cos in my head there’s a grey house stationed where i send my thoughts to far off destinations

late night conceited photo shoot.

someone far more famous than i asked me last nite if i enjoyed being this provocateur so out there and so on. i never really stopped to think about that before. yes and no. i would like to lead a simple life someday a private life i think. i said unfortunately this is the only way for me now this is how it is.

one of my eyes is bloodshot. i don’t even look good in these i dunno why the hell i’m posting them. menstrual mental.

the flash delay on my bb was messing with my posing game. sometimes there is a compulsive need to document and capture every moment it’s not a need at all it’s an addiction? a habit that you don’t take note of, it’s normal but then you wake up to a billion stupid photos and wonder what the point was. oh right, that thing called blogging.

best meal ever i want melodie to cook for us every nite.

here i am telling melodie my life philosophy. shes says i’m machiavellian. i had to ask what that meant.

here she is learning how blind i am. that shirt was casie’s i think.

jeremy please don’t send that new guy over to deal with us again thanks. his nervous laughter was invasive and got on my nerves.

we realised our outfits were too much. why do girls change out of something that is working and fuck it all up?

can you picture me dating one of those guys?

parkdale is for lovers.

ready for round two?

i look like the pied piper.

i spy melodie.

soooo pretty.

this is where i belong.

melodie’s wall of tea.

totally where she belongs. this is her shangri la.

from another vantage point.

what does greedy guts want now?

i selected the grand marnier chocolate truffle because i was getting the DTs bad.

i bought four of these for my niece’s birthday a couple years ago. not cheap.

ridiculous. some on my face too.

melodie have some. look how close i am at licking that piece off my mouth it’s driving me nuts to look at it.

oh yeah baby.

don’t worry was told about the little piece on my face but only of course after enough photos were taken with it on my face ugh.

i said thank you and he goes NO THANK YOU guess it’s not everyday you see two girls one truffle feeding up in there eh boy? pretty funny he’s totally blushing too aw.

this way.

serious face.


lucas lost his mind when he saw these pictures. that’s what you get for partying. missing out. i’ll bring him next time.

my face feels so oily looking at this photo.

waiting for my meat i made the boys really nervous and they couldn’t get the right one i asked for cut me like two different kinds. hot quebec genoa salami i get it every time. make a note of it. the hotter and nuttier and older the better.

hahahha awesome hi humble.

ridiculous stuff everywhere. could spend hours browsing. melodie was glad we had minimum time otherwise she would have spent hours in there.

seriously what is that shit i dunno but i want it.


let me get a better look here. ok. wasn’t hallucinating. it’s ok because it’s imported, expensive?

old school in the new world.

black on black figs look awesome. melodie had one.

i want to change it to 8 days a week. beatle joke!

melodie’s take.

more legs.

for days.

what a nutcase. sometimes i don’t even have words for myself. what is going on over there don’t you want to know that person with really high hair?

sell it baby.

melodie heckled liar you don’t eat chips. what it was the closest piece of merchandise.

i look hot and fat and bloated. so pumped for flity girl fitness today. i worked out all weekend long drank very little i feel like a switch went off in my head finally i am ready to own skinny again. do you know what it’s like to be fat with a six pack? i do!

i don’t eat that either. melodie did.

i was given a bar of the raspberries and dark chocolate one, it comes with a love poem i was going to save it for a date or something, someone i love, and loves me but there is NOOOOOO ONE so i ate half of it and told melodie to hide the other half in her bedroom. i started to read the poem aloud in the kitchen but then got annoyed and jammed a thumbtack into it into the corkboard and stormed out frustrated instead and we went for a glass of wine.

was told to go easy in cheese boutique as this raymi goodie bag was in store for me on our way out!!!

ethical bags so cute.

afrim begins…

sorry you’re blinking here but i look adorable.

every time we chat it’s when i am being handed some ridiculous piece of cheese or meat that i am about to consume so i have tunnel vision for it thus canceling out anything you have to say or here’s a bag of stuff specially selected for me as if i am listening.

i look like stephanie tanner when she had to get glasses and hated life. mel tried these on and was blown away by how strong the magnification is. apparently i am blind. she said to lucas hey did you know lauren needs glasses? i said they correct stoner eyes. i don’t want to get my eyes checked i’m too young waaaah.

