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you suck because you suck

COOL FIGHT!

alright i wasn’t gonna say anything but then ryan made a post about it so it must be a slow news day or something (seriously the news stories on global the past week have been hilarious HOW TO DEAL WITH YOUR TOXIC FRIEND and some other stupid non-pressing issues i can’t remember, maybe something about pipecleaners? kidding) cos this shit is making the rounds again. (lets follow it up with hipsters then twitter ok?) what shit? Toronto-bashing. YAY!

why do i fall asleep every time i touch this subject? is it cos of the side of the fence i’m playing from? or is it really that inane? yes, the latter, totally.

lets argue about lemons vs limes ok go! what why not? that’s because lemons think they are SO BETTER THAN LIMES!

did you hear about this?

Billboard ads in British Columbia for Coors Light beer are being taken down after complaints from Toronto residents offended by the message.

About 30 billboards throughout the province show a can of cold Coors Light and the words: “Colder Than Most People From Toronto.”

HAHAHA great. you know we don’t talk shit about any other city, province, until they cast the first stone, then it’s gloves off but really even then, we still DO NOT CARE and that bugs them even more.

here’s something i wrote back in 2007 about this:

last nite we caught the majority of a movie we had been intending to see for a little while now, let’s all hate toronto. it is very good and very informative. basically the entire country hates toronto because they are jealous and toronto is so arrogant it doesn’t even know it is hated and everyone who hates toronto says yes they would like to live there, and also no one has a concrete reason as to WHY they hate toronto, they just do. they think we think we are new york (yawn) and when asked every torontonian says fuck no we don’t think that, that’s just something teeny tiny tom in timmins thinks, and then it spreads. oh and another reaon toronto is hated is cos of leafs fans? who cares. toronto doesn’t talk about how much it hates other cities yet it is a national obsession to hate toronto. lame. there’s more to be said but you should just see it, it’s pretty funny.

sorry you have to hear about OUR news sometimes canada jesus could you be any more stereotypically canadian? shut the fuck up. where you live i’m sure it is very pretty, and i dig that too, i’m not TORONTO OR BUST (nor is anyone else here can you imagine that!) i love ALL of ontario and yeah i’ll admit there are places outside of this province that are just as if not more beautiful. YOU are the giant babies making this war between us, shoving your mountains and trees and bud on us that we already knew about. groan. yawn. repeat. are we just simply “not allowed” to like ourselves or something here? WHAT IS THE GIANT FUCKING DEAL!

here’s what it all boils down to that toronto is fucking untouchable by and reason supreme numero uno why you guys compare us to new york 24/7: COOLNESS. it’s cos we’re fuckin’ cool. to the bone and your city isn’t (you personally may be but you will never win the fight for your city). you mimic ours, try to, you mimic other cities even, and when it doesn’t pan out for you TORONTO THINKS IT’S NEW YORK is your go-to defense. lazy. how about toronto stands alone with its coolness, it has its own priorities FUCK it’s ITS OWN CITY doing it’s own thing everyday EVERYDAY who the fuck are you you’ve never even been here and even if you did you wouldn’t know where to go what to do to enjoy yourself. it takes work being cool, and effort. you can’t call a cool town meeting about becoming cool, you just is.

do i hate cool people? YES. (real cool people, not poseurs, whom i also hate but for different reasons one being well, they’re poseurs) why? because i recognize that they are likely too cool for me and i will be rejected. do i know this for fact? fuck no. am i cool myself? obviously. but do i still feel inferior to other cool people? yup. and so does everyone else. it is ingrained in all of us that we must be liked, we must be popular and we must maintain that. do other cities fall short of this skill? of course. is that really a big deal? no not at all, you can totally fall in love with an un-hip place and have a perfectly rad time yet populations of those un-hip places still feel the need to slag on the cool out of unnecessary insecurities. stupid really. why can’t you just “be” and shut up about it?

ryan mentioned The smartest response to this would probably be to mention that there’s a town in Alberta that’s literally building itself to look like New York so that it can get more movies there, so if there’s anywhere in Canada that’s guilty of thinking it’s New York, it’s that, Alberta, town.

WELL ISN’T THAT INTERESTING! i seem to receive a gauntlet of troll hate regarding toronto from many a person residing in this particular town too ha ha.

sorry about your inferiority complexes, guys, it sucks being the nerd at the party i know. well, actually i don’t know so whatever maybe get over it and leave us alone. true i do know a ton of irritating toronto people, and actually you know, these people aren’t even toronto natives so i guess it’s all your problem. likely the most annoying of toronto cold shoulders you’ll receive here will be from someone NOT from toronto, or ontario. seriously. i know i am pretty accommodating and nice to newbies here and when my friends complain about toronto yet live here, guess who the first person to tell them to shut the fuck up is? yes, me.

basically, neither of us will ever win. don’t blame everything on toronto ok. you suck because you suck, that has nothing to do with us.

oh and maybe you should actually stay for a week before opening your stupid fucking mouths and no, scarborough doesn’t count. or mississauga.

as a nation we collectively get enough grief from our retarded southern cousins so why add to it?

one more thing, i’ve met SO MANY out-of-towner snobs here like they come here just to hate on toronto and have their defensive backs up the entire time, total dark clouds surrounding them too and totally boring and abrasive. fuck off, leave, and keep dissing toronto from afar you whiners. so glad i wasted my time being nice to you.

another funny point about people comparing toronto to new york is such people have been to NEITHER city as well, people from new york come here and KNOW firsthand that it is nothing like their city.

in summation: you are fucking stupid.

