore. so i guess i like ‘em all. aside from fast food, that should be considered a “foods” seeing as it is poisoning the human race and giving birth to some of my most favoured shows see 4.

9. Favorite Place to Eat?

bar mercurio (best beef carpaccio hands down) the drake, spadina garden, green room (despite every single let down i always go back for more) and supermarket, though i liked mini market better, they blew it in letting that little gem go.

10. Favorite dressing?

fil’s homemade caesar. or the dressing on the prosciutto salad at beaver, another fave place to eat.

11.What kind of vehicle do you drive?

late 50s roadster bike from eaton’s and one other thing i drive is fil’s mind! WILD!

12. What are your favorite clothes?

anything that makes me feel and look skinny and maybe a little accidental slutty. something that doesn’t make me sweat or show how much i sweat.

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance?

the setting of casino royale holy look at photos of that place! OR bruges, belgium thanks to another fine flick in bruges. gorgeous.

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?

can’t say either cos i know it’s both. realists are SO annoying i know.

15. Where would you want to retire?

ireland – though realistically it’ll be cottage country or who knows maybe we’ll be one of those squirly weird white couples (already are) living in the annex forever gettin’ annoyed at shit.

16. Favorite time of day?

right after a nice big no.02! or right before fil comes home when anything is possible (for the nite). that’s cid’s favourite time of day too.

17. Where were you born?

oakvegas

18. What is your favorite sport to watch?

NONE I WAS JUST FAKING IT! but i’ll come along for the good times though. i think you mean what is your favourite sport to TALK OVER?

19. Who do you think will not tag you back?

WHO CARES.

20. Person you expect to tag you back first?

what is this highschool? shut up! obviously someone who hasn’t done this thing yet.

21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this?

omg zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

22. Bird watcher?

yeah sure why not

23. Are you a morning person or a night person

nocturnal, so am.

24. Do you have any pets?

cat, who evidently is also “my son” and i’m proud to say i have never cleaned his litter box, not once. so really, he doesn’t belong to me i am absolved of all responsibilities. i consider my dad’s cat to be mine too, me and ol rocky shared some good emo times together awhile back.

25. Any new and exciting news you’d like to share?

might go swimming later in a coffin-shaped pool? it finally stopped raining? picking up my new adorable business cards later on? i took a fantastic crap today? yeah, that’s probably the one right there.

26. What did you want to be when you were little?

super fucking rich and famous and teacher as a fall back. writer too.

27. What is your best childhood memory?

waterslide with my brother at wasaga beach. summers at sauble beach. because my brother was forced to hang out with me hahaha. looking for grunge clothes at the patch in sauble beach. my dad letting us drive (steer) the car on the beach sitting in his lap. here is a journal entry from 1994 my dad wrote in my journal of a week at sauble beach. it’s pretty funny. also because he wrote it from my perspective ha.

28. Are you a cat or dog person?

both. though probably too lazy to own a dog. cats are easier, they pretty much just raise themselves.

29. Are you married?

engaged, finally. AM I RIGHT LADIES! hahahaha

30. Always wear your seat belt?

YES

31. Been in a car accident?

yes in florida and i wasn’t wearing my seat belt because i was wearing only a bathingsuit and the rental car buckles (metal) were on fucking fire from the sun, burnt my leg – we got rear-ended and i flew out of my seat into the back of the passenger seat. i was fine though. my mom was hysterical. i was playing with a baby my little pony doll at the time and was 3. GOOD TIMES.

32. Any pet peeves?

people who chew their gum with their mouths open, or anything with their mouths open, drive me bananas. passive aggression. people who don’t get it. people who talk shit about me behind my back so basically, everyone.

33. Favorite Pizza Toppings?

bacon

34. Favorite Flower?

the ones kurt chose for unplugged live in new york. also because my grandma took me to a flower convention when i was 13 funeral flowers, basically. these things:

35. Favorite ice cream?

it’s no longer in existence, it was by parlour ice cream, vanilla/rich chocolate medley. the chocolate part of which essentially tasted like Quik. mmmmmmmmmmmmm.