that pasta he’s holding is what legit italians use for macaroni like it’s no big deal and cheese boutique imports it exclusively. exclusive is the new NEW on a product.

showing me the cheese boutique stamp in my head i’m going there is no chance i’m eating pasta i’m such a cow. relax i’ll have some.

don’t you want to smoosh your face in my hair? it’s really soft and pretty and smells nice. just saying. i’m digging through the bag now that we’ve started i want to see what else christmas brought.

oh yessssssss.


greedy spoiled brat.

we’ve pretty much consumed everything in that bag. all the cheeses and sausage, roasted almonds, the cherry butter spread (i’ve been eating with a spoon) the strawberry compote we still have. melodie cooked the french lentils last nite (best healthiest meal ever) we have yet to hit the olive oils but we will.

i’m just assembly-line passing it all over to mel goin through it haha this is what real looks like.

afrim gave me two cheeses that his wife loves. one of which is twenty bucks. high roller. it’s all gone now i ain’t no poseur (foodie) eater, i eat. and eat.

mind blown looks like this. melodie looks wild-eyed too. we all look mental, in fact. sane is boring.

so happy. totally scored.

i love melodie in this blazer. that’s the high roller cheese afrim is showing her. they took prices off everything so i couldn’t add it all up at home like a grinch but they missed that one.

had just received palettes of this sparkling lemonade so he threw in a couple, blood orange and pomegranate. guzzled the hell out of them. afrim suggested making a cocktail, way ahead of you there haha. had them straight up virgin though cos we were good kids this weekend.

i would seriously be a cow if i worked there i dunno know how he’s so thin. hustles his ass off and doesn’t eat enough i guess. he is like, a real business guy. that’s how you can gauge one’s business by how skinny everyone is or isn’t. stress = skinny = success. you can figure out on your own what the opposite is for this equation.

i don’t think there’s one thing from that place i wouldn’t eat. ooh raymi food challenge. spotted dick? coming right up. good afternoon.


love letters

I read some of your “writings” on the internet. You’re right at the top of the list of being DISGUSTING. You should apologize to your mother……..for being born. NASTY NASTY NASTY!


your hair looks fucking ridiculous.


You are conceited in your posts, more so than lately. I know you think you’re all that, but really, you’re not gorgeous enough to be so so self-centred. You’re what my friends and I call “fake pretty.” You’re one of those girls who dyes her hair platinum, and you get attention because of that, but you’re a butter face.

wow you sounded super desperate to hurt my feelings. that’s sad. your grammar is atrocious “more so than lately”??? how can something be more so than something that has already happened you sound like a fucking idiot and i get a ton of attention no matter my hair colour but if it’s fake pretty to you it’s still pretty all the same and too bad there is more to life than being beautiful. luckily i am blessed in so many other ways to be jealous of i bet you command zero attention in a room. your fault darling.


Good Afternoon,

My name is ****** and I’m part of the Promotions Team here at http://www.********.com . We have been seeking out high quality websites and blogs, gauging interest in doing a giveaway with one of our sites.
We love the look and feel of your blog and think that your US and Canadian readers might be interested in a giveaway with our sites http://www.********.com, http://www.******.com, http://www.*********.com or http://www.*******.com.
Have a look at a couple of our sites and let me know if you think that this might be something you’d be interested in. Perhaps we could give away a selection of our kitchen decor and gadgets or cooking and baking products . I’d be happy to brainstorm some other ideas with you if you’re interested. Alternatively you could do a review of something from our site.
Please let me know if you have any questions for me. I hope to hear from you to further discuss the details of the giveaway.
Kind Regards,

Sure totally game. I don’t promote anything for free fyi.

Thanks raymi

Hi Raymi,

Thanks for getting back to me! I am so glad you are interested in doing a review or giveaway with us, here are the details.

For a giveaway all you would have to do is write up the post with a keyword (I will let you know what it is) and pick a winner! Then you just send me their info, and I will place the order to be shipped to them. It’s a great way to generate buzz about your site and gain new followers as well as increase traffic, especially when you ask other bloggers to post about it! no way thank you so much for helping me and caring about MY traffic you peon! i don’t need your shitty little traffic and i don’t want it, this has zero way of paying off for me only an idiot would bite at this offer.

