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i feel like an island that floated away.

sorry (not sorry) to brag but look how young i looked last night it’s like my blackberry had beer goggles or something. nah it’s definitely one thousand per cent having to do with the cake makeup i layered on for my audition. i had a late night the evening prior, like a normal responsible human being would the eve of something important involving being on camera. the second i make a serious commitment and pencil it in my brain along with that goes i am so getting gonged the day before february whatever day it is i have that important thing to do. another interesting phenomenon is the night before a flight it’s like your friends have to take you out to get polluted i have been hearing hilarious hangover airport stories for over a decade (i started young) and they never fail to delight me. maybe i’ll tell some now.

yesterday i was a disaster but i looked amazing. i wore two different skinny day dresses and zero underwear. i bought that red dress over summer and only ever wore it in the changing room the day i bought it and only posted one photo of it because i could only contort my body just so in the mirror. i bought that courtney love dress the same day too, which is incredible for concealing everything. melodie wore this red dress out the night of pride because her figure is perfect. ok back on track here, white, focus. i was only a disaster yesterday because i had fifteen hundred cups of coffee and i was jacked on audition adrenaline. i think i must have mentioned that i had an audition yesterday an equal amount of times. must of. did you know that i had an audition yesterday? that’s right, i did. yesterday, i had an audition. fact.

this makes me want to puke right now. those on the right are jerusalem artichokes, uh what? my only experience with artichokes are the times we nuked one and melted butter for dipping and they were totally not gigantic like these, each sliver of the artichoke was paper thin. sometimes we’d forget about the artichoke entirely as it was to be an appetizer to our main course, we’d just eat our food then discover the artichoke in the microwave (nuke it in a bowl of water). that happened twice in brooklyn and once in maine and then we stopped eating artichokes. on the left is cabbage of which i have epic gas from. that’s something my mom would say. mom am i turning into you? be honest.

these are so nice.

kind of like how i used to do background fades of my canvases before drawing fallen celebrities over top. i should do another art show. i should do a lot of things. i am beside myself with stress at the moment doing many different things already i don’t know how i do it i really don’t thank you for asking.

i had two salads i was serious about my no more fucking around with rich gourmet bullshit. the world isn’t kind to fat girls. clem said that. clem is awesome. he told chels and i on multiple occasions how fat we were getting. it didn’t hurt my feelings at all. i wonder how fat chels is now. oh whatever she deserves it and she knows why. we’re good. see you in clem’s hot tub.

alright back to getting wasted two hours before a flight. i’m already over talking about that. i went to starbucks after my audition for a tea and a snack because i had had too much coffee and then i got my tea and a snack and then the barista gave me a free caramel mochiato because no one came to claim it (how clued out does one have to be to do a genius move like that?) so i of course took it and drank that along with my tea, that also had caffeine in it. chai tea latte which when i order i say tai chi latte and the girl said everyone says that. the audition people said for me to be myself and i took that to mean the myself that is gunned on 4 americanos and mildly-stoned. we’ll see if i get a callback. listen, to “be raymi” it often times requires a push. i am a nervous neurotic shy wreck. casie and i are total cases from what we do. it’s worse than being an actor. you have to be on and brave and confident. it’s terrible. james, my trainer, asked me today why i wanted to go to burlington on saturday instead of working out again. i need burnoutington. i gave him the diva response to piss him off, because i am a princess daddy’s girl and i made a stupid smirk face. i haven’t seen my dad in weeks. i feel like an island that floated away. oh that’s a nicer title than the one i have i’m changing it to that.

you can see the tone and my physique somewhat and my torso isn’t streamlined as it could look because of my pantyhose so i’m actually more trim than this. ok that was uber neurotic. why is uber underlined by spell check, is it not a word? it’s a foreign word yes?

campari something on the left, blazing apples on right. blazing apples is so good. i also had my favourite gin fizz drink. i told james i got drunk last nite. i down played it big time. i went in there prepared for a fight about it and so not going to take it. i think i earned this hangover thank you very much i am working like a goddamn dog and i want a fucking break but no, that can’t happen and also i self-sabotage by going out constantly on dates because i am hyper and can’t sit still. i can be alone for hours but then i get needy. i am totally a co-dependent type living as an independent, i’m going against the grain. look at the results.

that’s haitham. we’ve been buds for two years. he was a chum last nite. also he is kind of a mess like me so we relate to one another. i tried really hard to pose as a depressed loser and no one would have any of it at the bar. thanks guys. i also bumped into the owner of that pub i drank at and wrote steph’s letter at while waiting for superjew (who by the way everyone thought at the pub was not a nice seeming guy the pub owner told me last nite, who i’ll call shaft because i forget his name and he looked like shaft when i first saw him) to meet me. ok why am i talking about this again where am i.

i will never tire of looking at that thing.

seriously right.

pulled out old goldy bracelet cos my date from two nights ago said my other bracelets looked like a stack of kid’s 25 cent bracelets or something hahhaha. i said fuck you my mom bought me these. that guy was fun and hilarious and brought me a huge bottle of gin cos he works with a billion different booze brands. i am going to try and turn that piece of fish date into a piece of fi$h blogortunity. we had a lot of party events stories in common. i said can you imagine if we dated, i think we might die. guy high rolls it in champagne france on business for example.

