Friday was super duper hot so we split house and headed out for some nature after visiting gma.
One of our favourite parks.
Each plot of flowers has a plaque saying where that flower comes from and name in English and dutch and the country it comes from, not that I ever read them but I like that they are there. It’s kind of like a flower museum.
The short cut field erupted in wild daisies you know what that means someone’s about to get her pose on.
Took more pics here just now in different wardrobe.
Oh ma gad I am gonna dye the hell out of my hair today.
Seriously, flowers heaven. We are old people. We go on walks and hang out with ducks a lot, feed them. It’s nice. Like something an old fart would say but it’s a charming little idyllic lifestyle and simple. We’ll be in the city again soon enough.
Honey suckles. Sucked on some. That’s what we did at recess in elem school.
What’s over there, more park art? Oh it’s finally ready?
It appears so.
My favourite bitchy duck has babies now.
Our fish are getting bigger. We just went for another walk here and the park is teeming with fogies cos it’s Sunday. I also learned that neon orange in the sun in pictures make me look nude. You’ll see and good to know. My bf has back issues so we have to walk him a lot. Between that and my fucked ankle we are a couple of crips.
Freak in a field.
There were four storks.
Love sunshine country drives around here it’s a total labyrinth.
Time to hit a patio.
I loved this sauvignon. Bad white wine is awful, good white wine is a game changer. Especially sitting in the sun.
All your postcards are in here then I had to buy more because I forgot some of you. I swear I’m mailing them today. Snail mail is fail mail what get off me that’s why people don’t anymore.
Party going down on the other side of that bridge lots of security cop stand-ins.
Jamie Oliver’s Fifteen.
There’s the party. SIGH. It would have taken a lot of drugs to reach the stamina required for that circus I was already bagged from the road voyage, stopping off at towns along the way. Why would we spend our whole time at a festival when we didn’t go to the one going on back home? I super want to experience one before we go though.
I think my idea for a science fiction bikes come alive at night and wreak havoc on the city movie should be filmed here. Piles of shoddy cgi bikes roving the streets and being ghost ridden down stairs and off canal bridges. I am not letting this idea go.
Of course arty farty shots a blogger’s legacy I so photo right now.
Blurry cos we did two drives through the city before parking the car. It’s a bike city because it’s the highest cost of parking in all of Europe and the clock starts once you ditch that thing.
The outskirts action is the garish bright city lights tourist trap and all the cooler stuff is contained down side streets tucked behind within, kind of french quarter style. But multiples thereof.
Everything gets cheaper the further in you venture cos all the lazy dumb asses stay on the outsides.
I loved him. Stressed out hair guy then there’s ear spacers guy for a close second.
The original apple. JOKES.
Got ya.
Drag queen and a chick in super scary high heels for cobblestones.
At least it wasn’t raining.
Tourist outskirts.
Spadina Ave style.
Now without chicks in the way.
It moves.
Testing out my new legs.
Okay now where.
To the cool stuff. Making our way in.
I would.
This looks like a good start.
I encounter many spiral staircases over here. I like them.
Older buildings w/o elevators make for a skinnier nation.
Don’t ask me what this place is called I’m sure you can find it.
Dutch for you can’t sit with us.
People watching here was great, one by one each table was filled with new curiosities of various kind.
Studying this COFFEE ONLY date was, awkward. Bf said she knew we were watching but like you’re in our line of sight we tried not to stare too hard but I quickly figured out exactly what was going on. Her protecting-self body language coffee cup barrier was screaming out loud for all to hear, you guys are dressed up way too nice for coffee in a place like this on a Sunday, the following day being a holiday. Definitely a date. Coffee means I don’t like you and he was well finished his plus another reason they were not a couple was how much smiling was going on while making mundane chit chat, you so do not smile when you you’re talking about bullshit. Do I grin when I tell elaborate and brief accounts of the history of my life and do you smile back when you hear that? Only if you have to if we’re on a fucking date!
Then we got a bit buzzed and stopped being so self conscious about talking like we’re here too okay is that fucking ok with you? Plus in English there’s a chance no one can understand anyway and whispering is a catty tell-tale gossiping give-away, just bounce your crap off the room and stop trying to be so polite to the world all the time no matter how nice you are people are always going to be annoyed, take a little you time and calls it likes ya sees it why not.
