muse your illusion
hello and welcome.
kinda gross kinda hilarious.
look at that little bee in the hive. can there be two queen bees? we had an argument over who was gold and who was silver then i stated i was platinum. the casie raymi show might make you want to blow your brains out, like jersey shore, therefore it is compelling television.
ripped’er good the nite prior and still showed up and did our thing thang. other hangover partiers from the night prior who couldn’t do the same, tsk tsk and you bet your ass ‘dems fightin’ words haha. you know who you are. casie was the perfect little hostess. love her.
my little brosz7ki showed up with the best christmas present for me ever, a hangover. which means one beer in and it’s hilarious town. it’s the gift that keeps on giving, your big polish mouth. i made his salmon bagel with extra love just for that.
admiring and doting on the sixteen year old little raymi (daniel) who showed up, first too, and he’s so shy it was adorable so can i get you a beer? i ask, he’s like no, i’m sixteen. uh whoops guess not then how about some pancakes? no problem. casie and i are going to host a getting laid symposium for all the social media guys out there. it’s really simple, really. it’s called MANNING UP and quittin’ with this shyness shit. fyi look how motherly i look i just came from my warm kitchen with snowflakes floating slowly by the window over the sink and i was baking you cookies and listening to all of your worries and then i gave you a big reassuring hug.
what a brunch for him eh? ambush! stay in school kid!
taking my personal trainer‘s order and pretty much everything he ordered was f’d up. not my fault. bailey punched it in and i told her every (diva) specification james laid out for me. peameal grilled not flat top, tomatoes not potatoes and three ridiculous super well done scrambled eggs. he sent it back. you’ll see. oh bother.
little meower wendi shows up with a present that i did not understand at all until i was cooking. SMRT.
microphone tongs i TOTALLY needed these and they’re EXACTLY what i’ve always wanted i woke up that morning and was trying to decide what one object (if any) could make my life complete. bingo!
i’m really good at pretending right? hahah. that’s stew i’m blocking.
fyi it’s mean to give someone something in a wine gift bag that isn’t a bottle of wine.
stew goes over his order that took me forever to get out for him cos there were a few orders for “real” customers in the way first, while james talks shit in my ear about whatever. i am learning how to tune him out.
see! evidence. writing it all down. meanwhile stew looks like the ring. which is the movie where their faces get erased in pictures?
pancakes and bacon. simple. last to get his food hahaha. more people kept arriving and somehow got their way more complicated orders ahead of poor daniel.
one of many valuable life lessons i’m sure he gleaned yesterday. just give me a second to make up some kind of funny irrelevant life lesson he could’ve learned um, waiting around with urban hungover creative go-getting types at brunch is enriching can’t possibly narrow it down to one singular lesson. there. it’s called the future. soak it in.
the man himself tony checking in on us kids.
again with the white bread and heavy mayo. i guess some people can just eat garbage and look great forever.
shawn (spelled the right way, same as my brother) arrives.
order punching time.
my coworkers. columbia on the right was snappy at me, i liked it. i kept trying to get him to eat scraps, none of them would. so professional.
cupcake cake concoction. super heavy on the icing. like i need more to spazz out by.
i had a slice because i am a pig but more so it’s rude to deny cake you didn’t ask for for some reason. bad form and manners.
mr. ward rolls on in and i’m talking more shit to someone else and you can see a guy eyeballing me curiously albeit skeptically against the wall there.
maybe he was looking at this.
remember when i was a smart person? that ended around grade 8.
fun fun fun. i kept going ok now what, now what, done, now what. next? what’s next? over-eager helper spazz.
brunch is easy to cook it’s very straightforward but left to my own devices i’d have to actually train and learn where everything in the kitchen lives. i don’t think brunch on a sunday is easy or fun though.
columbia kept going hot stuff behind you meaning don’t move suddenly even though i’d be standing stock still like a mummy not even flinching so it started to get on my nerves a little i then decided it was rippin’ time for columbia. not one of my jokes went over well and then i had to do the defensive paranoia back pat pedal my way out of whatever insulting thing i just said. being me is exhausting especially in high stress moments.
sending it back. no one is willing to take responsibility for it (they never do in the service industry) so basically it was james’ fault. yes.
the first thing i said this morning in training was like, of ALL the orders to f up that’s the last one to f up. at least it’s funny. to me.
cracking his own pepper. diva. what is stew showing me on his phone? oh and i see mr. nus too.
casie giving april stink eye looks like. kidding. think it’s camera guy stink eye.
i wonder if my left arm is going to atrophy pressed against my body like that like that guy norm macdonald always impersonated on snl, which president? that’s my I AM THINKING arm. oh hi christine.
i was a machine. no one believed i was actually cooking their food. what the hell did you think i was doing up there the entire time exactly in that apron, doing my nails?
my nicoise salad mmmmmmmm favourite. put it down and went right back to work.
making a benny boom for stew. salmon eggs florentine basically. BENNY BOOM 10.99
Nanuk smoked salmon, fresh baby spinach yum.
bean salad. i love the little ramicans. fancy. the extra class presentation mile pays off instead of having sloppy wet beans all over the plate. see how columbia is hawk-eyeing my steez jeez guy it’s just bean salad relax ahaha.
shoving my way by.
so fast you can’t even get a clear picture. having central flashbacks now.
i even bussed tables. what other employee shows up on time with a film crew, does all this then blogs about it? um, employee of the month plaque please to go along with my microphone tongs shadow box.
april you have amazing brows.
i love those paintings.
party time excellent.
it was a really fun time i don’t know why i stress so much.
me and my new watch which i have to set.
brain’s still whirring.
aaaaand now it’s mimosa time.
the italian way. no champagne flutes here.
just a mini guy.
then i saw the “fresh juice” jug the oj came out of and went to town on that. what is this beckers in minden?
yes yes we get it raymi likes booze.
interview wrap up i hope half the philosophies (aka smug s-talk) gets edited out. or in. who cares. the people gotta know how i see’s it.
boom is actually located in russia.
they’ll be expanding eventually so now’s the time to get in on the raymi gravy BOOM train and make use of that raymi D List i’ve generously extended to you. who likes discounts? your mom does. tell her i said you’re welcome.
also could you please KEEP VOTING THANK YOU from whatever other ip addresses you have available to you, it’s a close one. tweeting the url would also help. i know my haters are voting for my competitor. THANKS ASSHOLES! i do not suffer losing nicely. picture the rachel mcadams scream scene in mean girls when she realises blowhan has been feeding her bulking up chocolate bars that will be me if i lose. not pretty. also i deserve to win because i am a whore for this blog that you get to make fun of every day.
you’ve been warned.
it’s really close and i don’t like that.
look it’s me doing what i do best, holding mean girl court and getting everybody’s attention. FUN.
look it’s me wearing my toms shoes that everybody makes fun of (jealously) every time i (rarely) wear them (not the season) someone says YOU ARE SUCH A F–ING HIPSTER. if i knew they were such a big deal in that regard maybe i wouldn’t have bought them. not true, they were massively discounted and i cannot avoid sales. i feel like i’ll stop breathing if i don’t buy that beautiful for sale thing.
just wanted to let you know that you should look at this. -management.
time to go home.
totally not loaded.
miss you like a hole in the head, sayonara!
also would it kill you to leave a comment JESUS.