dudes get ready.

brb.

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sort of blogged these before sort of didn’t. mel and i were looking through my photos not too long ago and came across this folder and she said they were awesome pictures why didn’t i blog them all? after looking through your personal archives and time passes you forget things. so if you’ve seen scraps of these before or i repeat myself, sorry.

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here i am doing what i do best GOING ON A DATE. it might also be what i do worst. more on that later.

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this is date two with guy i picked up at my gym who i think hates me now but whatever he is pretty crotchety and i totally am not the right kind of person to tolerate his anal moodiness so match from hell pretty much and i think i’m too fat for him i blame all my date failures on my body and not at all on my winning personality disorder.

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we had a great time though and we never even blasted. go me.

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i’m going here later on today. if i make it passed round one of initial meet and greet stages.

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see the golden flakes? amazing.

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i guess we ordered a lot.

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i wish there wasn’t something on my face like that.

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my hair looks totally stupid. this summer heat wave and my hair cut ruined my life. working in a bar under third world working conditions (no a/c) also fucked it all up too.

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more came.

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sake cooler. i need one of these.

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mental hair. that jumper exploded apart too many times in the car but luckily gym guy had a huge safety pin for some happy coincidence to pin it together again. i bought that at urban outfitters.

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the exposed brick reminds me of the underground path beneath (underground, beneath, nicely redundant) manulife center. ghetto.

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this photo is shit i know for fact there was a better one. can’t be bothered to dig it up. i don’t look like this anymore anyway so who even cares. social irrelevance.

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nothing like seeing crabs when you are eating raw fish.

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we sake walked over to the soho metropolitan for drinks in the bar.

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those things are amazing.

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hot mess garbage.

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definitely posted the betters of this batch.

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gym guy is the best to people watch with he is super catty and smart and snotty, snottier than me. we made fun everybody and got totally tanked.

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we copied one of these drinks when we went to his cottage the following weekend. or whenever we went. i just found some uber adorable photos of myself from then i never posted.

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i look at this and all i think is I WANT MONEY. fuck boyfriends it’s all about money.

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i’m in a strange mood right now.

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i do remember blogging a parkdale martini joke in the past.

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look at my arm and nip slip.

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this is an example of not caring.

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stephanie tanner face.

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fat arm complex.

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lamp post lit complex.

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forgot to measure my legs before leaving the gym today. i had my assessment and the tape measure was out. i’ve reduced a lot of body fat.

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i want cuter girlier glasses, enough of this malcolm x shit and you can forget about me wearing these with my hair down i look like garth.

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that little pub all on its own there looked precious to me.

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alright that’s enough of that.

if you want to date me you can bid on me for charity on february 10 at the hideout and if we fall in love maybe we can be each other’s valentine’s date or i can bring you to a singles mixer which essentially should be called, none of are good enough for the other so lets get slammered.

Below are the details of the event.

-The 20 couples will be given the option to either spend the evening
together or discuss plans for a date on a different day.

this will be great to see which ones of us get the highest bid or the lowest. i’m sure there will be some crushed and/or inflated egos. to save face maybe casie and i can pair up for a combo-date. i think we both put out. depending. naturally.

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here i am right now and here is an awkwardly embarrassing clip of what i thought was a brilliant performance at the time.

now feast your ears on this one.

i have an audition tomorrow i am nervous and excited about. i am trying to go zen about it and not over-prepare. that’s enough jinxing. also on thursday i am doing another BOOM party this time it’s a MEET THE COUGARS jamboree so please do come out. if i cook for you then you don’t have to pay. what fun and how generous, right? 808 COLLEGE STREET 2PM.

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i cried today during my assessment. the muscle weight i have is fucking with me large. i know i look better and the weight has been redistributed but it’s just frustrating living the life i live eating and drinking the way i do and i’m just about to sign on for another festival of chefs. something’s gotta change. i have to take on cuisine like a wine tasting, chew don’t swallow. i’ll have a big wad of napkins full of mush. then i’ll compost it.

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in a week or two is my meltdown phase where the fat comes off more and the sleek tone is revealed. i have reduced my body fat over 2%. that’s a lot apparently, for women. i still cried though.

