Raymi’s Blogger Brunch from Josh Harrower on Vimeo.

Windy on Ossington from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

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hello my people, having a nice sunday? that’s great.

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first up we have casie kasem brilliant blog peer hyper-active monster competitor (hyper-active competitor not blog competitor, we only pretend to be in competition to fuck with you guys) with/of/by yours truly. i knew she could hack the motion room. james put her through it. think she loved it too. i yelled out at one point SHE LOVES TO BE TOLD. ahh it was super fun working out together i got a contact high going through these photos again.

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off we go now.

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i love doing the ladder. i pride myself on my speed, co-ordination, agility and hyper-activeness. i am like a hamster in a wheel, i can do drills forever.

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squats.

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having casie go down the line with me was exhilarating cos you’re being chased, challenging one another.

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what am i doing? i don’t know but it looks magical.

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oh that’s right i turned some of these moves into dance moves. super fun. (drunk still).

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bear walk (my terminology) the ladder. i am better at this now by far. i just love being fit. not that i was pathetic at this to start but my upper body strength left much to be desired not to mention all of my fat storage goes right to my arms.

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now, i am an animal, i mean, i meow at people. come on meow.

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glorious.

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no slow-pokin’, casie’s right behind me.

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still slightly inelegant at this. i lumber.

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we focused a lot on the ladder.

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what a sprite. she can do a backflip you know.

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an actual move you start doing what i am doing (it is not required to pose as gracefully though if you want to stand like a sloth then by all means) and then you lunge into a box and work your way down the ladder like how casie is demonstrating. yesterday when i worked out with april and britt at tmr we were doing some stuff with the football hurdles (?) and we timed it to look like a cascading synchronized waterfall of hot babes coming down the turf. i think we have something here.

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come and get me.

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i am neurotic about my form and keeping my core tight as all gym rats aspire and obsess over. you want to master the movement not to just get through it but to get results from it.

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kash taught me a great trick for my carpal tunnel (left wrist ganglion cyst blob)(ew i know right) you do abc’s, a b c d through the whole alphabet flicking your wrist in an octogonal isolated movement and it loosens up the tightness in your wrist. helps me do my push ups which i am obsessed with mastering.

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casie killed it and i was screaming like an orangutan through it to show i could too and didn’t give myself a break going back through it again.

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hips low, work through the burn. ass down, don’t hunch, no cheating.

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i am a giraffe.

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chasing casie.

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no like this. haha just kidding i was pretending to correct form for the sake of a perverted photograph like a tennis instructor in a p0rno.

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oh triceps and biceps here i come.

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there was just a little bit of dying. that’s when the endorphins flood you and you keep going and going. i am definitely addicted to this work out life of mine now my life can be falling down around me and i am shielded from it from all the do-good being a work out machine has done for my overall happiness state of being. it also tastes better than brunch.

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doy.

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this is fun, like a compass, side step on bounce off then the other spazz has a go then you go then they go forever and ever and ever. fun. works your core and thigh backs, probably other things i forget.

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sometimes my legs look so peggy i feel very endeared by them like aw, there goes long legs skinny i bet she reads books and says super awkward things to strangers in coffeeshops then goes home and eats oatmeal and is weird like the chick from the shining.

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unintentional sock co-ordination.

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reminds me of those bubble toys you buy for 50 cents that blast up to the ceiling when you flip them inside out. reverse convex? i can never remember concave or convex. great here cometh the nerds.

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my next “thing” will be to pretend like i am really smart. maybe i shouldn’t be telling you this i should just BE smarter and then you’d just notice on your own by seeing photos of me um, in a lab coat.

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love these balls. don’t move the sand within them. keepsarms long and straight out not bent (you’ll get bette at it), if you bend you are wasting your time. the straighter (the harder it is) they are, the more you work your triceps. don’t make me tell you twice.

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blogging gives you muscles.

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bahahah whose face is more awesome here? could so totally easily photoshop-swap them face/off styles.

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abs check. those teeny pants are x-small so they contain my love handles yet also highlight them if i try to wear them like casually on my hips, no go there brah it’s highwaisted all the goddamn way. meanwhile, casie was born with a six pack.

