whiner Wednesday

Happy Wednesday! The sun is shining bright and burning in my eyes, it’s pretty alright better than grey skies where the entire world feels encased in smog, ash, winter clouds with floating Eeyore’s. With a name like that how can you be anything but depressed? Speaking of which, it’s mental illness awareness day #bellletstalk which has always been kind of black comedy to this guy – thanks for inventing a depressing theme day during such a depressing month. I guess if it was during the summer no one would care because sunshine. And wow what a depressing caption for an amazing photo of these two ladies (hi Casie!) and I whoops!

Lauren threw a housewarming jam with her bf and got all us kids back together for a reunion, well for me it was a reunion because I never go anywhere or see people but it was a sweet time and can’t believe it is such old news already c’est la vie!

I cannot even believe that I have not blogged this photo I milked the hell out of as a facebook profile last week or so. All these social platforms and instagram selfies my mind is getting too old and cluttered to efficiently process, like a robot breaking down on the assembly line.

Unless I am having a stroke in which case I have blogged these before. Glad we could sort this out so openly together.

Dieting kind of makes you mental. You really have to have a good back swing for every thought that goes through your mind which usually tends to center around seeking comfort in forms of eating or drinking. I kind of started drinking again, not a lot, but just kind of threw in the towel in exasperation and because I had dried out I notice the difference in happiness factor like night and day from drinking and not drinking. I am starting to stress myself more and more because I have a clock on me with this getting fit thing I’m doing so basically dieting is a headfuck, not drinking and/or drinking is a headfuck – combine the two and you’re one fine blended walking emotional disaster case who is most definitely p-m-essing too oh great so there you have it, the fine use of blogging at its, well, finest.

It was a super fun time. I think I get sad when I don’t have enough fun. But adults are not allowed to have fun because life is not about fun all the time which I disagree with so I feel constantly at odds. If your blog is about fun and you’re not actually having fun then you are pretty much fucked til it’s funtown again I don’t make the rules I just kind of abide by them.

I bought this postcard because I know a girl who has an instagram account with this name she’s friends with my friends blah blah. She died last week. Super sad. It’s kind of a wake up call, for some of us our lives are shorter on this earth so we should probably just live our lives exactly as we like and not be afraid of haters, who come in all shapes and forms. I am probably my own biggest hater and you are yours. I’d rather be my own champion. I’m trying. RIP Meg. You were full of so much light.

I’m as sensitive as a flea. A glass of pop (killer band name fyi) can really lift me up and is considered a treat to most, a cheaty treat and sometimes necessary. Sorry but I must tweet that I am enjoying a full sugar beverage right now the world must know.

I had two nightmares that I awoke from this morning, the second one I just didn’t bother trying to get back to sleep so I have been awake for awhile. So tired. Going to pump some iron and Raymi aerobics after I blob.

Ha thank you Jules.

Time to dye my cousin it hair again soon.

Lots of hatitude lately.

I finally used this bag. I likey.

Well, I see this post as going nowhere so I’ll wrap it up and get to other things now. Have a chill Wednesday.

provoke promote

I swear I’ll brb just after we complete a small gorilla’s worth of laundry. At Nana’s. Where there is no wifi. Summertime break schedule. I love how “I was at a wedding” and thus in recovery mode is an acceptable excuse for the following week. A lot to catch up on. But here’s a teeny taste til I have time to tuck in and do a super post. THUPER POST.

Actually this post is pretty thuper.

xo rlw.

ice white lightning

Because who knows if I will ever marry, right? No one wears white cos no one trusts themselves or has confidence. Well I do and I do. Plus the dress insurance confidence ha ha.

But I don’t want to keep talking about it and jinx it in to happening. I am a minx not a jinx, yes we get it no red wine or anyone touching you period. The dress itself will act as a force field from others. I almost power-slammed a chick not too long ago for clamping her grubby hands on the back of my hair touching and fondling it eugh. It was brief. It was not the sort of place to say my hair is more expensive than your life, so I didn’t. Rob Lowe said that to Chris Farley in Tommy Boy and then he died so I guess what we learn from this is don’t fuck with people’s shit.

Casie is the breast in that dress.



Here it is posing with suggestive fruit!

Those look like wedding bands. You can marry it too speaking of marriage!

NAME & EMAIL Simple. Cheers!

Don’t forget to rsvp to Valentine Vamps FEB 11 I can’t invite everyone on Facebook because I don’t know half of who would or wouldn’t go and blindly clicking over 2000 people is tedious but I randomly chose lots and I am certain left out the wrong people. This is why I need a Little Raymi helper monkey. Anywhoo, it’s two Saturdays from now so I got some dancing to do. (flyer will be changed soon with updated information!) Magic Pony is giving me a prize bag to give away now. Toys, Cabaret, Comedy! I am so generous. I know, it’s me, it’s just me this is how I do ;).