36. Favorite fast food restaurant?

lick’s and in secret taco bell.

37. How many times did you fail your driver’s test?

never took it!

38. From whom did you get your last email?

leslie

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?

i don’t have a credit card but if so – urban outfitters

40. Do anything spontaneous lately?

no, i am predictable in my habits though to normies my life is spontaneous, hopefully?

41. Like your job?

what’s a job?

42. Broccoli?

yes

43. What was your favorite vacation?

i liked mexico but i spent it with the wrong person. i liked how skinny i got from the water (oops) and tanned and i spent it fantasizing about fil – when i got back that summer was pretty decent, albeit a little sketchy. i also loved new orleans.

44. Last person you went out to dinner with?

fil. ferret & firkin. BLECH!

45. What are you listening to right now?

someone mowing a lawn far off, a car drive by, birds chirping, city noises.

46. What is your favorite color(s)?

red. black on a bloated day.

47. How many tattoos do you have?

one

48. How many are you tagging for this quiz?

as many people as i can

49. What time did you finish this quiz?

12.37pm

50. Coffee Drinker?

yes ma’am!

you can see my scar from stitches in this photo. when i was 7 i got this weird rare disease called Henoch–Schönlein purpura and they took a skin sample to test. i had a huge scarlet/purple rash all down my thigh. oh great now i’m freaked out from reading about it as i get abdominal pain constantly. GREAT SOMETHING NEW TO WORRY ABOUT! Most cases are self-limiting and require no treatment apart from symptom control, but the disease may relapse in a third of the cases and cause irreversible kidney damage in about one in a hundred cases.

what do you guys wants from me!?

go to a douchebag club dressed like a slob and don’t give two fucks.

photos by Krist Papas totally rad guy. knows a star when he sees one.

more photos from last nite coming soon. great notabletv jam. vaneska dj’d and what a breath of fresh air she was.

i went to bed hiccuping. also that is casies shirt.

i need more SLOB CHIC submissions.

pass these guys everyday for the most part. no strong urges yet. sometimes i will swoon over the display, but that’s most likely due to the big VERA WANG on the window. if it were just a regular bridal store i wouldn’t give a shit i’m sure. fil says the dress in the back the bottom of it looks like crumpled up toilet paper is affixed to the skirt. of course he’d say that. dude wants me to wear a fucking burlap sack i bet. ok this is going to be one of those dreamer wedding blog posts. PSYCHE no it’s not. still no plans as of yet. when it happens it’ll be an elope-type wedding, already on honeymoon, party when we get back. therefore a dress like this isn’t necessary. even though thanks to barbie at some point in my life i am “supposed” to wear a wedding dress – despite not feeling a strong urge or desire really to do so, i still feel obligated to again, thanks barbie. i don’t blame movies or old-timey magazines, barbie is the only culprit here. i wasn’t one of those girls when asked what they wanted to be when they grew up said MARRIED. i feel like my getting married is more so a dream for my nana. marriage bells won’t be ringing until we have money for a house, sorry. want us to get married now? give us a down payment so i can start collecting stupid knick knacks to fill my dream house with. grandchildren? same deal.

shit. the word obligated just reminded me of something i wanted to write about last nite that came to me in bed, the phrase obligated pride comes to mind. ugh whatever.

its come back. this is going to stress out my dad.

i’m pretty certain this is from the way i type combined with how i hold my hands in claw-form when i’m thinking – doing anything that involves the slightest amount of thought or movement.

sick! i’ve had it checked before, it’s called a ganglion cyst. this time around it’s sore though. maybe i need a computer break. see what i do for you ungratefuls.

problem solved.