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ugh christ.

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this was difficult.

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we had lots of fun. giggle fit explosions simultaneous to set-completion. very entertaining and motivating.

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just noticing our tattoos here looks good. one time i said to james omg shut up you’re distracting me something or other and he’s like the only thing that’s distracting is your tattoos. why am i such a glutton for punishment is it because i am a selfish asshole? likely.

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face plant contest!

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demonstrating air push ups once we were done making tons of lewd sex swing commentary.

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see how cute i look when i use my little brain? jeff looked over at me and looked nervous for us using these haha. i notice everything.

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maybe we’ll revisit these another day. i like them there it’s like one day you will be mine, i’ll be blasting through futuristic universal soldier air push ups fuck that old fashioned floor over there. floor, more like snore.

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you better be careful.

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limbo time.

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you cannot resist me even though you should. DOUBLE ENTENDRE!

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fun fun fun.

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you take turns pulling back and forth i was like um this is too easy then i pulled with all my might and pulled casie right to the ground and then we laughed our heads off.

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when will there be raymi casie action figures?

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tomorrow i have my assessment. i wonder how much i’ve improved?

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i can see through time here. i get the same rush i get from spicy food at the motion room and i let everyone know when i’m goin’ cosmic. it’s great. reality is for the sufferer. i choose la la land always.

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bear walk. um, nice shot who knew you could see through those pants.

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animals. on a scale of one to lazy where’re you coasting about now looking at this post?

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this move kills your back/abs, burns them, which means works. i am starting to look like an alien in the torso. love it. that’s what the twilight guy said about how much he worked out for his role where he took his shirt off and he looked like patrick bateman in the machinist (yes i know i’m combining two movie references in one here i am bipolar thank you very much). haha what the hell is his real name? anyway you sort of don’t get my point and anyway who cares really, it’s sunday you’re probably a mess right now or doing family stuff.

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joseph had to hold one of my legs for me it is hard for me to do it alone i mean i can do it i’m just lazy and on top of that always had struggle with straightening my freakishly long legs.

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guuuuuuuuh dying can you just do it for me.

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i heard lots of groaning over here too.

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i swear to god if i don’t get in playboy after all this i am going to maxim. or whatever those stupid man magazines are.

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no pain no gain and other simpleton metaphors.

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hey where ya going?

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seriously, does anybody really have to see this? i give my colleague (photog) free-reign of editing photos and selecting whatever he likes cos i’ve lightened up a bit on the control-freakness i suffer from slightly also it frees up more of my time for pot smoking and drawing pictures of moonbeams but anyway, once in awhile he lets these grotesque ones slip through and i winder if he is either sniffing glue or fucking with me. i just matrix’d* the fourth wall fyi.

*the scene when they come to save morpheus and one of them helicopter machine guns out the windows of the building while keanu run dives dodges the agent’s bullets that’s what i did to the fourth wall. i also must re-watch this scene for accuracy’s sake if i am going to be some big shot perfectionist movie-referencer now.

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stay hydrated.

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i recognize that look on james’ face. that’s the look of shit talk.

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totally so is too. must be nice to have a job where you get to scream at people all day long until they crack and then they get you back by doing the plank for an extra 30 seconds. cool justice, not. should we bring not back?

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what’s he whispering!? dying to know.

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um, nice one bangs.

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is there a longest blogger ever award i can be nominated for or what?

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i tried out for black swan but they um, i guess they lost my number for a call back or something.

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if our plane crashes like alive on a mountain i am happy to know that i won’t be chosen to be eaten. ugh barf. well maybe my ass but definitely not my chicken leg.

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arms are transforming. yes guy.

kay thanks bye stay tuned for this!

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also any of you new years eve resolution social media fatties wanna come work out with me and casie please do get in touch, don’t be shy now. you will love the motivational views we provide and then you can just work out on your own there and get hot for beach come summer. you know it always sneaks up on you like that. also, look at me. i’ve been on the results 1 on 1 program for 4-5 weeks now? this month i am totally going to lean out. shit works and i am way stronger, more flexible. yesterday during squats oh man i was so egotistical in the brain it was an accomplishment i feel. i like bendy. you know who else likes bendy? um, wendy?

