Hey mes amis happy Canadork Day! Went for a 4k walk around 2 in the afternoon, here’s a ton of pictures of it. Next time no flip flops.
One of my fav fields cos it’s beside this forest I’m sure there are (and there are) plenty other more potential favourite fields out there no offense to them.
It was sunny and a little cloudy and warmish. This is the coldest summer ever, it’s like, not even summer pretty annoying but also alright cos “it’s Europe” and gets a pass because of all the European stuff but if this was Canada rockin’ this bs weather I’d be super pissed.
Vamping in da bush.
Fabulous pajama tee. I kinda want like 50 more of them then I’ll never have to do sit-ups ever again.
I look like I’m at the mall.
Or a sleepover.
I think you guys should/would/could appreciate how un-priss I am/we are these days it’s sort of funny when we head out to feed the ducks in whatever house garbage attire we’re wearing and run like hell through the park to the ducks I actually stopped and laughed at how absurd we looked when I caught a glimpse of our reflection in this little gingerbread house window. Don’t care no time no time ducks ducks ducks. Quack.
Okay okay blergh blah here’s some life of Raymi now.
Please don’t be offended by this, be offended by other things but not this. We were playing the secret middle finger game and he got a pic of me in action and I was like, I look great under a table! This is dinner in Holland Friday night it was outtasite!
This is my lady Bieber jacket he’s like what? Beaver? Yeah that too. Luckily this sports bra works as a wicked bathing suit top and isn’t see-through wuhoo double layer. Miley wears one in her new video can someone tell her to stop biting her bottom lip “all gangster” please. Now in the category of just saying I did white sports bra first. Life is a contest. Only when you win by accident though, when I lose “I don’t care”.
Sunday. Germany.
And now without the older version of us. Learned that Sunday is not a good day to come here if one is fungry. I didn’t mind at them moments the sun was out it was quite spectacular looking up at the castle but the young family beside us and their precocious toddler girl kept running into the street and the doofus dad was barely watching her, we got stressed.
I didn’t wear makeup or sunglasses and with sun in my face and dumb smile I look like Sam Crenshaw. My Canadian readers love when I say that. It’s cos my eyes get squinty like his and my “aristocratic” nose.
At da club. My arms strike a balance between toned not fat but not toned. Time for more triceps.
This pizza was great I can’t remember what it was called but it had meats on it mushrooms, red onion, and it was super good.
Oysters were fishy. But still good. Fishy bad though, can’t deal. Dealt.
German for Car wash. You learn just so much here don’t you.
Off to castle.
Hi.
So many crazy downhill lanes, I walked back to the car to grab my coat to sit on and I had to super pay attention to my foot placement between the cobblestones my ankle is already wicked f–ed. But yesterday I forced myself to run, more of a fast stupid looking jog but still progress. I CAN run from zombies. Yes in answer to your internal observation my boobs DO look huge. My face looks like that cos I didn’t want to pose here I wanted the wall with the classic red triangle shutters. All my photo “poses” are candid for the most part cos no one has patience around here.
RRrrrrrowsers. Sitting in the sun on the only sun patio part makes you feel special, chosen. The sun has chosen me. Everyone looks, you feel observed so you have to smile or ignore, two options.
Days before then I can’t remember which one lets say last Monday it was hot so after the beach then the Germany pool we stayed in Germany to have Greek dinner yum. They gave complimentary shots of ouzo at the beginning of the meal, very smart business that. As he was taking his sip after we “proost” (cheersed) I said see you on the other side of our fight and he laugh spat ouzo everywhere, ZING.
Nails look manky here but they match his shorts. BTW the wasterslides at that pool are intense and the kids, omg passive aggressive as hell hogging the slides once they got to the top and just SIT THERE I’m like are you gonna move kid? My English speaking persuasion held no power there WTF!
It was sunnier earlier and still very warm. Patio watching is a great past time.
MMMMMMMMMMMMmmmm. Calamari and (Hardest word ever) tzatziki is SO GOOD.
Wow my hair looks so much more red back then I want to dye it every 2 weeks to keep building the colour up the ends are lightening already.
Pool water curly. Today my hair is like super long a ringa ding dong.
Sometimes the “holy shit” handles are actually necessary.
Feets in Germany belly fulla Greek.
Don’t look now a German sunset. Okay look treat yo’self.
To think guys at home get my sunset sloppy seconds six hours later AND FACE. I’ll stop talking like that. Eventually.
I was getting conceited from my Alicia Silverstoner hair flip in the sun.
Bun hair helps make the curl and lake water plus pool plus lets go now right now.
Of course you are called Fritz.
If I didn’t tell you this was on the border of Germany/Holland you’d think it was Wasaga or MTL.
I am really gonna miss this fucking place. Life is a journey. Where to next.
To the German waters. Ducks and birds got all territorial at us and swarmed us but of course we had no food. Had to hold my flip flop up at certain points, I don’t care I’ll slap a duck if I have to. Those beak pecks are vicious. Vroom vroom time to vacuum! OUTTIE.
Just before it started pissing and hollering out yesterday. It was still pretty warm, I like when weather sits on its head like that.
2:30 in the afternoon darkness. A gypsy earring represents.