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went to an after hours saturday night. it was quite the experience i wrote about it for sofi’s blog. she said the following nice things

P.S. I am not licking your ass or sucking up or anything, but I think you are a bit of a genius. I will buy your book.

Whoaaaaaaaaaaaa amazing! What form of alternative universe do you live, because this funtime party is NOT the Toronto I am familiar with. This is so awesome. Thank you for doing this.

clearly i am a professional dater so obviously you want to pay the heart and stroke foundation to court me.

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i had haggis for my first time. it was squishy. that cheese was amazing. we inhaled that platter in under two minutes.

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i thought i was the hottest girl there. um, i just changed my mind.

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not to advertise for free or anything but this is the best coaster.

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i got blamed for this. TWICE. saturday night i got blamed for all sorts of things by older dowdier chicks it really pissed me off. that paper hadn’t even touched my hand, it’s pbc’s poem he was going to read (that he still read) then it was on fire and guess who was the one to pour beer on it to save the pub? that’s right, ME. i was like oh you scotsmen are so cheap and drunks you’d rather the bar burn down around you then waste some of your pint. then one woman to me says ok watch the candle, in a nice way, ok fine yeah i got that arleady but then this other woman down the table says can i have that paper? as i am lining it up for this photo here and i say, why is that? knowing exactly fucking why she’s requesting it. she goes, SO IT DOESN’T SET ON FIRE AGAIN in total teacher voice. me, calmly (fuming) reply yes sure just let me take this picture of it first. both times me trying to get a shot of it and i get lectured twice before i can even take the fucking picture. i take the picture and toss the paper down the table to/at her. melodie says to her i think she’s fine. i have never been treated like an inept child so much before in my life before being blond. i swear.

i must be off now.

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Dear Raymi,

Anyway I just really wanted to thank you for your blog and putting everything out there. I was so proud of you when you broke up with your boyfriend (my fiance, we were engaged, pay attention people you keep getting it wrong) and went out on your own. Thank you for showing how awesome it can be to be independent and just do your thing and throw off the shackles of an oppressive relationship that didn’t let you be yourself. At least, that is my interpretation of it I guess…that is what I have been going through lately. I separated from my husband after being together for like 7 years, and it was just not a good relationship for me, it hurt me in a lot of ways and I feel like I was being forced into the mold he made for me. For the first time in a long time I am finally able to stretch out and be myself and figure out what I want out of life. I feel so free in a way that I haven’t ever felt. When I was younger (I am 27 now), and when I met him, I felt like I HAD to have a boyfriend, like I was missing part of me that could only be made whole by another person. I don’t feel that way at all now. I feel like I escaped while I’m still young and cute and the freedom I have to live my own life is intoxicating. Maybe I needed to have a devastatingly shitty relationship to make me realize that or something? I bet people do this to you a lot, go into intimate details about their problems and personal life through the anonymity of the internet because they feel like they know you so well, because you create such an intimacy with your blog.

Peace,
Elisabeth

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not much of a stretch is it.

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not only am i adorable but i play it in real life too. got baked and immediately went into the yorkville toy store (legendarily where angelina jolie shopped when she was in town during film fest, also known as, GOOD TO KNOW THANKS) as whatever thing you do the second you are lit hang on tight cos that’s your activity for the next twenty or so minutes. vortex. see you on the other side. if i really wanted to put my mind to it (pass) i could easily of had an anxiety attack.

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bought this kitschy saving up for valium bank for my mother a few years ago. go figure.

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Hi Raymi/Lauren

Kim/Berkeley

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Hi Raymi,

-************

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today is burns day it’s essentially scotland’s st. patrick’s day. i am considering wearing my family anderson tartan jacket to a pub with half of the pbc tonight. one of them is reading poetry. in his scottish accent. it’s going to be amazing. i was going to go to the burbs but i just have too much work in the city and the train there will exhaust me and the ride back monday morning i can’t relax in BURN-OUTINGTON just yet unfortunately. miss you guys.

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micheal jackson experience is amazing.

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my brother’s girlfriend got me that shirt, with matching shorts and a bunch of lotions and a matching sleeping mask. that part of the gift went to pbc hilariously out at the bar who knows where it ended up.