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comment of the month by pierre savoie

The thing I like about Raymi is her total refusal to logically develop ideas and sentence-structure and punctuation. If I read some “witty” piece in the NEW YORK TIMES by some metrosexual jerkoff who spends more on a lunch at Pitti than I …spend on my dentist in a year, the deal is done in 2 minutes, I get my supercilious chuckle and that’s that. Where’s the fun in it?

Whereas if you struggle through Raymi’s stream of consciousness you have to THINK, you have to reconstruct meaning like an archeologist in Egypt looking for the only unlooted grave of a repeatedly raped house-pet belonging to a pharaoh, and it’s a real feeling of achievement to extract some MEANING from all the cat-poo discoloured by time and by things you’d rather not want to think about, to arrive at how an eternally photogenic basket-case practiced her culture several thousand seconds ago at the Dawn of this, the Kill-by-Twitter Age.

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check how hippie’d out i am. OM NAMASTE and shit.

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rrrawr hello there. come here right meow.

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andrew took me to bohmer last nite. seeing people face to face for the first time when you have been speaking over email for a year is kind of a trip. this is the vanilla crem brulee a couple scottish shortbread cookies and this perfectly mellow strawberry compote.

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this was amazing. i forget what it is but those are stacked cinnamon apples on a sort of tart thing? i died it was so good. feed thy hangover.

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beautiful grouper with bok choy, fingerling potatoes and beet carrot reduction. i love beet juice it’s cleansing and gives you a zap. this was so zen.

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some other kind of fish. it was nice. i was good with mine.

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blazing apples (so boozy) drink and oysters. my life is ridiculous.

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my outfit was cute. wore my desert trek clarks. koala bear cuddly shoes that’s how i feel when i wear them and with these pants especially, it’s one of my oh i know how to dress outfits.

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superhero stance. if you rest a finger near the end of my hair length you can visualize how i’m going to look with my hair a foot longer. prepare yourselves for it ladies. bra is sequined from burlesque days, polka dotted like shirt too. it all works out in the end.

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gin fizz. frothy, sucked it back wicked fast. kind of an orange creamsicle icee. make sure you try one. hands down best drink.

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someone’s lookin’ someone’s likin’ eh.

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tickle trunk hangover vortex.

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tickle tinier?

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post cafe taste with darius. that’s a gluten free beer. is it any good or the same mel and others inquired. it’s totally the same yet totally different. uh, ok thanks nice review?

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eating the life. such great people watching there and not to beat the dead horse what is everything i ever talk about but i was not only getting stared at triple takes and rubbernecked but, please tell me why this is happening to me more frequently these days? is it the check out scenery combined with my hair?

hair blow out at 3. maybe movie with superjew or just keep it parkdale for the night. the workout at the motion room with casie today was wicked fun and she impressed everyone huge time. can’t wait to see our photos.

oh yay my new cards!

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my hot housewifey headless pledge.

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printing dudes perving out over them haha i wonder what they’re saying.

Working out how deep the paper can be pressured mixed with heat to stamp the foil on. Now we have to do math on cutting…this is old skool to the max.

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embossed on super soft paper you want to thumb over and over, you’ll see. err feel, rather.

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welcome to the land of the criminally hung.

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stuck on this planet, the planet of the tickle trunk room.

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NEVER FORGET how crappy this feels next time raymbo.

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i cannot believe i meowed at someone. me-ow (meow for wow).

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hair looks cray cray against the platinum wig. note to self don’t do that in the future. look what some cuckoo did to my painting at my second art show. sabotage. over a broken heart no doubt.

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ian you will be pleased i am finishing your painting. what’s your zodiac sign?

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pancake bear from jamie. sass head from sass.

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who’s a princess?

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takes bow. forever.

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it lives in a hair net. i am particular about it.

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beetlejuicey.

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for sale.

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bottles and pills in every painting. kerouac’s typewriter.

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isolation.

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big sur-like stir crazy.

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it is troublesome to reach down there.