Tits and wigs

Dude. Dude? Ya dude! Totally.

This could be on a stamp or hippie poster. I will draw crap around it maybe.

Hot Mess Yikes.

I would listen to this band, shit yeah! What’s our name called? Ha nice grammar. I know! Hot Mess Yikes. Lol.

I want more hair. MORE HAIR EVERY COLOUR!

Kind of like Ariel right, it was an not an accident that I looked like a mermaid.

Hot emo sad.

Now I know I can do p0rn and get away with it with a wig on. Not that I Would, just Could, COULD. Should? Good? Just Kiddayng. Maybe a spy though.

Sabrina squeezed my neck foam and was like, what is this for, is this for, fashion? I was like yeah it is I know (it’s bananas) and she just shook her head and fell back into the couch. I could tell she was disappointed I didn’t get railroaded as much as I had let on that I would be. Ahh sweet fucking relief and I blew the ending for them too hahaha can’t help it runs in the family. They were like oh darn! No they weren’t (yes they were) but they didn’t say it cute like that.

Wig time, I guess I kind of look like shit without a wig on.

Exploiting Shannon’s jugs! No problem!

Continue reading

May the new year bring me lots of riches and bitches in stitches

Lauren and I could have a nice show together, Loren and Luhren (and for the ten billionth fucking time that is how you say my name and why I invented Raymi and it is confusing to be around Laurens cos I think they’re calling my name because some REFUSE to pronounce my name properly, it’s been my name since playschool birth get it right or get a spear through the face!) I’ll scan this for you kay. You have the other one which is ten times worse than this right hahah.

Photobooth at the Drake is better now.

Even though she’s the retarded friend, we accept Lauren Onizz. I like goofy girls. Cos when I do stupid shit they’re the first to nod their heads and go I understand. When we all went to wakestock together do you know how many times we’d leave something on the top of Lauren’s car and then drive away, I win for doing that the most, my purse, a pop, a salad, haha.

I was going to wear a sparkle dress but everyone told me not to so now I will never be able to wear it unless I get hired for a Caesar’s palace housewife shoot. I didn’t want to copy Casie or get stared at all night or make up in my head that I was being stared at all night which is dumb because I live to be stared at.

Me and Kate and Casie knows who she is, her cousin? Raymi stoo-pid forgetful and I don’t listen either. All good things!

Opened the middle one first for ourselves cos it’s least posh, wanted to show off with the cava, which we opened and can’t remember if anyone else saw or cared and then by the third who knows the fuck what was going on HAPPY NEW YEAR DONE RIGHT!

Thank you Kate for hooking us up with the cheapo tix. I’m glad we went out, I can’t party with myself and the tree in the living room and call it a party when I do it everyday.

All the boyfriends fell in love with each other man and we got to hear HEY MAN I LOVE THIS GUY ten thousand times yes you’re welcome we know thank god and we can tell the bromance is blossoming.

Felt a lot of pressure to turn out a hot outfit. Didn’t. I was feeling too much party stressed.

WTF is this beauty and the beast? I want to watch cartoons all day long I wonder if I could turn that in to some sort of job.

It’s hard to get group portraits with everyone but we seemed to have managed to do it, and some of us have zero recollection of this even being taken.

Teach doesn’t remember any of these, where is this he asked? The Drake. Who’s hotel room? Oh some guy with vampire sunglasses on. Lauren and I stole his girlfriend for a cruise of the Sky yard for a bit leaving the boys up to play in the room.

Every hotel room needs stolen balloons.

I think she made it herself?

I was shy at this point so I couldn’t get a picture with the dragons, I went all disney in my head like politely waiting for my turn instead of the hipster cluster mob encircling them. One day I will ride a dragon.

Amazing dress this amazon was wearing. I wore flats so no I am not a midget. I wanted to be able to have control of my feet all night so I kept it safe and Sally Jessie Raphael.

That girl is just asking for a melon squeeze. All girls will be lesbians one day and that will be the time of Raymi!

I’m so special.

Teacher is in a black out here.

And here.

Here too.

I should have known by how we were squabbling and I couldn’t get through to him. Meh. No one was hurt. I was just super fucking annoyed. I need to lighten up and worry about myself more, new resolution is I am going to stop caring about everyone around me (impossible). Also, Teacher’s iphone is broken, won’t turn on, probably happened in his black out probably rested it in a pile of water at the drake maybe. Poor baby.

Lauren O has the longest fingers here. We should buy her an award. A finger.

Should have worn my white fur jacket with the bow but again I was in the mood for casual. Not that I am competitive or anything.