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incoming new converse line, brad got gifted son.

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jimi hendrix chucks. they look so fucking cool on too.

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killed it at TMR today. the re-energizer boot camp. super fun. melodie, casie, britt and i and a whole pack of others. those shots coming soon. i know i say this a lot but i mean it. i am an animal.

this post needs more hands on hips. jesus.

kyzrsze has sent you a message:

To:raymilauren

Where was this video specifically shot. I can see water in the background and it says you are from Canada…that is all I can figure out! By the way, it is one of my favorites. I am also trying to figure out how the person got shots of the girl singing. Especially the shots from dead on in front of her…..anyway, I love this song and love this video!

Go Leafs!

Walter Pompei

seriously? ok. we had a robotic arm that we rented for $10,000 which was great because it was able to rotate on a 360 degree axis from only mounted on the windscreen it was amazing. the car itself, outfitted with special lighting (a subaru wrx sti all blue suede interior and bucket seats) traveling speed approximately (what is the speed limit of lakeshore between bronte and oakville exactly?) 60-70km/h as we’re canadian like you mentioned so i dunno what that would be in pompei. uh what else, this video is as viral as it gets for an obscure song like this, almost 50,000 views on youtube i have no idea why i don’t get offered money for it but i get offered money for some tetris halloween costume stupidity video that doesn’t even have a fifth of the traffic. in the future i will just film the video on my own, using my own arm, and save the money.

raymi.

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hey there hi there ho there.

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that stomach is rocking 3 pints. i couldn’t do my food journal when i got home last nite cos the internet was down. then i laid on the couch with melodie and half-dozed while they watched red. i saw this movie. i have no idea where i saw it or with whom. dad did we rent it? no it was in theatres. so it was maybe the drive in? ugh thanks marijuana. take a bow.

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had the trout. it was nice and light. for starter i had a duck salad. it was crap.

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we went on an adventure. sometimes casie and i share a brain. yesterday was kind of a hilarious day.

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pbc convinced me to dress up. i felt like a fucking idiot walking down my driveway and seeing my totally under-dressed lunch date sitting in his car meanwhile my toes are frozen in my funeral shoes in fact, i’m wearing black head to toe, total funeral outfit. oh well it’s always better to dress up, dress for the position in society you want to be not what you are. so i guess i should dress like hello kitty then. i think i made that joke here before. sorry about that.

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i emailed tucker max. i bet he won’t write back. i’ll give it a few more days before i broadcast my rejected pick-up email. this book is so hilarious and he reminds me of an ex-friend and because of all his black out mug shots i want to figure out how to get mine. yes fans, your hero spent a night in the drunk tank in los angeles the one in manhattan beach i just googled it and looked at pictures oh man. merkley wears his mug shot on a t-shirt i’ll have to ask him how to track mine down. i look like wynona ryder in a psychosis in it. flaming coupe bizarre red hair and dilated pupils aaaalright who wants to associate with my brand now, guy. i’m sure one day i’ll be famous enough that it’ll just get leaked on its own. then i can hang with nick nolte. or vince vaughn mmm yummy.

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you haven’t made it until you have a mug shot in my opinion. (kids don’t try this at home).

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carpaccio at romagna-mia last nite. we have a fun collaboration on the horizon there over the next couple months. this is why i’m glad my internet was down last nite. james heard we had pasta. gulp.