34 thoughts on “you suck because you suck”

  5. imagine the outrage if the billboard were a newfie/east coast jab.

    i agree with you raymi, toronto is a fantastic city. the end.

  6. I love Toronto. I also LOVE that there is a town in my province trying to look like New York… Is this true? I haven’t heard about it, but I’d like to visit it for fun – very humourous.

  8. i think most of the hate comes not just for toronto, but all of ontario, with toronto being the most recognized city so it gets most of the criticism.

    im moving to toronto at the end of this month with my girlfriend, ive lived in ottawa, but im still more of a small town guy.

    id chalk it up to jealousy mostly, my grandma is from newfoundland and is always talking shit about ontario, i dont get it.

  10. to clarify, i love toronto too it’s just that sometimes people hate the things they DO understand, too. even accepting the shallow conclusion that 99% of haters are jealous or envious or fraught with an inferiority syndrome, there’s still that 1% that knows exactly WHY “toronto sucks” and thaaat’s my point.

    still love toronto though.

  11. i remember when i was in bc, and this guy from a town near where i was born asked us where we were from. when we said toronto, he said “oh, congratulations on escaping”. and now i am living in cottage country and it’s hilarious hearing people bitch about “the city” when they don’t even make any sense.

  12. Ha it’s so silly. I remember being 15 in a movie theatre in Calgary and the people were talking so hatefully about Torontonians I was actually scared and hoped they wouldn’t figure out where I was from! Yeah I was 15.

    .

  13. wait…only 10 people complained about the billboard. so there. screw everyone saying that toronto needs a sense of humour. just talk to those 10 people.

  14. I love to Toronto, but I also love a lot of other places too. The only thing I don’t like about said other places is the also make lame hatin’ remarks when I say I am from Toronto. Can’t we all just get along?

  16. yes we can all get along we just like to bust balls from time to time to see if the new kid’s cool or not, case closed.

  17. I really do love Toronto. Born there, only lived there a summer, parents & sis & many friends live there. It’s a fantastic city. I lived in Regina for awhile & people hated on the whole “East” as they called Ontario. I guess i can understand the other province’s beef sometimes. I guess. But why hate dudes? It’s a fantastic, vibrant, fun city. It’s CANADA. Love it all.

  18. well, ever since your fucking donut shoppe turned up on every block down here i can’t tell the difference between toronto and new york anymore. if you have to debate the coolness of something, it’s not cool and likely never will be again. ok, i only skimmed your post. if this comment doesn’t apply, i have others.

  23. Small town folks just don’t understand the city man. Like me. I don’t understand the city but I don’t think it’s right to “hate” an entire city for any reason? Sure you can have bad experiences but it’s not the city’s fault. It’s not like you can go to town hall and say hey, there’s too many tall buildings do something about it.

    I would never say I wouldn’t want to live in a big city because I never know what could happen, then everyone would be like OH YOU DISSED THE CITIES NOW YOU LIVE IN ONE, SNAP.

  24. i happen to love canada what i dont understand is why is there any resaon to bash one another or others. i mean hello is all contected to one “CANADA”. Is just like an old phrase says, “the once that make the hate or jealousy are the once that live in it”. we get to hear alot of i hate this place or this town or this country or this city or this state etc.. blabla. but in reality is the people in it that make it look that way. is also not right just cause one person you crash into and they treat you rude believe it doesn’t mean the rest of the people that live there are like that. I for one love to travel like crazy around the world i have met the good and bad of people. but at the end i love the place thats the reason why i went to go see the place.

    P.S. but what I really hate is the fact and is so sad and stupid. that theres enough energy and space in this world to creat hate to one another then to like one another.

  26. hahahaha….that’s funny. what town in alberta? maybe it’s calgary, what with their stupid saddle dome and shit (i’m from edmonton AND i know why we’s been a feudin since the late 1800’s!).
    never really been to toronto except for the airport and i gotta say, i hate that airport! expect shit to go wrong at the pearson EVERYTIME! as for the city/ppl, no opinion til i go there i guess.

  27. knock on wood i’ve never had problems at pearson

    well actually at customs when i was 19 but that’s a different story and stupid timing, bad nerves.

  28. i forget what city it was i just years-ago read about how they were building their streets and everything to resemble NYC, to attract movies. maybe Lethbridge? Lloydminster?

    Ontario, California also sucks

  29. meh, 80% of B.C. is people from every other province running away from their problems/relationships/debts and acquiring fake dipshit names etc., so who cares what they think, mostly they couldn’t cut it anywhere else anyway…and don’t try to deny it, because this is common knowledge fact, every sketchbag who ruined their lives I’ve ever known has run off to B.C.. The fact that I’ve known a lot of sketchbags is an entirely different matter.

  31. Krista you ain’t small town. you’re from K-town….that’s like, mid-size. and it’s got a pretty good night life!

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