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siberian sun. soak it up. sparkly snow caught in the beams. magical narnia land.

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encased in this transparent orb.

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blam. sumptuous. like me.

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the pink/purple one i am working on isn’t spoken for yet.

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wilhelm gave me this repro blythe doll (that i eventually tattooed on my arm) when i was 21. not a cheap gift.

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melodie brought me this. ate it in 3 seconds.

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think there might be a photo like this in one of my blythe photo books. i have a lot of blythe eh.

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ok i have to get my act together. a friend is in town who i’ve never met. he became my friend when i left my ex at the same point his mother died and we bonded over our, well his grief and my new crazy world. i am still demented from last nite. just trying to get through winter man.

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card die for my new business cards.

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hahhahaehheh. i don’t know why this is funny to me. well, actually i do it’s because my brain has a foot in it right now. a party foot. from last night. i got kicked in the head by that party. oh well. now i can wind down til sunday.

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here i am doing an impression of a zombie at the motion room. lucas and i fight over impression or impersonation. i just think impersonation is an inelegant harder word to say therefore, lose. even though impression has dual-meanings. my impression of you being you are an asshole, one example. as well as, a stamp impression on documents. oh just so many ways to use this word i am in a confusion vortex now. too much brain expenditure, white. i’m sorry but this is just the shit that goes down in adventuretown. we held try-outs for al last night. he passed but just barely. darius and i walked up to him at mitzi’s and someone makes an adventurehouse reference and this guy smoking with al was like what’s that where’s that can i come!? i was like, um, no. but maybe? someday? first you have to get in with the parkdale boys club. omg why do i live in a world of make believe and everybody else gets to do reality at their desk, why oh why?

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kash trained me yesterday for my first weights day. hahah jeff in the background, hilarious. that guy is going to hook me up with a sweet pair of shoes. i complimented his and he said he had to order them and was like i’ll get you a pair. yeah? for real? sure dude, thank you. then he started telling me different styles, black, hi-top, low. i want the ones you have. copying is fun.

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she was fun to train with. i was like so what’s the deal with jock girls eh? did james prepare you for the running commentary what is raymi? she said yeah i read your blog i knew what to expect. my blog is personality practice before you get the real show.

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i am an animal through in through, in fact, i actually meowed at jeremy at cafetaste last nite. i had a sip of wine or consumed something delicious and he was walking away but also talking and i just went meow instead of “mm hmm”.

WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST DO THAT FOR!? darius meowed for the rest of the night after that i died of embarrassment every time. i must be losing it. darius says it’s a freudian thing. like when the neurologist said yes she does have a nice body about me when he meant to say “yes it’s a nice bottle” about my green tea ice tea bottle. it happened in front of my dad. awkward. these are tales of legend.

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this chick wants to gain weight. um, bizarro land much? what’s it like being uber posi-body image conscious kash, holy crapola. lets trade then i will dump 15 pounds of me on to you in a second no problem no hesitation.

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i look like a tool.

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i love using that thing. almost as much as standing like an action figure.

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resistance is key. i am bringing casie here tomorrow and we’re going to see which blogger is stronger. casie is a mentalcas(ie) like me so this is going to be brilliant. then april will be coming through the motion room. everyone who works at boom works out here too we are like a cult. join us. there’s also a thing where you go only once every 4 weeks if you can’t manage the location of the gym, you learn your weekly routines and do it at home and go in for progress reports and other whatever. that place is packing up eh, also the kid facility too i never saw so many babies in one day like i did yesterday and now i might have baby fever again.

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i don’t know if that shirt should make me laugh or cry. it’s from tracey. steph and i refer to each other by our mom’s names when we do something particularly mom-like. it’s a good burn. omg you are so lori right now.