Here I’m thinking how great an idea flip flops was.
Spooky starts to settle in. You should probs be listening to the Black Keys for this.
TWO THIRTY. Storm’s a comin’.
Driving to Germany. Took an interesting route to the border where there’s no sign and I wouldn’t know we’d crossed over unless he pointed it out. He pointed it out.
Nice fence.
Afternoon high beams.
Storms scare and excite me.
Lost highway.
Can you tell the difference between the unhappy and the happy (he had a ring on she didn’t) couple? I can.
It was guzzling out and so had an inclusive atmosphere about it.
High ceilings in Gatsby style.
And everybody watched everybody else just a little bit.
It was late so it was almost like early dinner I suppose and we ordered as such.
Friday was super duper hot so we split house and headed out for some nature after visiting gma.
One of our favourite parks.
Each plot of flowers has a plaque saying where that flower comes from and name in English and dutch and the country it comes from, not that I ever read them but I like that they are there. It’s kind of like a flower museum.
The short cut field erupted in wild daisies you know what that means someone’s about to get her pose on.
Took more pics here just now in different wardrobe.
Oh ma gad I am gonna dye the hell out of my hair today.
Seriously, flowers heaven. We are old people. We go on walks and hang out with ducks a lot, feed them. It’s nice. Like something an old fart would say but it’s a charming little idyllic lifestyle and simple. We’ll be in the city again soon enough.
Honey suckles. Sucked on some. That’s what we did at recess in elem school.
What’s over there, more park art? Oh it’s finally ready?
It appears so.
My favourite bitchy duck has babies now.
Our fish are getting bigger. We just went for another walk here and the park is teeming with fogies cos it’s Sunday. I also learned that neon orange in the sun in pictures make me look nude. You’ll see and good to know. My bf has back issues so we have to walk him a lot. Between that and my fucked ankle we are a couple of crips.
Freak in a field.
There were four storks.
Love sunshine country drives around here it’s a total labyrinth.
Time to hit a patio.
I loved this sauvignon. Bad white wine is awful, good white wine is a game changer. Especially sitting in the sun.
Borderline duck face? Okay fine then do you prefer this face?
One of our family classic fuck faces. You do it behind someone’s back at them when they’re going on a rant. My family is hilarious
Hi Shawny!
So emo core.
Evidence of Europe my gizzards!
I look like Hell? Hell is hot. Just like me.
This is a fat day. Oh no wait skinny is fat days now, that’s going to suck. Did a lot of yard work today, trimmed the hedges like Edward Scissorhands dressed like this. The neighbours peep me hardcore cos they NEVER see me I’m like a mirage, then they hear me and bf chirping and are probs like holy meant for each other.
Sister is coming over to do all our laundry now fuck yeah. Just kidding. This is her in Volendam the weekend before we went. She pulled a Gaga. Omg do you beat your laundry with a stick? HAhah ILHer cos I can say all the shitty things I need to say and she laughs harder than I would laugh at them it’s like constant affirmation of the monstrously funny person that I am. I ran through new stand-up material last night in bed and was like zzz wake up write that down please for the love of god but no need I remember both stories cos I’m ripping them off from a friend who can’t be my friend anymore cos of his wife, long story, gotta come hear it IRL don’t ya now. I did a secret stand-up set I wouldn’t let anybody come to and I was pretty good. I can be raunchier doing stand-up.
Our motel owner was a baller once dog! He comped us a night cos we gave no guff til we signed out and I had to play a priss. With good reason we heard gunshots out of our window it wasn’t fucking Compton in the 90’s plus you gave us one roll of toilet paper at a time and towel wtf? Anyway it was a good time because we fell in love Rihana hopeless place style. We didn’t make breakfast once and you think we were saved it once? No. Who makes breakfast for one half hour only between 9:30-10am? I’ll tell you. Someone who doesn’t want to press down on a toaster because he knows we aren’t showing up. We were the only guests. This was some Rose McGowan in a diner and the highways are shut down level creepy bullshit we saw every key in the cubbies sitting like gravestones behind his head as he berated us for fibbing on how many nights we stayed cos he wasn’t around for some of them and the lackey miscalculated, we were the only people keeping the week afloat and it got expensive Jesus, I was supposed to be with Lois and Mom and he was supposed to go to Cuba and Panama.
I couldn’t resist. Killing time til Sis comes over again cos I’m helping her memorize this dance. I have videos of us doing it that while I’d like to share but I don’t want you to have an Aneurysm laughing at us.
Womanizer played in my head all night long subconsciously ughhhhhhh it happened to me when it first came out too seriously. Made me sick. My friend had my ding-a-ling stuck in his head til he was almost sick and dizzy when he was a kid so it can happen. Poor guy ahhaha. Long story short she owes me for Womanizer. Ps. speaking of Napoleon, he did some historical things in Holland too. It’s raining History bye, everybody dance now! Omg she came in through the window. So Beatles.
Jesus. oh and we bought some bread after this because the fire reminded me.
A bread factory inferno started at a 1 then raged for three hours into a grip2 which is Dutch measuring increments for GTFO. Naturally we chased it for a closer look. The name of the company is Pré Pain, that’s for sure. I guess the bread is toast now lol.