WHAT IS THAT STAIN ON MY COUCH FIL WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING OVER THERE!?

if you watch this you are an even bigger loser than i am.

arran: You should get another Dear Raymi post going because I have some questions for you. Like, how do I get my neighbors to shut up? They are an innocent family but they’re loud.

i tried to get more details out of you concerning this family but apparently you are too busy to get back to me. anyway, i am probably the last person you want advice from as i have been in a do nothing stalemate with my yelling neighbour for three years now. sometimes i bang on the wall and they shut up, i think that’s the best thing to do. it’s non-committal yet also lets them know you can hear them so maybe they should give it a rest. also, it shames them which is a bonus cos they avoid us now, great! as we are that couple next door to the griswolds in this building. selfish snob assholes, basically.

and yes i’ve heard/read about the tanning bed recent “discovery” (like we all didn’t know about it before) and my first thought was man i want to go tanning as well as fuck there goes my nice tan.

also, vancouver’s heat complaints are funny to me because they are finally experiencing summer toronto temperature we receive each year.

poll time duders and dudettes. please click the following that applies to you. come back and vote in the next box once it takes you away to the results page thx. (you can only vote once so get it right the first time fyi)

you have just helped make the world a better place. thank you for your time.

+++

here’s how my painting looks on ian’s wall. yay.

i had a greek fisherman’s hat like this (in cream and the braid was beige) but some dickhead at a house party of mine stole it. he was wearing it all nite and i kept saying you better not leave here with that hat in between dancing drinking etc. the hat was gone in the morning. thanks for inviting those guys you met at the bar cheryl!

homebase for the weekend. those two 2-4s beneath the table were untouched if you can believe it.

sharpie had the right idea in bringin’ up that wig.

you kids need to get over this mask. what are you, 2? BOO!

poor stefan we “pissed on him all weekend long” one thing of which being water balloon fight attack, he got pelted from all sides. sorry, “ambushed” haaha. it’s ok i got him fil and samir from outside and locked out by the girls they thought i had joined the other side so fil whipped a balloon at my back from close-range, TWICE, it wouldn’t burst. i was pretty peeved after that (it really hurt) and the game pretty much ended. but we kept finding un-burst balloons all over the place which was funny. i was told that’s what i get for bringing up water balloons.

that’s betty. the mask looks great on everyone.

orgasmburgers

still dry.

ketchup-free, still amazing.

thank you for butting your cigs out in this OBVIOUS ashtray, guys.

nothing makes you want to go back in time more than seeing pictures of food you ate. yeah maybe to see a dead relative one more time or whatever BUT NO ONE EVER SAYS THAT but for a burger, yes, i will go back in time for a burger.

um i am kinda detoxing (trying to) this week so my brain isn’t functioning right.

ugh.

dance party!

audrey seriously wore this hat as a teenager (like last week) with no irony whatsoever. brings to mind a ton of stupid floral printed shorts and shirts my mom bought THANKS MOM also THANKS FOR THE PERM TOO!

soaked!

my family has these on vhs too and i have watched each decade at least 200 times, fully memorized. audrey knows ‘em well also.

oh hi there.

that is fil’s signature boozin’ snarl photo face. i smell a meme post. should i dig up 60 similar photos to this? he just dared me to. wuh-oh.

insta-face lift.

sambo.

watch your step!

bahahaha that was funny. time for bed!

aw why so sad?

HELLO! we got heavy and i said every girl should invest in a hot pink bikini top. deep silence then audrey says, yes, that is very true. total blasted moment.

enjoying the moment after the moment has passed. stefan i swear to god you better send me some pictures. dude has like a basement archive of photos on a projector he watches by himself, crying. we sure as shit have never seen any.

things are gettin’ pretty serious.

fil owns this hat in twenty different colours.

BAM

hi i’m here to shoot stills for you guises what you hired me for.

mask mask wah wah oh noes i scared!

i’m sure it was a fantastic dance move. as they all are.

like that one.

the gross/great thing about that mask is all your breath condensation gets trapped in the cheeks and chin. i need to punch a bigger hole in the mouth so i can eat and drink without pulling it up.

grand finale.

samir passed out so we paid him a visit. also paid stefan a visit the following nite and i was wearing the mask in the hopes of startling him but he had cashed out hard.

ok the rest will have to wait i have to um, do research now.