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that bun is perfection incarnate. took me only 200 tries to get it right. i liked it so much i didn’t shower even though i coulda. when my roots come in i get obsessive about my hair being sleek and perfect and i can’t do princess bun head as much only special occasions and i have to stack my hair just so. superjew’s girl coworkers all know my blog and inquired if my hair was crispy in real life. my hair is not crispy it is virgin platinum and never gets processed twice. superjew said i dunno if it is she wouldn’t let me touch it, thus confirming their suspicions i freaked out NO tell them it’s not!! i can’t believe you would have to hesitate on whether my hair was soft or not total seinfeld moment i only said don’t touch my hair it’s expensive when he was resting his hand in it and stretching it painfully. you have to earn and learn to pet my hair properly. my hair is resilient and very strong, soft. if there was technology for me to blast out a stroke my hair virtual reality video clip i’d do it. i have a video on youtube how to acquire my perfect sloppy ponytail, i use zero hair products to obtain it.

2100 views wow. people will just watch anything eh? i am pretty adorable here and way too mellow. this is pre-weed raymi. i am so shy here and i no longer do this method (baby powder) as my hair is not greasy anymore because the texture has changed now that it’s platinum. the top of my head at the time of this video was all natural hair, roots were growing in and then i liked the light brown colour so i wanted the whole head to be that colour then i became obsessed with lightening it and transforming all of it to blond, more and more and here i am now. voila. planet jessica simpson.

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i am addicted to this place. i miss them when (if) i miss a session. it’s like therapy. if i am pissed off about something i get to escape it and get out my rageahol.

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casie i am dressing wildish tomorrow. lots of colour.

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crazy plank just for you.

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i fear nothing. they are like ok now do this and i’m like BRING IT. if they told me i could perform a back flip i would probably believe them and do one.

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doesn’t it look like we are warming up for football practice?

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making it look easy. you quickly see who’s a big shot when it comes to fitness and moves.

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i’m trash bag hung here. i hid it as hard as i could. james is going to blast me into outerspace for saying this and that’s fine. they guilt you big time. you shouldm’t be allowed to get away with shit.

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what would you do if you found out your girlfriend was not a friend to you? you’d use it as an excuse to get polluted. she thought i wouldn’t mind. leslie says i should drag it out, public laundry. i dunno. she hasn’t responded to my email about it. maybe i over-reacted, maybe i didn’t.

ok talk to you later.

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my blog is popular because no one is doing it the way i do it. yeah it’s easy to take pictures of yourself that provoke and disgust, enchant, things you do that you take for granted that someone in the boonies might do once a year. i live like i am going to run out of living and i showcase all of it. when i spazz out in the living room to one of my favourite songs, “dancing” i am offering content for you. whether i am a good dancer or not isn’t the point. the point is i made a video of a girl, a girl that is a news item in your daily online world. you hate this girl. you love this girl. you just have to keep on her ass. she is constantly pissing you off and “saying things” and in this cyberspace dominated by people who think they’re interesting world, i stand out because i am already more interesting because i was here first. there is something about me. there isn’t something about everyone. i’m sure there are many who are more interesting than me (it is possible) but they’re not me. there is no number one reason why i am so popular. i had a self-reflection moment in elementary school when i was leader of the pack, i could see on some of my peer’s faces that they did not actually like me, but feared me, yet still followed. the fear of being left behind. or not knowing. not being apart of something big, there is that theory and then there is the other obvious one that hey, this is actually good and interesting material all rolled into one mega-opus of a blog and what the fuck is going to happen next? we must know. i can’t even tell you how many times i’ve been written about in the paper, linked to from blogs, featured, been paid to speak to people about this blog and blogging in general (which happily blows my mind) or just be a tap dancing monkey at events. it isn’t a popularity contest. i’ve just been better at un-cracking the code of being interesting forever.

this blog is a diary of my woody allen traits. (neurotic people are super fucking entertaining, no brainer there) it’s a narrative of a girl who is borderline empty, takes things for granted because of depression, is excruciatingly defensive and impulsive yet likeable. i use my looks to my advantage. i look different everyday. i am a trendsetter and forecaster and i have been influencing people since kindergarden. sometimes my intelligence is hyper-scary and cruel. i’m also better than a trainwreck, i’m a plane crash. one day i am courtney love, kurt cobain the next. my latest way to be is arrested development i hope i navigate my way out of it sometime soon.

ps. adventurehouse tumblr is blowin’ the eff up.