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me in that sweater there and my psychiatrist’s gay steven segal wall tapestry. i told him that basically the only problems i have in life are real world adult problems. i griped about every single one and thing i could think of. i also told him it was very embarrassing showing up a day early in bright red pants. i see my guy at CAMH where all the crazies go for free crazy group therapy, they also do drug addiction, booze and anxiety. i got in because i have a lovely laundry list of mental foibles in my past. i am a total advocate for therapy in general and in other countries/cultures they consider you a total idiot if you don’t go to regular therapy sessions but anyway, my guy knows i’m a-ok, i rarely see him, only for chill pill scripts (anxiety) which i never even fill (i have a collection of them) and i think we’re even at the point where he should stop counseling me and suggest treatment or other therapy i dunno, that’s how the system works i gather, like, i’m not mental, i can function and go about life and more or less be a businessy-together work capable human but there is something borderline totally inadequate about me i feel and i might be a candidate for some kind of breakdown maybe perhaps (not likely i think cos i’ve already gone through it and i’m pretty a-type where i must keep it together which is very british of me and vital) but because i drink a lot this is why i keep seeing my doctor. i told him if in the next two months i don’t severely get my act together and move on to bigger and better things (accomplish projects, which requires a lot less drinking and late nights) then i am going to do something drastic and punish myself. it’s just unacceptable personally how much i have slacked off on multiple things (despite accomplishing fantastic and copious amounts of other things). i spread myself so thin but i’m too cheap to hire someone to work for me. yes i am a business woman, yes i make money off this blog yes i am not playing make believe. i said to my shrink that he is basically just a career counselor to me now. i said if i wasn’t a creative type i’d be on time for shit, people like me in the world are late because they’re chasing rainbows and other whimsical shit so guys like you can sit on your arse in cubicles commenting on our finger paintings and such.

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i learned the other night that a lot of people in my past (not naming any names or groups of whatever subset of people you think i am referring to) and distant present (haha whatever that means) are equally as lost and stressed out feeling. i think everyone is kind of strung out in january. you feel the pressure of life during these trying alaskan-climate times. i just assumed everybody had a better life than me or was thriving more and it was kind of a relief to see that i am not the only person suffering.

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today at lunch i was fascinated by all the haves. this table of four men in their white tennis clothing, having pints, two women at their table all discussing the co-ordination of tomorrow morning’s ride to the airport for their holiday. then another man joined them who looked about 80 years old with a ralph lauren baseball hat plopped on his head like it ain’t no thing and a glass of red wine. what a life.

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yesterday in yorkville seeing all the stressed out money faces and furs and plastic surgery and the desperation and the entitlement super affected me. i realized why my blogging style of writing at the time when i lived in the neighbourhood was so bitter and caustic. i was so stressed out to exist in that world yet shun it and rise above. ugh. i was happy and i was not. i blogged three times a day about laundry and a cat that hated me and fielded so much abuse from strangers on the internet about how much of a cunt i was. my blog thrived because i was a shut in and it was the only attention i really got.

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i asked a girl, a girl woman, a kept woman, for directions to a place i received a tip about. yorkville is so condensed you can walk by 5 boutiques in 5 steps so it’s hard to find new places i guess. this woman was exceptionally nice so willing to offer help and even asked if the place was any good that i was off to. i could tell she was lonely and like all happenings i ever encounter i over-analyzed that exchange and took that yeah, she was nice because someone picked her out. you feel special when a stranger makes you an authority on something. you are surrounded by so many people in this city but you can easily feel super isolated within it.

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meanwhile a national post notable was waiting to take a piss by the bathroom. i was reading my a-holes finish first and checking out every single thing that moved by the window. i might go back another afternoon and sit in the coffee shop by sassafraz all day long and wait for a husband.

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when i walked in to starbucks these two younger than me (but not skinnier) platinum girls (pretty though and rich) totally looked me up and down. we did the we all have platinum hair acknowledgment like how motorcycle riders churchill style peace sign each other in-passing, except platinum acknowledgment when one party has roots and the other doesn’t involves mega eyeballs crawling all over your head in a vicious way. guess which one of us had roots.

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came up with a book title for my own i hope they serve beer in hell style memoir (kills, lays, notches) it’s called RAYMEN. raymi’s men. get it? just kidding. (we’ll see if you make the cut).

bingo bango bongo bye,

I’LL SEXT YA LATER! i mean, see you later.

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i think i get away with more than half the things i should in life cos of these bad boys.

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sickly dana if i get it i have like 3 different people to blame it on. i will put all three in a cauldron.

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grainy olympus i like it hipster-vision. oh, this, casual unassuming photograph, yeah, no biggie. W-hatever. i’m writing this under the gun right now so i know not what i do. i’m going to the boulevard club like fresh prince for lunch this afternoon (like now). one of my PBC (parkdale boys club) members is trying to get me to fall in love with him so that he can impregnate me. not even kidding.