If you would like to receive something, than you may do a review of one of our products instead. The product or products for $125 that I can offer you from our stores would be the compensation I can offer you at this time. read: we want it all and we expect it for free here is some useless shit you didn’t ask for as payment. Please note that this promotion would be available to you once every 30 days. please link all our websites again in a month so we can milk the hell out of this whilst compromising more of your integrity you get nothing out of this exchange you fucking idiot. All I would require is a teaser post about the upcoming review including a keyword link (I will forward it to you later if you choose to participate). oh ya will, will ya? gee thanks! no i will not on top of this slimy game show thing insert key words what does that even mean? ugh no deal.

Please feel free to look on our site, www.*******.com for an item within the $125 range (including shipping) to get a better understanding of some of the products that we offer. you are out of your fucking mind Additionally we have over 200 different websites, of couuuuurse you do that you can also pick an item out within that price range. Some of these are www.******.com , www.*******.com www.******.com www.*********.com and many more! no thank you!

To see a list of all of our 200+ sites which products are available for this promotion please visit: http://www.***********

Once you have a good feel for what you would like to show your readers, we can set up a review or giveaway for a promotional gift card for $125 that is good on any product on any site! Please know that if you choose a giveaway only US and Canadian readers will be eligible to participate.

Thanks again for responding to me, I look forward to hearing from you soon!

Warm Regards,


now after wasting more of my time after i implicitly said I DO NOT PROMOTE ANYTHING FOR FREE she tries to offer me pots and pans as payment and then tries to boss my ass around about all this stupid crap. nuh-uh. my reply: Sorry I don’t do anything for free.

her reply:

Would you be interested in a sidebar text link for $200 for 12 months or $125 for one post with our keyword that will be archived for $125 paid via paypal?

my reply:

200 for a month (alone) would be generous of me. (but 12 months at 200 dollars is bullshit). Sorry way way below my rate. aaaaand no reply.

i realize now upon reading this i’d accept 125 for that key insertion but she mentioned paypal which is a headache and will waste more of my time volleying emails back and forth. i bet if i said yes but you have to pay up front she’d balk and demand link goes up first to which i’d tell her to get fucked. this is how we do business over at raymicom. so much work for so little, not my thing. yeah if someone out there actually needed or wanted cookware i’d do that maybe five winners? it has to be worth it for all of us but these a-holes want to milk me and pay me in cookware short of that make me hound them for money. not professional or serious at all. if you want to seriously make use of your money with me you give me the product that actually makes sense for me that i might actually buy anyway and is believable, you give me more of that product so i can spread it around and then you pay me on top of that which encourages and inspires me to go to work.

and scene.

you CAN always get what you want

hey pals remember when i used to go to cheese boutique all the time and photograph the minutiae, just because? ahh those weren’t the days…ha kidding. somewhat. my point is i don’t even know where to begin blowing them it feels like it’s all happened so fast. oh my god i’ll stop blathering and just get on with the show. i took melodie along with for the ride for her first time there. all this time i’ve been telling my immediate circle about my goings-on in the city which is like 60% food 40% gym and then if you made one of those hipster graphs a big circle splicing through gym and food would be dating. anyway with the food always CB gets tied-in as they supply many restos in the city their cheese or meat or whatever, get the connection yet? so to make this all make more sense in my friend’s minds i figure i should just physically show them CB.

ginger asked me after we ate at cafe du lac how cheese boutique was, uhh fine, except i didn’t go to cheese boutique i went to cafe du lac LISTEN TO ME WHEN I TALK! then i realized yeah it might be a little confusing i shouldn’t expect everyone to be as smart as i am all the time. i have horrible impatience, it’s a bipolar thing for sure you just want people to communicate telepathically with you and they can’t and you blow your top when they get it wrong.

i took’er easy friday nite, hit the gym, movie rental, crashed at gf’s place, went to the gym again in the morning then biked home to the tail-end of a house party which sort of (totally) pissed me off. one party guest of which was the same person who would not fucking leave the morning after melodie’s birthday party. i came in the livingroom in my gym attire, heard as i was climbing the stairs “…i drank so much beer I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE I AM RIGHT NOW…no seriously where am i..?” oh great i thought, open the door they see me i see them i go, “oh i guess there was an after party.”