Shark mouth.
Bartender guy was laserbeaming me fine if you’re not going to stop staring then you’re gettin’ captured that’s how these things (cameras) work buddy. He was nbd about it. I like that bar set-up.
Gotta go spread ourselves around. Downstairs and outside for some food. Food btw is one English word I get imitated by, apparently I say it like how Americans think Canadians say a-boot. But how he imitates me is no way how I actually say FOOD so now it’s just a running stupid gag. It’s funny how just saying a word stupidly can be funny. Small things, big minds. Oh and yesterday the sister asked why Americans hate Canadians. Then I explained that for ten minutes.
All the patios have heat lamps under the tents and blankets on offer. We got our table we wanted to switch to cos we were in a cold pocket stolen by German chicks (bitches) and then I compromised and took one of the abandoned blankets from it like fuck you take our table AND the blankets too? No way. Then they gave slit eye glances at us until we left and THEN they felt like assholes when I offered them the blanket and not someone else. Patio politics.
Someone always orders carpaccio.
Soy sauce in gelatin form how bizarre, novel and delicious think it was infused with wasabi too.
Nice place I have the matchbook of it I’ll check out on the web after/never.
Tulips of course.
Cheese country.
And naughty city.
Three hundred euro love doll.
The new fives.
Lube.
So when you screw up drawing a pin-up’s legs just turn her into a mermaid.
Hate to say it but to be continued… POST TITLE CREDIT GOES TO BLAYNE! Big lover of Amsterdam, has been many times and now I have a list of bars to go to for next visit. Solid.
Omg no more for today. We did every song, gangnam style, I love you like a love song baby, others actually standing up though we can’t even remember the rest, duck sauce? We are going crazy by this point. Enjoy. Her performance is tomorrow lol.
Borderline duck face? Okay fine then do you prefer this face?
One of our family classic fuck faces. You do it behind someone’s back at them when they’re going on a rant. My family is hilarious
Hi Shawny!
So emo core.
Evidence of Europe my gizzards!
I look like Hell? Hell is hot. Just like me.
This is a fat day. Oh no wait skinny is fat days now, that’s going to suck. Did a lot of yard work today, trimmed the hedges like Edward Scissorhands dressed like this. The neighbours peep me hardcore cos they NEVER see me I’m like a mirage, then they hear me and bf chirping and are probs like holy meant for each other.
Sister is coming over to do all our laundry now fuck yeah. Just kidding. This is her in Volendam the weekend before we went. She pulled a Gaga. Omg do you beat your laundry with a stick? HAhah ILHer cos I can say all the shitty things I need to say and she laughs harder than I would laugh at them it’s like constant affirmation of the monstrously funny person that I am. I ran through new stand-up material last night in bed and was like zzz wake up write that down please for the love of god but no need I remember both stories cos I’m ripping them off from a friend who can’t be my friend anymore cos of his wife, long story, gotta come hear it IRL don’t ya now. I did a secret stand-up set I wouldn’t let anybody come to and I was pretty good. I can be raunchier doing stand-up.
Our motel owner was a baller once dog! He comped us a night cos we gave no guff til we signed out and I had to play a priss. With good reason we heard gunshots out of our window it wasn’t fucking Compton in the 90’s plus you gave us one roll of toilet paper at a time and towel wtf? Anyway it was a good time because we fell in love Rihana hopeless place style. We didn’t make breakfast once and you think we were saved it once? No. Who makes breakfast for one half hour only between 9:30-10am? I’ll tell you. Someone who doesn’t want to press down on a toaster because he knows we aren’t showing up. We were the only guests. This was some Rose McGowan in a diner and the highways are shut down level creepy bullshit we saw every key in the cubbies sitting like gravestones behind his head as he berated us for fibbing on how many nights we stayed cos he wasn’t around for some of them and the lackey miscalculated, we were the only people keeping the week afloat and it got expensive Jesus, I was supposed to be with Lois and Mom and he was supposed to go to Cuba and Panama.
I couldn’t resist. Killing time til Sis comes over again cos I’m helping her memorize this dance. I have videos of us doing it that while I’d like to share but I don’t want you to have an Aneurysm laughing at us.