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my little nutellacube buddy sent me a kawaii-style postcard. it was on the adventure fridge, i didn’t know when it came. melodie was like yeah this came for you and i got warm inside and boasted that jenny is one of my little blogger buddies that i feel very protective of and all mentor-like. thanks jenny. good girl. haha.

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no problem. me, 24/7. piece-a cake.

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i thought my sweater against the leopard print couch would look funny/cute. this is one of my top ten most manipulative sweaters i own. when a really tall guy who looked like chris robinson saw me he fell down the stairs. ok one stair. ok he didn’t actually fall but he majorly tripped and stumbled cos he was overcome with desire and endearment upon the vision what is me in this oatmeal sweater. culinary student was like ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH THAT GUY!? so jealous. no, i said, but i’d fuck his friend. i am nice like that.

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we shared fajitas.

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i went to good catch our hippie local store. it’s a time capsule in there.

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advhaus gets a discount but i am the new guy so i smooth talked her into giving me a partial one. therefore she rules and gets a photo taken. some other spaced out hippie wandered in and i had a wine buzz on so i interacted with him positively. this girl (forget her name) said they stay open til 15 passed ten every nite for all the hippies who can’t get their shit together in time to make it by ten. she didn’t say it in those words but that’s how i interpreted it. i am also included in the 15 passed (past?) ten crowd. sometimes i’ll wander in from mitzi’s and eat a secret snack.

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ahh drunk shopping is the best i bought all kinds of adventure crap to eat. mel was sick so i wanted to play nurse santa claus.

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these packs of mj cards are all thick and gummy sludge-like i can only imagine what they look like. i’ll buy one next time i go.

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kinda sad. kinda, rad?

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melodie uses these. sometimes our household products at home have a fight i come in with the most obnoxious expensive brand name piece of garbage what destroys the planet and they are like, no way man. one time i put flavoured coffee beans through the grinder as “a surprise” and they didn’t like that very much. i have learned. flavoured beans aren’t good for you because of the vanilan.

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i bought kale chips cos i wanted to do mindless snacking with slim repercussions. i was going to buy seaweed paper but it’s fucking expensive. how is seaweed so bloody expensive i can just go to a lake and fish it out myself.

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the middle postcard i got from the tate modern when i was 17 in england, the year it opened. I WIN.

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yesterday i whored my brain out for research purposes.

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it was very true liesy. i love this shit. i have to learn how to speak freely and forget the two-way mirror. the guy interviewing me had a euro accent, trying to place it. helped set the mood. he would ask somewhat leading questions “but there is no wrong answer” and when i took the camera out he’s like “so is that what you do…? (pause pause) take pictures?” i think he had lessons in mind control at some point in time. i also couldn’t stop staring at my reflection in the mirror and noticing how moonbeamy my eye bags were and readjusting my hair.

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are there people behind that mirror? yes he said. i finished the meeting by asking if he hated me. i don’t think i said what he wanted to hear and that’s only because i’m the wild card always. maybe i wouldn’t but i know others would. i play the game and then i sabotage it.

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then it turned into a casie afternoon and i discovered that the lcd screen of my new camera was shattered. camera works but i can’t see shit. not happy. alen is going to catapult me into outerfuckingspace likely too. my purse dropped off the back of the coat hook in the bathroom all on its own at starbucks. i got starfucked.

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we went to hemmingways to celebrate/blow off steam/talk business/drink pints and so on. before that we wandered around the underground mall thing so i could follow men around and then not follow through with the eyetag. i bought some crap at costa blanca. picked up a vice from AA.

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i’m going to wear this to lunch with tights and who knows what else i should be focusing on that right now instead of blogging.

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it’s soft peachy/pink. i am turning into my nana that’s one of her favourite tones.

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see my newest headband? got it in black too.

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party time. excellent.

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adorable skirt.

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killed some time at ginger’s cos he lives in the naybe of where i had dinner last nite.

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he is also getting over being sick. see how we are watching the kanye video? i have turned so many on to that thing kanye should be paying/thanking me. as if, i wish, that that guy is so cray cray.

ok bye!!!