so i guess melodie won’t be joining me today ahhaha no problem there wasn’t any actual “business” afoot aside from it was time she saw the joint but sometimes if you hangover blow plans it can make you way more depressed so she powered through and i was impressed. the last thing i’d want to do is eat rich food following a bender which sort of doesn’t make sense as i was hungover every single day last week right up to eating foie gras duck etc etc ugh. i have learned my lesson don’t worry. i starve myself in-between these night’s out or i eat like a rabbit.

it was the beginning of a wonderful girl day-date. lucas slept off his hangover and we hit the town and i didn’t try to escape off once for a date or something stupid. i am having the most mellow normal weekend ever it is kind of incredible.

i look kind of famous and important here i like it hahaha. i also like fucking with the cb employees cos they don’t know who the hell i am or what is going on and i dig that and exploit it. everywhere i go it’s like performance art pretty much.

oh look it’s humble (not so) howard. he really liked melodie and i. i told him i had my own radio show once. he didn’t care. put me on the air guy the people have a right to my opinions in real time. he said he will at least link my blog off the radio’s site. good.

another guy i won over, chris woods, phenom chef. he’s personal chef to some big names right now and he said he’s going to help make me skinny again. good luck buddy! his wife is adorable and feisty we really liked her.

omfg i want to go to italy.

i starved myself prior to this told melodie not to eat when i said i was going to cb this saturday. she was like well i have to eat something like toast at least. that’s fine for you but i am not eating beforehand. this is why. normally there aren’t this many food samples going on at cb well i always used to go there sundays, i think they go sample crazy on saturdays in general (seriously in every nook there is an open package of everything you see you can totally eat your way through the building) but extra special is the tasting series of diff big names cooking up a feast on top of all the samples you can gorge on a saturday so for the next few weeks go to cb on a saturday. you’re welcome.

i am trying my hand at portion control it was hard but i didn’t finish this. apparently it’s an honour thing leaving food on the plate it’s a sign of respect in china to the chef you’d think it would be a diss to leave food unfinished. also asians only eat 80% of their portions they always leave 20% behind that’s what norman told me at central, he’s asian. he said it’s not genetics why they’re all so thin it’s the amount they consume. i guess it makes sense as they’re really smart with numbers. oh man i’m so glad my entire math class at st. joes was asian i sat beside the nicest smartest one of them who was like dazzled by how insane i was i’m pretty sure i would have failed that class if not for her.

delicious. i got sent home with a bag of this pasta it’s called fregola grossa and it is not gross. it looks like rocks i can’t even believe it’s pasta it looks so retarded.

i have to remember my posture i look like a hunchback no one wants to talk to.

chris thought i was crazy but then he met me and realized he’s way crazier. see people you don’t have to be afraid of me i’m actually really nice. if you deserve it.

this picture is cozy. i am cozy and so are my surroundings. actually the new word to describe me as is endearing. at cafetaste afterward melodie said everything i do is endearing. people say the nicest things after Rosé.

melodie looks amazing in anything she wears. that’s the heathers jacket my aunt gave me. i remember the last time i wore it. outfits tell stories. they trigger memories of night’s past. ghost outfits! oh my god we’re having a grammar fight now, past passed we can’t figure it out. cos it IS the past AND it passed. ughhh what do you think? lucas says passed. i agree but my initial instinct was past. moving on.

chris and his wife are having us over for dinner and also to have a raymi cooking show in their kitchen. pumped. you know what i want to do? i want to cook for elite chefs and have them insult me to my face or try to pick apart my meal. ooh i have an idea.

that’s it no more smiling from below photos my face looks huuuge. oh hi afrim.

cheese vault tour. every time i go to cb i learn something new whether i like it or not. there’s over a million dollars worth of cheese in the vault. you can store cheese like wine there if you want and you can visit your cheese and congratulate yourself on being so disgustingly rich you don’t know what to do with it.

i always think of the movie gangs of new york when i go in there. so old school, old world, no packaging yeah that’s it. packaging is disgusting and offensive i like to keep it pilgrim whenever i can.

that’s my i am learning face. wow that thing beside me isn’t a load bearing beam it’s cheese.

seriously now.

i was getting claustrophobic so i escaped on my own journey.

these touch my lonely heart, marche has little vintage toys going around the room as well. i feel like one day i will too.