Womanizer played in my head all night long subconsciously ughhhhhhh it happened to me when it first came out too seriously. Made me sick. My friend had my ding-a-ling stuck in his head til he was almost sick and dizzy when he was a kid so it can happen. Poor guy ahhaha. Long story short she owes me for Womanizer. Ps. speaking of Napoleon, he did some historical things in Holland too. It’s raining History bye, everybody dance now! Omg she came in through the window. So Beatles.
Jesus. oh and we bought some bread after this because the fire reminded me.
A bread factory inferno started at a 1 then raged for three hours into a grip2 which is Dutch measuring increments for GTFO. Naturally we chased it for a closer look. The name of the company is Pré Pain, that’s for sure. I guess the bread is toast now lol.
Hiya internet. Hope you like monkeys and sensible zoo outfits plus my party hat nip-ons (the shade is brrrrr) cos yesterday we went to a zoo that was actually a “park” dedicated to every single monkey species you can think of and the little ones, HUNDREDS of them, walk all over you. Great idea for a hangover right?
Let me get rid of these first. The day before we had drinks and dinner with bf’s friend in the city, fun times. I wore my new wedges and I didn’t fall once I just walked really slow.
This annoying couple turned up our last day in Aruba at the pool so no more hot tub blasting for us though bf did a cannon ball to announce our presence. The old guy sat on his laptop for a couple hours under the umbrella, cool vacation bro! I smiled at the lady when we passed each other doing pool laps but she was not feeling us until an hour later when she realized her husband was gonna be hardcore ignoring her for hours.
Aruba is a magical place.
See! We went through all the pics on my phone and videos the other night we haven’t even looked at and were catapulted right back into our honeymooning blissdom. Pictures are addictive, a healthy addiction IMO but totally can be overdone if you’re OCD snapping at everything and missing out on the IRL experience.
Me and my jumpsuit I was wearing the night we met. It’s from H&M.
Irish writer dudes in Amsterdam. We had Irish coffees here then split town.
On with de show now. These are all taken with his other camera, the camera I used has all the videos and close-ups on it. Just too much but lots of goodies. It’s hard to narrow it down from 1000 photos. I don’t have the attention span nor patience to discern which picture of a monkey is better than the others, aside from facial expressions and funny things they’re doing but if you get one posing nicely on a flower tree you tend to take 40 pictures of that moment and then when you sit down to go through them it’s like wtf is wrong with me?
Quickly realized I wore the wrong bra, I had to use bf as a shield a lot. Had a few Grandpa groupies at various junctures, women eyeing me up and down pissed off too oh whatever if I could go back in time and wear something with more padding I would have.
Love the design here.
We got in for the price of one cos an old guy came up to us before the entrance with internet print-out tickets, his wife can’t walk anymore. Being avid watchers of scam city I was a little worried but the man had an honest face and the tickets were legit wuhoo savings!!!!!!
If you want to borrow these zipper bags for the day you can, some monkeys are a little grabby. If they were gypsy monkeys we would be ripped off for sure.
I feel bad for turkeys, they’re so fugly with that shit hanging off their beaks like God made a mistake and put ball sack on their nose instead whoops too late.
Wearing flips flops on long walks is a risk. By the end of the afternoon I was beat.
At this point it dawned on me that if I was going to speak baby talk to the animals they’re not going to understand English cos they’re all Dutch animals ah duhhhhhhhh. Saying hello in a cooing voice works internationally also having animal aura which I possess, most morons do. It’s like a come to me competitive wizardry.
Don’t interrupt while I’m minxing yo.
It is overwhelming in the cutest way to enter this area, they’re just everywhere playing about and interacting with people it’s the best therapy ever.
Having “monkey” as my nickname at a place literally crawling with monkeys was funny too, good thing no one speaks English. The zoo staff did though and found our running commentary quite hilarious and how nervous and skittish I was around the monkeys. They bite and when you’re spooked easy your overactive imagination gets the better of you. Have you seen the movie Outbreak?
Branches obscuring me, hot look.
Baby monkey brain asplosion awwwwwww.
Their little faces blew me through a wall aghhhhhh. They climbed all over my bf it was adorablah, bit his camera and hands god it was so amazing.
They’re so human looking, the ape I captured on film later on was spectacularly human I could watch all day.
Curious little guy.
I didn’t have the balls to hold one, I didn’t want to be bitten.
We went back at the end of the day to steal one but were too late lol.
I’m making the weirdest noises while going through these right meow.