oh just some bottle of nearly worth five hundred dollars wine. n-o biggie. by this point i had the wicked spins.

oh look it’s a piece of the berlin wall representing however many years of oppression, wha-tever.

adventurehouse neighbour’s offering. i wished i got a picture of this one beautiful adventurehouse offering i made us in an american eagle outfitters brown paper bag of various empties. i wished i had the time and patience to watch out the front window the look on the bum’s face upon discovering it. sometimes i am so generous. here you go buddy take it to the booze store to get some more for ya tell ‘em i say hey.

i am so pickled right now i am not drinking for awhile. i didn’t eat enough yesterday to justify the amount i drank like, at all. i just burped and it felt great. i feel great. great. yesterday we picked up tapes and batteries at vistek. i could have picked up this one guy on my way out if i wanted but i was with my colleague so i felt it wouldn’t have been appropriate also he totally would have ruined my game i would have been forced to be like go outside now please raymi has work to do. the dude was so hot too and a ups delivery man. i hate myself.

melodie made this excruciatingly detailed floor plan of adventurehouse and cheese boutique is going to make us a platter based on it. how cool is that. you can see my little nest at the very bottom and my big princess bed. don’t you feel like hugging me right now looking at that darling little room also i want this coloured in and back so i can frame it it’s so royal tenenbaums dvd insert and that movie is the best. check out our snakey adventure hallway. colleague bought a new camera we’re going to film a cribs episode of adventurehouse i hope lucas jumps out of a cupboard or something. maybe i’ll rig a bunch of crap to spill out of one of the closets. see, we live in a parkdale mansion. see, we are the best. today’s internet personae is called i am drunk still.

tomorrow we’re doing another cray cray boom brekfeast takeover raymi cooking show slash another coug bites the dust party PLEASE COME. my mom and all her posse are coming into town at 2pm the college street location 808 college street just east of ossington you should skip out of work or take a later longer lunch or maybe take the entire day off cos afterward we’re going out on the town where i will “not be drinking” and if you want to be a nerdy shy fly on the wall then that is totally fine as well but if you request me to make your food it’s free on top of the raymi D list that’s always extended to you at any and all boom locations. just tell someone that it exists and they’ll get 13% off their bill. you’re welcome. i bet my mom is going to look super hot and be all shy. i like how she acts all not shy and big and smart on my blog but then at my events she’s bashful and ladylike and demure but then two glasses of wine later we’re kardashianing all over the place. nightmare.

one time, i could have murdered her. i was hired to be the slutty ms. claus at the andy kim holiday party at the mod club. i invite my mom. she gets wasters. she retells this story a billion times. the bartender poured her a glass of wine to the top she thinks it’s cos she’s so hot or something (mom they do that for me all the time get over yourself) and it’s my duty to wander around and be a slutty christmas thing and at the end hand out rolled up posters of andy kim to fans (my mom kissed andy kim too there’s a photo of it. the guy is more orange than me) and so my wasted mother is bopping me on the head with a rolled up poster while i’m smiling and BEING PROFESSIONAL sending people off like a good little hostess should meanwhile my mom is bleating yaaaaaaaaaak at me like jim carrey in ace ventura pet detective on the plane to the dude sitting next to him and i’m swearing at my mother to fuck off and get lost under my breath, whisper hissing full on but she just won’t stop and her useless fucking date at the time won’t even drag her away i’m like dude get her out of here now then she pokes me in the eyeball with a pointy part of her poster megaphone and my eye instantly goes bloodshot tears up all over my face and in insurmountable pain. she stabbed my eye and now i am sooooo angry and she just bursts into violent giggle fits of laughter and practically pisses herself all in front of every single person exiting the venue. suffice it to say they never hired me back even though i still have the santa slut suit that they paid for and the holiday party happens every single year. thank you mom! anyway this entire scenario will likely be repeated tomorrow afternoon so please do come it will make this video look like a nap in the park.

Raymi’s Blogger Brunch from Josh Harrower on Vimeo.

ok i just ran out of steam and elyse is coming over to get baked and watch me tidy my tickle trunk room.

you don’t have to go home but you have to get the hell out of here.

see ya.

16 thoughts on “i feel like an island that floated away.

  1. I have zero recollection of any UPS driver. Next time I’ll get out of your way so you can request a personal delivery.

  2. The “Jerusalem Artichoke” isn’t.

    Wikipedia says: “Despite its name, the Jerusalem artichoke has no relation to Jerusalem, and it is not a type of artichoke, even though both are members of the daisy family. “

    So, no surprise there that it’s not like an artichoke. Stupid confusing names.

  3. Goddess Raymi, I hope You are well, I enjoy reading Your entertaining blogs..You are very talented and creative, stay warm and have a wonderful evening.

  4. I think your blog subconsciously gets me to copy your style. I saw that tartan jacket and went out and go a tartan jacket. Now I am on to jumpers! What a copy cat.

    What place might have the biggest selection of jumpers? I live in Toronto.

    Your style rocks.

    Keep up the good work at TMR. You can see the results. Plus it sounds like it does wonders for your mood.

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