people have always been curious about my food obsession. my dad was the first to ever point it out. it was when i was mental and fresh back from LA we went grocery shopping and i guess all the items i was throwing into the cart tipped him off. he said i was food obsessed, i was a twig at the time, can’t remember the actual wording but it was the first moment of clarity i ever had on the subject. i thought hmm he has a point here but what it means i do not know.

oh i know he said i had a food fetish. how prophetic, dad.

here comes fatty.

this woman is awesome she fed me this by hand as the honey was everywhere and she didn’t want my hands to be sticky. so sweet!

i am reminded of fried green tomatoes the scene when she sticks her hand in the tree and grabs a piece of honeycomb for her friend. hey guys this is the blog about stuff that reminds me of other stuff how very unnecessarily informative you’re welcome.

she shoved this in my mouth.

awesome. because i am a spazz i have to have flavour on flavour everything and then i have to have more on top of that and combine the most ridiculous shit and then there must be a dip too just in case i’m not satisfied for all of us wow i’m glad i don’t hostess anymore so exhausting. actually i miss it. the point is you should try honey and blue cheese. bam.

not finished yet. i took the toothpick fork out of her hand and was like gimme this you don’t know what you’re doing here and started making up my own cheese/honey concoctions hahaha. melodie get out here try this right now.

can you feed her by hand too?

she wouldn’t. sometimes when i am in a hyper and demanding cyclone people come up for air and realize they’re their own bosses but it’s funny to see how far you can push things sometimes. mostly i am not even aware of it it just feels natural to be in charge, be the leader.

what a glutton.

haaaha the guy behind me pretending not to be interested in our bizarro world.


yeah i dunno. the lady was calling bullshit on me for not showing food enjoyment face, for not being real, so this was my real.

can you spy my friend the pear i always photograph and say hi to whenever i visit. i’m drawn to it because it is so beautiful and magnificent. food is art that you eat.

melodie asked if i tried these i think i did at a wedding once years ago. show candies. i need to visit a factory and see how these are made. you spray them i guess? the eating experience of one of these must be strange, to look at a piece of silver and then consume it. do you like how i am blown away by the lamest things?

i know this isn’t a pumpkin but the colours oh man made me a little emo there for a second. if i see anybody carrying a pumpkin around with them i am going to kick it out of their hands TOO SOON ASSHOLE. i wonder if cb was just testing out their fall icing colour dye blend.

well seeing as i don’t have a boyfriend i guess it makes sense i’m hooked up with cb in lieu of and not some place like dominoes.

why thank you.

ok be right back with part two.

vote for my blog please type in in the blog category at the bottom where you can fill in “other” thank you very much.

Well i might take a boat or i’ll take a plane I might hitch hike or jump a railroad train Your kind of love drives a man insane So look for me walking just a any old way.

needs to be vacuumed. it only reaches so far in the house apparently. i’m going to let that french maid guy come over and clean up the rest of the room and film it. someone has to be here with me though. even i know that’s pretty damn crazy. i’m trying hard not to swear anymore. damn in place of the f word is just not linguistically appealing enough for me.

dear santa. i’m kinda pumped for christmas. it will be my first one single. i imagine i will be hibernating in burlington.


yesterday’s rain. feels like a lifetime ago.

date from two nites ago got mad at me for how i portrayed him because someone called him a pussy in my comments. big deal you are totally anonymous and nothing i said wasn’t true so what.

i think he just felt rejected. i told him i was a free bird. it’s not your fault you’re not the one. for me. should people take rejection personally?

i only want the ones who don’t want me.

and i don’t take it personally because i know there is a flavour for everyone and i’m not everyone’s but then i fall out of love with them and see them for what they are and go, meh. what was the big deal about that one? some are catches you let slip through your fingers too. you get picky. you accept dying alone.

an ex said he knew he would die alone i found that sad that someone accepted the fact that they were so fucking stubborn and difficult to live with that no woman would ever tolerate it. i lived with that man in brooklyn and then maine. i left him.

his father died in the house we lived in in maine. in the den. he moved there to be alone and to die alone. a priest broke in and found the body two weeks later. he died the day i was driving/moving to brooklyn with ward so i was immediately alone in new york city for two weeks while the funeral affairs and family mourning in new england was dealt with. i was eighteen. i wrote terrible poetry in my journal by hand. my time in new york city is like a dream. it is a memory because it wasn’t blogged in length. it is something of lore to my own self. you remember things more when you write them down at least once. or share the stories of. i have many secrets from that time, many stories.