Dim Sum party was fun, we got the VIPLEASE treatment from the Mansion boys and our boyfriends had to stay on the other side of the rope for awhile hahaha. Thanks be to blog and know your place. Mansion (Conrad?) was like those three blonds let them in, no wristbands necessary, remember this face. So self-entitled. Earned.

We are good at taking selfie pics but when there is three of us too many arms in the way and shadows. Need to hire more blog slaves.

A lot of these are Lauren’s cos she was the most operating functioning sober person and dragons were dancing around us aaaaah.

Two people in there? Or one guy with really long arms or sticks I dunno.

Bottle and cans of beer service in our area, we brought the dudes drinks and then when all the vultures were let in the booze was drank. People dancing on tables and all talking nonsense and getting along, very nice. I am not afraid of Toronto anymore, well I never was but you know, people don’t go out to clubs cos they’re insecure or nervous, you just gotta do it and see that the majority is out to have fun and hug and scream in to stranger’s faces I LOVE YOU MANS. Being around young people helps keep you look and dressing young, oh I see this is what they’re doing, short skirts? Groovy.

My nose is so big it captured all of the red light. Lauren’s outfit was awesome. I was almost going to wear my new black corset too but I chickened out.

I dressed up to go to the supermarket, it’s all about the face though I feel and everyone said I looked pretty and that’s all that counts. This dress of hers is very Michelle Pfeiffer in Scarface. Bony cat. C’ept she has bigger bewbs. Score.

Wheee. First time seeing what the Drake hotel rooms look like. You get extra permission to trainwreck through the building with a hotel key.

We met this girl’s friend who was a bit wasted downstairs and hung out by the fire, bumped into Carly’s sister Kristin and everything was running smoothly on the sky yard typical drake shenans.

I made a new friend. He bought me a drink and said I do not buy drinks for women who aren’t going to fuck me but for you I will make an exception because I had made such an impression. I think I weaselled a shot out of him for Lauren I can’t remember. I don’t know his name he was nice but there are a lot of man cougar rocker eccentric types at the drake for you single cats out there.

We were so close to making it out of there with our blankets, Lauren made it out further didn’t try very hard to obscure them, the security guy was like I’m gonna need my blankets back and I gave puppy dog, no, puss in boots eyes and it ALMOST worked.

On our way back to Santa’s village.

Sparkle stars everywhere.

I figured a way to beat the competition.

Why do I pose like I’m on a soap opera? Gaydorable and the restless. Lauren always looks good and Lauren does too lol.

Back to more stupidity another time. Did you guys lose your minds that I didn’t blog yesterday? Don’t answer all at once now. We ended up at our place and I came downstairs with a boulder-sized bundle of tickle trunk costumes and dresses and we had a drag queen party and took 400 mystery blackmail camera photos I will have to see what I can and can’t post, if it were up to me, EVERYTHANG. Will have to ask Casie and Sarah what they feel comfortable being exploited with and how far, the dudes I could care less what their feelings are. GIRLS RULE LE BLOG.Sarahwho we all have a crush on now btw, has been reading my blog for years and knows everything about me, super specific shit I have long forgotten, it was mind-blowing to be blown by her infinite Raymi wisdom one day there’ll be a quiz game on Raymi the Minx to test the knowledge and memory of all Little Raymis out there, questions like WHAT YEAR DID RAYMI FIRST TRY PSYCHEDELIC MUSHROOMS? How many boyfriends has Raymi had? When did Raymi’s mother start commenting on rtm.com, What is Raymi’s middle name? (It’s Krista).

Now if you’ll excuse me I have to get back to my burger king stacker I hope it goes right to my tits.

Happy New Year. Payce!

Tell me what you did last night I mean two nights ago we missed a day over here haha.

(Casie I need your pics)(Still from both times haha).

Dr. Dewbie

I was going for that britney spears jessica simpson photo (that i can’t find)(because it wasn’t her who posed with a swiffer duh) but someone wanted in on it. the same someone who smashed an entire bottle of Wyborowa. she’s cute so we didn’t mind. plus there was another bottle.

pre-drink club pose!

i started out in this shirt but then i didn’t feel slutty or special enough so i changed. wait’ll you see the skirt i borrowed off casie.

remind us never to eat at the ferret & firkin ever again. overpriced lame food. we never learn. the sliders weren’t bad really, just wickedly underwhelming. fil’s chicken sandwich blew.


then i followed your parents around for a while.

power walking matching outfits! i had to jog to keep pace with them.

so glad i threw that hat in my purse on the way out the door. cosmic.

NEW FAVOURITE SITE! thanks tempy.

also if you buy two bottles of wine from winerack YOU GET A STUPID FAKE CRYSTAL WINE BOTTLE FLOWER YAY! you’re welcome! it comes in different colours! your life is awesome now thanks to me. you’re welcome again! sorry for yelling! no i’m not! BYE!