i called up vice magazine and said i’m in town eddy said come right over. i might have been blow hung. i did some things around the office. i scanned in photos smuggled out of afghanistan by a photographer i forget the name of (jason florio comes to mind if that is even a person or a real name) i still knew how to use a mac at the time because i used one at that woman’s magazine in high school. i fixed all the black and whites, pumping the contrast, brightening shadow this was early photoshop days eddy was like yeah do whatever i felt kind of proud that my “work” would be in the next issue. funny and ironic that the photos of old dudes in the desert street merchants total arabic-looking scenes and then some of that guy who was assassinated who would have been the che guevara of the country and gave ‘em all a good pr spin but then a couple months later the wtc thing happened and we all know how that played out…

this is how i look without makeup. so naked.

at that same time my parents were separating. their marriage was finally over. my mom called me a lot sobbing. it affected me but i had to be away from it i had finally had enough i was trying to break free for years. when i eventually left new york in october in time to show up for the diploma ceremony at my high school, my dad had a place above the judges in oakville like a bachelor for the first time in his life. i remember telling him my plan of moving to toronto and he yeah whatevered me like the unstoppable headstrong person i was. funny how fate is. i met fil because of all this a couple years later. i gave my mom my blog address so she wouldn’t be so lonely. regretted it big time for years completely affected how i blogged how i edited myself she would not leave me alone and to this day ugh. i’ve let it go cos everyone’s mom pisses them off on facebook these days welcome to my personal hell.

gah cocoon!

the duvet is still not on. i at least put the pillow covers on.

based on what it looked like before this is totally clean. i haven’t seen my couch in months.

a thing of art.

and so after a few missions (returning clothes to designers from fashion shoots) and days of just sitting around blogging from their offices vice invented a bar job for me in their soho store. i had to walk around picking up mix and beer from bodegas hoof it all over once rejected by liquor stores for not having proper id (underage) one time it was super close i went to like 5 and the last one in astor place finally let me buy all the jugs of cheap vodka and gin i remember that day was insane i got my photo taken in a fashion magazine cos of my slammin’ outfit and i also saw sex and the city being filmed during my booze mission people were losing their minds i saw the cougar slut one and the redhead lesbo one i was like what’s the big deal here? i know chicks who claw their eyes out with jealousy when i tell them that story. and the time keira and i met rob pattinson ahhaha. holy christ do my stories ever go on and on and never reach a point it’s worse in person but anyway that was one of my jobs when i lived in new york city then 9/11 happened and the parties went bust we tried maine for awhile then i moved to toronto blah blah etc.

before. so terrible. teenage runaway.

totally lame boring photo that’s the clothing rack that made it all possible. i have too many clothes i’m going to bring some “peices” to the raymi blog anniversary party.

please help me win this i want to be toronto’s number one blog!

time to drag my ass to the gym ughhhhhhhhhhhh death lightning cramps.

holy it’s friday the week just totally went time is flying is it for you guys too?

who loves you baby? raymi.

it’s worth a shot. go here click best blog, go to the blank space and type in as your answer please please thank you! this is an actual blog so it should win. just saying.

also my ten year blog anniversary party will be at wrong bar. i want to give you gift bags loaded with ridiculous shit. i am going to bust my ass to make that happen and i am going to do it all in exchange for cool branding/advertising. i want prizes too. i also want a laptop for myself so someone should just give me one to whore out already jesus. there will be bands there will be raffles there will be music. fuck i might even have it catered you cheapskates. it’s going to be big. i’m going to auction off art and give the money to charity i know right so generous. which cause i don’t fucking know, stupid kids who don’t know how to read very good?

it’s pretty much guaranteed i will have an anxiety attack about the time this happens. come watch! late november don’t forget. date to be confirmed.

Ah, she likes to travel around She’ll love you but she’ll put you down Now people let me put you wise Sue goes out with other guys

friends, meet aladdin mc hammer pants. pants, meet friends. these are not great photo posing pants well maybe if i did a reel like a flip book a succession of shots down the page of me gradually doing a tai chi movement holy gaaaaaaaay.

dating is killing me. holy shit. like the “nite’s off” when i’m not eating pork terrine stuffed mussels rabbit whatever obnoxious shit bring it on i have to stay in i think otherwise i’m out on a date eating Pâté and other ludicrous shit and tons of champagne wine martinis this excessive lifestyle is doing a number but then how do i have a life when your life becomes your working life does that make sense? when you are a walking living breathing reviewing machine there is never a time off. so i left my camera at home last nite.

i am totally going to be insane the next few days aunt flo is on the doorstep i feel like a fucking cow i’ve broken out so bloated and i have to somehow suck it all in for stripper exercise classes and more high-end cuisine. i am chugging water and nothing but until my next meal. ok water and espresso.

i have no idea how to put a duvet on by myself (especially not whilst in a prosecco tequila cava martini malbec weed cyclone) well i know how i just can’t do it it’s like my one thing i pretend i can’t do because i haaaaaate doing it i will make lucas do it when he gets home. i didn’t want to drink that much but date insisted we were totally pissing contest all over the place he was like you look like you can drink i said oh yeah i can put ‘em away we have a shot i drink it nice and slow and casual no problem he had a little issue with his. i was the man. drew barrymore in charlies angels two pounding shots in that blizzardy lodge with a ruskie. he challenged me, i never back down. we did another shot later on at venue two. after watching people pound shots for eight months and serving people said shots and maybe doing some at the bar i dunno, not feeling drinking or shots, not that kind of person. challenge me and i will accept. i am very competitive.

so i slept duvet cover-less is the moral of that last caption.

stop hammer time.

that was my first time hanging out in the four seasons bar. i will not exhaust you with all the opinions i have on the place nor the clientele. date is like you got a big chip on your shoulder. yes i do. and i’m very emotional. hahaha. he said that some people in there “got something to show” that being money. i demanded to pay because the pissing contest stakes were raised so high, he got the tab at panorama but my bill was bigger and of course i tipped huge i came back from the atm with a stack of money totally gunned and was grinning like a warlock my way thru the bar and all the hot money men looking at me date asks why i was smiling you know you just get a thought to yourself and you can’t stop finding it hilarious even though it’s not really. i think i was just mentally assuaging the money guilt i felt instantly upon extracting such a huge amount from the machine so i told myself to relax i get everything for free it’s fine it’s ok to spend money just enjoy it. money makes people crazy eh?

hotel ground zero inflated prices also makes you crazy. then you’re like whatever i’m already here halfway deep may as well keep going.

this is exactly like a daquiri except martini sized and 18 dollars and takes you two seconds to guzzle.

edamame and charcuterie.

i look like ugh i don’t even know anymore i hate how i look right now.

see what i mean about the pants? i didn’t vamp because it was earlier on in the date and i could tell he already had his back up about my blogging and everything but they can actually be pretty sleek and make the small of my back look wild.

guy wouldn’t let me play restaurant critic either. fine fine i wasn’t even planning on it but then i was like wait, why not? everything was good, happy? the end. we also went for chinese for last call and that’s the part i regret even though it was so. good. we ate eleven things. courses. date’s mind was blown by that excess. i am meeting a lot of control freak men lately, restricting themselves during the week. guess i have to start doing that too. i try and usually have a string of really healthy meals or no meals between rich meals and then punish myself at the gym. do you want to trade lives for a week? nahh i can’t stand offices or be anywhere close to responsible enough for a 9-5 that’s why i started blogging.

let me show you my salon

greetings people. you know you’ve “made it” when you get a locks sponsorship. these people at redd hair studio have won my heart and hair. it’s about time i gave you a virtual tour of the place. let us begin.

abstract photo i entitle, “still modern life”. i finally cleaned my hit by a tsunami sty of a room today, yes that sheet is clean its just been folded up for a century. in the handful of times i’ve been to redd to have my roots did tray (tracey)(tray is more gangster i overheard trish call her that today so i’m gonna start calling my mom tray cos her name is also tracey you’re welcome for sharing) always chastises me for not bringing my extensions fiiiiiiiine but she has a point. the heat of the summer has just made it impossible to enjoy and exist with long hair especially when half of it isn’t growing out of your scalp and separating away from your head.

showed up late with wet hair. i am always late i hate that it’s so disrespectful. so i’m late and then i have this explosion of nonsense coming out of me. i ask trish if we had met before and she’s like no i said that’s right i’m pretty sure you’d remember this, gesture to self.

tray. ok i can’t do it i have to call you tracey. she is amazing. shannon has a keeper.

curling begins.

accidental shot but i like how arty it turned out. that place is cozy. cozy atmosphere on a shitty rainy day is very important to me. i didn’t want to leave.

when i was posing out front for photos a hot tall stylish chick walked by and said i love your leggings. thanks me too. navy blue cotton maybe some wool in there i should look at the tag. rain boots from zellers during wakestock.

a nice camera can make anything look amazing and interesting.

this is where the camera lives.

i have misplaced one of the pink extensions. dad i think i left it in your bathroom did i? we evened out the other side of my head with hot red very aguilera.

very good quality hair. not cheap but if you call and say you saw raymi’s hair post you never know…

why can’t i just wake up with curly hair siiiiiiiigh.

this photo is extra pretty to me cos of tracey’s flash of silver pearl bracelet and my sleeping beauty head profile.

tracey wants to do shots of me in this thing. like seriously going out on the town in a wig.

love this little nook.

tracey stuck her mom and her friend in here last week when they came in for a cut they were puttering around like little lost old confused people it was pretty cute. they waited patiently for my roots to be done.

pahaha my crazy eyeball.

getting there. i look like jamie‘s kate moss mannequin.

eep tmi face photo. feh. salon lighting is never kind to eyebags.

i love my nails so much not one swarovski crystal has come off and i even did the dishes today and as a bonus when i attempt to fanatically obsessively pick my ears i can’t because the jewels make it hard to ok you don’t want to hear anymore.


with my purple oversized raybans and this hair i looked incognito on my walk home.

that’s right. soak it all in.

i look like a lionness mermaid porn star.

that’s more like it.

i really do feel like i’m incognito with this mop like if i wanted to i could play the whole damn part like other girls who take this hair seriously for years and have been using it to their advantage. i do feel a bit of a fraud but oh so what.

remember these?

maybe next time i will actually dress the part. probably not though.

act your age not your shoe size. if everyone went by those rules cougars wouldn’t exist nor playboys. life would suck.


tracey gives good head (massage).

maybe i’ll just come hang out one day and blog. i love this space.

can’t wait to have my own place.

believe it or not this wasn’t even MY idea. man i get a bad rep.

reading station.

in a hurry? get your makeup did. they are so laid back there and no bullshit i really lucked out. you can even do your own nails while you wait shannon has an epic collection of polishes.

holy hell i’m looking juicy that’s an unfortunate pose for those pants. well it got the attention of that miles hotter than me chick so whatever.

i can haz be spokesperson doyyyye.

that’s 1187 king street right beside shoeless joe’s. 416-530-7717.

ok enough about me look at what redd did for melodie.

i arrive late of course following nails appt. to oversee the operation and exhale a shit ton of gossip stress and camera.

meanwhile calm and cool as a cuke.

going copper.

melodie loved tracey so much she said she’ll go back. tracey actually listens, doesn’t go ahead on her own accord and give the opposite of what you want which is important.

aww and she got me a coffee just the way i like it but drank it herself instead of her own. it’s ok though cos i was jacked on 200 cups already by that point. she said a cop saw her on the sidewalk biking with two cups oops. he probably had a case of donuts in his cruiser is all, mel.

me posing with the wales bag i “gave” melodie for her books and records and other weird shit she carries around with her. pretty sharp.

wonder what my next nella bella bag will be.

then i skittered off to the gym leaving melodie and tracey to their own hair model photoshoot devices. i’m such a control freak with photos a little it’s kind of a relief to just let other people loose to do their own thing and i am fascinated by the results. totally different to what i would have done. love it.


i love this one it’s so weird and like, really?

that streak is the best.

striking. blam.

my favourite of all.

so youth.

not exactly copper but it’s a lot richer, more red. who cares looks awesome and the greys are gone which melodie is sad about what????????

if i was pretty enough i’d have a retarded haircut too there is no way i can pull this off tried it once before and i got laid like never. well not as much as i had of liked.

ok i’m cramping hard and have to get ready for a fancy date thank god i blew a load at f21 yesterday.